“I’m sorry,” I croak.
“No, baby, don’t you be sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have done that, it wasn’t about me and—”
He puts a finger to my lips. “She was your sister longer than she was ever my wife. You had every right to do that.”
I reach over and cup his face. “I love you, Spike. I don’t expect you to love me back, and I’m not asking you to even try. I just want you to know, that after everything, I still love you. I always have, and I always will.”
His jaw tightens, and he leans in close, bringing his lips over mine softly, slowly, deeply. When he pulls back our eyes meet, and so much passes between us.
“Yeah,” he rasps. “Baby, I know.”
I know he knows.
I’ve always known he knows.
I just wanted him to know again.
CHAPTER 14
PRESENT - CIARA
I wake before Spike in the morning, and I can’t bring myself to disturb him. He’s sleeping soundly, which I imagine is something he doesn’t do often. His big hands are tucked up behind his head, and his bare chest is rising and falling with every deep breath.
I slide out of bed, and my body aches all over. It’s funny, when you have a night where you release a mass amount of emotion, you always wake up the next day feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus. It’s almost like every part of your body has been holding those emotions, unable to let go, and then suddenly they release in a rush that puts you into some sort of shock. I feel numb, and yet completely sore. It’s odd.
I lean down and grab Spike’s shirt, pulling it over my head and breathing in his musky scent. Then, I tiptoe out of the room, closing the door silently.
I walk down the hall, opening the shutters as I go. When I reach the kitchen, I flick on the coffee machine and realize it’s past 9 a.m. Jesus. I slept in far more than I normally would. I reach up into the cupboard, getting myself a cup, and begin brewing a coffee.
I dig through the fridge while I wait, wondering what I can make for Spike. I’ve got some bacon and eggs. That will work. Men love protein. I’ve just pulled them out of the fridge, when someone knocks on my front door. I let out a groan; who could possibly want me right now?
I walk over to the door, and swing it open to see Cade and Addison. Dammit. Shit. Fuck. They are NOT going to be happy when they find out Spike is here.
Well, Addison will be happy, Cade won’t be. I cross my arms over my chest and force a smile. “Hey guys, what’s up?”
Cade rakes a gaze over me, and his eyes blaze. Shit.
“Hey,” Addi grins. “Interrupting something?”
“No! I was just making coffee.”
“Whose shirt is that?” Cade says, his voice icy.
“Um....”
I don’t get to finish because Spike walks out of the hallway, butt naked. I squeal, and he leaps backwards. His eyes widen when he sees Addi and Cade, and he just stands there, looking stupid. Fuck.
I turn back to them, cheeks flushing, no words. Addi tilts her head to the side, and it takes me a moment to realize she’s looking at the spikes, or trying to. Sweet god, the girl has no shame. Cade grips her shoulder harshly, and pulls her back. Spike backs down the hall, and we just stand there in silence.
Well. Shit. Cade is pissed, like mega pissed. His eyes are flaring, and his lips are stretched in a tight line. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. That’s when Addi steps in, and being her typical smart-ass self, she begins singing, “H-h-h-h-he works out!”
I stare at her, wide-eyed as she sings it using the same tone as LMFAO’s song “Sexy and I Know It.” I can’t help myself - I burst out laughing. She grins, joining in and before we know it, Cade is laughing, too.
Spike walks back out, a pair of jeans on, still no shirt. Oh, right, I’m wearing it. I stop laughing, and everyone else follows suit. Cade stares at Spike, and for a moment, they just kind of eye each other. I really hope we don’t end up with any more black eyes, because seriously, it’s not necessary.
I turn back to Cade, reaching out and touching his arm. He flinches and meets my gaze. I know I’m giving him a pleading look, but I want this to be okay.
“Cade, please, this is important to me. I want to be with him. I want to remain friends with you. I don’t want to have to choose, please don’t make me.”
His eyes soften a touch. “I’m only tryin’ to protect you, Ciara. I don’t wanna see you gettin’ hurt again.”
“I won’t,” I whisper.
He lifts his eyes to meet Spike’s again. “You serious about this?”
I turn, and see Spike’s eyes are on me. He stares at me a long moment, then he turns back to Cade. “Yeah, fuckin’ serious.”
Cade nods. “Ain’t my place to tell you who to love, but fuck, you hurt her and I’ll...”
“Yeah,” Spike grunts. “I know.”
“Okay,” I say, breathing out. “Can we all get along then?”
“Yeah,” Cade mutters.
“Yeah,” Spike grunts.
Addi rolls her eyes and walks inside. She passes Spike, and flashes him an award-winning smile. “Morning friend!”
“Precious,” he says, his mouth twitching.
“Have you got any coffee?” she says, walking into my kitchen.
I give Cade another glance and then I turn, flashing Spike a grin and walking into the kitchen with Addi. I watch as Spike walks over to Cade, and they lean in close. I tilt my head to the side, trying to catch what Spike is saying, but I can’t make it out. Addi grips my arm, pulling me back. I turn to face her, and smile at her gleeful expression.
“We’re two lucky bitches,” she breathes, watching the two men.
“Yeah,” I agree. “We sure are.”
“So.” She grins, spinning towards me. “You and Spike, yeah? Finally!”
I roll my eyes at her. “It’s not serious, we’re just not fighting it anymore.”
“Hubba hubba!”
I laugh and pull out the coffee I was brewing and hand her a cup. She takes it, still grinning.
“So, you have to tell me....the spikes?”
I flush, and pour myself a coffee. “The stories are all true.”
“Oh god, did he make you take them out with your teeth?”
I giggle. “He didn’t make me...”
“You are such a rebel!”
I shrug. “What can I say, he brings out the best in me!”
Cade and Spike pull apart, walking into the kitchen. Spike walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I shudder, and lean into him. Mmmm, far out, he smells good in the morning. He leans down, and whispers into my ear, “Lookin’ fine in my shirt, Tom Cat.”
I grin, and meet Addi’s joyful expression. “Aw, you two!”
Spike chuckles, and Cade rolls his eyes. “Sugar, you’re too fuckin’ soft.”
“They’re adorable!” she says, leaning back into Cade.
“You ladies up for a ride today?” Spike asks. “We got club business to sort in the city.”
I feel my heart begin to thump. Spike is taking me on a ride? Oh hell YES! Addi grins, nodding her head enthusiastically.
“You know I love riding with the guys. Are your guys coming too, Spike?”
“Yeah,” Spike answers. “Got some shit we both gotta sort. We’ll go for a ride together.”
I know that’s odd, which tells me they’re up to something. Now isn’t the time to bring it up, though. I’m too excited about having the chance to get on the back of Spike’s bike.
“I’m in,” I say, sipping my coffee.
“Right, well, feed me, woman, and then we’ll hit the road.”
I drive my elbow back into his stomach, and he grunts. Cade laughs, no doubt loving seeing Spike receive a little pain.
“Make yourself some food!”
Spike wraps his arms tighter around me and leans down again. “Careful baby, I like it rough.”
“You like it all kinds of ways, you kinkster!” Addi says.<
br />
Spike laughs, and I roll my eyes, again. I turn, releasing myself from Spike’s arms to begin making us some breakfast.
“You guys hungry?” I ask Cade and Addi.
“Yeah,” they both say as soon as I pull out the bacon.
Typical. Whenever bacon and eggs are involved, everyone is suddenly hungry.
Can’t say I blame them.
~*~*~*~
We hit the road as soon as breakfast is finished and we’ve gotten changed. I climb onto the back of Spike’s bike, and Addison gets on Cade’s. We follow them back to the Hell’s Knights compound, and the guys are all waiting on their bikes, there’s about ten of them. They join the group and we proceed to the Heaven’s Sinners warehouse. Spike’s guys are ready, and they too join us. When we’re all on the road, flying down the highway, Cade, Spike, Jackson and Granger leading, I feel my heart swell. It’s an intense feeling to be in a group so powerful, so deadly, and so close. I grip Spike tighter, feeling a smile spread across my face. It just doesn’t get any better than this.
We arrive in the city after a few hours, and my butt is completely numb by the time I get off Spike’s bike. I rub it, groaning and pouting. Spike laughs, and I shoot him a look. “Don’t even think about saying anything.”
He flashes me a beautiful, lazy smile. “Need to paddle that ass a bit more, toughen it up.”
“You paddle my ass, and I’ll drop you on yours.”
He throws his head back and laughs, and the sound is like music to my heart. I haven’t heard him laugh like that since I’ve been back. I want to put my hand over my heart and burst into a fit of pathetic tears. Even his guys stop what they’re doing and turn to stare at him as though they’re looking at a ghost. When he stops laughing, he turns and stares at them all. “What?”
They all turn away, shaking their heads. I grip Spike’s jacket, pulling him close and bringing my lips to his. When we pull apart, I whisper, “You look so hot when you laugh.”
“Got a surprise for you after we’re done here, Tom Cat.”
“Oh?” I say huskily.
“Yeah, oh. I know you’ll love it, ‘cause you’re just like me.”
Just like him. Hmmmm.
“When do I get it?”
He leans down, pressing a hard kiss to my lips.
“Later, Tom Cat.”
I drop my bottom lip and he smirks, leaning in to run his tongue over it. I grip his shirt, pulling him closer and pressing my body up against his.
“Will you two get a fuckin’ room!” one of the guys yells out.
Spike throws the rude finger up, then grips hold of me and kisses me so deep and hard my legs begin to wobble. By the time he lets me go I’m panting, flushing and wanting to take him somewhere private and rip his clothes off. Dammit. He grins at me once more, then turns to the group. “Right, we’re gonna keep ridin’ from here. You ladies need to go and busy yourselves for a few hours. We’ll come back when we’re done.”
There are only two other Old Ladies on the ride today, aside from Addison and I. Though, technically I’m not an Old Lady.
The other two ladies walk off toward town, not even giving Addison and I a glance. Well, fine. Addi skips over to me, hooking her arm through mine. “We are going shopping!”
I smile at her, excited at the thought. I haven’t been shopping for a long time, and I’m quite excited at the thought of having a girl’s day out. It’s my only day off work this week, and I can’t think of a better way to spend it. Well, besides having Spike deep inside me.
“You better be lookin’ after my girl, precious,” Spike says to Addi.
She waves her hand at him. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll be fine.”
He raises his brows at her, then moves those brown eyes toward me. “You good?”
I give him a half-smile. “Yeah, I’ve been shopping alone before...”
He gives me a ‘That’s not funny’ expression, and then reaches into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. I have my hand up before he can even open it. “Don’t even think about it, you sure as shit aren’t giving me money.”
He narrows his eyes. “Tom Cat...”
He has a warning tone, but I’m not having a bar of it. “No, I’m not taking it.”
“You know I don’t have time to argue...”
“Then don’t.” I grin, pulling Addi closer.
“Fine, but you need anything, you fuckin’ call yeah?”
“Got ya!”
“You fuckin’ behave, sugar,” Cade calls to Addi.
She blows him a kiss and then we both spin, walking off toward the stores. I’m nearly bouncing with excitement. It’s been a long time since I’ve been shopping, let alone shopping with a friend.
Addi and I duck into the first shop we find, and pull out a range of dresses and shoes to try on. For the next hour we laugh and twirl, really not that interested in buying the dresses, but having a hell of a time putting them on. We pick out the prettiest shoes and the nicest hats, and we dance around the change rooms. Addi is quickly becoming my best friend, and I’m so glad to have finally found someone I understand.
When we’re done with shopping, we head to a local café. After ordering some drinks, we get chatting about the guys and the club. She tells me how things with her and Cade are going, and how she and Jackson are becoming really close. She tells me about the Old Ladies treating her differently because she’s Jack’s little girl, and how much it pisses her off.
I tell her about Spike and me, and how we’ve finally broken the ice. We laugh, we get serious, and we have a fantastic time.
After lunch, and then head down to the beach and sit on the sand, rubbing our toes in it, and staring out at the ocean. I wonder, while we’re sitting there, if she knows anything that’s going down between the clubs.
“Do you know what they’re up to?” I ask.
She turns to me, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes. “Who?”
“The clubs.”
She shakes her head. “No, they don’t discuss it with us. I’ve picked up a few things from hearing Cade on the phone, though.”
“And...” I prompt.
“Ciara, I love you honey, but I think they’re keeping it from you for a reason.”
I cross my arms and give her a look. “Addison, don’t make me hurt you.”
She laughs. “Seriously, I think they’re trying to protect you.”
I feel my heart begin to pound. What if something happens to Spike? Or Cade? Whatever they’re doing must be dangerous, or they wouldn’t be hiding it. Addi notices my expression and reaches out, gripping my arm. “They’re going to be fine. They know what they’re doing.”
“Don’t you worry?” I say.
“Every second of every day, but I wanted to be with Cade, and with Cade comes his lifestyle. I can probably deal with it a little easier because I’ve had a hard life. I know how scary it is for you, with them jumping back in with the man who killed your sister, but they know what they’re doing and they won’t get hurt.”
“What?” I breathe.
Her eyes widen and she slaps her hand over her mouth.
“Addison, tell me what you know, now!” I cry. My body shakes.
“Ciara, I didn’t mean to say that. Please, it’s nothing to worry about.”
“It’s nothing to worry about?” I cry, leaping to my feet. “He shot my sister in the head, in the middle of a highway. What makes you think he won’t do it to Spike just as easily?”
“Spike won’t let himself get in that kind of situation again.”
“Yes, he will. Going there at all is dangerous.”
“I don’t even know if they are going there, I just overheard...God, I’m going to get killed. I can’t believe I slipped up.”
“They’re hiding it, because they know I won’t agree.”
“They’re hiding it because they’re trying to protect you, honey.”
I shake my head. “I don’t need protecting.”
“Yeah, you do. Spike
isn’t about to lose someone he loves again. He’s not going to let you get close to this.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about,” I sigh, sitting back down. “It’s him. If I lose him...after all this...”
“Spike isn’t going to get hurt, he’s got some serious backup.”
I nod, swallowing. Her words don’t ease the fear quickly building inside of me. Part of me knew Spike was eventually going to go after the guy who killed Cheyenne, but part of me also hoped he would let it go. I don’t blame him for wanting vengeance, anyone would, but the man is dangerous and clearly insane. He doesn’t sound like the kind of person anyone should be messing with.
I put my head in my hands, knowing I have to shut my mouth about this. If I go to Spike, guns blazing, he’s going to pull away from me. I have to keep what I know under wraps, and then maybe I can figure out if there’s a way I can help him.
“Yeah, I know he does,” I finally say to Addi. “It’s okay. Please don’t tell him we had this conversation. He doesn’t need extra stress.”
Addi actually looks relieved by this. “I am not saying a word.”
“Thanks, Addi.”
“It’ll be ok, honey,” she says, patting my hand.
I hope so.
I truly do.
Because, if I lose him again, that’s it for me.
There’s no coming back a second time.
CHAPTER 15
PRESENT - SPIKE
“Where are we going?” Ciara asks, tightening her grip on my hand.
“You’ll see,” I say, as we walk down the main street.
I’m taking a big risk, taking her where I’m about to. It’ll either go great for me, or it’ll ruin any chance I have with her. From what I’ve seen, the interest is there.
We stop at the start of a large, dark alleyway. I tug her down it, and she hesitates. “It’s okay, Tom Cat, I know where I’m going.”
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
“Sure, baby, come on.”
I walk her down until we find the large, wooden door. I grip the handle and fling it open.
The first thing that greets us is the pounding music. Ciara tilts her head, peering into the massive club we step into. Her eyes widen, and I know why. I turn to her, gauging her reaction. Her cheeks are pink, and her lips are parted slightly. Yeah, she fuckin’ loves it.