I begin rocking on Spike’s cock, and his groan vibrates through my body. My body burns with the need for another release, I begin rocking harder, feeling myself clenching around Spike.
“Spike, I hate that I need to come, but fuck, I need to come,” I whisper, hoarsely.
He removes his mouth from my nipple, and tilts my hips. Then he drives up into me, hard and fast, taking over the movement. I come again, screaming and thrashing as my orgasm, better than the last, rips through me. Spike makes a throaty, desperate sound, and suddenly we’re up. My legs are wrapped around his hips, and his mouth is on mine. He kisses me with such ferocity my head spins.
He walks me to the bed, and he pulls out of me, putting me down and flipping me onto my stomach. I turn my head again, seeing the other couple is also doing this. Spike grips my hips, tilting them up, and then he drives into me again. I cry out, and drop my head into the soft mattress. Spike thrusts and thrusts, slapping my ass every now and then, as well as tugging my hair. I come twice more before he comes along with me.
“Tom Cat,” he roars, exploding inside of me.
I let him ride out his orgasm, before dropping my body into the bed. I’m exhausted. God, I don’t know how he does it. Spike pulls out of me, and flops down beside me on the bed. We both lay for a minute, panting.
He rolls onto his side and stares down at me. I turn my head, giving him a weak smile, to which he reaches across and strokes a piece of hair from my face.
“Not goin’ to fuck you anymore, baby.”
I pout, and he chuckles.
“You’ll have to miss more days of work, ‘cause you won’t be able to walk.”
He makes a valid point. I smile, too tired to even try and speak.
“When did you change so much, Tom Cat...”
I open my mouth and whisper, “Maybe I was like that all along—you just didn’t get a chance to see it.”
His eyes soften, and they slide over my face before going back up to meet mine. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Can I sleep now? Please don’t tell me I have to get dressed and leave,” I groan.
He chuckles. “Sorry baby, we gotta run. We’re stayin’ the night and will be back before your shift tomorrow. You can go back to my hotel and sleep if you want, I gotta do some shit.”
“Sounds good to me,” I whisper, stretching.
He nods. “Hey babe, you are on birth control, right?”
I shake my head, what the hell? How random. I open my mouth to answer with a yes, when I realize that I haven’t been keeping up-to-date with my birth control shot. My stomach leaps into my throat, and I close my mouth quickly. Shit! What was I thinking? How could I be so stupid? I struggle to remain calm. It’s fine, it’s probably not even run out yet. I’m probably over reacting.
“Ciara?” Spike asks.
“I...um, yeah, it’s fine.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Fuck, Ciara! Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t on it? I fucked you bareback.”
I see the look on his face, and it hits me hard and fierce. Spike doesn’t want babies. I can see it all over his face, his eyes are wide and alert, and his jaw is tense with emotion. My heart dies a little, and I’m so hurt. God, it burns. Not because he doesn’t want it, just that he’s looking at me like I’m about to rip his heart out again. I swallow, and force my face to become impassive.
“It’s fine, I’m on an injection. I just had an STD freak attack then, that’s all.”
Relief washes over him. Fuck. Shit. What am I going to do? I’m going to go home and make sure I’m up-to-date, but something deep down inside me is making me think I’m no longer protected. I try to do the math in my head, and as far as I know, I haven’t updated it. God, I feel sick.
“I don’t have STDs babe, I use condoms.”
Well, that’s one less thing to worry about.
“Ciara?” he asks.
I turn my eyes to his. “I’m fine, sorry. I just can’t believe I didn’t ask you that.”
He reaches across and touches my face. “I wouldn’t fuck you without protection if I knew I wasn’t careful in the past. Cheyenne is the only woman.”
I swallow, nodding.
“You’re not okay,” he points out.
“I am, sorry, I just had a mild panic attack,” I say softly.
“Because of the STDs or because of the fact I said I didn’t want babies?”
I flinch.
“Fuck, Ciara.”
“It’s okay,” I say, my voice wobbling. “I understand. We shouldn’t even be talking about this right now, we’re not even together.”
He looks hurt now. Fuck.
“Then what are we?”
“We’re trying, remember?”
“I’m sorry if my words hurt, Ciara, but there ain’t no way in hell I ever want kids...not after Cheyenne died, carryin’ my baby. I just don’t wanna ever feel that again.”
I’m crushed. My soul, it burns. I force myself to nod and smile, but inside I feel like I am being ripped to pieces.
“I’m really tired, can we go?”
His face tightens. “Ciara, fuck, if there’s going to be a problem...”
“It’s okay,” I say, smiling even though I’m hurting inside. “I’m okay with that, I know how you feel. I’m sorry, it all just came as a shock. We’re okay.”
He narrows his eyes again, but nods. “All right, let’s go.”
We both stand and dress ourselves. My heart is throbbing, and my body feels wobbly. What if I’m already pregnant?
Shit.
What do I do then?
CHAPTER 16
PRESENT – CIARA
I tell Spike I need to get something back to Addi, and I ask him if he can drop me off to their hotel room. He agrees, saying he needs to speak with Cade anyway. The entire ride is silent, and my head is spinning.
When we arrive at the hotel, I jump off the bike and rush through the gates. Spike follows me, his boots crunching heavily on the rocks. Cade, Jackson, and Addison are all standing outside near the pool, just under the bright, blue light that shines down onto the water. Cade nods at Spike, and smiles at me. Addi notices my expression and walks over quickly. I grip her arm, flashing Cade, Jackson and Spike a fake smile.
“I just need to borrow Addi, real quick.”
They all watch me, confused. Spike’s eyes narrow, and he crosses his arms. I spin Addi around and we walk off. When we get around the side of the building, I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears.
“Hey, whoa, Ciara...what’s wrong,” Addi says, pulling me into her arms.
“I think I have a massive problem.”
“What happened?”
I tell her what went down between Spike and I, then I step back, swiping my eyes to gauge her reaction.
“Shit,” she says, sighing deeply.
“I don’t know what to do, Addi. I know I could be jumping ahead, but we’ve had a lot of sex and...well...most of it’s been unprotected. I’m such an idiot, at the time I didn’t even think.”
“Hey, it’s not just you who didn’t think, honey.”
“He won’t stick around. If I’m pregnant, he’s going to run.”
“All right, all right, let’s think about this. You two haven’t been together more than a few days, yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Well, there is the option of the morning after pill.”
I swallow, and begin crying even harder. “God, Addi, this sucks.”
“You might not even be pregnant, but if it’s something you are really worried about, you might want to consider your options. The morning after stops it before it happens, and right now I think it’s the best choice. You and Spike are rocky, you haven’t been together long enough to deal with something like that, even if there’s only a small chance. You have to think about what you want more.”
“It’s him,” I whisper. “It’s always been him.”
“Then we’ll go for a drive, yeah?”
I nod, swa
llowing.
“Come here,” she says, pulling me into her arms. We hug for a long moment, before she pulls back and wipes my face with a tissue she pulls from her purse.
“Thank you, Addi.”
“Anytime, honey. Come on, we’ll say we’re hungry. That’ll work.”
It’s already well into the night, so I’m sure that won’t work that well, but it’s worth a shot. I swipe my eyes again, and we walk back out to join the guys. I avoid staring at Spike as Addi speaks, but I can feel his eyes on me.
“Hey, we’re going to get something to eat, let you guys talk.”
“You just ate, babe,” Cade points out.
“Well, Ciara is hungry, so I’ll just get a coffee.”
“You never said you were hungry,” Spike says, his voice hard.
“I...um...I just got hungry.”
“A word, Ciara?” he says, gripping my arm and pulling me out of everyone else’s hearing range.
When we stop, he turns to me. “What the fuck is goin’ on?”
I cross my arms, staring at my shoes. “Nothing, we’re just going to get something to eat.”
“Look at me.”
“Spike, can we not do this now because...”
“Look at me, now,” he growls.
I lift my head, and do as he says. His eyes flash with emotion, and he narrows them, confused. “You’ve been cryin’? Why? Did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re fuckin’ lyin’ to me!” he snarls.
“I am not!” I cry, crossing my arms.
“Is this ‘cause I said I didn’t want kids, ‘cause fuck, Ciara...I was only bein’ honest.”
I spit it, yep, like a great big child. “It’s got nothing to do with that! It’s got everything to do with the fact that I’m not on protection. I lied, Spike. I lied when I said I was. I’m not, and you fucked me without being careful. Then you proceeded to tell me you never want kids. So I’m going to the fuckin’ pharmacy to get a pill to make sure I’m not. Got it?”
I spin around and storm off before he can stop me. He bellows my name, but I don’t stop. I get to Addi, grip her arm and pull her towards the road.
“Ciara!” Spike yells, running after me, his heavy boots pounding on the pavement.
“Come on,” I say, tugging Addi harder.
We get onto the street, and wave down a cab. Luckily for us, one stops. We both climb in and close the doors. The cab just pulls out as Spike steps out of the hotel grounds. He’s cursing loudly; I can see his lips moving, as he drives his fist into a nearby tree. I close my eyes and turn them away. Addi stares at him, confused, and then looks at me. “What happened?”
“He got up me, I lost it and told him what we’re doing.”
Addi turns and looks at him again before we disappear around the street. “He doesn’t look happy about it.”
“He’s just pissed off because I lied to him.”
“Are you sure about that, honey?”
I swallow. God, what if I’m wrong? I shake my head. “God, no...”
“Maybe we should stop...”
“No, it’s okay. It’s for the best, regardless. Like you said, we’re not ready for something like that. It wouldn’t end well.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod, feeling my knees wobble. We round another corner, and Addi turns and stares out the window. “Shit.”
I turn, and see Spike coming up behind us at a rapid speed on his bike. Shit. I turn to Addi, eyes wide. “What is he doing?”
“I guess he doesn’t want you to go and get that pill.”
“Far out, what do I do?”
“I don’t know,” she says, her eyes wide. “Pull over?”
Spike pulls up alongside of the cab, and pulls out a gun. The cabbie screeches and skids to an abrupt stop, causing both Addi and I to fall forward in our seats. Thank god for seatbelts.
Spike leaps off his bike, drops it on its stand, opens the door, unbuckles my seat belt and hauls me out and onto the street. People honk their horns and skid around us. I gasp and squirm, but Spike’s grip is unmovable. Addi sits in the back of the cab, eyes wide, and the driver is praying, yes, praying.
“You,” Spike growls to the driver. “Take her back where you came from.”
He nods frantically, and the car surges forward. Addi leans out the window and yells, “Sorry honey!”
Spike shoves me toward his bike and growls, “Fuckin’ get on, now!”
I do. I don’t dare argue.
I get on the back and pull the helmet on quickly. He jumps on the front and takes off so fast I scream. He zips in and out of cars angrily, and I can see the knuckles on his right hand are bleeding. My heart pounds, and I hold on for dear life. He’s riding like a maniac.
He skids to a stop at a small beach, and gets off the bike. I follow, with wobbling legs. He storms down onto the sand, his body rigid. I hesitantly walk down after him, not knowing what sort of reaction he’s going to have. He spins when I stop behind him, and I can see he’s panting.
“You might have my fuckin’ baby inside you, and you were goin’ to fuckin’ kill it?”
I gasp. “What? No!”
“Yes, you fuckin’ were.”
“I...” God what can I say? “I thought, you said you never wanted...”
“I don’t!” he bellows. “I’d never go outta my way to have a baby, but fuck, do you think I’m such a cunt that I wouldn’t be there for someone if I knocked them up? Fuck, Ciara, you give me no credit. I’d never fuckin’ leave you alone, not ever.”
I start to cry. I wrap my arms around my belly, and look at the sand. “You said you didn’t want kids, it’s a pain you couldn’t feel again. I freaked out; I didn’t know what to do. It was the only thing I could think of, that would save us both the pain. I didn’t want to lose you and...”
“You read me wrong,” he interrupts. “I know what I said, and I meant it. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have kids because it fuckin’ burns to lose them, but this ain’t a choice and therefore it can’t be changed. If you were pregnant by accident, then I would never leave you alone. I’d always be there. I’m not a fuckin’ asshole, Ciara. I might not want it right now, but fuck, I’d make sure it had the best life ever. You have to understand that.”
I look up at him, and hot tears flood my cheeks. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“It was my fuckin’ fault, too. I didn’t ask until after I fuckin’ came inside you, numerous times. It wasn’t on you, and it shouldn’t be left on you. I don’t like that you fuckin’ lied to me when I asked, but I know why you did it. There ain’t no pill gettin’ taken. There ain’t no way in shit I am willingly killing a child that may be inside you. Fuck, no, Ciara.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nods, stiffly. “Yeah, I get that.”
“But you’re hurt...”
“Fuck, of course I am. You and the rest of the fuckin’ world keep on thinkin’ that you know me so well.”
“The sad thing is,” I whisper, my voice low, “is that I know you, better than most, and I still jumped to conclusions.”
“Yeah, you fuckin’ did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” he sighs. “When are you goin’ to know?”
I swallow, and look away toward the ocean. “In a few weeks.”
“Right, well, til’ then we’ll use protection.”
“Spike?”
He meets my gaze as I turn back to him.
“I know you don’t want this, so why are you trying to support me?”
“I’m not a cunt, Ciara. I don’t want it right now, but I’ll deal with it and I’ll make the best of it, if that’s what I need to do.”
I nod, and watch him turn and walk toward his bike. He’s hurting; I can see it written all over him.
I hang my head, and I follow him. He’s already on it, the engine grumbling beneath him. I climb on the back, pull my helmet on and wrap my arms around him. He takes
off into the night, and I struggle to fight back the tears the entire way back to the hotel.
When we pull up, I get off the bike and he follows. Neither of us speak as we walk in and over to where Cade, Jackson, Granger, Muff and Addison are sitting. They all give us weary expressions.
“Need to talk with you boys. Addison, Ciara, leave,” Spike says, his voice empty and angry.
Addi’s eyes widen, but she stands. I don’t move.
“Spike,” I begin.
“You fuckin’ heard me, Ciara. Ain’t none of your fuckin’ business what I’m about to say, and considerin’ you ain’t my Old Lady, you don’t get a right to argue it. Now fuckin’ leave. I’ll be up later.”
“Spike, you asshole!” Addi snaps.
Spike gives her a look so fierce, she steps back. Cade stands and puts a hand on Spike’s shoulder, giving him a silent warning to slow down. Then he turns to us, giving me a soft expression. “Go up with Addi, yeah? We won’t be long.”
I don’t answer him, or look at Spike. I just turn and walk off with Addi. My heart is throbbing, but I don’t look back.
Addi takes me up to my room, and when we’re inside, she turns to me. “You okay?”
I shrug, but my heart aches. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“He’s just hurting.”
“He’s angry, because he doesn’t want me to be pregnant, yet he doesn’t want to feel guilty if he asks me to take that pill.”
“He’s probably just reliving some old memories. Give him some space.”
She’s probably right, so I don’t bother to argue. I turn to her, and give her a weak smile. “I’m not trying to be rude, but do you mind if I just go to bed?”
She smiles, and nods. “Of course. Hey, you will call if you need me, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I say.
She hugs me, and then she’s gone. I turn and stare at the room, with its crappy green walls, old brown carpet and curtains that have seen better days, and then, with a sigh I walk into the shower. I stand in the warm water for what seems like hours, and then I get out and dress myself, before crawling into bed. I lay on the soft, thick pillow thinking of Spike’s words, unable to get them out of my head. They hurt, a lot.
You’re not even my Old Lady.
Ouch.