Or even why.
My stomach heaved.
“Apologize to me, Edgar.”
Lips curling back from my teeth, I clenched my fists tight. “Don’t call me that. It’s not my name.”
She mock laughed, a kind of high-pitched, teetering sound full of disdain. “What kind of fool name is Hatter anyway? Edgar at least sounds strong and powerful.”
I had a name. I’d simply never bothered to share it with Alice, always feeling, perhaps even subconsciously, that to share a name was to share part of one’s soul with another.
It’d been some time now since I’d come to believe that the stories of Alice and Hatter were all wrong. Once upon a time, I’d been just as convinced as the rest of Kingdom that there could be no Hatter without his Alice. And I’d tried, damn my soul to the very pits of the underworld, I’d tried to make those stories a reality.
I’d put on a brave smile. Laughed. Even pretended to be okay with her cold and aloof attitude concerning me. Turned a blind eye to the many trysts she’d carried on behind my back. Because always I’d believed that I could only be Hatter with Alice by my side.
But today I was tired. Today I was sick. And I was through pretending not to care. I cared too damned much. If she’d only show me a shred of kindness, of thoughtfulness, maybe I’d try harder.
She opened her mouth, no doubt to continue our verbal spat, when the air in my home squeezed to the point of pain. She gasped, and I looked up to see a time portal seal shut behind two fairies I knew well.
Galeta the Pink. And Danika, godmother of visions and wishes. I frowned, quickly noting their harried expressions.
The Pink’s eyes were bloodshot and the whites wide with panic. Danika looked dead on her feet and leaned on Galeta’s shoulder for support.
It was Alice who spoke first.
“Why are you back!” she spat. And I knew she wasn’t angry with them. Her sting was for me, they’d simply caught the brunt of it.
Danika flinched, but Galeta eyed Alice with steel in her golden-eyed gaze.
“You,” she said slowly, but with power shivering behind that one word.
This time it was Alice’s turn to grimace. It wasn’t often a fairy godmother turned her wrath upon you, but when she did, the outcome could be painful.
“Tell me everything. Now, girl,” she spat right back, matching Alice’s fury with her own.
Danika listed, her dragonfly wings swishing almost drunkenly behind her. Realizing that she truly wasn’t well, I was able to focus on something other than my own panic. I raced to my godmother, where I eased her gently out of Galeta’s hands and made her sit on the couch where I’d previously been.
Once I was sure she wouldn’t crash upon her face, I tried to walk away, but the wee fae snatched my hand back and gripped it with punishing strength.
“Stay.” She shivered. “Stay with me, Hatter.”
A nagging and terrible feeling festered in the pit of my stomach, but I did as she asked, sitting beside her and gently stroking the back of her cold, cold hand.
“Danika,” I whispered, “what is the matter?” I’d never seen my godmother so ill at ease.
But she stared with her eyes fixed upon the hearth and the dancing flames within. The only movement to her was the constant flow of tears dripping one after the other from her right eye.
I looked up to Galeta for answers, but the Pink’s gimlet gaze was fixed on Alice.
“Speak. Now!” she snapped, causing Alice to twitch. “How is that she lives and you’ve been here all this time?”
Frowning, I stared from one to the other, confused and still reeling from the events of this morning.
“Wh-who?” Alice stuttered.
“Alice Hu. Your great-granddaughter. How! When did you return to Earth, and why did you leave your family? How did you get back to this realm?” She punctuated each question with the snap of her fist to her open palm.
Alice shook her head violently, causing the tips of her hair to sway around her waist as she took one slow step back. “I don’t. I—”
“Don’t lie to me, girl. Your great-granddaughter perished this morning, and goddess help you if I can’t get her back.”
“Wait a minute!” I barked. My head was pounding, my stomach still heaving. This nonsensical conversation only made me feel worse, and I wasn’t exactly careful with how I spoke to either of them. “What the bloody blazes is going on here? Who is Alice Hu? You mean her?” I pointed to Alice.
Alice’s dark eyes were anguished, but she refused to look at me. Galeta, on the other hand, finally did turn to me. Gold eyes were alive with panicked determination and fury.
Shocked to my core by the sight of the Pink—normally so calm and kindly—so frazzled, I did the same as Alice and took a step back as though I could escape her wrath somehow if I did.
Instantly her features softened, and she gripped the bridge of her nose. “Dear gods above, Hatter.” She sighed. “You don’t know. You truly don’t have a clue, do you?”
“Don’t.” Alice shook her head.
And where Galeta had seemed to be softening just a moment ago, she suddenly whirled on Alice, her hands curved and her nails clawlike. There was a wildness to her, danger. This was not the same fairy I’d known almost all my life. She was rabid. A wild, spitting thing that seemed quite capable of disemboweling someone if she was angry enough.
“You, you damned little fool. Did you never tell him the truth?” she demanded, voice rising in pitch with each word. “Let him believe you loved him? Oh, I remember our conversation well, original Alice. You didn’t love him. Alice and Hatter were fated. Your bloodline, in fact. It was so easy to believe it was you. But deep down, deep down I always sensed it wasn’t. Because true love requires two, not one.” She held up two fingers. “You wanted Hatter’s power even then. The magic of Wonderland at your disposal. Youthfulness, that’s what mattered to you, wasn’t it, little Alice Hu?”
I stood absolutely still, waiting to hear Alice deny it but knowing deep down she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Even if the words passed her lips, they wouldn’t be truth.
When I’d first met Alice, I’d hoped it was her. I’d even half convinced myself in the beginning, thinking myself in love. But her coldness, her aloof manner, had quickly soured me, had revealed to me that Alice hadn’t truly wanted me.
And so I’d let her leave me. Hoping that if it was true love, she’d return. She’d find a way. One year she was gone. Three hundred and sixty-five miserable days in which time I’d again convinced myself she was the one.
But when she’d returned, I’d known. I’d felt it the moment we’d kissed.
Absolutely nothing.
It was why I’d held on to the Stones of Veritas. Why I’d never given her a piece of my soul, why I’d always told myself it was because we weren’t ready. But the truth was that deep down, I’d known I’d made the biggest mistake of my eternal life.
Alice rolled her eyes. “Gods above, you don’t know how good it feels not to have to pretend anymore. No, I never loved him.” She snorted. “How could I? I had everything on Earth. The only thing I’d lacked was immortality. And I left it all behind for him.” Her lip curled, the revulsion evident. “And you’re a damned fool, Hatter, if you ever once convinced yourself that it was love.”
I blinked, still to my very core. Not that it hurt, hearing those words, but hearing the strength of her disgust wasn’t fun either. My brows dipped.
“Then why do you stay? Why pretend at all? Why not run off with one of your many paramours?” I snapped.
Tossing her head back, she laughed, but the sound was cruel and biting. “For the magic, of course. The magic that dies off every single day. You’re pathetic, Hatter. Can’t even control your power anymore. Who are you? Nothing,” she bit out. “You are—”
Galeta snapped her fingers, and suddenly Alice’s words ceased midsentence. She was still, frozen in form. Arms raised and fingers pointing furiously at me, face contorted into a
mask of fury and disgust.
“There. Now we don’t have to listen to her vile, filthy tongue another second. Gods above, how did you do it for so long?” Galeta rolled her eyes and shuddered, plucking at her gown as though to ward off evil.
Astonished by what the gentle Pink had just done, I could merely stare at the statue that’d once been a very living and breathing Alice.
Still as beautiful as she’d ever been, but as cold as the marble she’d now become. “Is she... Is she dead?” I asked without tearing my eyes off her.
“No. Though I’m sure none would truly miss her.”
Finally I was able to pull my gaze away and looked to the fairy. “Who are you?” I asked with a slight shake of my head. This was not the same Pink. Not the fairy who’d been known for weaving and shaping rainbows in her wake.
This fairy had a vicious streak a mile wide, and though I did not sense malice from her, Alice certainly hadn’t gotten on her good side.
She sighed, gripping her fingers together before giving her head a slight shake. “This is not at all the way I’d hoped to start things off with you, Hatter. Truly, you must believe me. But something very dreadful has happened here, and I do not know how or if you can ever believe me. But I must tell y—”
“No.”
The voice was Danika’s. Her nails dug so forcefully into my hand that I felt the burn of my skin beginning to tear. But I would not pull away.
“No, Galeta. The onus falls to me. He and she, they are mine. And he would not believe mere words anyway. I must show him the truth. The truth trapped in here.” She tapped her temple. “He must know it.” Her words were thin and scratchy but strong in conviction.
Galeta swallowed hard, and relief eased her tight brows just a bit. Then, closing her eyes, she nodded once. “Do it, Dani. If you think you’re strong enough for this, then do it.”
“Do what?” I demanded, that terrible feeling in my gut beginning to make itself known once again, turning my knees weak and my breathing rapid. “What is going on here? I’ve had a hell of a morning, and I can’t bear anym—”
Danika gave a short burst of laughter. “You think you’ve had it rough, Hatter? You have no idea what’s to come. This world is a mess. Everything. Almost all of it is lost.”
“All of what?”
Slapping her free hand on top of mine, she gripped tight. “The happily-ever-afters. Your happily-ever-after.”
“Alice was never my happily-ever-after,” I said with a confident shake of my head, feeling like a massive burden had been lifted off my shoulders with that admission.
But she batted my words away with a flick of her wrist. “You’re wrong there, Hatter. It’s not this Alice that you’ve waited your whole life for. But the other. I know what this Alice did. I saw into her heart. You let her leave, years ago. You let her walk away from you, didn’t you? She returned to Earth.”
It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t treat it as one. “Yes. Of course. It was what you cautioned me to do. You once told me that if you loved something let it go. If it returned, it was yours, but if it didn’t, it never was. I did as you told me, Dani.”
A strangled sound like a mix between a laugh and a sob tore from her throat. “I did. Didn’t I.” She gave me a weak smile. “In this life anyway. Because I was a fool. And I didn’t know the Gray.”
The Gray? There was no Gray. What was Danika raving about? I shifted on my seat, uncomfortable and antsy. But the wee fae held me fast, refusing to let me up.
“Two lives, Hatter. This one. And that one. This one is wrong. All wrong.”
I couldn’t make sense of her words. I shook my head.
“You know it too.” She snorted. “This Alice married when she returned to Earth. She is still mated to that male. Did you know that? Did she tell you? I’m sure she did not. But it is fact. It is how your Alice came to be. The bloodline continued on as it should have. That did not change. But this Alice grew bored with the mundane and wanted the power of Wonderland to herself. So she struck a bargain with a fairy that no longer exists. That fairy returned her here. To you. She didn’t care that she’d left a child and husband behind, because it’d only ever been her greed she’d obeyed. She came and pledged herself to you, vowing her undying love. But Hatter, it wasn’t real. It never was. Why do you think Wonderland dies? Why your magic whimpers inside your soul?”
Swallowing audibly, I blinked several times, feeling as though my world had just been upended. Alice was married to another. We’d not slept with each other for ages, but we had slept together. And like an addlepated, lovestruck fool, I’d tried so damned hard to make her fall in love with me in the beginning.
Nearly used up what little bits of magic remained mine to keep her happy. Depleted my stores to the point that I felt weakened by it now.
Danika squeezed my fingers tight, and this time it was she who grounded me back in the present.
“She abandoned her child. How could she?” I grunted.
But Danika shook her head, a frown creasing her forehead. “Though I wish we had time to chat, Hatter, we have none. What you need to know is this—in the alternate timeline which has been lost us, you were mated too. To your true Alice. And she’s in trouble.”
Not that I believed that, but I asked the question hammering away at me nonetheless. “Trouble how?”
Danika’s mouth snapped shut, and her gaze shot toward the Pink. Her entire body tensed up and her wings stilled.
Curious more than I should have been, I asked again, “Trouble how, Danika? What’s happened to this other Alice?”
Wetting her lips, she finally turned to look at me. Her obvious sadness beat at me as she whispered, “She died. She died this morning, Hatter.”
Like someone had just taken a fist to my gut, I sucked in a sharp breath, grabbing my chest as my heart began palpitating furiously. And I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe her death this morning was tied to the symptoms I’d been feeling all day. I wasn’t even aware tears had gathered in my eyes until I could no longer see anything but blurred shapes.
“What?” I shook my head, because none of this made sense. Snatching my hand away from Danika’s grip, I stood and paced before the couch. I couldn’t understand my visceral reaction over a woman I’d never known, or why Danika spoke of an alternate timeline. “I-I don’t—”
She hopped to her feet, moving into my space and making me pause my cagey pacing. Only once I’d stopped walking did I notice how violently my hands trembled. Danika’s gaze flicked down to them, and her lips tipped into a frown.
“Somewhere inside you, you have to remember her, Hatter.”
“I don’t! I don’t!” I said it, and yet I couldn’t stop the tears, the feeling that someone had just ripped my heart in two. My reaction made no sense. I began to pull at my hair.
“You do!” She snapped right back. “You do, because in that life you traded the Stones of Veritas. She was your true and perfect mate in every way. She was and remains the love of your life. For always. That’s how that magic works. You’ve forgotten her, but you know as well as I that you’re not whole. You feel it. You may not want to acknowledge it, but you know it’s true.”
Her voice was raw, and angry and tears tracked down her cheeks.
“I’m not supposed to do this, Hatter, but I’ve never been known for following the rules.”
Before I knew what she was about, she clasped my hands in an unforgiving and punishing grip and placed them none too gently against her temples. Visions suddenly exploded in my mind.
Lives. Peoples. Kingdom.
But different. So very, very different.
Wonderland was a swirl of chaotic and fantastical images. Trees with faces. Flowers that sang. Animals that spoke.
And at the heart of it was me. And her.
Alice.
A gothic rose with her sharp widow’s peak and exotic, cat-shaped eyes. Dressed in burgundy crushed-velvet gowns, with a jaunty cap upon her lovely head and lace-trimmed black
gloves.
The images gathered into a tight helix, becoming so real that I felt myself falling into them, forgetting that what I witnessed couldn’t possibly be real, because it felt real. Smelled real.
For a moment I was watching myself with an Alice who was and wasn’t my Alice, and then I was him.
In his head, staring down into the lovely eyes of the female I’d known for so long but whom I didn’t know at all.
She smiled. “You’re doing it again, my love.”
I frowned. “Doing what?”
How was this happening? How was I here? How was I feeling the slow caress of her hands running down my biceps, feeling the curl of heat lapping against my own? Feeling the thrum of such raw power that I’d not felt ever since falling into Wonderland what felt like a lifetime ago?
Alice snuggled into me, gripping my vest in her small hands and tugging me down until our faces were so close I tasted the wash of her cinnamon and vanilla lick against my lips.
My heart trembled.
“Looking at me like you’re falling in love with me all over again.”
I blinked, and my body moved. Not away from her, but toward her, drawn like a magnet to her iron shavings. And it was as normal as breathing to plant my hand upon her lower back, draw her into my side, press us so close no air existed between the contact points.
She shivered. And I shook my head with wonder. Awe. I knew this wasn’t my Alice, and yet... And yet she was.
My eyes caressed the lines of the face I knew so well. The softly rounded jawline. The slashing cheekbones and Cupid’s bow lip. My pulse fluttered as my fingers slid beneath her tapered corset and began to tap a sonnet against her deliciously warm, golden-brown skin.
Laugh lines that’d never been there before peeked out at me as her lips tipped into a sultry grin. And I knew this Alice smiled at me often, unlike the other who rarely laughed or found pleasure in much of anything.
“Maybe I am,” I murmured. “Maybe I’m finally seeing you, Alice.”
Her laughter was like the tinkle of bells. “And so you always say. How did I get to be so lucky, my beautiful madness?”