CHAPTER XV
MR. SAUNDERS HAS A PLAN
Miss Pelham's affair with Thomas Saunders by this time had reached thestage where observers feel a hesitancy about twitting the parties mostconcerned. Even Britt, the bravest jester of them all, succumbed to theprevailing wind when he saw how it blew. He got in the lee of popularopinion and reefed the sails of the good ship _Tantalus_.
"Let true love take its course," he remarked to Bobby Browne one day,after they had hearkened to Deppingham's furious complaint that hecouldn't find Saunders when he wanted him if he happened to be wantedsimultaneously by Miss Pelham. "Miss Pelham is a fine girl. Your wifelikes her and looks after her. She's a clever girl, much cleverer thanSaunders would be if he were a girl. She's found out that he earns athousand a year and that his mother is a very old woman. That showsforesight. She says she's just crazy about London, although she doesn'tknow where Hammersmith is. That shows discretion. She's anxious to seethe boats at Putney and talks like an encyclopaedia about Kew Gardens.That shows diplomacy. You see, Saunders lives in Hammersmith, not farfrom the bridge, all alone with his mother, who owns the house andgarden. It's all very appealing to Miss Pelham, who has got devilishtired of seeing the universe from a nineteenth story in Broadway. Iheard her tell Saunders that she keeps a couple of geranium pots on thewindow sill near which she sits all day. She says she's keen aboutgarden flowers. Looks serious to me."
"She's a very nice girl," agreed Bobby Browne.
"A very saucy one," added Deppingham, who had come a severe cropper inhis single attempt to interest her in a mild flirtation.
"She's off with Saunders now," went on Britt. "That's why you can't findhim, my lord. If you really want him, however, I think you can reach himby strolling through the lower end of the park and shouting. Forheaven's sake, don't fail to shout."
"I _do_ want him, confound him. I want to ask him how many days thereare left before our time is up on the island. Demmed annoying, that Ican't have legal advice when I--"
"How many days have you been here?"
"How the devil should I know? That's what we've got Saunders here for.He's supposed to tell us when to go home, and all that sort of thing,you know."
"It isn't going to be so bad, now that the Princess has come to cheer usup a bit," put in Bobby Browne. "Life has a new aspect."
"I say, Browne," burst out Deppingham, irrelevantly, his eyeglassclenched in the tight grasp of a perplexed frown, "would you mindtelling me that story about the bishop and the door bell again?"
Britt laughed hoarsely, his chubby figure shivering with emotion."You've heard that story ten times, to my certain knowledge,Deppingham."
His lordship glared at him. "See here, Britt, you'll oblige me by--"
"Very well," interrupted Britt readily. "I forget once in a while."
"The trouble with you Americans is this," growled Deppingham, turning toBrowne and speaking as if Britt was not in existence: "you have nodividing line. 'Gad, you wouldn't catch Saunders sticking his nose inwhere he wasn't wanted. He's--"
"I was under the impression that you wanted him," interrupted Britt,most good-naturedly, his stubby legs far apart, his hands in hispockets.
"I say, Browne, would you mind coming into my room? I want to hear thatstory, but I'm hanged if I'll listen to it out here."
The oft-told story of the bishop and the bell, of course, has no bearingupon the affairs of Miss Pelham and Thomas Saunders. And, for thatmatter, the small affairs of that worthy couple have little or nobearing upon the chief issue involved in this tale. Nobody cares a rapwhether Saunders, middle-aged and unheroic bachelor, with his preciselittle "burnsides," won the heart of the pert Miss Pelham, precise incharacter if not always so in type. It is of no serious consequence thatshe kept him from calling her Minnie until the psychological moment, andit really doesn't matter that Thomas was days in advancing to themoment. It is only necessary to break in upon them occasionally for thepurpose of securing legal advice, or the equally unromantic desire tohave a bit of typewriting done. We are not alone in this heartless anduncharitable obtrusion. Deppingham, phlegmatic soul, was foreverdisturbing Saunders with calls to duty, although Saunders was brutishenough, in his British way, to maintain (in confidence, of course) thathe was in the employ of Lady Deppingham, or no one at all. Nevertheless,he always lived under the shadow of duty. At any moment, his lordshipwas liable to send for him to ask the time of day--or some equallyimportant question. And this brings us to the hour when Saundersunfolded his startling solution to the problem that confronted them all.
First, he confided in Britt, soberly, sagely and in perfect good faith.Britt was bowled over. He stared at Saunders and gasped. Nearly twominutes elapsed before he could find words to reply; which provesconclusively that it must have been something of a shock to him. When atlast he did express himself, however, there was nothing that could havebeen left unsaid--absolutely nothing. He went so far as to call Saundersa doddering fool and a great many other things that Saunders had not inthe least expected.
The Englishman was stubborn. They had it back and forth, from legal andother points of view, and finally Britt gave in to his colleague,reserving the right to laugh when it was all over. Saunders, with adetermination that surprised even himself, called for a conference ofall parties in Wyckholme's study, at four o'clock.
It was nearly six before Lady Deppingham arrived, although she had butforty steps to traverse. Mr. and Mrs. Browne were there fully half anhour earlier. Deppingham appeared at four and then went away. He wasdiscovered asleep in the hanging garden, however, and at once joined theothers. Miss Pelham was present with her note book. The Princess wasinvited by Lady Deppingham, who held no secrets from her, but the royalyoung lady preferred to go out walking with her dogs. Pong, the redcocker, attended the session and twice snarled at Mr. Saunders, for noother reason than that it is a dog's prerogative to snarl when and atwhom he chooses.
"Now, what's it all about, Saunders?" demanded Deppingham, with a wideyawn. Saunders looked hurt.
"It is high time we were discussing some way out of our difficulties,"he said. "Under ordinary circumstances, my lady, I should not havecalled into joint consultation those whom I may be pardoned fordesignating as our hereditary foes. Especially Mr. Browne. But, as myplan to overcome the obstacle which has always stood in our way requiresthe co-operation of Mr. Browne, I felt safe in asking him to be present.Mrs. Browne's conjugal interest is also worthy of consideration." Mrs.Browne sniffed perceptibly and stared at the speaker. "But five weeksremain before our stay is over. We all know, by this time, that there islittle or no likelihood of the estate being closed on schedule time. Ithink it is clear, from the advices we have, that the estate will betied up in the courts for some time to come, possibly a year or two.From authoritative sources, we learn that the will is to be broken. Theapparent impossibility of marriage between Lady Deppingham and Mr.Browne naturally throws our joint cause into jeopardy. There would be nocontroversy, of course, if the terms of the will could be carried out inthat respect. The islanders understand our position and seem secure intheir rights. They imagine that they have us beaten on the face ofthings. Consequently they are jolly well upset by the news that we areto contest the will in the home courts. They are, from what I hear andobserve, pretty thoroughly angered. Now, the thing for us to do is toget married."
He came to this conclusion with startling abruptness. Four of hishearers stared at him in blank amazement.
"Get married?" murmured first one, then another.
"Are you crazy?" demanded Browne. Britt was grinning broadly.
"Certainly not!" snapped Saunders.
"Oh, by Jove!" exclaimed Deppingham, relieved. "I see. You mean _you_contemplate getting married. I congratulate you. You gave me quite ashock, Saund--"
"I don't mean anything of the sort, my lord," said Saunders getting veryred in the face. Miss Pelham looked up from her note book quickly. Hewinked at her, and her ladyship saw him do it. "I mean that it is hightime t
hat Lady Deppingham and Mr. Browne were getting married. Wehaven't much time to spare. It--"
"Good Lord!" gasped Bobby Browne. "You _are_ crazy, after all."
"Open the window and give some air," said Britt coolly.
"See here, Saunders, what the devil is the matter with you?" roaredDeppingham.
"My lord, I am here to act as your legal adviser," said Saunders withdignity. "May I be permitted to proceed?"
"Rather queer legal advice, 'pon my word."
"Please let him explain," put in Mrs. Browne, whose sense of humour wasstrongly attracted by this time. "If there is anything more to belearned concerning matrimony, I'd like to know it."
"Yes, Mr. Saunders, you may proceed," said Lady Agnes, passing a handover her bewildered eyes.
"Thank you, my lady. Well, here it is in a nutshell: I have not spokenof it before, but you and Mr. Browne can very easily comply with theprovisions of the will. You can be married at any time. Now, I--"
"And where do I come in?" demanded Deppingham, sarcastically.
"Yes, and I?" added Mrs. Browne. "You forget us, Mr. Saunders."
"I include Mrs. Browne," amended Deppingham. "Are we to be assassinated?By Jove, clever idea of yours, Saunders. Simplifies matterstremendously."
"I hear no objection from the heirs," remarked Saunders, meaningly.Whereupon Lady Agnes and Bobby came out of their stupor and protestedvigorously.
"Miss Pelham," said Britt, breaking in sharply, "I trust you are gettingall of this down. I wish to warn you, ladies and gentlemen, that _I_expect to overthrow the will on the ground that there is insanity onboth sides. You'll oblige me by uttering just what you feel."
"Why, this is perfectly ridiculous," cried Lady Agnes. "Our souls arenot our own."
"Your minds are the only things I am interested in," said Britt calmly.
"My plan is very simple--" began Saunders helplessly.
"Demmed simple," growled Deppingham.
"We are living on an island where polygamy is practised and tolerated.Why can't we take advantage of the custom and beat the natives at theirown game? That's the ticket!"
Of course, this proposition, simple as it sounded, brought forth a stormof laughter and expostulation, but Saunders held his ground. He listenedto a dozen jeering remarks in patient dignity, and then got the flooronce more.
"You have only to embrace Mohammedanism or Paganism, or whatever it is,temporarily. Just long enough to get married and comply with the terms.Then, I daresay, you could resume your Christian doctrine once more,after a few weeks, I'd say, and the case is won."
"I pay Lady Deppingham the compliment by saying that it would be mostdifficult for me to become a Christian again," said Browne smoothly,bowing to the flushed Englishwoman.
"How very sweet of you," she said, with a grimace which made Drusillashiver with annoyance.
"You don't need to live together, of course," floundered Saunders,getting rather beyond his depth.
"Well, that's a concession on your part," said Mrs. Browne, a flash inher eye.
"I never heard of such an asinine proposition," sputtered Deppingham.Saunders went completely under at that.
"On the other hand," he hastened to remark, "I'm sure it would be quitelegal if you did live to----"
"Stop him, for heaven's sake," screamed Lady Agnes, bursting intouncontrollable laughter.
"Stop him? Why?" demanded her husband, suddenly seeing what he regardedas a rare joke. "Let's hear him out. By Jove, there's more to it than Ithought. Go on, Saunders."
"Of course, if you are going to be nasty about it--" began Saunders in ahuff.
"I can't see anything nasty about it," said Browne. "I'll admit that ourwife and our husband may decide to be stubborn and unreasonable, but itsounds rather attractive to me."
"Robert!" from his wife.
"He's only joking, Mrs. Browne," explained Deppingham magnanimously."Now, let me understand you, Saunders. You say they can be marriedaccording to the customs--which, I take it, are the laws--of theislanders. Wouldn't they be remanded for bigamy sooner or later?"
"They don't bother the Mormons, do they, Mr. Browne?" asked Saunderstriumphantly. "Well, who is going to object among us?"
"I am!" exclaimed Deppingham. "Your plan provides Browne with twocharming wives and gives me but one. There's nothing to compel Mrs.Browne to marry me."
"But, my lord," said Saunders, "doesn't the plan give Lady Deppinghamtwo husbands? It's quite a fair division."
"It would make Lord Deppingham my husband-in-law, I imagine," saidDrusilla quaintly. "I've always had a horror of husbands-in-law."
"And you would be my wife-in-law," supplemented Lady Agnes. "Howinteresting!"
"Saunders," said Deppingham soberly, "I must oppose your plan. It'squite unfair to two innocent and uninvolved parties. What have we donethat we should be exempt from polygamy?"
"You are not exempt," exclaimed the harassed solicitor. "You are merelynot _obliged_ to, that's all. You can do as you choose about it, I'msure. I'm sorry my plan causes so much levity. It is meant for the goodof our cause. The will doesn't say how many wives Mr. Browne shall have.It simply says that Agnes Ruthven shall be his wife. He isn'trestricted, you know. He can be a polygamist if he likes. I ask Mr.Britt if there is anything in the document which specifically says heshall _not_ have more than one wife. Polygamy is quite legal in theUnited States, and he is an American citizen. I read about a Mormon chapmarrying a whole Sunday-school class not long ago."
"You're right," said Britt. "The will doesn't specify. But, my dearSaunders, you are overlooking your own client in this plan."
"I don't quite understand, Mr. Britt."
"As I understand the laws on this island--the church laws at least--aman can have as many wives as he likes. Well, that's all very well forMr. Browne. But isn't it also a fact that a woman can have no more thanone husband? Lady Deppingham has one husband. She can't take anotherwithout first getting rid of this one."
"And, I say, Saunders," added Deppingham, "the native way of disposingof husbands is rather trying, I've heard. Six or seven jabs with a longknife is the most approved way, isn't it, Britt?"
"Imagine Lady Deppingham going to the altar all covered with gore!" saidBritt.
"Saunders," said Deppingham, arising and lighting a fresh cigarette,"you have gone clean daft. You're loony with love. You've got marriageon the brain. I'd advise you to take some one for it,"
"Do you mean that for me. Lord Deppingham?" demanded Miss Pelhamsharply. She glared at him and then slammed her note book on the table."You can josh Mr. Saunders, but you can't josh me. I'm sick of this job.Get somebody else to do your work after this. I'm through."
"Oh!" exclaimed every one in a panic. It took nearly ten minutes topacify the ruffled stenographer. She finally resumed her place at thetable, but her chin was in the air and she turned the pages with avehemence that left nothing to the imagination.
"I can arrange everything, my lady, so that the ceremony will beregular," pleaded the unhappy Saunders. "You have only to go through theform--"
"But what kind of a form does she follow in stabbing me to mincemeat?That's the main law point," said Deppingham. "You seem to forget that Iam still alive."
"Perhaps we could arrange for a divorce all round," cried Saunders,suddenly inspired.
"On what grounds?" laughed Browne.
"Give me time," said the lawyer.
"It's barely possible that there is no divorce law in Japat," remarkedBritt, keenly enjoying his confrere's misery.
"Are you quite sure?"
"Reasonably. If there was such a law, I'll bet my head two-thirds of themen in Aratat would be getting rid of wives before night."
Britt, after this remark, sat very still and thoughtful. He was turningover the divorce idea in his mind. He had ridiculed the polygamy scheme,but the divorce proposition might be managed.
"I'm tired," said Lady Deppingham suddenly. She yawned and stretched herarms. "It's been very entertaining, Saunde
rs, but, really, I think we'dbetter dress for dinner. Come, Mr. Browne, shall we look for thePrincess?"
"With pleasure, if you'll promise to spare Deppingham's life."
"On condition that you will spare Deppingham's wife," very prettily andairily. Mrs. Browne laughed with amazing good grace, but there was a newexpression in her eyes.
"Your ladyship," called Saunders desperately, "do you approve of myplan? It's only a subterfuge--"
"Heartily!" she exclaimed, with one of her rarest laughs. "The onlyobjection that I can see to it is that it leaves out my husband and Mrs.Browne. They are very nice people, Saunders, and you should be moreconsiderate of them. Come, Mr. Browne." She took the American's arm andgaily danced from the room. Lord Deppingham's eyes glowed with pride inhis charming wife as he followed with the heartsick Drusilla. Brittsauntered slowly out and down the stairway, glancing back but once atthe undone Saunders.
"I would have won them over if Britt had not interfered," almost wailedlittle Mr. Saunders, his eyes glazed with mortification.
"I'm getting to hate that man," said Miss Pelham loyally. "And theothers! They give me a pain! Don't mind them, Tommy, dear."
Lady Deppingham and Browne came upon the Princess quite unexpectedly.She was in the upper gallery, leaning against the stone rail and gazingsteadily through the field glasses in the direction of the bungalow.They held back and watched her, unseen. The soft light of early eveningfell upon her figure as she stood erect, lithe and sinuous in the openspace between the ivy-clad posts; her face and hands were soft tinted bythe glow from the reflecting east, her hair was like a bronze reliefagainst the dark green of the mountain. She was dressed in white--amodish gown of rich Irish lace. One instantly likened this rare youngcreature to a rare old painting.
Genevra smiled securely in her supposed aloofness from the world. Then,suddenly moved by a strange impulse, she gently waved her handkerchief,as if in greeting to some one far off in the gloaming. The action was amischievous one, no doubt, and it had its consequences--rather suddenand startling, if the observers were to judge by her subsequentmovements. She lowered the glass instantly; there was a quick catch inher breath--as if a laugh had been checked; confusion swept over her,and she drew back into the shadows as a guilty child might have done.They distinctly heard her murmur as she crossed the flags anddisappeared through the French window, without seeing them:
"Oh, dear, what a crazy thing to do!"
Genevra, peering through the glasses, had discovered the figure of Chaseon the bungalow porch. She was amused to find that he, from his distantpost, was also regarding the chateau through a pair of glasses. A spiritof adventure, risk, mischief, as uncontrolled as breath itself, impelledher to flaunt her handkerchief. That treacherous spirit deserted hermost shamelessly when her startled eyes saw that he was waving aresponse. She laid awake for a long time that night wondering what hewould think of her for that wretched bit of frivolity. Then at last anew thought came to her relief, but it did not give her the peace ofmind that she desired.
He may have mistaken her for Lady Deppingham.