Gracie froze. She waited and waited. “Are we there yet?”
“I’m still driving, aren’t I?”
“How long—?”
“As long as it takes! Don’t ask again.” Staring straight ahead, Aunt Elizabeth drove fast, both hands gripping the steering wheel. Gracie’s stomach knotted so tight it hurt. She looked at Aunt Elizabeth’s face in the mirror and saw her anger. Aunt Elizabeth met her look. “Stop staring at me! It’s rude!” Gracie looked down and crushed the bear against her chest.
After a while, Gracie spotted the post office where Mommy bought stamps and mailed letters. She saw the library where Mommy took her to hear the story lady read. She saw the church where Mommy took her to Sunday school while Daddy slept in. She recognized houses. Aunt Elizabeth passed the park near the school. Mommy always sat on a bench under the magnolia tree while Gracie played with other children.
Aunt Elizabeth turned onto the street where Gracie lived and pulled into the driveway. Before the car had fully stopped, Gracie unbuckled herself and had swung the car door open. Aunt Elizabeth slammed on the brakes, and Gracie rocked hard against the front seat. Spilling out of the car, she ran. She fell and skinned her knee, but jumped up again. “Mommy!” She tried to open the front door, but it was locked. “Mommy, I’m home!”
Grasped by the shoulders and spun around, Gracie faced a livid Aunt Elizabeth. “Stop it! Do you want the entire neighborhood to hear you?” Gracie fought free and pounded on the door. “God, help me.” Aunt Elizabeth’s voice broke. Unlocking the door, she pushed it open. “Go ahead and look.”
Gracie ran in, crying out for Mommy. She ran from the kitchen to the living room to the master bedroom. She looked in the bathroom and living room. She went outside. “Mommy! Where are you? Mommy!” Confused, raw, terrified, she raced back inside, where Aunt Elizabeth stood like a statue. “Mommy!” Gracie screamed, sobbing now. Why didn’t Mommy answer? Why didn’t she come?
Aunt Elizabeth took her firmly by the hand and brought her back into the living room. Gracie noticed Daddy’s chair wasn’t there anymore. A big square of carpet had been cut out where it had sat. Aunt Elizabeth sat on the sofa and held Gracie by the arms. “Look at me, Grace. Your mother is dead. So is your father. Do you understand what that means? They’re not here.” She pressed her lips together and looked away. Blinking back tears, she swallowed and looked at Gracie again. “We’re only staying for as long as it takes me to clear out the house and put it on the market. I have to get back to work. So you’re coming with me to Fresno. That’s in California, in case you didn’t know.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“That’s too bad, because what you want doesn’t matter. You get what life has handed you, thanks to your son of—” She stopped and shook her head. “I know it’s not what you want. It’s not what I want either. But we’re stuck with each other. Your mother wrote it in a will.” She looked angry. “That tells you something about her situation, doesn’t it?” Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. She looked out the window and gave a heavy sigh. When she looked at Gracie again, her eyes were cold, but not angry anymore. “From now on, you’ll do as I say. I’m not your mother, but she made me your guardian. I’ll do the best I can for you. Now, go to your room and take a nap while I get some work done.”
Gracie finally saw Mommy again. Aunt Elizabeth took her to a big building that had a small room with pretty colored-glass windows. Mommy was lying asleep in a wooden box with shiny white satin. Her hands were folded around a bouquet of pink roses. She looked different. “Mommy?”
“Go ahead.” Aunt Elizabeth stood beside her. “Touch her. Maybe that’s the only way you’ll understand.”
Gracie patted Mommy’s hand lightly. Her skin was cold and felt strange. “Wake up.” Gracie looked from Mommy to Aunt Elizabeth and back to Mommy. “Mommy doesn’t wear makeup. Daddy doesn’t like it.”
“She’s not there, Grace. Her soul has gone to heaven.”
“Is Daddy in heaven, too?”
Aunt Elizabeth gave a snort. “I had him cremated.” She spoke through tight lips in a low voice. “It seemed a fitting end for him.”
The pastor introduced himself to Aunt Elizabeth. A few others from church had come to pay their respects. Mommy had only just begun attending church and taking Gracie to Sunday school. Not many people knew her. The pastor seemed sorry about that. “She seemed such a tender soul.”
A big black car took Mommy’s box to a park with a high arch entry and open iron gates. Aunt Elizabeth parked her car and sat silent in the front seat. Eyes closed, she gripped the steering wheel with white hands. When she got out of the car, she came around for Gracie. Taking her by the hand, she led her across the grass to a big hole in the ground, Mommy’s box above. The pastor talked about dust and ashes. Her aunt’s hand trembled and tightened until Gracie cried. She let go abruptly, and crossed her arms. The pastor prayed, and Mommy’s box lowered into the ground. Aunt Elizabeth leaned down, took a handful of dirt, and sprinkled it on Mommy’s box. “Your trials are over, Leelee. Rest in peace.” She looked down at Gracie. “Say good-bye to your mother.”
That night, Aunt Elizabeth packed Gracie’s things in a suitcase. She snatched Grace’s stuffed bear from her arms. “You’re too old for this!” Aunt Elizabeth took it outside and threw it in the trash can.
The next morning, they drove to a big airport. Aunt Elizabeth lifted her suitcase and Gracie’s from the trunk. Gracie heard a loud roar and looked up at an airplane overhead. It rose like a giant bird into the sky. Her aunt told her to stay close and keep up. Gracie had never been around so many people and stayed on Aunt Elizabeth’s heels. They waited in a long line where everyone had suitcases. When they reached the counter, Aunt Elizabeth talked to the clerk. A man tagged their luggage and placed it on a moving belt.
Gracie had so many questions, but Aunt Elizabeth looked tense and agitated. She walked fast, and Gracie had to struggle to keep up. They sat in a waiting area until it was time to stand in another line and get on an airplane. Inside, people shoved small suitcases and tote bags and packages into the overhead compartments before sliding into their seats. Aunt Elizabeth led Gracie all the way to the back of the plane and told her to sit by the window. She gave a weary sigh when she took the seat beside Gracie. “Try to sleep. That’s what I plan to do. We have two more flights after this one. It’s going to be a very long day. Don’t wake me up unless you have to go potty.” She jerked her head toward the back. “The lavatory is right behind us.”
Gracie forgot about everything when the plane roared down the runway. At first, she felt the sluggish pull of earth; then the plane rose, heavy and then growing lighter the higher it went. She looked down and wondered at how cars and houses got smaller, and then the plane went into the clouds. It kept going up and up. Gracie prayed they would go to heaven to see Mommy and Jesus.
YOSEMITE HELD an awe-inspiring beauty with its hanging valleys, waterfalls, giant granite domes, and moraines, but Roman couldn’t keep his eyes off Grace. She was clearly enjoying herself, and it shone in her face.
“If I had your talent, Roman, I’d be painting this.” She spread her arms, encompassing the valley in front of them.
“And get nowhere. It’s been done a thousand times.” He pocketed his phone and joined her.
She looked at him. “What were you doing? Texting a girlfriend?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.” He smiled slightly. “Not the kind you mean, anyway.”
“Then why do you always have that thing in your hand? You’re missing everything!”
He’d seen it before, but saw it differently this time. “Half Dome is pretty spectacular. I wouldn’t mind climbing that rock someday.”
“You’d need a lot of mountain-climbing experience.”
“I used to climb tall buildings.”
“Okay, Superman.”
He liked her smile. “They weren’t that tall. Five or six stories.” He looked up at Half Dome. “I w
anted to do heaven spots. The higher, the better.” He glanced at her. “Earn street cred.” She didn’t understand a word he said, and he wasn’t ready to explain. “Never mind. Why don’t we get back on the road and cover some more ground before we call it a day?”
She gazed at Half Dome. “What a pity.”
“You’re the one who has to be back by Friday.”
“Yes. I do. Can you wait one minute?” She walked over to the stream and picked out a small stone.
“What’re you going to do with that?”
“Remember Yosemite.”
They were well on their way when Grace asked him to pull over. She just wanted a few minutes to see a cirque lake. Roman followed her to the edge. Grace stood looking up at the mountain and the mirror image on the surface of the water. “It’s like an oval mirror. It doubles the beauty.”
It was a magnificent scene. “I’d never attempt to paint this. I couldn’t come close to what we’re seeing.”
She faced him. “No one could.”
“Some come close.”
“Isn’t art all about interpretation?”
“Partly.” He sat on a boulder.
She looked back at the lake. “I should’ve bought postcards.” She took out her phone and took a few pictures, then came over and sat beside him. “Tell me about your paintings. I don’t understand them, you know. The mural, yes. The great migration, and it’s beautiful. Your other work baffles me.”
Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his knees. “They’re people I’ve known, exposed, but disguised so no one can recognize them.” He gave a rueful laugh. “By the time I’m done painting, I don’t even know who they are.”
“Who were they when you started?”
His mother, the landlord of the Tenderloin apartment house, foster family members, CPS workers, the girl who introduced him to sex, gang friends, and a wannabe tagger who didn’t know how to stay alive. “Some I want to remember; others I wish I could forget.”
Scooping up a rock, he stood and sent it skipping across the water. Concentric circles spread, ruining the mirror image. He picked up a white stone and tossed it to her. “For your collection. We’d better go.”
They reached the top of Tioga Pass, and Roman grinned at her. “Hang on. It’s going to be a scary ride down.”
“You can see for miles!”
“That’s Mono Lake down there.” The car hugged the curves on the steep grade. She looked more excited than afraid. “I’ll bet you like roller-coaster rides.”
“I’ve never been on one.”
The tires squealed as Roman took another curve. He heard Grace’s intake of breath and slowed on the next one. “No trips to amusement parks or county fairs?”
“No trips anywhere. My aunt didn’t take a lot of time off, and I found a job as soon as I was old enough for a work permit.”
“And when you were married?”
“I worked.”
So much for the idyllic lifestyle he’d imagined. She pulled her map from the door pocket and opened it. “There’s a visitor center down there.”
“And you want to stop.”
“You’re the boss.”
“Okay.” He accessed the computer and asked about Lee Vining hotels. Switching to the phone system, he made the call and booked two rooms. Grace put the folded map back in the door pocket. He couldn’t tell if she was upset or had run out of things to say. “I thought we should book something so we’d have time to look around and not feel rushed.”
She gave a soft laugh and shook her head. “You don’t need a personal assistant on this trip. Your car can do everything for you. I’ll bet it can even take notes and carry on a conversation.”
“Probably, with prompts.” He grinned at her. “You’re not jealous, are you?”
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have half its brain.”
They spent over an hour in the visitor center, reading through the information, before going out to the Mono Lake Tufa reserve. Everything fascinated Grace. “This is the strangest place I’ve ever seen.”
“Well, you haven’t seen much.”
She pointed. “That looks like an ancient city over there. It could be Sodom and Gomorrah after God rained down fire and brimstone.” She wondered aloud if Mono Lake looked anything like the Dead Sea in Israel. Another place she’d love to visit, even with terrorism on the rise. The sky looked more blue against the white formations. She pointed out shapes; he saw shadows. She asked how he would paint this place. He’d use bright colors, sharp, jagged lines, white and black. She listened intently, as though trying to hear more than what he was saying.
He bought sandwiches at a deli, and they sat at a picnic table. Grace enjoyed the view of Mono Lake. She was attentive to everything around her, drinking it in, savoring it. A breeze came up, and she closed her eyes. He could see the relaxed pleasure in her face. She was beginning to loosen up with him. Or was it the other way around?
What exactly was he looking for on this journey? The not knowing made him nervous. He’d never thought Grace beautiful, but she stirred him deeply. He’d always gotten his adrenaline rush painting graffiti and outrunning cops. She looked at him, and he felt his pulse kick up.
He’d been attracted to women before, but not the same way he was with Grace. She scared him. He could put a stop right now to whatever was starting to happen between them. Jasper said that was his pattern. The old voice spoke in his head. Don’t get too close, Bobby Ray. You know how much love hurts. Walk away before you feel anything more than you already do. She’s going to rip your heart out.
Jasper said it had to do with his mother. Bobby Ray couldn’t trust women because the one he needed most had abandoned him. Was that why he kept his relationships with women shallow and physical? Was anything ever that simple?
Why go over old stories, unlock doors, or find what was under the lid of a garbage can? His mother hadn’t kept her word. She hadn’t come back. How could she? She was dead. Jasper tried to get him to deal with it, find closure. Bobby Ray had survived. Why go back? Roman wanted to keep moving on.
If he did have abandonment issues, so what? His mother had been less to blame than the man who’d fathered him. Maybe he never knew. Maybe he did and turned his back on Sheila Dean. Roman had always been careful, even the first time. He didn’t want a child of his growing up fatherless with a mother who had to turn tricks for a living.
Grace crumpled the paper that had held her deli sandwich and stuffed it into her empty soda cup. She smiled at him. “Thank you for dinner.” She gathered his debris and headed for the trash can.
Roman watched her walk away. He loved the way she moved. His body warmed. He’d better not think about going down that road with this girl.
Not this soon, anyway.
She came back and sat so she could watch the sunset. He came around the table and sat beside her. She smiled at him. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
He’d rather look at her than the sunset, but he knew better. “For a little while, and then it’s gone.”
“Pessimist. It’ll happen again tomorrow. Every sunset is different.”
“The colors have to do with pollutants in the air.”
She gave him a pitying look. “Colors come from a phenomenon called scattering. The wavelengths of light and the sizes of the particles determine the colors. I learned that in a college science class.”
He’d never taken a college course, but he’d read a lot. “By particles, they meant pollutants.”
“You see it as you wish, Roman, but I see sunrise as God’s good morning, and sunset as God’s good night.” She pulled out her phone and checked the time. “We’d better get to the hotel, don’t you think?”
“I take it you want to get to your homework.” He didn’t want to spend the evening alone, but he remembered her heavy backpack. Could he talk her out of it? Maybe, but what sort of guy made a girl give up something that mattered to her? “Let’s go.”
Roman checked them in. Whe
n he took their luggage from the trunk, she gathered hers. He offered to help, but she said she could manage. He’d already noticed. “A pity I didn’t bring something to read.” He intended to sound pitiful.
“Check your nightstand. I’ll bet you find a Gideon Bible.”
He laughed. “Thanks a lot. Sounds like a real page-turner.”
Grinning, she opened her hotel room door. “It’s been on bestseller lists for years.” She went inside and closed the door behind her.
Bored, Roman grabbed the remote and turned on the television. News. Sports. Stupid sitcoms. More news. He flicked through the channels, one after another, and found nothing to interest him. He turned the set off and lay on his back. His mind circled around Grace. Swearing under his breath, he got up and took a cold shower. Cooled down, he cranked up the temperature, but then the room felt stuffy. He turned on the air conditioner. Giving in to impulse, he picked up the phone and called Grace’s room. Stretching out on the bed, he put his arm behind his head. “What’re you doing?”
“You know what I’m doing.”
He scrambled for something to delay the end of the conversation. “Tell me about Sodom and Gomorrah.”
“You can read about them yourself.” He heard her open and close a drawer. “There’s a Bible in my room. I’m sure there’s one in yours. Read Genesis.”
“Which is where?”
“In the beginning. The story is somewhere in the first half. Wait a minute.” She put the phone down. He could hear pages riffling. She picked up the phone again. “Start with chapter 18 on page 16 and keep reading. See you in the morning.”
It wasn’t the first time Grace had hung up on him. She was still his employee, and office hours were over. At least he hadn’t waited until after midnight to call. At least he wasn’t calling to needle her about a placid kiss from Prince Charming. At least she wasn’t mad this time.
Roman turned on the television again. After fifteen minutes, he gave up, shut it off, and yanked open the nightstand drawer. If the Bible was as boring as it looked, he’d be asleep in five minutes.