CHAPTER VI.
THE JEWEL.
The Shevalier de l'Orge, the young Frenchmin whom I wrote of in my last,who had been rather shy of his visits while master was coming it sovery strong, now came back to his old place by the side of Lady Griffin:there was no love now, though, betwigst him and master, although theshevallier had got his lady back agin; Deuceace being compleatly devotedto his crookid Veanus.
The shevalier was a little, pale, moddist, insinifishnt creature; and Ishoodn't have thought, from his appearants, would have the heart to doharm to a fli, much less to stand befor such a tremendious tiger andfire-eater as my master. But I see putty well, after a week, from hismanner of going on--of speakin at master, and lookin at him, and oldinghis lips tight when Deuceace came into the room, and glaring at him withhis i's, that he hated the Honrabble Algernon Percy.
Shall I tell you why? Because my Lady Griffin hated him: hated him wussthan pison, or the devvle, or even wuss than her daughter-in-law. Prapsyou phansy that the letter you have juss red was honest; praps youamadgin that the sean of the reading of the will came on by mere chans,and in the reglar cors of suckmstansies: it was all a GAME, I tellyou--a reglar trap; and that extrodnar clever young man, my master, asneatly put his foot into it, as ever a pocher did in fesnt preserve.
The shevalier had his q from Lady Griffin. When Deuceace went off thefeald, back came De l'Orge to her feet, not a witt less tender thanbefor. Por fellow, por fellow! he really loved this woman. He might aswell have foln in love with a bore-constructor! He was so blinded andbeat by the power wich she had got over him, that if she told him blackwas white he'd beleave it, or if she ordered him to commit murder, he'ddo it: she wanted something very like it, I can tell you.
I've already said how, in the fust part of their acquaintance, masterused to laff at De l'Orge's bad Inglish, and funny ways. The littlecreature had a thowsnd of these; and being small, and a Frenchman,master, in cors, looked on him with that good-humored kind of contempwhich a good Brittn ot always to show. He rayther treated him like anintelligent munky than a man, and ordered him about as if he'd bean mylady's footman.
All this munseer took in very good part, until after the quarl betwigstmaster and Lady Griffin; when that lady took care to turn the tables.Whenever master and miss were not present (as I've heard the servantssay), she used to laff at shevalliay for his obeajance and sivillattyto master. For her part, she wondered how a man of his birth could acta servnt: how any man could submit to such contemsheous behavior fromanother; and then she told him how Deuceace was always snearing at himbehind his back; how, in fact, he ought to hate him corjaly, and how itwas suttaly time to show his sperrit.
Well, the poar little man beleaved all this from his hart, and was angryor pleased, gentle or quarlsum, igsactly as my lady liked. There gotto be frequint rows betwigst him and master; sharp words flung at eachother across the dinner-table; dispewts about handing ladies theirsmeling-botls, or seeing them to their carridge; or going in and out ofa roam fust, or any such nonsince.
"For hevn's sake," I heerd my lady, in the midl of one of these tiffs,say, pail, and the tears trembling in her i's, "do, do be calm, Mr.Deuceace. Monsieur de l'Orge, I beseech you to forgive him. You are,both of you, so esteemed, lov'd, by members of this family, that for itspeace as well as your own, you should forbear to quarrel."
It was on the way to the Sally Mangy that this brangling had begun, andit ended jest as they were seating themselves. I shall never forgit poarlittle De l'Orge's eyes, when my lady said "both of you." He stair'dat my lady for a momint, turned pail, red, look'd wild, and then, goinground to master, shook his hand as if he would have wrung it off. Mr.Deuceace only bow'd and grin'd, and turned away quite stately; Missheaved a loud O from her busm, and looked up in his face with anigspreshn jest as if she could have eat him up with love; and the littleshevalliay sate down to his soop-plate, and wus so happy, that I'm blestif he wasn't crying! He thought the widdow had made her declyration, andwould have him; and so thought Deuceace, who look'd at her for some timemighty bitter and contempshus, and then fell a-talking with Miss.
Now, though master didn't choose to marry Lady Griffin, as he might havedone, he yet thought fit to be very angry at the notion of her marryinganybody else; and so, consquintly, was in a fewry at this confisionwhich she had made regarding her parshaleaty for the French shevaleer.
And this I've perseaved in the cors of my expearants through life, thatwhen you vex him, a roag's no longer a roag: you find him out at onstwhen he's in a passion, for he shows, as it ware, his cloven foot thevery instnt you tread on it. At least, this is what YOUNG roags do; itrequires very cool blood and long practis to get over this pint, and notto show your pashn when you feel it and snarl when you are angry. OldCrabs wouldn't do it; being like another noblemin, of whom I heard theDuke of Wellington say, while waiting behind his graci's chair, that ifyou were kicking him from behind, no one standing before him would knowit, from the bewtifle smiling igspreshn of his face. Young master hadn'tgot so far in the thief's grammer, and, when he was angry, show'd it.And it's also to be remarked (a very profownd observatin for a footmin,but we have i's though we DO wear plush britchis), it's to be remarked,I say, that one of these chaps is much sooner maid angry than another,because honest men yield to other people, roags never do; honest menlove other people, roags only themselves; and the slightest thing whichcomes in the way of thir beloved objects sets them fewrious. Masterhadn't led a life of gambling, swindling, and every kind of debotch tobe good-tempered at the end of it, I prommis you.
He was in a pashun, and when he WAS in a pashn, a more insalent,insuffrable, overbearing broot didn't live.
This was the very pint to which my lady wished to bring him; for I musttell you, that though she had been trying all her might to set masterand the shevalliay by the years, she had suxeaded only so far as tomake them hate each profowndly: but somehow or other, the 2 cox wouldn'tFIGHT.
I doan't think Deuceace ever suspected any game on the part of herladyship, for she carried it on so admirally, that the quarls whichdaily took place betwigst him and the Frenchman never seemed to comefrom her; on the contry, she acted as the reglar pease-maker betweenthem, as I've just shown in the tiff which took place at the door ofthe Sally Mangy. Besides, the 2 young men, though reddy enough to snarl,were natrally unwilling to come to bloes. I'll tell you why: beingfriends, and idle, they spent their mornins as young fashnabblesgenrally do, at billiads, fensing, riding, pistle-shooting, or some suchimprooving study. In billiads, master beat the Frenchman hollow (andhad won a pretious sight of money from him: but that's neither here northere, or, as the French say, ontry noo); at pistle-shooting, mastercould knock down eight immidges out of ten, and De l'Orge seven; and infensing, the Frenchman could pink the Honorable Algernon down evry oneof his weskit buttns. They'd each of them been out more than onst, forevery Frenchman will fight, and master had been obleag'd to do so in thecors of his bisniss; and knowing each other's curridg, as well as thefact that either could put a hundrid bolls running into a hat at 30yards, they wairnt very willing to try such exparrymence upon their ownhats with their own heads in them. So you see they kep quiet, and onlygrould at each other.
But to-day Deuceace was in one of his thundering black humers; and whenin this way he wouldn't stop for man or devvle. I said that he walkedaway from the shevalliay, who had given him his hand in his sudden bustof joyfle good-humor; and who, I do bleave, would have hugd a she-bear,so very happy was he. Master walked away from him pale and hotty, and,taking his seat at table, no moor mindid the brandishments of MissGriffin, but only replied to them with a pshaw, or a dam at one of usservnts, or abuse of the soop, or the wine; cussing and swearing like atrooper, and not like a well-bred son of a noble British peer.
"Will your ladyship," says he, slivering off the wing of a pully allybashymall, "allow me to help you?"
"I thank you! no; but I will trouble Monsieur de l'Orge." And towardsthat gnlmn she turned, with a most tender and fasnat
ing smile.
"Your ladyship has taken a very sudden admiration for Mr. de l'Orge'scarving. You used to like mine once."
"You are very skilful; but to-day, if you will allow me, I will partakeof something a little simpler."
The Frenchman helped; and, being so happy, in cors, spilt the gravy.A great blob of brown sos spurted on to master's chick, and myandreweddown his shert-collar and virging-white weskit.
"Confound you!" says he, "M. de l'Orge, you have done this on purpose."And down went his knife and fork, over went his tumbler of wine, a dealof it into poar Miss Griffinses lap, who looked fritened and ready tocry.
My lady bust into a fit of laffin, peel upon peel, as if it was the bestjoak in the world. De l'Orge giggled and grin'd too. "Pardong," says he;"meal pardong, mong share munseer." * And he looked as if he would havedone it again for a penny.
* In the long dialogues, we have generally ventured to change the peculiar spelling of our friend Mr. Yellowplush.
The little Frenchman was quite in extasis; he found himself all of asuddn at the very top of the trea; and the laff for onst turned againsthis rivle: he actialy had the ordassaty to propose to my lady in Englishto take a glass of wine.
"Veal you," says he, in his jargin, "take a glas of Madere viz me, miladi?" And he looked round, as if he'd igsackly hit the English mannerand pronunciation.
"With the greatest pleasure," says Lady G., most graciously nodding athim, and gazing at him as she drank up the wine. She'd refused masterbefore, and THIS didn't increase his good-humer.
Well, they went on, master snarling, snapping, and swearing, makinghimself, I must confess, as much of a blaggard as any I ever see; andmy lady employing her time betwigst him and the shevalliay, doing everythink to irritate master, and flatter the Frenchmn. Desert came: and bythis time, Miss was stock-still with fright, the chevaleer half tipsywith pleasure and gratafied vannaty, my lady puffickly raygent withsmiles and master bloo with rage.
"Mr. Deuceace," says my lady, in a most winning voice, after a littlechaffing (in which she only worked him up moar and moar), "may I troubleyou for a few of those grapes? they look delicious."
For answer, master seas'd hold of the grayp dish, and sent it slidingdown the table to De l'Orge; upsetting, in his way, fruit-plates,glasses, dickanters, and heaven knows what.
"Monsieur de l'Orge," says he, shouting out at the top of his voice,"have the goodness to help Lady Griffin. She wanted MY grapes long ago,and has found out they are sour!"
. . . . . .
There was a dead paws of a moment or so.
. . . . . .
"Ah!" says my lady, "vous osez m'insulter, devant mes gens, dans mapropre maison--c'est par trop fort, monsieur." And up she got, and flungout of the room. Miss followed her, screeching out, "Mamma--for God'ssake--Lady Griffin!" and here the door slammed on the pair.
Her ladyship did very well to speak French. DE L'ORGE WOULD NOT HAVEUNDERSTOOD HER ELSE; as it was he heard quite enough; and as thedoor clikt too, in the presents of me, and Messeers Mortimer andFitzclarence, the family footmen, he walks round to my master, and hitshim a slap on the face, and says, "prends ca, menteur et lache!" whichmeans, "Take that, you liar and coward!"--rayther strong igspreshns forone genlmn to use to another.
Master staggered back and looked bewildered; and then he gave a kindof a scream, and then he made a run at the Frenchman, and then me andMortimer flung ourselves upon him, whilst Fitzclarence embraced theshevalliay.
"A demain!" says he, clinching his little fist, and walking away, notvery sorry to git off.
When he was fairly down stares, we let go of master: who swalloweda goblit of water, and then pawsing a little and pullout his pus, hepresented to Messeers Mortimer and Fitzclarence a luydor each. "I willgive you five more to-morrow," says he, "if you will promise to keepthis secrit."
And then he walked in to the ladies. "If you knew," says he, going upto Lady Griffin, and speaking very slow (in cors we were all at thekeyhole), "the pain I have endured in the last minute, in consequence ofthe rudeness and insolence of which I have been guilty to your ladyship,you would think my own remorse was punishment sufficient, and wouldgrant me pardon."
My lady bowed, and said she didn't wish for explanations. Mr. Deuceacewas her daughter's guest, and not hers; but she certainly would neverdemean herself by sitting again at table with him. And so saying out sheboltid again.
"Oh! Algernon! Algernon!" says Miss, in teers, "what is this dreadfulmystery--these fearful shocking quarrels? Tell me, has anythinghappened? Where, where is the chevalier?"
Master smiled and said, "Be under no alarm, my sweetest Matilda. Del'Orge did not understand a word of the dispute; he was too much inlove for that. He is but gone away for half an hour, I believe; and willreturn to coffee."
I knew what master's game was, for if miss had got a hinkling of thequarrel betwigst him and the Frenchman, we should have had her screemingat the "Hotel Mirabeu," and the juice and all to pay. He only stoptfor a few minnits and cumfitted her, and then drove off to his friend,Captain Bullseye, of the Rifles; with whom, I spose, he talked over thisunplesnt bisniss. We fownd, at our hotel, a note from De l'Orge, sayingwhere his secknd was to be seen.
Two mornings after there was a parrowgraf in Gallynanny's Messinger,which I hear beg leaf to transcribe:--
"FEARFUL DUEL.--Yesterday morning, at six o'clock, a meeting took place,in the Bois de Boulogne, between the Hon. A. P. D--ce-ce, a younger sonof the Earl of Cr-bs, and the Chevalier de l'O---. The chevalier wasattended by Major de M---, of the Royal Guard, and the Hon. Mr. D---by Captain B-lls-ye, of the British Rifle Corps. As far as we have beenable to learn the particulars of this deplorable affair, the disputeoriginated in the house of a lovely lady (one of the most brilliantornaments of our embassy), and the duel took place on the morningensuing.
"The chevalier (the challenged party, and the most accomplished amateurswordsman in Paris) waived his right of choosing the weapons, and thecombat took place with pistols.
"The combatants were placed at forty paces, with directions to advanceto a barrier which separated them only eight paces. Each was furnishedwith two pistols. Monsieur de l'O--- fired almost immediately, and theball took effect in the left wrist of his antagonist, who dropped thepistol which he held in that hand. He fired, however, directly with hisright, and the chevalier fell to the ground, we fear mortally wounded. Aball has entered above his hip-joint, and there is very little hope thathe can recover.
"We have heard that the cause of this desperate duel was a blow whichthe chevalier ventured to give to the Hon. Mr. D. If so, there is somereason for the unusual and determined manner in which the duel wasfought.
"Mr. Deu--a-e returned to his hotel; whither his excellent father, theRight Hon. Earl of Cr-bs, immediately hastened on hearing of the sadnews, and is now bestowing on his son the most affectionate parentalattention. The news only reached his lordship yesterday at noon, whileat breakfast with his Excellency Lord Bobtail, our ambassador. The nobleearl fainted on receiving the intelligence; but in spite of the shock tohis own nerves and health, persisted in passing last night by the couchof his son."
And so he did. "This is a sad business, Charles," says my lord to me,after seeing his son, and settling himself down in our salong. "Have youany segars in the house? And hark ye, send me up a bottle of wine andsome luncheon. I can certainly not leave the neighborhood of my dearboy."