Chapter 14
The Midnight Falcon eased away from Ikinos. It was destined never to sail those tranquil azure waters again, never again to feel the gentle winds of the Greek Islands fill its sails. Valentina looked back at Ikinos; she was exiled from there now and her own country of Sachovia could no longer offer her any prospect of safety. Katrina took her arm, resting her head on Valentina's shoulder. The two women watched as the evening started to fall and bring with it a sense of quiet stillness, they sailed as if on a lake of glass into an unknown future sharing sadness but somehow a contemplative sadness that left them calm and thoughtful.
"Where are we going?" Katrina asked.
Valentina looked up into the sky, her eyes followed the scattering of sea birds heading across the last traces of light to their nocturnal roost. She was unsure, there had been a vague idea of sailing back to Guernsey the small island still had a strong pull for her it held good memories and almost no one knew of her attachment to the place. But then maybe France, the place she had found poor Natasha. There was an emotional pull that she could not really account for, she didn't even speak the language with any degree of fluency but Katrina's question seemed to crystallise the emotional pull into a destination.
"I thought we might make for France," she said "see what's cooking over there." The words spoken with confidence as if the course had been plotted on the boat's charts long ago instead of just being plucked from the air.
"France." She said "I trust you to make the right choices Valentina, I just need to belong somewhere. Somewhere that I can find a future."
"If you'd like to go back to Sachovia I have money, I could put you on a plane." Katrina tightened her grip on Valentina's arm and shook her head making her soft hair dance against the fragility of her too slender neck.
"No... I'd rather stay with you; there's no one in Sachovia waiting for me."
"It's the same for me Katrina... I feel I've sacrificed my life for Sachovia and now my work is done it feels as if my efforts have been for nothing. There's nothing and no one in Sachovia for me any more. Maybe a bullet with my name on it. I'd welcome your company Katrina until you find your own niche somewhere."
"You must be welcome in Sachovia, when Natasha is Queen you'll be welcomed with open arms like a true heroine. Natasha thinks of you as a second mother, she told me as much."
"Oh don't say that Katrina, you might break my heart..."
"Why not?... One day you will find each other again." Katrina pulled herself even tighter onto Valentina's arm. "And what about Colby... I saw the way you two looked at each other. Don't pretend there's nothing going on there."
"I wish you were right Katrina but there are things Colby doesn't know about me... "
"I can't believe that your secrets can be so terrible."
"You're a lovely trusting girl Katrina, I hope your trusting nature won't lead you astray some day." Valentina leaned across and kissed Katrina on the forehead. They held each other as the Falcon sailed on into the darkening sky, watched as the crescent moon fell behind a bank of cloud while the wind started to freshen. Valentina was only half there in the cool night air with the wind in her face, her other self hovered in a place of memories and ghosts. A place inhabited by those she had loved and lost...
"So Katrina, how are you feeling now?" Valentina asked as she dragged her thoughts back to the present.
"Much better since you've come back, but I'm so tired, I haven't been sleeping much since Andrej left me."
"You're far better off without Andrej, don't waste your tears on him Katrina."
"No I know... He showed me who he really was... left me with the bruises to prove it."
"Why don't you go and get your head down, let the roll of the Falcon lull you to sleep."
"That sounds good if you wouldn't mind..." Katrina headed below deck to her little cabin. A new world was opening up for her and she felt the excitement of anticipation just starting to overwhelm her apprehension of the unknown. She wanted to forget the past and all that was entangled in it. She slipped into her bunk where she quickly found an easy peace as the water lapped against the hull and the timbers creaked in a somnolent rhythm.
For Valentina it was an opportunity to do the task she had been dreading, the task that had been gnawing at her for days now. It was the long overdue confession of her sins; the final admission that she owed to Colby. She knew that once she had told Colby the truth then her fate would be sealed and she would have to let her dream of a shared future with him fall to ashes.
She took her Satphone and made a call to Equis in the hope that they might be able link her to him. It was nearing six in London and most of the day-time staff were on the point of leaving for the evening. Jane Freeman was still busy at her desk and took the call.
"I have been expecting your call Miss Gussev... Naturally we will be refunding what you have already paid. I am most sorry for what has happened."
Valentina had no idea how to respond to this, her thoughts had completely moved on from the part Equis had had played in her subterfuge. She was sufficiently well trained in her subversive arts however to instinctively not reveal her cards until the last play had been completed. "That is a generous approach Miss Freeman... Are you able to offer any more explanation for what has happened?" She left the question as deliberately vague as she could while still implying that she was fully aware of everything, still in the loop of Boris Koch's information network.
"Colby is back in London, I assume you know that... I have personally debriefed him and it seems that a rather well executed piece of trickery allowed Natasha to be taken. We don't know where she is at the moment even with the aid of some high level assistance from my government... I don't know if you have any more information from your end as to who the kidnappers might be... Sadly we assume it was agents of the anti-monarchy faction and we hold grave fears for the child's safety... Are you able to enlighten me in any way?"
"At this stage Miss Freeman I am not really at liberty to say any more."
"I completely understand Miss Gussev. If there is anything we can do, absolutely without cost to you, then please don't hesitate to ask. I know your confidence in us must be shattered but my offer is genuine and given in good faith."
"Thank you... I was wondering if I might be able to speak to Mr Linden directly."
"I'm really not sure that would be wise Miss Gussev; Mr Linden's position at Equis is currently under review. I have given him two weeks 'gardening leave' at the end of which I'm afraid to say we may have to take a hard decision. This is a personal sadness to me as I don't believe anyone could have prevented the kidnapping and Mr Linden always acted to the highest professional standard."
"Then why lose him?"
"It is a matter of public perception... My company cannot exist without our clients having total confidence in our competence. We simply need a sacrificial cow in order to cleanse our reputation and continue trading... Sadly that has to be Colby."
"I understand that Jane... May I call you Jane?..."
"Of course."
"What I need to discuss with Colby is not to do with his work for Equis but is of a personal nature. I would be very appreciative if you could give me a number for him."
"Are you intending launching a personal attack at him because if..."
"No no quite the opposite Jane. I am seeking... an understanding from him for my own shortcomings."
There was a long silence before Jane found the words to reply. "I am aware that there is some history between you two... Valentina give me your number and I will relay it to Colby. If he wants to talk to you then it will be his decision."
"Thank you Jane I can't ask for any more."
It was less than an hour later when Colby made the call back to the ketch. Valentina was still on deck, the sea was starting to develop a chop and a bank of ominous cloud hung low on the horizon. As she spoke the night sky was suddenly lit up with a sheet of bright startling lightening. Three seconds later the low rumble
of thunder reached her as it rolled across the water at the speed of sound.
"Valentina... Is everything OK?"
"Looks like there's a storm coming... I'll try and out-manoeuvre it if I can."
"You're at sea?"
"Yes on the Falcon again."
There was a pause then: "I wish I was with you; the time we spent together on the Midnight Falcon was precious to me."
"Me too but you may change your mind Colby when you hear what I have to say." Colby seemed not to hear her words, his mind was full of his own feelings of guilt and failure.
"Do you know that I lost Natasha?" He said dreading the answer she might give him.
"Yes... That is nothing compared to what I have to confess..."
"Confess?"
"It's the sort of thing I should tell you face to face Colby... But that can't be, so it will have to be this way. I desperately need to get if off my chest..."
"It sounds serious... you can tell me anything Valentina, you know how I feel about you."
"Colby, before you let your emotions surface, you should hear what I have to say. I think you will end up hating me."
"I can't believe that Valentina, not for an instant. You'd better tell me what it is."
There was another flash of lightening that made Valentina flinch, it was enough to tip her into a sudden confession."
"I betrayed the government, I betrayed Natasha and God forgive me, I betrayed you Colby."
"What do you mean... Is this nonsense because Natasha did not want to return to Sachovia?"
"I wish it was as simple as that Colby... What I did was beyond unforgivable..."
"So tell me..."
"I can't make this pretty... What I did..." Colby heard Valentina break down into sobs. He had never known her to do that, even at the worst moments she had always held a level of self control that he thought almost superhuman. "The mission you were on was not to return Natasha to Sachovia but to deliver her into a trap."
"What?.."
"No just let me speak Colby... I need to say this as quickly as I can before I lose the courage. I was employed by Boris Koch the Prime Minister to organise Natasha's safe return to Sachovia... But I was actually working for the opposition, a man called Adam Prochniak. I was a double agent if you like... I set you up and I tricked Natasha into trusting me. There was supposed to be a bomb attack on the way back to Sachovia which would have killed Natasha... possibly you as well but there was no intention to harm you. It was to be blamed on a fundamental Islamic bombing, a random attack on mainland Europe that would have no link to Sachovia apart from Natasha being caught up... Just a casualty of a random terrorist attack. The anti-monarchists would have removed the last remaining claimant to the throne without being implicated in any way."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing Valentina... You loved Natasha, I know you did."
"I regretted it as soon as I started down the path but in my defence, not that I can really claim a defence... I was blackmailed into my actions."
"Blackmailed... How?"
"Prochniak told me he was holding Sascha... You remember him from the old days?"
"Of course I remember your little brother, he was besotted by you, wanted to follow in your footsteps. He was a hero of the war."
"Yes... Prochniak told me that if I wanted to see Sascha alive again I would have to ensure that Natasha would never be returned to Sachovia. It's clear to me now that I made the wrong decision."
"Why?"
"Because sending Natasha to her death was a betrayal of everything that I and Sascha stood for. He would never have wanted that... and well Prochniak lied to me. Sascha was already dead."
'I can't get my head round any of this Valentina... You are saying that I was taking Natasha to her death? That you really set up Natasha to be killed?... I just can't believe it."
"It sounds so stark, so evil when you say it out loud but yes, I don't expect you to understand because I can't really understand any of it myself... There is no reasonable explanation I can give you."
"But you thought saving your brother was worth the murder of an innocent child? A child you claimed to have grown to love?"
"No no of course it wasn't worth Natasha's life... At first I did not know Natasha, in my mind I just saw her as another anonymous and expendable victim of the war. I somehow lost my moral compass, blocked it out by my desperation to save Sascha.... What I was doing hardly felt real... I can't explain... I can't recognise the woman I had become when I think back. Go ahead Colby, I have earned all your hatred, I told you so at the start of the conversation."
"So... Now to the nub of the matter Valentina... Why did you involve me? What did I ever do to you to warrant a betrayal of my principals of that magnitude?"
"I..."
"No let me finish... I thought we had forged an understanding back when we worked together in Sachovia... I thought you held the moral high ground. I looked up to your principled stance in the face of horror... So why me Valentina? Why all the trouble to enlist me when any fool off the street could do the job that you really wanted?"
"You'll hate me even more when I tell you Colby..."
"You think..."
"It was all about credibility... We needed to use an international agency to show that there was no partisanship involved..."
"That can't be all... why me specifically?" Colby asked the question but Jane had already given him the answer, an answer he had chosen not to believe... until now.
"Colby... It's because of the Saudi boy... Because a courier who had so publicly failed once to protect a child in his care would not raise a suspicion if..."
"If I did the same thing again... I thought I knew you Valentina... I knew you had some petty flaws, we all do, but I believed in you, believed you had a core of morality that sat squarely with my own. I would have done anything for you, anything to be with you again to have you in my life... You know Valentina, that day when we met again at the Camberwell and had breakfast... and what followed... It saved me from a downward spiral that seemed to have no end. You gave me a reason for hope, a reason to pull my arse out of the swamp I was slowly sinking into. But Christ it was all a con, you played me like an old violin until I wept for the beauty of your music and then you sent me to my doom with an innocent child in my arms."
"No no... It wasn't all a con. Colby everything I said to you, everything that happened between us on a personal level was real. You touched the part of me that was still sane, still had a grip on right and wrong. At least believe that Colby; you must believe that, I did and I still do love you. I'm so sorry... If I could turn back the clock..."
"None of us can do that Valentina..."
"I know and I can't ever expect you to forgive me, I know I've hurt you terribly; all that was left to me was to admit the truth of what I did and hope that you would not hate me completely."
"Hate you?... Hate you?" Colby screamed into his phone. And then his voice fell silent as he ended the call. The ringing in Valentina's ears continued long into the dark night and the raging storm that was bearing down on the Falcon.
"Colby... are you still there? Colby... Colby..." She wiped her eyes and then whispered into the darkness... I'm sorry I'm so sorry.
Another flash of lightning lit up the sky and Valentina shut down her Satphone as the thunder rolled past ominous and dreadful.
Colby sat in his London flat, eyes fixed on the window seeing nothing of the view across the darkening London skyline. The drips of rain chasing down the glass blurred the city lights into a distortion of reality. He suddenly realised that everything you saw, everything you understood about the world was an illusion of your own making. It did not make life any less real but it was still all an illusion.
Before Natasha had been kidnapped he had conceived a plan, when the child was safely delivered, he would set out in search of Valentina, whatever it cost him. Nothing else mattered to him, not his career not his financial future not even his survival. He just had to find
Valentina again and make her happy... make her whole. He had known that she was troubled by something but could never have guessed how bad the truth was. Now that he knew, his future was blank, drained of colour, without meaning. He felt the hard plastic of his phone still in his hand. He looked down and discovered that he had crushed the casing with the force of his grip. Blood was oozing from his palm as the sharp shards of plastic bit into his flesh. He threw the phone across the room and watched it shatter into a million fragments of lost hope.
And the worst of it all, the part he could not understand any more than Valentina could understand what she had done, was that he still, despite all she had done to him... God help him he still loved her.