Chapter 3
Jane Freeman was at her desk at six, dawn still just an anticipation resting in the eastern sky. It was rumoured, possibly a little unkindly, that Jane never went home until the weekends. It was an idea supported by the presence of a small annex to her office which housed a bed and a wardrobe of clothes. Single, no children Jane Freeman was self contained. Whether there was any significant other in her life was the stuff of water-cooler gossip. There was no shortage of takers for the position among the idle gossipers of both genders – should such a position become available.
In fact the chairwoman had been home and had slept soundly in the company of her Persian cat. Needing little sleep, she always rose at five and cycled to the office where she showered and changed. She was an executive, the wealthy head of a business empire but possessed of an asceticism of nature that had no interest in the trappings of wealth nor the need to own or be owned by any one else. She was at peace with herself and knew that her life was exactly as it should be.
In order to present a more acceptable image, Colby had indulged in a haircut on the way back to his modest two bedroomed flat on Woodstock Road. With an unaccustomed nervousness about the day ahead, he had selected his one remaining decent suit, a medium grey Armani in fine wool. The polish on his shoes was a leftover from his army days, an ingrained, spit and polish habit that even his last years fighting depression had been unable to break. He had lived his own version of asceticism over the past years but it had been imposed more by his meagre salary than by any natural frugality of spirit. His life was part of his atonement; it was what he deserved and he was, or had been until very recently, content to wallow in his misery. He arrived at the Equis building just before eight and took the lift to Jane's floor.
Penny was already at her desk and did a double take when she saw the newly groomed Colby Linden. She caught a whiff of his aftershave, the look of his exquisitely tailored suit and instantly regretted walking out on him two nights earlier. Not only did he look the image of her sometime fantasy lover but he seemed to have suddenly discovered a new found confidence that did nothing to lower her elevated heart rate.
"Is she in?" Colby asked as he adjusted the cuffs of his white shirt.
"Er... " Penny seemed unable to manipulate the flux of her brain sufficiently to summon a coherent response. "Yes... yes. Sorry yes."
"I am expected." Colby said. "Shall I just go in."
"OK." Penny said as she struggled to fend off the feeling that she had slipped back a decade or two into the frame of a gauche teenager.
Jane looked up from her desk, fresh faced and smartly dressed but without any nod to to the trappings of office, if you could overlook her demeanour, she might have passed for an office clerk from accounts.
"Good morning Colby... " She slipped off her reading glasses and looked up from her papers. There was a nod of apparent satisfaction at what she saw. "You have certainly scrubbed up rather well. That's quite an improvement from yesterday." She was under no illusion that Colby's effort was for her, Valentina Gussev was clearly the intended recipient. "She's expecting you at nine thirty; I understand she intends giving you breakfast... Probably pickled herring and cabbage." She added under her breath. Colby pretended not to hear and glanced at his watch, a rare Bell and Ross military timepiece that had once belonged to his father.
"Have you taken breakfast yet Colby?"
"I usually don't bother." He said. There was something in his tone that reminded Jane of how he had been so underpaid over the last years.
"I've spoken to Nigel... Do you know him?... Payroll officer."
"I don't think I've met him."
"No... Anyway a more normal level of salary will be established from next month and your back pay, quite a decent sum, should be credited to your account by close of business today."
"That's very generous Jane."
"Mm, hardly that... If this was the US I expect you would be... What's the expression? – Suing my ass."
"It was as much my fault as yours Jane."
"OK... We'll say it's water under the bridge."
"Indeed."
"Have you come to any conclusions about Miss Gussev's request?"
"Nothing has really changed; perhaps I feel a little more my old self today. I have been under a cloud, felt that I somehow had to make some..."
"Yes yes... A sack cloth and ashes thing... I get the message Colby but it's time for you to move on."
"OK Maybe it is... this job may be a way for me to find my salvation. Valentina may be able to convince me, I'm feeling inclined to listen seriously to her anyway. I know it's what you want..."
"It is Colby, but this is not about what I want. I stand by what I said yesterday; there's no pressure from me. Colby, the more I look at the facts surrounding the so called 'Khan Debacle', the more I think that it is Equis who needs to seek absolution from you."
Colby nodded, It was just an acknowledgement of the kindness of her words, there was no confirmation nor denial of the veracity of Jane's statement.
"Which hotel is she staying at?" He asked rather quietly.
"She's at the Camberwell; take a cab on expenses."
"The Camberwell is quite near; I'll walk if you have no objections. Some fresh air might clear my head."
"Of course, in that case you'd better get going. It wouldn't do to keep her waiting. Oh and Colby... Welcome back."
Colby slipped past Penny on his way to the lift without acknowledging her fawning smile. Timing his departure to arrive on time at the Camberwell, Colby made his way across the morning bustle to the four star hotel. It took slightly under thirty minutes of brisk walking and Colby was feeling flushed and energized by the exercise as he presented himself at the reception desk.
"I have a meeting with one of your guests; a Miss Gussev." Colby announced to the receptionist.
"Ah yes I have a note about that... You are Mr Linden?"
"I am."
"I think she's already made her way to the dining room... Just a moment." She picked up her phone and made a call. After a few seconds she was able to confirm her statement.
"Miss Gussev asks if you could join her... The dining room is just through those doors."
Valentina was not hard to locate. Even after ten years and with her back to him, sipping orange juice from a delicate stemmed glass, he would have known her anywhere. As if by some sixth sense she turned her head towards him as he entered the room. It was like being dragged back ten years to the post soviet Excelsior in Sachovia. Time had softened the harsh memories of the conflict that he had been drawn into but the time spent with Valentina was etched deeply. As was the pain at having to say goodbye. He crossed the softly hushed carpet to her table.
"Miss Gussev, please don't get up."
"Why call me Miss Gussev? Are we no longer on first name terms?"
Colby hastily sat as the waiter pulled out a chair and then melted away unseen into the shadows.
"It's been so long... " Colby said.
"It has Colby but really ten years is no time at all to forget what we shared."
Colby wondered if their distant coming together had meant as much to her as it did to him. He rather doubted it; she had made no effort to contact him over the years. Of course the same could be said of Colby but maybe he had an excuse for locking himself in a cocoon.
"You never got in touch Valentina... I wrote but got no reply."
"Oh did you? I'm sorry..." She touched Colby's cheek with her cold pale fingers."Sachovia was tipped into war, I was constantly on the move... I sort of thought that you had moved on. I told you that you should if you remember."
"I know what you told me as the war was starting to tear Sachovia apart. But I know what you really wanted."
"Things happen Colby... We were living in different worlds back then, you were still a high flying Equis agent and I was wrapped up in a war... But let's think of happier times. Come on let me feed you... You've grown skinnier over the years." She said. "Do they not feed you at
Equis?" She lit up her face with a smile that Colby had etched on his memory, it was no less potent than it had been a decade earlier. Then she attracted the attention the hovering waiter. He loomed like a silent phantom emerging from the ectoplasm. A neat man, slim and dark, his impeccable appearance marred only by the glimpse of an ugly tattoo that sneered up from the line of his shirt collar.
"My friend will have the full English and I'll have a little French toast with honey. I do love honey and it's so hard to find these days back home." She added as an aside to Colby. The waiter floated toward the clatter of the bustling kitchen with their order.
"Oh and more coffee please..." Valentina called after him. He made no acknowledgement of the request but would be sure to bring coffee without further prompting.
Colby was not sure that he was up to a full English... Not on an empty stomach... however he committed himself to the task with stoic determination.
"I would have thought Sachovia might be flowing with milk and honey after all this time." He said. "So how are things these days?"
"We are hopeful that things will soon improve. The peace was hard won and it's still very fragile." Valentina sighed softly. "So fragile... But we are starting to see the country lift itself from poverty. There are optimistic signs." Valentina's face suddenly brightened. "You remember Alina? You must remember her. The pretty girl with the beautiful white horses."
Colby nodded but his memory of the girl was now vague; an aspiring ballet dancer he seemed to remember. But that was before the bony fingers of politics took a firm grip of her future.
"She's got three... Count them... Three enchanting little children now, all at school."
"And a husband?"
"Of course a husband... But not Sebastian. She found someone else."
A shadow fell over Valentina's eyes. Colby remembered Sebastian; he was a young man back then still gripped by youthful idealism. A strong jaw, enthusiastic for his cause; quick with a joke and the first in line if you needed help. He was definitely one of the good guys. He could see why young Alina had clamped herself to him so tightly.
"What happened to Sebastian?"
"He vanished... Many of the faithful did. It is rumoured that his strong young frame now serves as a support for part of the Stavinsk-Kussek motorway."
"I'm truly saddened to hear that... And what news of Sascha?"
"My dear brother... The world is a terrible place Colby, we must find our solace where we can."
Colby watched as Valentina fought back tears.
"I'm sorry Valentina, the last thing I wanted was to bring you pain."
"I know... Just don't ask about Sascha. I always thought I was strong person, that's all that most people see when they look at me, but underneath... I still cling to hope Colby. The men of Sachovia still come back from the fields or factories tired to their bones. They sit in front of their television sets, minds misted by cheap vodka and dreams of a contented future. The winter still falls with its icy fingers across the window panes, the wood fires still burn with their curling dark smoke and the crows still fill the air with their chill calls. But in the spring the church bells ring and the meadow flowers peek up towards the sunlight. Everything is new again. We live for that newness Colby, a fresh start, a forgiveness when we can finally stop remembering the snap of a broken neck or the thunder of a bomb."
Valentina wiped a finger across her eyes but she found her composure again as quickly as she had let it slip.
"I want you to help me bring that happiness to Sachovia but Miss Freeman tells me that you might be reluctant to accept our commission."
"I've been rather hors-de-combat of late." Colby said "I'm not sure I'm the man you want any more."
"Jane Freeman implied that you would say as much... I can't believe that you have changed Colby; people don't change. Never, not really, not in essence anyway." Her blue eyes ran across Colby's face. It was so familiar to her yet matured now and distinguished. "I rather like the silvered temples by the way." She said.
"That's what ten years will do for a man... You haven't changed." he said with a tender smile.
Valentina took a sip from her glass of orange.
"You can tell me I'm still beautiful if you like I won't be embarrassed." She said with a flutter of her eyelids and a little self effacing laugh that Colby had thought he would never hear again. "But seriously Colby, I've made it my task to convince you that you're the man for the job. You know that I won't take no for an answer so why not just save us both the time and effort and agree?"
Colby knew very well all about the persuasiveness of the angel-faced seductress that sat opposite him. Ten years ago she had led him into things beyond the call of duty. Back then he hadn't regretted an instant. Back then then Valentina was a naive young woman filled with an infectious desire to do good. Now he saw her as a mature woman, wiser and scarred by harsh experience.
"Indulge me" he said "I still need convincing."
The breakfasts arrived complete with more coffee.
"Tuck in Colby my government will be paying for this."
He watched Valentina attack her French toast like a schoolgirl enjoying a treat on a mid-term break – "Oh this honey is divine..."
Colby couldn't help the smile as he took courage and with his index finger wiped a dribble of golden liquid honey from her chin. "You haven't changed a bit." He said.
She took his finger into her mouth and sucked off the honey and then suddenly bitten by an uncharacteristic flash of shyness she let her eyes drop to her plate.
"Colby..." She said "wouldn't you like to do something important with your life again? Something that you could look back on with satisfaction; something worthwhile."
Colby considered the word worthwhile, even the most discreditable of acts could be described as worthwhile as long as the context was considered sufficiently virtuous.
"So tell me about the mission." He said as he sliced open his roll with surgical precision and spread thick yellow butter on it. Valentina told her familiar story once more, it felt to her like spouting lines of an over-rehearsed play, each time the telling seemed less compelling, more forced. Nothing of what she said added anything to Colby's understanding. The briefing from Equis had been comprehensive and included some additional independent research which only supported what Valentina had already told them.
"Yes but why do you specifically want me?"
Valentina lowered her eyes:
"Maybe I just like your arse." She said.
"Be serious for a minute Valentina."
"The truth is Colby, I need someone I can trust. I'm still working, as you may have guessed, for the Sachovia Security Bureau. Many of my contemporaries, some of my dearest friends, have long since vanished without trace. It's a perilous job in a volatile political environment... I've been given this job directly by the Prime Minister Boris Koch and frankly I feel a little out of my depth."
"I can see you might but..."
"No listen Colby, let me finish... I need someone to trust – I mean really trust; someone I wouldn't mind holding my hand from time to time. I won't lie to you Colby, this is not without danger. A lot of people want Natasha dead before she can get back home and they'll stop at nothing to achieve that."
"There must be thousands of competent people who could escort the girl home. You could do it yourself Valentina."
"My face is too well known in Sachovia. Natasha is hidden away where no one will think to look. I will not tell you where she is until you are committed to the mission. There are very few I can trust among my countrymen, in my estimation you are my best chance. I've been looking after Natasha for almost a year now and I've grown rather fond of her. In a life like mine you don't get to have a family... Natasha has in a small way occupied that vacuum. I know, that whatever happens, Natasha's presence in my life is only temporary but her future is important to me on a personal level. I thought you might be able to understand."
"I think I do understand Valentina."
"I need your honesty, I need your strength, I need your cool head in the face of danger... I need you Colby "
Colby looked into the face of the woman that he had once known so well. Ten years ago she had been naive but courageous. The years had been kind to her, the naivety softened but there was something behind her eyes that made Colby wonder if she were being completely frank with him.
"I'm flattered but you're asking me to put my life on the line to take a girl to face a future that she probably does not even want. You are asking me to be responsible for putting her into danger... All those qualities that you ascribed to me, if they were ever true, belong to the man that I used to be. I don't know if he's still in here." Colby reinforced himself with a mouthful of glistening bacon and waited for her reply.
Valentina nodded while her fingers danced nervously against the white linen table cloth. His feelings for Valentina allowed him nothing less than aching compassion for her and beyond that, despite himself, Colby was surprised to discover a growing glimmer of excitement at the prospect of the mission: the feeling of sliding towards something important, the pull of action after being too long locked in the basement. If you tell a man often enough that he has courage then his courage grows. Colby had been repeatedly told by the media and others that he was a venal coward... He suddenly realised that he had believed those words, made them real. Valentina's words came like an antidote.
"Valentina, tell me one thing... Why were you chosen to arrange the girl's return?"
"There is little trust left in my homeland these days Colby. The powers that be in Sachovia chose to pick fruit only from the orchards they own."
"And do they own you Valentina?"
"They believe that they do and that's all that matters in the dangerous world I live in."
"You seem a little disillusioned with how things have turned out."
"No, don't think that. It's still early days, I think the future for Sachovia could still be bright." Colby nodded but was held back from quite believing the optimism in her words. Something about her voice discomforted him and he rested his knife and fork on the porcelain plate and dabbed at his lips with his napkin. Valentina could feel her arguments were becoming water thin in the face of Colby's reticence. Why could she not tell him the truth?... how could she countenance putting him in danger? She thought.
"Colby... Will you come up to my room with me?" she asked. "For just a minute."
Standing she moved close to his side, linked fingers with him like she had done ten years ago when she was just twenty five and still not corrupted by the weariness and futility of war.
They rode the lift avoiding eye contact but with Valentina's fingers still twined with Colby's. Her room was plush. The Camberwell had its roots in the elegance of the past and much of that had been retained giving the room a slightly old fashioned feel, much as her room at the Excelsior had felt all those years ago. She drew the heavy brocade curtains against the brightening morning and then turning to face him and with the slightest of hesitation, slipped the straps of her dress over her shoulders. The soft silken fabric fluttered to the floor like a wounded butterfly.
She wore no underwear, this was clearly no oversight yet somehow there seemed an innocence in her allure as she stood white and naked before him. Colby felt his heart thump against his ribs as Valentina held out her arms for him. There had been many lonely nights when had he longed to feel this intimacy with her once more.
Urgently yet with a delicate gentleness Colby made love to her. He knew that her receptiveness was no act. As they lay together on the cool sheets of her bed, both knew that the dead embers of long ago had been irrevocably reignited.
In the travails of men there really is no such thing as a reasoned decision, our choices rest on the play of our emotions at the point when our resolve collapses. Of course Colby knew that the lovemaking had been an act of seduction, made in desperation when considered argument had failed to convince him. But of course Colby would take the commission, how could he not now? And of course Valentina hated herself with a passion for her act of beguilement. Even though that act had revealed to her the truth about her feelings for Colby. Her feelings were as strong as ever and yet, with the morals of a back street harlot from Stavinsk, she was sending him to the gates of hell for his trouble.
As Colby quietly left her room, Valentina's eyes flooded with tears. She bit into her lower lip until the blood trickled salty and metallic against her tongue but she felt no pain.