Chapter Six: WWBC and the HayMonster!
The Floating Round-up was going along well but after the first two weekends we realized that we had the operations down to a science and had a lot of time on our hands now in the midst of summer. Since the float was only open on Saturday and Sundays during the day we had Monday through Friday to fill. It didn’t take long until someone suggested we should come up with something to fill the time.
We held a meeting.
“What can we do that won’t clash with our weekend operation and that will generate some cash during the week?” James asked.
That was the opening to another brain storming session where ideas were tossed out that ranged from not good to horrible. After an entire hour of back and forth suggestions it looked like we were going to come up empty.
Earl suggested taking a break to play some rubber band hide and seek and try again in a few minutes. We played a spirited match with teams that ended in a tie when the last two shooters, Earl and Amie, sent rubber bands flying into each other at the exact same time.
“That was cool!” Earl exclaimed when we entered the club room again.
“Did anyone come up with another idea?” James asked. “A good idea?”
At that, no one said anything. We were stumped.
“Can we do anything to increase our profit from the river float?” Cora asked. “Should we add another day or stay open later?”
Both suggestions ended up yielding negative responses. The amount of interested floaters was not high enough to warrant opening on a weekday and we didn’t want to stay open too late since the sun going down gets in the way of the shooters vision.
“Maybe we could add more food options?” Peter suggested.
Peter usually could be counted on as the one to see the marketing potential in selling more food or drinks. Probably because his family owns the Hilltop Grill restaurant.
“Hmmm..” Cora said. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well,” Peter answered. “We really don’t have anything outside of the river, and what we are selling is just snacks. I’ve always believed that if you put something really wild on a hamburger bun you could sell it to somebody for a profit.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well,” he answered. “One night at the Grill I had this bottle of tender cactus that I tossed onto the grill, heated it, put it on top of a quarter pound patty, added pepper cheese and salsa and called it the ‘Outback Burger’ and sold 16 of them before I decided to quit for the night.”
“Do you think we’d sell a lot of them at the float?” James asked.
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Peter called out. “I’ve got it!”
“What?” Six voices asked together.
“Let’s not do it at the river on the weekend,” he answered. “We’re already doing that. Like everything else we do, we need something new and different. We’ve got a Round-up. Now let’s have a Chuckwagon!”
“Like a covered wagon in a wagon train?” Cora asked.
“Kind of,” Peter answered. “I was thinking of more like a trail ride to an honest to goodness outdoor old fashioned cowboy cook-out.”
“Go on,” James prodded, already nodding his head.
“We put people on horses and they head out on a trail that ends at our outdoor cook-out where we serve the wildest hamburgers anyone ever made anywhere.”
“I love this,” Amie said. “And I’ve got the perfect name.”
We all waited excitedly.
“We call it ‘The Wild West Burger Company’,” Amie said.
“That’s a great name!” Cora said and we all agreed.
The Wild West Burger Company was born.
We spent the next several hours planning and refining the idea. Basically, we were looking for a similar location on someone’s land we could use that could provide the horses and the outdoor location for us to set up our cook-out. We assigned the team roles to get to work on.
Peter and I were assigned the task of making sure that our operation was legal and sanitary. We would need to get some city licenses and permits to operate and pass an inspection from a health inspector before opening.
Cora and Mark were picked to find the perfect ranch to work from. Ideally someone with some good horses who had a great spot where we could have our campfire and cook the food for our guests.
Amie and James were assigned to research competition and see what already is out there and the costs and Earl was to start locating suppliers and find out what we’d need to do to get the supplies to make what we need.
Peter and I headed over to the courthouse and visited with the county sanitarian. We learned that we could do what we wanted to as long as we only used disposable utensils since we wouldn’t have an authorized system in place to wash dishes. We also learned that we would need to make sure that our food was kept at required temperatures before and after cooking. It was an educational visit. We left with the request that we needed to have a final inspection before we could begin to sell any food to the public.
When we returned to the greenhouse everyone else was already there except for Cora and Mark who were finding the perfect location. We found out later that it was a lot harder than we had anticipated finding the right place. When they finally showed up the next afternoon they told us they had the perfect spot, the Lance G Ranch.
The Lances were a local family that had lived in the area forever. There were many Lances and each of them had a lot of kids and lived on a ranch. The Lance G Ranch was located just a couple of miles out of town along a road called Cemetery Road, since it went past the local town cemetery as it snaked through the small hills outside of town. Cora said it had a great spot for cars to park and people to transfer to horseback.
“They have a little bunkhouse right off of the road,” she said. “This will be a great spot to have people park and saddle up for the ride to the cook-out.”
“We can have the use of a lot of horses,” Mark continued. “They’re actually glad because they want the horses to get some daily exercise.”
“And as for the spot, I think we’d rather show it to you than tell you,” Cora said. “Shall we go?”
We jumped on our bikes and headed out Cemetery Road for the Lance G Ranch. We got there and dropped the bikes. Cora and Mark had obviously let them know we were coming since there were seven horses saddled and ready. We climbed up and followed Mark and Cora as they headed out over the trail toward a grove of trees. The path traveled under an archway of trees and it was like going through a tunnel. After about 35 yards the sky opened again on a landscape of rolling small hills and sage brush. There were rocky outcroppings that painted a perfect picture against the sandy trail. It was a great place. We traveled along for another mile or so until we came around a hill and there was a beautiful clear blue lake in front of us with a grassy shoreline around it. We knew right away that this was the spot. It had to be.
“They said we can put tables along here,” Cora said. “They can move them here from their corral. They use them occasionally when they are showing horses.”
“The firepit will be right there.” Mark pointed to a perfectly rounded circle of stones surrounding a bare patch of dirt. “They’ve used this spot for bonfires several times and it works great. The trees and hill provide a great shelter against any winds.”
We all loved it. The spot was perfect. We moved to the next level of planning and again divided into teams to accomplish specific tasks.
Set-up was assigned to Peter and me. We were in charge of getting all of the equipment we would need and getting it set up where we needed it. We were able to order a lot of the things we needed used and, of course, most of our stuff was made of paper since it had to be disposable.
The most fun we had was going to the supermarket and pulling strange things off of the shelves to try to come up with a new flavor combination that we could make into a specialty burger. We headed up to the Hilltop Grill where they had the equipment we could use
to make and sample our concoctions. Over the next several nights we came up with 10 really creative mixes. When we were ready, our menu looked like this:
The Outback Burger- tender cactus, green salsa, and pepper jack cheese sit atop this 1/3 pounder in a delicious flavor sensation.
The Bayonet- A slice of cotto salami with black olives and swiss cheese make this 1/3 pounder a real treat.
The Brit- A dollop of chutney with some banana peppers and a 1/3 pound beef patty complete this sensory delight.
The Inferno- Jalapeno peppers, Cajun salsa, and pepper jack cheese combined with a 1/3 pound patty test your temperance.
The Italiano- zesty tomato sauce, pepperoni, and mozzarella cheese atop a 1/3 pound beef patty bring the taste of Italy to your mouth.
The Antarctica- Our coolest burger puts chilled Wild West Sauce with blueberries on a 1/3 pounder.
The Confectioners- How sweet it is! Honey, marshmallows, and caramelized onions coat a beef patty and sweeten your taste buds.
Say Cheese! - Not 1, or 2, or 3, or 4, but FIVE different cheeses cover this patty in this super cheesy burger.
The Islander- Pineapple and melted cheese make this 1/3 pounder sing “Aloha!"
The Montana- Four strips of bacon, zesty BBQ sauce, and cheese complete this 1/3 pound burger.
All of our burgers are served with lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles on the side, and a handful of crispy delicious potato chips!
It was Earl who caught our big mistake so far, although he came upon it in a backwards way.
“Wouldn’t it be fun if we could have the people who order the Confectioner toast their own marshmallow over the campfire?” he asked.
We thought that was a great idea! Cora added “The kids who will mostly order that one will love that idea.”
“Kids!” Amie yelled. “We forgot to have a kids menu! We need one!”
That set us back to the drawing board where we came up with a cool menu for kids and another neat idea. We added s’more fixings so those who want to can toast a marshmallow over the fire and make a s’more. We knew the kids would love that as well.
James said “Get the kids and get the parents.”
That started another brainstorming session where we refined the kids menu, added marshmallow toasting and a campfire sing-along. Chairman Brown was always looking for another opportunity to sing his collection of folk songs and we had to admit that he was pretty good so we told him he could be the performer for each night he wanted to be there. He chose them all.
From 9 to 9:30PM we now had a campfire sing-along with s’mores and toasted marshmallows featuring the guitar and voice of Chairman Brown.
We opened on a Wednesday night and things went really well. We had some glitches figuring out the best way to cook the burgers over the fire but with the help of the county health inspector we got the kinks worked out.
All in all it appeared that this was going to be a nice easy little money earner for us for the remainder of the summer with no unusual occurrence, if you don’t think eating cactus on a hamburger is unusual. This kind doesn’t have any prickly things left in it. They’ve all been removed. Check at the store, you’ll find it.
One Friday night, things were going along smoothly when Mayor Springer and his family came out for dinner. Things were fine until Chairman Brown came out with his guitar and started leading the diners with a sing-a-long. It seemed that there was one very loud voice that was singing horribly out of tune. It made the entire set of songs very hard to listen to. Everyone was glad when it ended and the applause when Chairman Brown took his slightly relieved bow was thunderous.
I did notice a look on the Chairman’s face as he scanned the crowd and glared just a little bit at the Mayor. A few minutes later he was quietly chatting with Tracy behind a bush. Shortly after that I spotted Tracy as he met with Bob and had a quick conversation. Then Bob walked over to the Mayor and asked him to step aside for a conversation. I hastily hurried into the bushes to where I expected them to go and waited to listen. I overheard Bob telling the Mayor that the Chairman was badmouthing him and he should get even.
“What are you saying?” The Mayor asked Bob.
“Just what I said,” Bob answered. “Chairman Brown wants to show you a spot not far from here that he thinks will make a great location shot for the Chamber of Commerce website. But he’s afraid you won’t want to use it because it’s supposedly haunted.”
“Haunted? Is he serious?” The Mayor asked.
“Sure,” Bob said. “He thinks you will be scared to use it since you probably wouldn’t even go with him to look it over.”
“I’ll go whenever and wherever he goes anytime anyhow!” The Mayor answered. “You tell him to name the time and place and I’ll be there. Are you sure you can pull this off? I remember your last fiasco.”
“It’s a sure thing,” Bob answered. “I’ll tell him what you said. He already told me that he’s heading there tomorrow evening after he sings his 7:00 set. Shall I tell him you’ll be going along with him?”
“You’re darn tooting I will,” answered the Mayor. “Tell him I’ll be there!”
The Mayor strutted off. I followed Bob back to where Tracy and the Chairman were standing.
“He’s in!” Bob said. “He’ll be there for sure!”
“Well,” the Chairman said. “I’m not sure I love your idea of scaring the Mayor and filming it to show at the next political function we both attend, but I must admit it sounds like fun. And he shouldn’t have been deliberately ruining my singing. What did he ever do to you, anyway?”
“Did you forget what he said about us at Spotted Eagle?” Tracy asked.
“Oh yeah,” The Chairman said. “That was pretty funny.”
“We don’t think so,” said Bob.
“Ok, so let me get this straight,” The Chairman said. “After my set, we get on the horse wagon and follow the path into the meadow. At the end of the path you’ll be there to scare the Mayor and capture it on film.”
“Right!” Bob said. “That will teach him.”
The three separated soon after and I hurried back to the others to call an emergency meeting.
“This is too good to be true,” James said. “We have to take advantage of this.”
“But we don’t have a lot of time,” Earl noted.
“Then we better get busy,” Peter said.
We spent the next two hours in an emergency planning session to get our plan in place to wreak havoc on Bob and Tracy’s plan to scare the Mayor and capture it on film. After the first 45 minutes Cora and I were sent out with a list of things we needed to get at the hardware store and a request to have our phones on in case we needed to add to it.
The night was spent in a whirlwind of activity for us but we loved every minute. Knowing that we could have some fun with Bob and Tracy and mess up their revenge plan against the Mayor was a perfect formula for fun.
By the end of the night we were back at the greenhouse with a pile of stuff and a solid plan in place. We were set to get to the site early in the morning to get set up.
Peter had figured that Bob and Tracy wouldn’t have anything very elaborate planned.
“Probably something like Tracy dressed as a pumpkin or something,” he said.
Amie and I went to have a short visit with the Mayor in the morning while the others were in the meadow preparing our plan. When we told the Mayor what the Chairman, Bob and Tracy had planned he was very upset at first.
“Those two blithering idiots again? And Chairman Brown too?” he exclaimed. “Let me at him!”
As he reached to pick up his phone Amie reached out her hand and stopped him.
“Wait,” she said. “We have a better idea that we think you’ll like.”
Later back in the field we all worked the rest of the day making sure everything was in place. We surrounded the spot at the end of the path they would take with white sheets. The sheets were wrapped around uninflated balloons that were att
ached to a tube connected to a huge cylinder of helium. The effect when we turned on the gas caused the balloon to inflate and slowly float the sheet into the air. When the balloon released itself from the tube it floated up high into the sky with the sheet flapping below and slowly descended back to earth as the gas left the balloon. It was a super cool effect. We capped the tubes with the piece we used on the parade float to stop the gas from coming out once the balloon took off.
We had about 50 sheets laying in the field around the spot and we carefully covered them with a light coating of dirt and grass to camouflage them from view.
The centerpiece of the action was a huge framed monster we made from sewing together seven sheets and coating it with hay we borrowed from the Lance Ranch. Earl and James rigged it so we painted a coat of glue on the cut-out and layered it with bushels of the hay. It stuck and dried to the glue making a cool monster look. For the eyes Earl added two psychedelic lights we found that mixed some really neat colors in flowing patterns of light.
We looped a length of rope through the top of the monster and attached hoops through two places in the top of trees directly in front of the path end. This allowed us to raise the monster up by pulling on the ropes creating an effect of a huge monster rising out of the ground in front of you. Two big speakers placed in the trees made it possible for the monster to give a banshee like howl whenever Peter let it go into the microphone.
The whole thing was powered by a small generator we placed about 200 feet away and shielded to make sure you couldn’t hear it running.
We finished getting everything ready by 4:00 and headed out to prepare the restaurant for the nights activities.
The evening rush came and went and the Chairman finished his set of folk songs. The Mayor was there and they both headed over to the horse drawn wagon to follow the path to see the site that the Chairman wanted the Mayor to see. We had noticed Tracy slinking off earlier and Peter followed him to confirm we were right and he would be putting on some costume to try to scare the Mayor.
A couple of minutes later Peter called and told us that Tracy had put on a scarecrow costume and was standing next to a tree limb right where we had planned.
Bob was on the wagon and we were sure that somewhere near him he had a concealed video camera to film the frightening. Little did he know that we had already secured three cameras and microphones to record the event for posterity hidden in the trees surrounding the location.
Bob and the Chairman were exchanging knowing glances thinking that they were putting one over on the Mayor. The Mayor had a sly grin on his face since he was aware of the plan and was expecting Tracy to try to scare him. We watched the wagon pull away and we all got into our places.
It was funny watching Tracy try to stay still as he waited for the wagon to approach. The costume he was wearing wasn’t too bad but it didn’t compare with what we had planned.
Finally the wagon drew near and we saw Bob reach down and bring out a small video camera. He started filming the Mayor as the wagon neared the scarecrow. Our plan was to wait for Tracy to make the first move and then we would start our response.
Just as the wagon drew near Tracy suddenly jumped up and let out a bloodcurdling scream, rushing at the Mayor and waving his arms. Of course both the Mayor and the Chairman were expecting the scare so neither one so much as lifted an eyebrow at the sudden antics of the scarecrow. They treated it as a potential voter in a crowd who might want a handshake and a smile.
Bob waved the camera around frantically trying to figure out why the Mayor wasn’t scared and finding nothing to photograph. Tracy was obviously beginning to tire as his wildly gyrating arms began to droop and his screams started to become hoarse gasps of air.
That’s when James threw the switch.
The balloons began to fill and the ghosts rose from beneath the dirt ascending into the sky all around the wagon and its occupants. After a few moments they began to come free from the tubes and the light breeze whooshed them around the meadow in an eerie dance of fabric. The Mayor and the Chairman continued to enjoy the scene with a growing appreciation of what they thought Bob and Tracy had concocted to scare the Mayor. Bob’s face was ashen as he was surprised by all of the spectral activity happening around him.
That was the moment when the hay monster rose from the earth. With sounds of a huge earthquake playing over the speakers the ropes lifted the hay monster high into the sky towering over the people in the wagon. With eyes flashing they monster roared out of the ground bellowing at the top of his lungs.
I watched Bob and Tracy visibly start shaking but it finished them off when the monster shouted “Bob and Tracy! I have come for thee!”
Anyone nearby would have seen a camera go sailing into the air and a scarecrow chasing a fast running kid as they both took off in fright after hearing the hay monsters challenge. Meanwhile the Mayor and the Chairman were both sitting and watching the events with amused looks on their faces. They were making sure that nothing that happened would cause them to show any sign of being frightened.
When it was all over we had some terrific video that we showed over and over thanks to the willingness of Skip who agreed to continuously air it on TV for about a week following the event.
We also had a new attraction. The Banshee Meadow was reset and set off for paying visitors every Friday night at 8:00. It was a huge hit with the teenagers who loved to come by and run away screaming just like Bob and Tracy did. The only two who never came back to see it were Bob and Tracy. At least I don’t think that they did.