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“We call it lockdown,” Aaron explained.
“Lockdown?” I was settled on the floor again, sitting cross-legged. Aaron sat across from me, and Lewis was sitting a few feet back. It was hard to concentrate with him in the room, at the same time, he was the one who could make me focus like no other.
“Whereas before to block others’ thoughts you projected out, pushing their thoughts away, this time you’ll project in, pulling your thoughts toward you. So the wall won’t be pushed out, but pulled in, close to you. A steel wall.”
I tried to concentrate on Aaron’s words, but felt off today. Was I excited about tonight’s date, or was it Olivia’s warning ringing through my head? It was an odd jumbled mixture of highs and lows and now that I had time to sit and think, I found her annoying comments were pushing to the forefront.
“Cameron,” Aaron’s deep voice shook me from my thoughts.
I blinked up at him. “Yeah?”
He leaned forward, his blue eyes twinkling with laughter. “Are you listening?”
I flushed. Crap, he was reading my mind. He’d warned me he would for this lesson only. “Yes, yes of course.”
He smiled, knowing very well I hadn’t, but being too polite to call me out. “Good. Now then, close your eyes.”
I did, but the moment I closed my eyes, I thought of Lewis. The other night flashed to mind. Lewis grinning at me. Lewis pulling me toward him. Lewis pressing his lips to mine…
“Cameron,” Aaron’s sharp voice was my second warning.
“Sorry,” I muttered, even as my face grew horrifyingly hot. Concentrate, concentrate. Right. Sure, I could concentrate.
Thunder rumbled menacingly outside, rattling the glass in the windows, so easily drawing my attention. Concentrate. Concentrate on the thunder. Our little cottage would be freezing right now, wind seeping in through the windows. Was Grandma warm? Or was she being stubborn and keeping the temperature at 65 degrees because she didn’t want the heating bill to be high?
Concentrate, Aaron’s voice whispered through my mind. “I’m going to count backwards from five. Just keep breathing. Five.”
I released a breath. A storm was coming. I could practically feel the energy in the air. I imagined the waves crashing against the shore, could practically feel them pummeling the island.
“Four.”
Concentrate. Breathe in and out.
“Three. You’re feeling very relaxed. Two. And one.”
Aaron paused as I took in a deep breath, my body oddly weightless.
“You’re in a room,” Aaron’s voice was soft, calming. I’d grown used to that deep voice. Almost as used to the tone as I was to my own. “The walls are steel, metal. But you’re not afraid. You feel safe in this room. Do you see it?”
I was in the room. It came unbidden to mind, not forced, and easily accepted. It was coming so quickly now, this meditation thing, as if I’d always done it.
“Nothing can get into this room. No one can hurt you when you are in this room.”
The warm sensation of peace settled around me. Slowly, the imaginary me turned around, studying the steel area. It had soft carpet, a big fluffy couch, but no doors and no windows. For some reason that didn’t bother me. I settled on that couch, sinking into the cushion. I imagined feeling safe, protected. I could hear the thunder and wind outside, but it didn’t reach me. Nothing could reach me.
“Now think of those walls as being completely steel. Think of your own mind as steel, as impenetrable. Nothing can get through your mind unless you let it. Pull your thoughts in, hug them close to you. They’re in that room with you. Can you see them?”
I breathed deeply and did as he said. I thought of Lewis. He appeared inside the room with me. Easy peasy. My many other thoughts weren’t so quick to catch. They flittered and floated around me like a thousand butterflies on the wind.
Did Lewis really like me?
Did Aaron?
Was I doing well here?
How was Grandma?
Did anyone at school miss me?
Each thought fluttered around me, annoying and persistent. I jumped up, grabbed hold of one butterfly and held it close; a tiny, white butterfly nestled on my palm. An odd, calming sensation settled over me like a warm blanket. There was a soft swoosh, like a falling star, then another and another. Suddenly, the butterflies danced around me, landing softly all over my body, their delicate wings tickling my exposed arms and neck.
“Think of something…anything,” Aaron’s voice intruded.
My father came unbidden to mind. I saw him as I’d seen him in the photo. Young and happy, full of life. But seeing him didn’t thrill me as it had before. My sadness weighed down, heavy and suffocating. I’d never met him, never truly know him, and never would.
“Hold that thought,” Aaron whispered.
I did, kept thinking of my dad, even though it depressed me, even though there were a million other things I’d rather think about. My room shook slightly, sending me stumbling off balance. I frowned, glancing up at the walls, but they were still there. What had just happened?
“Do you feel it?” Aaron asked. “The ever so subtle pressure of my mind delving into yours?”
The room shook again, sending me stumbling backwards. Almost immediately I felt an odd pulling sensation on my body, as if someone was inside me, moving, tugging at my brain. I froze, standing my ground. My heart hammered madly in my chest as I waited for what would happen next.
A crackle of electricity branched across the ceiling. The lightning burst anew, reaching out and stabbing me. Fire exploded inside my body. I gasped, stumbling back. I’d been shocked, the tingling sensation was still there. I was under attack. The walls suddenly disappeared and I was surrounded by empty blackness, floating in nothingness.
“Aaron!” I screamed.
That’s me, Cameron, Aaron warned. I’m in.
Frustrated, I wanted to give up, but my pride wouldn’t let me. I felt my thoughts burst into the universe, like stars flying past me. It felt good to let go, as if a pressure had been released. Yet, I scampered to pull those thoughts back to me, knowing I needed them.
“Now, I want you to push me away, push me out of your universe and throw up those walls.”
And if I didn’t, would there be more pain? I gritted my teeth, rolling my shoulders to relax my body. Keeping my eyes shut, I gave up on trying to recapture my thoughts; those damn stars were long gone. Instead, I pictured my steel room. The walls appeared.
“Good, you’ve set up the walls again; you’re keeping your thoughts inside. Now keep your thoughts close.”
I looked around my room. Same metal walls. Nothing out of the ordinary…except for the little girl who was sitting on the couch. Startled, I stumbled back a step.
Hi, Caroline whispered, watching me with those large, knowing eyes.
I froze, Lewis and Aaron forgotten. How’d you get in here?
She plucked at the hem of her green dress and shrugged. Will you visit me again?
“Keep your eyes closed and relax,” Aaron interrupted our conversation and I realized that he had no idea this child was here. “I’m going to try to break through your walls. No matter what, do not let go of your thoughts.”
No, wait, I muttered. But Caroline had disappeared. Damn. I spun around, looking for her. I even tried to imagine her in that room. It didn’t work. Then I felt it and I had no more time to dwell on the girl…that subtle pressure that said Aaron was attempting to break through.
Picture the walls, Lewis said, his voice urgent. Push against those walls.
So I did. I pictured that steel room, those steel walls. I felt the tentative push on my brain, the slight shock of someone trying to invade. Panicked, I rushed to the closest wall, settled my hands on the cold steel and pushed back. An odd tingling sensation rippled up my arms, electricity branching through my body. I bit my lower lip, squeezed my eyes shut and pushed back. A cold sweat bro
ke out on my forehead. My arms were trembling. A sharp pain pierced my head. It was too much. All too much. My knees folded.
“Hold it,” Lewis urged, speaking to me out loud, his voice so demanding, I didn’t dare refuse.
I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut and focused on that room, focused on the walls, focused on my trembling arms pushing back. Hot tears stung my eyes and I had to bite my lower lip to keep from crying out. The pain pulsed through my body, streaming through my veins, an electrical burning sensation that ate at my flesh.
“She’s had enough,” I vaguely heard Lewis say.
I ignored his words, tried to stay focused on those walls. I couldn’t fail. If I failed, they might send me back. I felt Aaron pushing; I knew it was him now. Sweat trailed down my temples. I felt this insane desire to win, to prove to myself and to them that I was the prodigy they seemed to think I was.
“She’s in pain,” Lewis snapped.
True, but I didn’t care. Besides, I’d had worse headaches. Perhaps I should have been grateful he was concerned about me, but I wasn’t. I wanted to prove my worth and I didn’t want him screwing it up. So I ignored the pain and I tried to ignore Lewis.
I took in a deep breath, gritted my teeth and with an internal roar, I pushed as hard as I could. The pressure gave way instantly. The shock moved from my body and I was left cold, alone in my steel room. For a moment it felt as if I floated. Then I heard the cry. Not in my mind, but outside my body. Shocked, I jerked from my dreamland and dove back into cold reality.
I opened my eyes, my breathing harsh. The room wavered in and out of focus. For a brief moment, I wasn’t sure where I was; I wasn’t even sure who I was. There was a movement across from me and it all came rushing back.
Aaron lay on his back, staring up at me with wide, unblinking eyes. His face was pale, sweaty. For a horrifying moment I thought he was dead.
“My God,” he whispered. “That was…”
“I’m sorry.” I crawled toward him, my body too weak to walk. “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry.”
He laughed, sitting upright. “No. Don’t be sorry.” He paused for one long moment, breathing as harshly as I was. “That was unbelievable. I wasn’t using full strength, but close.”
Tucking his feet underneath him, he stood, his body trembling with the movement. I jumped to my feet, searching the dark room for Lewis. He stood back in the shadows, his face unreadable.
“Seriously, I’m so sorry,” I said, hoping he believed me.
“Don’t be. Are you kidding? That was amazing.” Aaron looked at Lewis, but Lewis was looking toward the windows. “Did you see that?”
“How much did it hurt?” Lewis asked, ignoring Aaron and glancing back at me.
I pressed my hands to my temples. They were thumping slightly, but it wasn’t unbearable. The numbness in my body had given way to an odd shimmering current. “I’m okay. Just a slight headache.” Is that why he was frowning?
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked.
Aaron laughed and thumped Lewis on the back. “She’s fine, in fact, she’s great.”
He clasped my shoulders. “I knew it; I knew you’d be just like your father.”
Shockingly, he pulled me close for a tight hug. Although I should have been embarrassed, I liked his affection, craved the attention like some pathetic druggie.
I sank into his body. And I wanted to be thrilled, I should have been thrilled, but when I looked over Aaron’s shoulder, I saw that Lewis was still frowning.
Was he jealous? Worried? Or was there something more to that dark look?