Chapter 3
“You don’t have to go in.”
Grandma’s voice was barely audible over the antique she called a car. I’d been on the faux leather seat for five minutes, waiting for the courage to go into school. I knew, when I entered that brick building, everything would be overwhelming. The emotions, the thoughts, my own and from others, would kill me. Savannah wouldn’t be there. There would probably be some stupid memorial around her locker, placed there by students who hadn’t even talked to her while she’d been alive.
“Cameron, you don’t have to go today.”
So tempting to head back home. I turned toward her, preparing to agree, but then I saw her gaze. Sure, her face looked passive, full of grandmotherly concern. But in her eyes I saw the truth. The same look she got right before we moved. How many times had I come home from school to see our bags packed, no explanation other than it was time to leave? Panic flared through me.
“No!” I yelled, louder than I’d intended.
She frowned. “Fine, go to school. Most kids would love a day off.”
I shook my head. She was trying to twist the truth like she always did. “No, that’s not it. I know what you’re thinking and we’re not moving.”
She looked out the window toward the kids streaming reluctantly into the school. Almost every two years now we’d moved. I was exhausted with it. I’d finally started to settle, I’d finally made friends. Less than six months and I’d graduate.
“I wasn’t saying that,” she said.
My fingers clenched the door handle. I wanted to escape, at the same time I needed to make sure she understood. “You were, and I’m not leaving, not when I have less than a year left.” The thought sickened me. I would not start over in another school, not senior year. “I want to graduate with people I actually know.”
Her sigh annoyed me, as if I was being some irrational kid. “Cameron, you can’t deny something odd is happening here. The violence, first at the café and now the murder, isn’t exactly normal for this area.”
The first bell rang, the yard out front clearing of students, but I didn’t dare leave now. “That’s not true! The news broadcast said it was totally normal to see a surge in violence with a bad economy, and that it would usually leave as soon as it arrived.”
“And if it doesn’t? If it is something more?”
I shrugged, pretending an ease I didn’t feel. “Like what? Like something to do with us and what we can do?”
“Who knows. Maybe they’ve found us.”
“They.” I released a wry laugh. I didn’t believe her for a second. If they had found us, they’d come after us, not Savannah. This was just another excuse. “And who is they? The government? The cops? Who?”
She frowned, her fingers growing white as her grip tightened on the steering wheel. I should have known something was wrong when she’d offered to drive me to school. Usually she went to work early and made me walk.
I swallowed my anger and tried to speak rationally. “I can’t protect myself unless I know who I’m protecting myself from.”
“We’ve been over this, Cameron—”
“Right, you’ll protect me. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? You can’t protect me forever!”
“If you would homeschool—”
“And have no friends?” Exactly what she wanted.
I could leave her. Believe me, I’d thought about running away plenty of times.
“And where would you go?” she asked softly, reading my mind. “Who would you stay with? You have no money.”
She was right. I had no true friends. She’d made sure of that.
She was silent for a moment, the rumble of the car the only noise. Her face had grown tight and I knew she was fighting to regain control. “I’ve lost everyone, I will not lose you too.”
She’d said the words before and they sank into my body like a weight, anchoring me to her side. Tears stung my eyes. She was afraid. I got that. But I was so tired of being scared. So tired of living a lie. So tired of having the life only she deemed appropriate.
I sniffed, biting my lower lip to keep the tears from actually falling. I wouldn’t go into school with red-rimmed eyes.
She released a breath of air, her shoulder sinking. “I’m doing this for you and for your father because I promised him before he died that I would take care of you no matter what.”
Yeah, but dad probably had no idea how obsessive she’d become. My skin felt itchy, I felt trapped, like I couldn’t breathe at times. She knew this. She knew it all, but she still didn’t back off. “Dad wasn’t killed by some nefarious group out to get us, it was an accident.” She didn’t respond. She was oddly quiet as she stared out the window. My suspicion flared. “It was an accident, right?”
“Of course it was.”
I swallowed my relief. At the same time, I realized her reaction made no sense. Why was she so paranoid about being caught? “I’m going to college,” I warned her.
She was quiet for one long moment. I wondered what she was thinking, but didn’t dare look her in the eyes.
Finally, she glanced at me. “You’ll be late. Go on.”
Without another word, I grabbed my backpack and pushed open the car door. The air was chill, bitterly cold as it sliced through my sweatshirt and jeans. I didn’t even nod a greeting to the few people who remained on the front lawn, daring to be late.
Her body was so gross...
Dead...
Wonder who the murderer is…
As I’d figured, Savannah’s death was on everyone’s mind, their thoughts bombarding me the moment I stepped from Grandma’s car. I was more interested in the sound of the old Toyota rumbling away. I’d rather be here, now, with a thousand thoughts hitting me, than with Grandma. Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad for her. Truly I did. I had no idea what had happened to her parents or her husband, but I knew all were dead. My dad’s death had apparently pushed her over the edge of sanity.
I knew she cared about me, but there were times when I wondered if she didn’t want to so much protect me, as win this war she’d had waging to keep me safe from these unknown foes. When I asked her who was responsible for the death of our kind, she merely said anyone. As if even now, my math teacher, Mrs. Williams could be out to get me as she rushed by, mumbling something about being late.
Maybe Grandma was insane. Maybe there really weren’t any enemies after us. Sadly, I wouldn’t be surprised. I weaved my way through the crowded halls as announcements were being read over the intercom. The football team had won last week’s game. Who cared? Apparently the football team as they cheered and did chest bumps in the hall. I rolled my eyes and turned the corner, heading to my locker. Emily stood there chatting with a small group of cheerleaders. She barely even nodded an acknowledgement as I opened my locker door. She had an audience already, this early.
“It was horrifying,” Emily said, her lower lip quivering for extra emphasis. I didn’t understand why she made fun of the drama club when she could out act them all. Really, the girl could be in movies. “I actually found her body.”
“Totally disgusting,” Sarah whispered, resting her arm around Emily’s shoulder in a show of compassion…for the wrong person. “I can’t imagine how you must have felt.”
I couldn’t believe I had to stand there and listen to this. I let Emily get away with a lot because deep down, I knew she was insecure and like most people, she felt unloved. But this was too much. I’d had too little sleep and too many odd things happening lately to take her crap.
Annoyed, I slammed my locker door shut, but they barely noticed, Emily too intent on being the center of attention. As if she didn’t have enough already, she had to take it from a dead girl. This was too far. Someone had died. Been murdered. How dare she use Savannah’s death for her own gain. Without waiting for her like I usually did, I started down the hall.
Savannah’s face had been haunting me since that night. Could I, somehow, have pr
evented it? Grandma was right, violence in our town wasn’t normal. Did no one else see that something odd was happening here?
“Cam,” Emily snapped, annoyed I wasn’t hanging on her every word, nodding my agreement with her half-truths.
There was some sick psycho out there who had killed Savannah and, once again, Emily was acting like everything revolved around her. I had barely slept all weekend, but Emily looked like she’d just had a visit to the spa.
There were days when humanity seemed like a lost cause. Today was one of those days.
“Cam, wait up.” Her high heels clicked against the linoleum. This was Maine, for God’s sake, not Beverly Hills 90210. People didn’t wear heels to school, but Emily did. She was panting as she reached my side. “What’s your problem?”
Problem? I had so many I wasn’t sure which to focus on. Might as well be her. “I just think it’s sick that everyone’s discussing what happened like it’s the weekly gossip.” And by everyone, I meant her.
“We’re scared, Cam. It could have been anyone of us.” Her gaze darted around the hallway and she shuddered dramatically. “It could have been me.”
I rubbed my temples, my headache growing. Of course, and we were back to her.
The bell rang, warning that first period would soon start. Ignoring Emily, I walked into homeroom and continued toward the back of the class. We didn’t dare sit in the front because apparently when you’re popular, you never sit at the front of the class. So many ridiculous rules. They’d never bothered me before, but today I was worried and tired; today everything was annoying. Emily sat on one side while Kevin sat on the other. I’d always thought it was the perfect spot, between the two of them.
Even now I couldn’t help but watch Kevin make his way toward me, those blue-green eyes smiling, that blond hair fashionably messy. He was gorgeous, and I was totally in love with him even though the guy spent 95% of his time thinking about his abs and biceps. Seriously, I didn’t know a single girl who worried about her body more than Kevin worried about his. But he was athletic, funny and nice. Which was so uncommon within our group that I couldn’t help but like him. Add that to the fact that he thought I was pretty and he was nearly perfect.
Still, the thought of spending the rest of my life listening to him worry about his abs and biceps had me second guessing marriage. But then again, most people’s thoughts were annoying. Insecurities, depressing anxiety…thoughts of turmoil. Sometimes they drove me insane with their constant self-involved mind-chatter.
I rested my elbows on my desk and my head in my hands. Rumor was that Savannah had been taking drugs. I didn’t buy that for a second. But the rumor made my mom come to mind. I hadn’t thought about her in months. I could barely remember what she looked like and for some reason that realization made me panic.
“I mean seriously, it’s weird you don’t want to talk about it,” Emily said. She was angry with me because I’d made her feel stupid and guilty. Well, she should feel guilty, but it wouldn’t last. Like always, she was trying to place the blame on me and usually I’d silently accepted it. Not today. How badly I wanted to tell her to go screw herself.
“I mean, what is your problem anyway?” she snapped. “Does this have to do with Kevin?”
“Shhh!” I hissed, and jerked my head upright. Too much. She’d crossed a line by trying to embarrass me and I knew that’s what she was attempting to do. She’d said the one thing she knew would get a response.
I slid Kevin a glance. Thank God he was talking to someone else and hadn’t noticed our conversation.
“If you’re jealous, I won’t go out with him.” She was silent for one long moment, wondering if I’d get mad if she asked to switch seats with me. She didn’t have to say it, I already knew…Kevin had asked her out and she’d already said yes.
Unbelievable! Her father was having a long-running affair with his coworker. A secret Emily knew, if not Emily’s mom. If anyone should have understood that it was wrong to steal a boy from another girl, it should have been Emily, my supposed best friend.
“Whatever,” I said softly, resting my face in my hands and staring at the faux wood of my desktop. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing mattered because my mom wasn’t here to ease my fears. Nothing mattered because there was a murderer nearby and Savannah was dead. Dead.
Emily huffed and turned her back to me, talking to Sarah, who sat beside her. I didn’t care. At the moment, I didn’t care if Emily and I were no longer friends and my status would plummet to that of the girls who were friends with the teachers. I didn’t care if no one asked me to prom. I didn’t even care if Kevin and Emily got married and had five freaking kids. What did it matter when there was a murderer stalking the town?
Yeah, most people had some pretty horrifying and scary thoughts at times, but hardly anyone ever acted those out. Violence was pretty uncommon in our town. The police were trying to connect the murder with the shooting at the café, but I knew better. Something was wrong. Something was off. It was as if the very air vibrated with unease.
“Good morning children,” Mr. Banks swept into the room, his briefcase in hand, his cat on his mind. Fluffy hadn’t been eating. “Open your books to page fifty-five.”
Only last week Savannah had told me she was going to try out for the soccer team. I’d encouraged her to. She was nervous, but I said I’d help her practice. According to the news report she was going to her friend’s for the weekend. But she’d lied and probably met up with some guy. The guy who’d killed her. The guy whose voice I’d heard.
The stranger from the parking lot flashed to mind. That brown hair had an ever so slight curl, tousled by the ocean breeze. His face had been tense, those dark brows drawn together like he was worried. Worried he’d be caught? Was he the murderer? Was he the man whose voice I’d heard?
I shivered, hunkering down into the Yale sweatshirt that had belonged to my dad. If it wasn’t the stranger, then it could be anyone. I wasn’t used to not knowing. I couldn’t stand the suspense. Irritated, I flipped open my book, pretending interest in the Civil War. Most people were whispering to each other about Savannah’s death. People who’d barely paid attention to her before.
The useless chatter sometimes got to me. But I tried to have patience; people talked to either ease their worries or get to know each other. I rarely asked questions and not because I was shy like most people thought, but because I didn’t need to learn. I already knew every little secret about everyone. Some secrets I wished to God I didn’t know…things that would make you gag, things that would make you cry.
We’d had to move a lot when I was younger, before I’d learned to keep my mouth shut. I’d say something inappropriate and people would become suspicious. Grandma would pack the car and we’d move to another state, another city. Since I so badly wanted a home and friends, I’d learned quickly to keep all thoughts to myself for my own sake. But Grandma had another reason why she’d wanted me to keep silent. When I was old enough, Grandma had told me the truth. People like us didn’t last long, they had the habit of disappearing.
But it didn’t mean those thoughts I heard were ignored. I could ignore them as much as I could ignore my own thoughts. Sitting there in the classroom it was like I was the center of a bike wheel. Every spoke led to a student; their thoughts vibrating along that wire to me. Usually I could focus on each thought individually and pinpoint the person. Unless the thoughts were too fast and emotional, as they’d been at the beach the evening we’d found Savannah. If only I’d tried harder to focus.
There was a sudden shift in awareness that caught my flagging attention; almost a collective sigh from the female population. For a brief moment surprise washed over the room, and then curiosity invaded. I looked up. Some guy with brown hair stood next to Mr. Banks, his back to the class. A nice, broad back that filled out his blue polo shirt.
“Who is that?” I whispered to Emily, forgetting for a moment she was mad at me.
She nar
rowed her eyes into an unattractive glare. “How should I know?”
I brushed off her cattiness, and eager to think about something other than Savannah, I focused on the new student. We’d seen students come and go often. People moving to the north, then realizing how cold it got and after the first winter, moving back to wherever they’d come from. This guy probably wouldn’t last.
He wore jeans that fit him well…really well. I could tell by the quality of his clothing that his family had money. I shifted my attention from his butt upward, focusing on his thoughts.
The odd thing wasn’t that he was here, but that I couldn’t read anything coming from him. I frowned and focused harder on the guy, even closing my eyes to concentrate. Nothing but silence.
Oh my God, he’s cute.
Emily’s thought slipped into my mind. Curious, I opened my eyes. A clear blue gaze met mine. For a brief moment I noticed nothing but those eyes. My heart jumped, heat rushing through my body. He was staring directly at me. Me. Why me?
Why her? I heard Emily wonder. She wasn’t the only one. Just about every girl in class was wondering why this gorgeous guy was staring at me, wondering if we knew each other. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care in the least because my brain had finally started working again and I recognized his face. I froze in shock.
I didn’t want him to stare at me. I didn’t want him to stare because he was the guy from the parking lot…the guy who had killed Savannah.