LETTER VIII
Concerning the wisdom of the sublime Wei Chung and its application to the ordinary problems of existence. The meeting of three, hitherto unknown to each other, about a wayside inn, and their various manners of conducting the enterprise.
VENERATED SIRE,--You will doubtless remember the behaviour of the agedphilosopher Wei Chung, when commanded by the broad-minded emperor of histime to reveal the hidden sources of his illimitable knowledge, sothat all might freely acquire, and the race thereby become raised to aposition of unparalleled excellence. Taking the well-disposed sovereignfamiliarly by the arm, Wei Chung led him to the mouth of his cave in theforest, and, standing by his side, bade him reflect with open eyes fora short space of time, and then express aloud what he had seen. "Nothingof grave import," declared the emperor when the period was accomplished;"only the trees shaken by the breeze." "It is enough," replied WeiChung. "What, to the adroitly-balanced mind, does such a sightreveal?" "That it is certainly a windy day," exclaimed the omnipotenttriumphantly, for although admittedly divine, he yet lacked thephilosopher's discrimination. "On the contrary," replied the sagecoldly, "that is the natural pronouncement of the rankly superficial. Tothe highly-trained intellect it conveys the more subtle truth that thewind affects the trees, and not the trees affect the wind. For upwardsof seventy years this one has daily stood at the door of his cave fora brief period, and regularly garnering a single detail of likebrilliance, has made it the well-spring for a day's reflection. As theresult he now has by heart upwards of twenty-five thousand useful facts,all serviceable for original proverbs, and an encyclopaedic mindwhich would enable him to take a high place in a popular competitionunassisted by a single work of reference." Much impressed by theadventure the charitably-inclined emperor presented Wei Chung with anonyx crown (which the philosopher at once threw into an adjacent well),and returning to his capital published a decree that each day atsunrise every person should stand at the door of his dwelling, and afterobserving for a period, compare among themselves the details of theirthoughts. By this means he hoped to achieve his imperial purpose, butalthough the literal part of the enactment is scrupulously maintained,especially by the slothful and defamatory, who may be seen standingat their doors and conversing together even to this day, from someunforeseen imperfection the intellectual capacity of the race hasremained exactly as it was before.
Nevertheless it is not to be questioned that the system of the versatileWei Chung was, in itself, grounded upon a far-seeing accuracy, andas the need of such a rational observation is deepened among theinconsistencies and fantastic customs of a barbarian race, I have madeit a useful habit to accept as a guide for the day's behaviour thereflections engendered by the first noteworthy incident of the morning.
Upon the day with which this letter concerns itself I had set forth, inaccordance with an ever-present desire, to explore some of the hiddenplaces of the city. At the time a tempest of great ferocity was raging,and bending my head before it I had the distinction of coming intocontact with a person of ill-endowed exterior at an angle where tworeads met. This amiable wayfarer exchanged civilities with me after thepoliteness characteristic of the labouring classes towards those whodiffer from them in speech, dress, or colour: that is to say, he filledhis pipe from my proffered store, and after lighting it threw the matchinto my face, and passed on with an appropriate remark.
Doubtless this insignificant occurrence would have faded withoutinternal comment if the penetrating Wei Chung had never existed, butnow, guided by his sublime precedent, I arranged the incident for theday's conduct under three reflective heads.
It was while I was meditating on the second of these that an exclamationcaused me to turn, when I observed a prosperously-outlined person inthe act of picking up a scrip which had the appearance of being lavishlydistended with pieces of gold.
"If I had not seen you pass it, I should have opined that this hyerwallet belonged to you," remarked the justice-loving stranger (forthe incident had irresistibly retarded my own footsteps), speakingthe language of this land, but with an accent of penetrating harmonyhitherto unknown to my ears. With these auspicious words he turned overthe object upon his hand doubtfully.
"So entrancing a possibility is, as you gracefully suggest, ofunavoidable denial," I replied. "Nevertheless, this person will nothesitate to join his acclamation with yours; for, as the Book of Verseswisely says, 'Even the blind, if truly polite, will extol the prospectfrom your house-top.'"
"That's so," admitted the one by my side. "But I don't know that thereis any call for a special thanksgiving. As I happen to have moremoney of my own than I can reasonably spend I shall drop this in at aconvenient police station. I dare say some poor critter is pining awayfor it now."
Pleasantly impressed by the resolute benevolence of the one who hada greater store of wealth than he could, by his own unaided efforts,dispose of, I arranged myself unobtrusively at his side, and maintainingan exhibition of my most polished and genial conversation, I sought topenetrate deeply into his esteem.
"Gaze in this direction, Kong," he said at length, calling me by namewith auspicious familiarity; "I am a benighted stranger in this hyercity, and so are you, I rek'n. Suppose we liquor up, and then take a fewof the side shows together."
"The suggestion is one against which I will erect no ill-disposedbarrier," I at once replied, so inflexibly determined not to lose sightof a person possessing such engaging attributes as to be cheerfullyprepared even to consume my rice spirit in the inverted position whichhis words implied if the display was persisted in. "Nevertheless,"I added, with a resourceful prudence, "although by no meansundistinguished among the highest literary and competitive circles ofhis native Yuen-ping, the one before you is incapable of walking in thefootsteps of a person whose accumulations are greater than he himselfcan appreciably diminish."
"That's all right, Kong," exclaimed the one whom my last words fittinglydescribed, striking the recess of his lower garment with a gesture ofgraceful significance. "When I take a fancy to any one it isn't a matterof dollars. I usually carry a trifle of five hundred or a thousandpounds in my pocket-book, and if we can get through that--why, there'splenty more waiting at the bank. Say, though, I hope you don't keep muchabout you; it isn't really safe."
"The temptation to do so is one which this person has hithertosuccessfully evaded," I replied. "The contents of this reptile-skincase"--and not to be outshone in mutual confidence I here displayed itopenly--"do not exceed nine or ten pieces of gold and a like number ofprinted obligations promising to pay five pieces each."
"Put it away, Kong," he said resolutely. "You won't need that so long asyou're with me. Well, now, what sort of a saloon have we here?"
As far as the opinion might be superficially expressed it had everyindication of being one of noteworthy antiquity, and to the innatelymodest mind its unassuming diffidence might have lent an added charm.Nevertheless, on most occasions this person would have maintainedan unshaken dexterity in avoiding its open door, but as the choiceadmittedly lay in the hands of one who carried five hundred or athousand pieces of gold we went in together and passed through to acompartment of retiring seclusion.
In our own land, O my orthodox-minded father, where the unfailingresources of innumerable bands of dragons, spirits, vampires, ghouls,shadows, omens, and thunderstorms are daily enlisted to carry intoeffect the pronouncements of an appointed destiny, we have manyhistorical examples of the inexorably converging legs of coincidence,but none, I think, more impressively arranged than the one nowdescending this person's brush.
We had scarcely reposed ourselves, and taken from the hands of anawaiting slave the vessels of thrice-potent liquid which in this Islandis regarded as the indispensable accompaniment to every movement ofexistence, when a third person entered the room, and seating himselfat a table some slightly removed distance away, lowered his head andabandoned himself to a display of most lavish dejection.
"That poor cuss doesn't appear to be holiday-making," r
emarked thesincerely-compassionate person at my side, after closely observing theother for a period; and then, moved by the overpowering munificence ofhis inward nature, he called aloud, "Say, stranger, you seem to havegot it thickly in the neck. Is it family affliction or the whisky of theestablishment?"
At these affably-intentioned words the stranger raised his eyes quickly,with an indication of not having up to that time been aware of ourpresence.
"Sir," he exclaimed, approaching to a spot where he could conversewith a more enhanced facility, "when I loosened the restraint of anoverpowering if unmanly grief, I imagined that I was alone, for Iwould have shunned even the most flattering sympathy, but yourcharitably-modulated voice invites confidence. The one before you is themost contemptible, left-handed, and disqualified outcast in creation,and he is now making his way towards the river, while his widow will beleft to take in washing, his infant son to vend evening printed leaves,and his graceful and hitherto highly secluded daughters to go upon thestage."
"Say, stranger," interposed this person, by no means unwilling toengrave upon his memory this newly-acquired form of greeting, "theemotion is doubtless all-pressing, but in my ornate and flower-ladentongue we have a salutation, 'Slowly, slowly; walk slowly,' which seemsto be of far-seeing application."
"That's so," remarked the one by my side. "Separate it with the teeth,inch by inch."
"I will be calm, then," continued the other (who, to avoid thecomplication of the intermingling circumstances, may be described asthe more stranger of the two), and he took of his neckcloth. "I am amerchant in tea, yellow fat, and mixed spices, in a small but hithertosatisfactory way." Thus revealing himself, he continued to set forthhow at an earlier hour he had started on a journey to deposit his wealth(doubtless as a propitiation of outraged deities) upon a certain bank,and how, upon reaching the specified point, he discovered that whathe carried had eluded his vigilance. "All gone: notes, gold, andpocket-book--the savings of a lifetime," concluded the ill-omened one,and at the recollection a sudden and even more highly-sustained frenzyof self-unpopularity involving him, without a pause he addressed himselfby seven and twenty insulting expressions, many of which were quite newto my understanding.
At the earliest mention of the details affecting the loss, the elbow ofthe person who had made himself responsible for the financial obligationof the day propelled itself against my middle part, and unseen by theother he indicated to me by means of his features that the entertainmentwas becoming one of agreeable prepossession.
"Now, touching this hyer wallet," he said presently. "How might youdescribe it?"
"In colour it was red, and within were two compartments, the onecontaining three score notes each of ten pounds, the other fifty poundsof gold. But what's the use of describing it? Some lucky demon will pickit up and pocket the lot, and I shall never see a cent of it again."
"Then you'd better consult one who reburnishes the eyes," declared themagnanimous one with a laugh, and drawing forth the article referred tohe cast it towards the merchant in a small way.
At this point of the narrative my thoroughly incompetent brush confessesthe proportions of the requirement to be beyond its most extendedlimit, and many very honourable details are necessarily left withoutexpression.
"I've known men of all sorts, good, bad, and bothwise," exclaimed theone who had recovered his possessions; "but I never thought to meeta gent as would hand over six hundred and fifty pounds as if it was atoothpick. Sir, it overbalances me; it does, indeed."
"Say no more about it," urged the first person, and to suggestgracefully that the incident had reached its furthest extremity, hebegan to set out the melody of an unspoken verse.
"I will say no more, then," he replied; "but you cannot reasonablyprevent my doing something to express my gratitude. If you are not tooproud you will come and partake of food and wine with me beneath thesign of the Funereal Male Cow, and to show my confidence in you I shallinsist upon you carrying my pocket-book."
The person whom I had first encountered suffered his face to becomeexcessively amused. "Say, stranger, do you take me for a pack-mule?"he replied good-naturedly. "I already have about as much as I want tohandle. Never mind; we'll come along with you, and Mr. Kong shall carryyour bullion."
At this delicate and high-minded proposal a rapid change, in no waycomplimentary to my explicit habit of adequately conducting any ventureupon which I may be engaged, came over the face of the second person.
"Sir," he exclaimed, "I have nothing to say against this gentleman, butI am under no obligation to him, and I don't see why I should trust himwith everything I possess."
"Stranger," exclaimed the other rising to his feet (and from this pointit must be understood that the various details succeeded one anotherwith a really agile dexterity), "let me tell you that Mr. Kong is myfriend, and that ought to be enough."
"It is. If you say this gentleman is your friend, and that you haveknown him long and intimately enough to be able to answer for him,that's good enough for me."
"Well," admitted the first person, and I could not conceal from myselfthat his tone was inauspiciously reluctant, "I can't exactly say thatI've known him long; in fact I only met him half an hour ago. But I havethe fullest confidence in his integrity."
"It's just as I expected. Well, sir, you're good-natured enough foranything, but if you'll excuse me, I must say that you're a small pieceof an earthenware vessel after all"--the veiled allusion doubtlesslybeing that the vessel of necessity being broken, the contents inevitablyescape--"and I hope you're not being had."
"I'm not, and I'll prove it before we go out together," retorted theengaging one, who had in the meantime become so actively impetuous on myaccount, that he did not remain content with the spoken words, but threwthe various belongings about as he mentioned them in a really profusedisplay of inimitable vehemence. "Here, Kong, take this hyer pocket-bookwhatever he says. Now on the top of that take everything I've got, andyou know what THAT figures up to. Now give this gentleman your littlelot to keep him quiet; I don't ask for anything. Now, stranger, I'mready. You and I will take a stroll round the block and back again, andif Mr. Kong isn't waiting here for us when we return with everythingintact and O.K., I'll double your deposit and never trust a durned soulagain."
Nodding genially over his shoulder with a harmonious understanding,expressive of the fact that we were embarking upon an undeniablydiverting episode, the benevolent-souled person who had accumulated moreriches than he was competent to melt away himself, passed out, urgingthe doubtful and still protesting one before him.
Thus abandoned to my own reflections, I pondered for a short timeprofitably on the third head of the day's meditation (Touching the matchand this person's unattractively-lined face. The revealed truth: theinexperienced sheep cannot pass through the hedge without leavingportions of his wool), and then finding the philosophy of Wei Chung verygood, I determined to remove the superfluous apprehensions of the venderof food-stuffs with less delay by setting out and meeting them on theirreturn.
A few paces distant from the door, one of the ever-present watchers ofthe street was standing, watching the street with unremitting vigilance,while from the well-guarded expression of his face it might neverthelessbe gathered that he stood as though in expectation.
"Prosperity," I said, with seasonable greeting. (For no excess ofconsideration is too great to be lavished upon these, who unitewithin themselves the courage of a high warrior, the expertness of athree-handed magician, and the courtesy of a genial mandarin.) "Iseek two, apparelled thus and thus. Did you, by any chance, mark thedirection of their footsteps?"
"Oh," he said, regarding this person with a most flattering application,"YOU seek them, do you? Well, they've just gone off in a hansom, andthey'll want a lot of seeking for the next week or two. You let themcarry your purse, perhaps?"
"Assuredly," I replied. "As a mark of confidence; this person, for hispart, receiving a like token at their hands."
"That's it," said the off
icial watcher, conveying into his voice asubtle indication that he had become excessively fatigued. "It's likea nursery tale--never too old to take with the kids. Well, come along,poor lamb, the station isn't far."
So great had become the reliance which by this time I habitually reposedin these men, that I never sought to oppose their pronouncements (sucha course being not only useless but undignified), and we thereforetogether reached the place which the one by my side had described as astation.
From the outside the building was in no way imposing, but upon reachingan inner dungeon it at once became plain that no matter with what crimea person might be charged, even the most stubborn resistance would beunavailing. Before a fiercely-burning fire were arranged metal pincers,massive skewers, ornamental branding irons, and the usual accessories ofthe grill, one tool being already thrust into the heart of the flameto indicate the nature of its use, and its immediate readiness for thepurpose. Pegs from which the accused could be hung by the thumbswith weights attached to the feet, covered an entire wall; chains,shackling-irons, fetters, steel rings for compressing the throat, andbelts for tightening the chest, all had their appointed places, whilethe Chair, the Boot, the Heavy Hat, and many other appliances quiteunknown to our system of administering justice were scattered about.
Without pausing to select any of these, the one who led me approacheda raised desk at which was seated a less warlike official, whosesympathetic appearance inspired confidence. "Kong Ho," exclaimed tohimself the person who is inscribing these words, "here is an individualinto whose discriminating ear it would be well to pour the exacthappening without evasion. Then even if the accusation against you bethat of resembling another or trafficking with unlawful Forces, he willdoubtless arrange the matter so that the expiation shall be as light andinexpensive as possible."
By this time certain other officials had drawn near. "What is it?" Iheard one demand, and another replied, "Brooklyn Ben and Jimmie theButterman again. Ah, they aren't artful, are they!" but at this momentthe two into whose power I had chiefly fallen having conversed together,I was commanded to advance towards them and reveal my name.
"Kong," I replied freely; and I had formed a design to explain somewhatof the many illustrious ancestors of the House, when the one at thedesk, pausing to inscribe my answer in a book, spoke out.
"Kong?" he said. "Is that the christian or surname?"
"Sir-name?" replied this person between two thoughts. "Undoubtedlythe one before you is entitled by public examination to the degree'Recognised Talent,' which may, as a meritorious distinction, be heldequal to your title of a warrior clad in armour. Yet, if it is so held,that would rightly be this person's official name of Paik."
"Oh, it would, would it?" said the one seated upon the high chair."That's quite clear. Are there any other names as well?"
"Assuredly," I explained, pained inwardly that one of official rankshould so slightly esteem my appearance as to judge that I was someagrely endowed. "The milk name of Ho; Tsin upon entering the Classes;as a Great Name Cheng; another style in Quank; the official titlealready expressed, and T'chun, Li, Yuen and Nung as the variousemergencies of life arise."
"Thank you," said the high-chair official courteously. "Now, just thename in full, please, without any velvet trimmings."
"Kong," began this person, desirous above all things of puttingthe matter competently, yet secretly perturbed as to what might beconsidered superfluous and what deemed a perfidious suppression, "HoTsin Cheng Quank--"
"Hold hard," cried this same one, restraining me with an uplifted pen."Did you say 'Quack'?"
"Quack?" repeated this person, beginning to become involved withinhimself, and not grasping the detail in the right position. "In a mannerof setting the expression forth--"
"Put him down, 'Quack Duck,' sir," exclaimed one of dog-like dejectionwho stood by. "Most of these Lascars haven't got any real names--theyjust go by what any one happens to call them at the time, like 'BurmeseIke' down at the Mint," and this person unfortunately chancing to smileand bow acquiescently at that moment (not with any set intention, butas a general principle of courteous urbanity), in place of his reallydistinguished titles he will henceforth appear among the historicalrecords of this dynasty under what he cannot disguise from his innermisgivings to be the low-caste appellation of Quack Duck.
"Now the address, please," continued the high one, again preparing toinscribe the word, and being determined that by no mischance should thisparticular be offensively reported, I unhesitatingly replied, "Beneaththe Sign of the Lead Tortoise, on the northern course from the LotusPools outside the walls of Yuen-ping."
This answer the one with the book did not immediately record. "Idon't say it isn't all right when you know the parts," he remarkedbroad-mindedly, "but it does sound a trifle irregular. Can't you give ita number and a street?"
"I fancy it must be a pub, sir," observed another. "He said that it hada sign--the Red Tortoise."
"Well, haven't you got a London address?" said the high one, and thisperson being able to supply a street and a number as desired, this partof the undertaking was disposed of, to his cordial satisfaction.
"Now let me see the articles which these men left with you," commandedthe chieftain of the band, and without any misleading discrepancies I atonce drew forth from an inner sleeve the two scrips, of which adequatemention has already been made, another hitherto undescribed, twoinstruments for measuring the passing hours of the day, together with achain of fine gold ingeniously wrought into the semblance of a cable,an ornament for the breast, set about with a jewel, two neck-cloths ofa kind usually carried in the pocket, a book for recording happenings ofany moment, pieces of money to the value of about eleven taels, a silverflagon, a sheathed weapon and a few lesser objects of insignificantvalue. These various details I laid obsequiously before the one who hadcommanded it, while the others stood around either in explicit silenceor speaking softly beneath their breath.
"Do I understand that the two persons left all these things with you,while they took your purse in exchange?" said the high official, afterexamining certain obscure signs upon the metals, the contents of thethird scrip, and the like.
"It cannot reasonably be denied," I replied; "inasmuch as they departedwithout them."
"Spontaneously?" he demanded, and in spite of the unevadible severity ofhis voice the expression of his nearer eye deviated somewhat.
"The spoken and conclusive word of the first was that it was hisintention to commit to this one's keeping everything which he had; theassertion of the second being that with this scrip I received all thathe possessed."
"While of yours, what did they get, Mr. Quack?" and the tone of the onewho spoke had a much more gratifying modulation than before, while theattitudes of those who stood around had favourably changed, until theynow conveyed a message of deliberate esteem.
"A serpent-skin case of two enclosures," I replied. "On the one sidewas a handcount of the small copper-pieces of this Island, which I hadcaused to be burnished and gilt for the purpose of taking back to amusethose of Yuen-ping. On the other side were two or three pages from agravity-removing printed leaf entitled 'Bits of Tits,' with whichthis person weekly instructs himself in the simpler rudiments of thelanguage. For the rest the case was controlled by a hidden spring, andinscribed about with a charm against loss, consumption by fire, or beingsecretly acquired by the unworthy."
"I don't think you stand in much need of that charm, Mr. Quack,"remarked another of more than ordinary rank, who was also present. "Thenthey really got practically no money from you?"
"By no means," I admitted. "It was never literally stipulated, andwhatever of wealth he possesses this person carries in a concealed spotbeneath his waistbelt." (For even to these, virtuous sire, I did notdeem it expedient to reveal the fact that in reality it is hidden withinthe sole of my left sandal.)
"I congratulate you," he said with lavish refinement. "Ben and theButterman can be very bland and persuasive. Could you tell me, as amatter of pro
fessional curiosity, what first put you on your guard?"
"In this person's country," I replied, "there is an apt saying, 'Thesagacious bird does not build his nest twice in the empty soup-toureen,'and by observing closely what has gone before one may accuratelyconjecture much that will follow after." It may be, that out of myinsufferable shortcomings of style and expression, this answer did notconvey to his mind the logical sequence of the warning; yet it wouldhave been more difficult to show him how everything arose from thefaultlessly-balanced system of the heroic Wei Chung, or the exactparallel lying between the ill-clad outcast who demanded a portion oftobacco and the cheerfully unassuming stranger who had in his possessiona larger accumulation of money than he could conveniently disperse.
In such a manner I took leave of the station and those connected withit, after directing that the share of the spoil which fell by the lawof this Island to my lot should be sold and the money of exchangefaithfully divided among the virtuous and necessitous of both sexes. Thehigher officials each waved me pleasantly by the hand, according to thestriking and picturesque custom of the land, while the lesser ones stoodaround and spoke flattering words as I departed, as "honourable," "asmall piece of all-right," "astute ancient male fowl," "ah!" and thelike.
With repeated assurances that however ineptly the adventure may at thetime appear to be tending, as regards the essentials of true dignityand an undeviating grasp upon articles of negotiable value, nothing of aregrettable incident need be feared.
KONG HO.