MARION:
You, me and Julie.
SUSAN:
Yes. You, of course, had organised the whole thing like a military operation. Made us trudge up Bury Hill, lugging a whole load of picnic stuff with us.
MARION:
You complained most of the time. (Puts on a child’s voice) ‘My rucksack’s too heavy’. Julie ended up carrying most of your things as well as her own. I never did understand why she put up with you!
SUSAN:
(Quietly) No.
SCENE 3
Each of Sarah’s soliloquies is delivered with her visible on stage. Unless specified, other characters do not react to her presence and remain motionless on stage.
SARAH:
She knew, Miss Knowles. She knew and she did nothing. She saw us, you see, walking by the river. October. Not holding hands, or anything. Just talking, but she called me in to her office the next day. Came straight out with it. That Matt – Mr Grahame, she called him – was a teacher and I was a pupil and that was that. The fact that Matt was only a student teacher and wasn’t even working at my school any more . . . He was a musician really. A pianist. Really good.
Anyway, she told me to think about the damage it might do to his reputation. And what my mum would say – Miss Knowles and my mum and Phoebe’s mum, Susan – they all went to school together a million years ago. She said Mum didn’t believe in that kind of thing. (Blushes) As if I didn’t know!
Then she said she knew what it was like to be young. Yeah, right! She would turn a blind eye, she said, provided she had my word that the affair stopped – that’s the word she used, affair.
But I couldn’t give her my word because Matt was amazing. So totally amazing. (Smiles) He called me his syrinx, because that was the piece I was playing when he first noticed me. (Giggles) After he said it, I went straight online and looked it up. Gods v mortals, all very Greek. It turned out syrinx was some kind of water nymph. Pan fancied her, but she wasn’t interested. Vanished into the river and hid among the reeds to get out of it. (Pauses) I’d been practising the piece for ages, but for the first time I wanted to know what it meant.
So, you see, I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t see him again, because well, without Matt, there wouldn’t be any point. I was happy. Really happy. And, it was weird, but Miss Knowles never mentioned it again, well not until the funeral. But by then it was too late. (Pauses) She was all right. (Pauses)
It wasn’t her fault.
SCENE 4
Action resumes as if there had been no interruption. Susan is still holding photograph.
SUSAN:
Wasn’t this the day you announced your aim was to write a guidebook to the walks of Sussex? The only problem, you had to do them all first!
MARION:
And I still haven’t done even half of them. Life got in the way. Hence getting out of here while I still have it in me.
SUSAN:
Before your knees give out.
MARION:
As you say, before my knees give out.
Susan, how are things?
SUSAN:
Things have been very busy at work.
MARION:
(Quietly) I didn’t mean work.
SUSAN:
I know you didn’t.
MARION:
So?
SUSAN:
Not now. This is your night.
MARION:
But I’d rather—
SUSAN:
Really, Marion. I don’t want to talk about it.
MARION:
So how is the world of counselling?
SUSAN:
Fabulous! Mostly debt and bankruptcy counselling, these days. Very depressing. (Seeing Marion’s expression) Don’t worry, I’m sticking with it. I’m just a bit done in at the moment.
MARION:
And that’s why I wanted to talk to you—
SUSAN:
(Continuing her train of thought) On the upside, the girls are both great. Emily’s getting a prize, and Phoebe’s loving Manchester.
MARION:
(Accepting she’s again missed her moment) And after she’s finished?
SUSAN:
Who knows? Trying to get a job in this climate, not easy.
MARION:
I’m sure she’ll be fine.
SUSAN:
Phoebe’s more fragile than she looks. She’s been fine at uni – well, once she found her feet – but I worry she’ll run into difficulties again. Not cope.
MARION:
It was a long time ago, Susan.
SUSAN:
Three years. Hardly any time.
MARION:
Long time for a teenage girl. (Susan doesn’t answer) You’ve got to stop feeling guilty. Put it behind you and move on, isn’t that what you’d be telling your clients to do? Letting go, not getting stuck.
Susan doesn’t respond.
MARION:
It’s not about Phoebe really, is it? It’s about you.
You’ve got to forgive yourself, Susan. You’ve—
SUSAN:
(Snapping) No, Marion. Not now. Really. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s hard enough being here as it is. If it wasn’t for the fact Emily’s getting a prize – and that it’s your last one, of course – I wouldn’t have come.
The two women stare at one another. Action freezes.
SCENE 5
SARAH:
I told Phoebe. I had to tell someone.
The funny thing was, Phoebe wasn’t surprised. She told me she’d seen him outside the music room one day. I didn’t know he was there, listening. Phoebe said when I finished, Matt closed his eyes. Like it was too much to bear. She thought it was sweet. Romantic.
So, Phoebe knew. She knew before I knew. Phoebe’s brilliant! We met at her house, sometimes, when her mum was out. (Thinking aloud – a diversion) They’re so like each other, Susan and Phoebe. Susan’s awesome. She’s totally mad, but she’s a good laugh. But she’s my mum’s best mate and Mum had found out and was freaking out as it was.
We were doing OK, Matt and I, until that night. November. I’d arranged to go round to Phoebe’s. Matt was doing a gig and it was over-21s so I couldn’t go, and Susan was at a party. Me and Phoebe hadn’t had a girls’ night in for ages and there was stuff (looks embarrassed) I needed to talk to her about.
Well, it’s over now. And Phoebe still hasn’t told. It wasn’t her fault. Wasn’t Susan’s fault.
SCENE 6
There’s another knock at the door.
JULIE:
Sorry, am I interrupting?
A thin, anxious-looking woman walks on stage.
MARION:
Julie, come in, come in. It’s lovely you could make it.
The woman walks towards Marion, then stops when she sees Susan. Julie and Susan stare at each other, neither able to believe the other is there. For a moment, it looks as if Julie will make a bolt for the door. But Marion puts an arm around her and steers her to the centre of the room.
SUSAN:
Julie, I had no idea you’d be here. I—
MARION:
(Still with her arm around Julie’s waist) Can I get you something to drink, Julie? A glass of wine.
JULIE:
(Her voice is brittle) Nothing, thank you.
MARION:
We have orange juice, if you’d prefer a soft drink.
Fizzy water?
JULIE:
(Looking towards the door) I’m fine. Thank you.
The intercom goes. Marion answers.
MARION:
Sorry? Okay, I’m coming.
I’m sorry, it seems I’m indispensable. I won’t be more than a couple of minutes.
JULIE:
I don’t want—
MARION:
(Interrupting) Julie, I need a governor’s signature on a couple of things. If you could just hang on here a moment. I’ll be as quick as I can.
SUSAN:
Marion, I don’t t
hink it’s—
But Marion has gone. The sound of a flautist warming up – playing scales – slips through the door, then the door shuts.
SCENE 7
There is a long, hard silence. Julie stands with her hand clutching the strap of her shoulder bag. Susan, caught halfway between the door and the table, doesn’t know what to do. She’s pleased to see Julie and obviously very nervous. A minute passes, neither woman speaking or catching each other’s eye. Julie pointedly looks at the glass, but says nothing. Susan puts her glass down on the desk.
SUSAN:
It’s good to see you. (Pause) You look well.
JULIE:
(Polite) So do you.
SUSAN:
And the family? Paul and the boys? They’re well?
JULIE:
They are all fine.
SUSAN:
Mark’s working full-time at the marina, I think someone told me?
JULIE:
Yes.
SUSAN:
Hard to get a permanent job there, I’d have thought. You must be very proud of him.
JULIE:
I am.
SUSAN:
And Stephen?
JULIE:
He’s getting a prize this evening. (Her tone changes from polite to aggressive) It was inevitable I’d be here, wasn’t it?
SUSAN:
(Confused by the non sequitur) I’m sorry?
JULIE:
(Accusingly) You said you’d no idea I’d be here.
But I am a governor. Obviously I’d be here. Or maybe you don’t bother to read the newsletter. You probably don’t know who any of the governors are. (Looks at Susan).
SUSAN:
(Flustered) No, I did. Do know, that is.
JULIE:
If you had known I’d be here, would you have stayed away?
SUSAN:
No. I mean, yes. That is, I meant Marion hadn’t told me you’d be coming. Here, first, I mean.
JULIE:
So you’re saying you wouldn’t have come?
SUSAN:
I, I don’t know. That is, Emily’s up for a prize too.
It’s great about Stephen, although I’m not surprised.
He’s an outstanding sportsman by all accounts.
JULIE:
It’s for music.
SUSAN:
(Even more bothered) Oh. Right. I didn’t realise he – as well as . . .
JULIE:
As well as Sarah, were you going to say?
SUSAN:
Yes, Emily says Stephen’s in every team going. But, music. That’s great. Well done him.
She grinds to a halt, realising she’s making things worse.
JULIE:
How’s Phoebe?
SUSAN:
(Giving up the pretence of polite conversation) Please. Don’t do this.
JULIE:
Do what? You ask after my family. I ask after yours. That’s what we do in awkward social situations, isn’t it, make small talk? (Gives a tight smile) Is she enjoying university?
SUSAN:
(Seeing no way out) She is. She’s fine.
JULIE:
And she’s recovered? No more problems.
Susan glances at the door, then at Julie. She is clearly trying to come to a decision of some kind. Susan decides she’s got nothing to lose.
SUSAN:
Julie, look. (Julie turns away. Susan carries on anyway) Look. I – I know there’s nothing I can say, nothing I can do to make up for what happened. Believe me, I think about it every day.
Susan reaches out for Julie’s arm. Julie shrugs her off.
SUSAN:
But can’t we at least talk? Can’t we see if . . .
JULIE:
(Spins round to face her) See if what, Susan? If—
SCENE 8
The door opens and Marion reappears. Feeling the tension between them, she hesitates a moment, worried her plan to at least get the two old friends together in the same room was a mistake.
MARION:
They’re ready for us. Shall we?
Both women glare at her. Caught by the need to put a brave face on it for their children’s sakes, at first neither woman moves. Then Julie walks briskly past Susan, and exits.
SUSAN:
Why didn’t you tell me you’d invited Julie too?
Here. Beforehand.
MARION:
I tried to, but—
SUSAN:
It’s just making everything worse.
Susan exits. Marion hesitates, a worried look on her face, then goes to the desk, picks up her speech. She puts on her official face and follows them out. Offstage, the sound of chairs scraping back. The orchestra strikes up and the choir begins to sing.
SCENE 9
SARAH:
They all feel guilty, responsible. But for stuff they didn’t do.
If only. Such pointless words.
Me and Mum argued that night. Again. It wasn’t like her to lose it, not really. I guess I just flipped out too. Why couldn’t she see I was happy? Why couldn’t she be happy for me? She started up about homework and college and church! She didn’t understand I wasn’t a kid any more.
We never got the chance to make up. We never got the chance to say sorry for all the stuff we said that night. And, (looks at Julie) look, she can’t forgive herself for that. I saw it on her face at the funeral. At the inquest. In church. Standing outside my empty room at the top of the stairs. My brothers tiptoeing around her. For once, thinking about someone else’s feelings. Amazing!
But it was an accident. It had started to rain, so I rang Matt and he left the gig and came and got me. But it wasn’t your fault.
Offstage, we hear the announcement of the next item, a round of applause, then the sound of a single flautist playing the beginning of Debussy’s ‘Syrinx’. As the sound of the flute filters into the office. Sarah smiles, as Julie comes back onto stage, looking anguished.
SCENE 10
The same location. Later the same evening.
Julie is sitting alone in the dark. Marion comes in, leaving the door ajar. She turns on the light on the desk and doesn’t notice Julie is there.
JULIE:
No. Please leave it.
MARION:
Julie. You gave me a shock.
She dims the light.
MARION:
I saw you go out. (Pause) I thought you’d gone home.
JULIE:
I intended to, but then. (Pause) It’s quiet here.
MARION:
I can go if you’d rather be alone?
JULIE:
No. No, it’s all right. Stay. (Long pause) It was that piece – ‘Syrinx’ – Sarah’s piece – I couldn’t bear to hear it. Played here. By someone else. (Pulls herself together) Did the rest of it go off all right?
MARION:
Yes.
JULIE:
Where are the others?
MARION:
There are drinks in the hall.
JULIE:
(Interrupting) Susan too?
MARION:
I think so, with Emily.
Marion puts her speech back down on her desk.
JULIE:
(In a low voice) We argued that night, Sarah and I. Not for the first time. Always the same subject. (Looks at Marion) I knew they met here first, you know.
MARION:
I give you my word that nothing—
JULIE:
(Waves her hand) I know it didn’t start here. Sarah told me. But he was too old for her. She stopped coming to church, you know. Paul said if we put up opposition it would make Sarah more determined. He thought we should let it run its course. (Shakes her head) I didn’t listen.
MARION:
You can’t blame yourself. She was eighteen. Not a child. She was happy.
JULIE:
(Gives a bitter laugh) Happy!
MARION:
You could see it. Everything about Sarah changed.
She was doing so well, in her music, her lessons, everything. She had a kind of lightness to her that transformed the world around her. (Quietly) I know her choice might not have been your choice, Julie, but she was happy.
JULIE:
Happy! And what good did it do her?
SCENE 11
Susan’s voice is heard in the corridor outside.
SUSAN:
(Offstage) I’ll just say goodbye, Emily. Wait for me in the hall.
Susan comes smiling into the room, then stops dead when she sees Marion and Julie.
SUSAN:
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in. I just wanted to . . .