The Most Intelligent Orc in the World
By
C. Hollis Gunter
Copyright 2013
The stiff chain armor Prince Eldric Dalth wore made the late summer even more oppressive. He shifted in his saddle to get a better view of the encampment and suppressed the urge to spur his horse into action and see how many orcs he could free of their disgusting lives. His soldiers shared the anxiousness, but the captive was his daughter.
The small encampment sat in a clearing at the bottom of the hill. A large military tent acted as the centerpiece, with four smaller tents positioned in front. Six imposing orcs were the only visible sentries; their spears held upright to their sides, and large double-edged battleaxes hung on their belts. One orc posted at each corner of the camp and two posted at the entrance to the large tent.
“How many, Malik?” Eldric didn’t turn to greet his lifelong friend and leader of the Dalth Shield.
Malik dismounted from his large horse and bowed low to the prince. “Twenty or thirty, my Prince.”
“Twenty OR thirty? Which is it, my friend?”
Malik removed his helmet and wiped the perspiration from his dark-skinned head. “I sent Qa’Veck to get a more reliable count.”
Eldric turned to his friend, an imposing figure in his armor. Malik was the largest man in the Dalth Shield and his soldiers would tell you he was also the most tenacious. His face dripped with sweat, which made the origin of the initial count obvious.
“Well, let’s hope the old elf can count better than your source. You should punish the soldier that returned with a count like the one you reported.”
“Now is not the time to jest, my Prince. Princess Elanya is captive in that camp.”
“Easy, Malik. You know me better than that.”
“Please forgive me, my Prince.” Malik looked down at the ground and ran his boot back and forth on the parched soil. “The princess needs our help. We are wasting valuable time. We should take our soldiers, level that camp, and bring the Princess home.”
“I understand how you feel, believe me.” Eldric dismounted and let the reins fall to the ground. His horse watched him, but remained in place. “However, there are a couple of things wrong with your scheme. According to your, um, scout; there could be forty orcs running around down there. We number fourteen.”
Malik stood tall and opened his mouth to protest, but the prince held his hand up. “Other than the count, something is strange. Would you kidnap a princess, bring her back to a camp within a day’s ride of her home, and not have an army to back you up?”
“Orcs are stupid, my prince.”
“No, Malik. Orcs aren’t smart.” Eldric sat on a stone slab that protruded from the side of the hill and rested his chin on his fist. “But they’re not stupid, either.”
“So what is your plan?”
“We wait.”
“Wait?”
“Wait, my friend.” Eldric pointed to the camp at a man crouched beside the main tent. None of the orcs indicated they were aware of him.
The two orc guards stood at attention in front of the main tent. Their leather vests and pants were dyed coal black, to match their skin. Strips of black steel were fastened to the leather vertically. The short fangs protruding up from their mouths would normally augment an already menacing form, except each of them smiled.
A painful, howling scream came from inside the tent. Each time the scream began the guards would glance at each other and snicker. One attempted a serious look and peered inside.
Five other orcs and a young human female occupied the tent. Two of the orcs sat at a table against the back wall of the tent, occupied with a game of chance. The leader of this band of orcs, Grunsch, sat in a chair with his two personal guards beside him. One of the guards stood with his back to Grunsch, a smile filled his dark face. The other guard knelt with a water basin in his hands. The young lady sat on the ground holding Grunsch’s leg in her lap. Her raven hair was tied back into a tail and fell to the waistline of her cobalt dress.
Grunsch let out another yelp and pulled his leg away from her.
“Really Grunsch, if you can’t hold still I will have your men hold you down.” Elanya said in the orcish language.
“I am sorry, Princess. It hurts so bad.”
Grunsch narrowed his already small eyes and glared at his injured leg. Two large, horizontal cuts on either side of his calf showed the pink flesh beneath his dark hide. He felt like a fool for stumbling into an animal trap.
“If you had come to me when you did this two days a--” Interrupted by another howl of pain, she reached for the leg again. “You are worse than a child.”
“Your father and his men are on the hill above camp.”
“I told you he would come for me.” Elanya dropped a blood soaked rag into the basin and looked up at the guard who stood with his back turned. “Loch, there is a spool of thread in my saddlebag. Would you get that for me, please?”
Loch took a step, stopped, and looked at his leader. Grunsch nodded.
“Your father won’t let us leave this place without a fight.”
“Well, I will not have you run through with a sword after I have spent all this time, and ruined a new dress. We will just have to figure out a way to get you, and your men, out of here. Right now we have other things to attend to.”
Loch returned with Elanya’s thread and whispered something in General Grunsch’s ear. Grunsch scowled and looked to the far side of the tent. “I thought I smelled elf.”
“It’s probably my father’s elf. Let him be. He’ll go back to father and tell him I haven’t been harmed. Should buy us more time to figure out a way for you to leave peacefully.”
“The boys need a toy to play with, elf would be good.”
“Grunsch, please. You’ll only accomplish more trouble.” Elanya rolled off some wax laden thread.
“What do you people catch in these traps you set?”
“I imagine the one you found was set for barbcats.”
“Barbcats?”
“Big cats, barbed tail that is poisonous. They’ve been causing troubles for the farmers around here. Hold still or I’ll end up breaking this needle off in your leg.”
“Your people. Do they eat these cats?”
“Too bitter and dry. Most people leave the carcasses out for carrion. My uncle likes to collect their tails, so he can learn more about their poison.”
Such waste was a crime in his village. “Bad practice to kill an animal you will not use. The gods, they don’t like such things.”
“I don’t suppose they would, but we can’t have those cats wandering about the countryside killing our livestock. Something has to be done with them.”
“Do they taste like mountain lion?”
“Is food all you ever think about? Grunsch, we have more important things to discuss. Like getting you and your men out of here without a big fight.”
“Do they?” He couldn’t help smiling when he saw the frustration in Elanya’s eyes.
“I have never eaten either of them, but I’ve heard they taste similar.”
Eldric could hear the thump of Malik’s boots against the ground behind him; he had been pacing more than half an hour. “Malik, please sit. You’re wearing a path and all you’ll have to show for it is sore feet.”
“Yes, my Prince.”
Eldric stared down at the camp. Qa’Veck hadn’t moved from where he crouched and the guards seemed oblivious of his presence. He knew if Elanya were in immediate danger the elf would have rushed back. Eldric counted the elf among the men that loved his daughter most:
himself, Qa’Veck, and Malik.
All three had shared the responsibility of raising the princess; her mother had died giving birth. This wasn’t a rare thing to happen, but the knowledge didn’t hurt the prince any less. Had it not been for his wife’s sister, Meribeth, he would probably still be in a haze of mourning. That was seventeen years ago, now he may lose the very thing he stayed alive for.
He let out a low laugh for having such a ridiculous thought. He knew Elanya was up to something. He just had to wait.
Malik sat on the outcrop beside him. “What do you find so funny now, my Prince?”
“Malik, one day I hope to hear you call me by my name.”
“We have been friends since we were too young to talk, and you expect me to change now?”
“I suppose not, my friend. I suppose not.” Eldric stood and stretched his stiff limbs. “How is Meribeth these days? I’m afraid I’ve been so busy since father fell ill, I haven’t had the time to visit.”
“Same as always. Sweet as a mountain rose on most days, sharp as a barbcat’s tail on days she’s holding those dreadful dinner parties.”
They shared a short laugh, then Eldric’s face grew stern. He began to drum his fingers on the hilt of his sword.
Malik stood and turned to his companion; his face showed the concern. “Should I get the men ready?”
“I think so. My gut tells me that she is fine, but these are orcs we are dealing with. Yes, have them mount and be prepared. I will tell you when.”
Malik smiled and placed his fist over his heart in salute. “Yes, my Prince.”
His soldier’s movements would concern the orcs, but the waiting was insufferable. If he were wrong, the price could be high. He still held to his earlier assessment; if the orcs intended to harm Elanya, they would not have stopped this close to the city. They would have dragged her across the mountains, back to their homeland, where they would be safe among their clansmen. Still, he couldn’t just sit on a hill and wait. A few more moments, and he would have to turn the guard loose and lay waste the orcs. He just hoped he wouldn’t get his daughter killed in the process.
Qa’Veck’s tanned leather raiment blended well with the dirt he laid on. A passerby wouldn’t notice him without a second glance. He had the bottom of the tent raised enough to peer in and he couldn’t believe what occurred inside. The princess played nursemaid to General Grunsch? The fact they appeared as friends was another matter in itself.
He knew he had been seen before Grunsch said as much. Years of living in the palace softened his skills. The guard feigned ignorance, so he chose to pretend as well. If the orcs decided to do something with him, death would be welcome after a few days. Grunsch in particular would like to have a piece of him.
They had met in several skirmishes, long before the humans came. Each time Qa’Veck had humiliated the orc in battle. Each time Grunsch escaped more desperate to destroy him. He may get his opportunity on this day.
Qa’Veck turned his head to the soldiers on the hill. They were lined up and prepared for an assault. He shook his head. The situation deteriorated rapidly. The soldiers were not aware of the orcs concealed in the trees behind them. He scolded himself for not telling Prince Eldric of this before he came down to the camp to investigate.
Elanya was in no apparent danger, so he decided to return to the hilltop and let Prince Eldric know what happened inside the tent. He would have loved to see these orcs fall, but the soldiers were outnumbered two to one, and an assault would jeopardize the safety of the princess. He turned and crawled toward the edge of camp and almost made it to the trees when he was lifted from the ground by two bulky orcs.
Princess Elanya dropped the blood-soaked rag into the basin and mopped her face and hands dry on a relatively clean rag. “That’s really a creative plan Grunsch. I can see why your tribal elders have put you in your position. But I’m still not sure that father will agree to it.”
“What can it hurt to ask? If he agrees, we both will benefit. If he disagrees, he may let us leave your country without any bloodshed.”
“I suppose you are right. So you won’t be angry if he doesn’t agree with your proposal?”
“Angry? Princess, I am surprised at you. Despite what those nasty little elves have told you about us, war is not something we enjoy. I will leave your lands and be happy that I have continued our friendship.”
Elanya knew better than to believe every word he said. He was a politician. Deceitfulness came easy for him, but he wasn’t lying about the friendship. Since she had saved his children from a bear attack, he had been nothing but kind to her. “So I have your word that no violence will--“
“General. Man soldiers get ready.” The orc guard said this in a matter-of-fact tone, but Elanya detected the enthusiasm. So much for not enjoying war.
“Loch, bring me my horn.”
“General Grunsch, please. You can’t launch an attack now. What of the negotiations?”
“My dear Princess, I cannot let those soldiers storm this camp. I can hardly defend myself, and I wouldn’t want you hurt after all you have done for me. It will be over soon enough. I have thirty of my soldiers positioned behind your father. Be happy. You will be next in line to the throne before the sun sets. It is a great chance for me to show you my thanks.”
Elanya was stunned as she watched Grunsch place the horn to his maw. Something had to be done before he destroyed everything she loved. She started to say something when two orcs walked into the tent. Between them, they carried Qa’Veck by the forearms.
Eldric watched the two orcs drag Qa’Veck into the tent. If the convention of the land allowed, he would have sent the elf out with a sword. The orcs wouldn’t have made it far if Qa’Veck carried a weapon. He would have to go to the Keepers to seek special provisions for such matters, after the orcs were dealt with.
He worried the scar on his forehead. He had waited long enough.
“Soldiers. My daughter, your Princess, is held in that camp. I suspect she is in the main tent. Malik and I will deal with that tent. You will dispense with any orcs that come near. Show no mercy. We can’t allow these beasts to wander about the countryside.”
Eldric walked to Malik, who stood beside his horse. They placed their hands on each other’s shoulders and leaned in to each other until their foreheads touched. He could smell the onion and sweetmeat sandwich on his friend’s breath. He smiled. This was one of those moments when titles and ranks were forgotten. “Ready for a little fun, old friend?”
“Old? We’ll see who is old. Least kills brushes down the horses.”
“Least kills brushes down the horses.”
They closed their eyes and chanted the prayer they had said together since they were children.
“We bask in your glory.
We perform these deeds in your name.
If this be the end of our story.
Let us not bring our house any shame.”
The two men parted and walked to their horses. Eldric mounted his horse and drew his sword. Malik did the same. “Be careful Malik. Meribeth would have my head if anything happened to you.”
“Me? It is you who should be worried. I fear life in the castle has made you soft around the middle.”
“Let’s do this.”
Qa’Veck’s thoughts swam as though he was tied to a moving waterwheel. He recalled Grunsch had limped over and swung his meaty fist into the side of his head. Now it was all he could do to focus on the princess and the orc quarreling. The ringing in his ears made it almost impossible to hear what was said. Something said about a note, negotiations. Negotiations for a peaceful departure. The earlier conversation drifted back. The princess was going to help Grunsch--
“So the snake is awake.”
Grunsch limped over to him. He saw the large black fist coming for his face as he tried to will his head to move. Darkness overcame him again.
Eldric
was about to raise his sword to signal the advance when he saw a lone orc leave the encampment. It appeared the beast was going to walk up the hill right to where he and his soldiers waited. Eldric dismounted and turned to Malik.
“This day just gets stranger by the moment. If he reaches for that nasty looking axe, have one of your archers give him something else to think about.”
“I don’t like this, my Prince. Let me go with you.”
“No, there is only one of them. It may be an offer of ransom.”
“Then at least let me go in your stead.”
“No, Malik. This is my daughter. Orcs are tribal. If I send you, it may be seen as a sign of weakness. Besides,” Eldric paused and winked at his friend, “I trust your archers.”
Eldric walked down to confront the orc. The orc stopped and held out a small piece of parchment. Its hand was nearly the size of a human head, and it stood a couple of feet taller than any man he had ever known. Eldric searched the orcs eyes for emotion and found none. He took the note from the orc and read. “A treaty?”
Eldric held up his hand to the orc to wait, and turned back up the hill. He was at a loss about what kind of arrangement the orcs expected. The note was written by his daughter.
He reached the line of soldiers and handed the note to Malik. The Captain read the note, shook his head and handed it back to the prince.
“It’s a trap, my Prince.”
“I don’t see how.”
“She wrote this note under duress. Really, Prince Eldric, you can be so naïve at times; to negotiate with orcs is ridiculous. She was told what to write, so they could get you into their tents.”
“How many orcs do you know can speak the common tongue?”
Malik shifted in his saddle and clinched his fists. “We know of one now.”
“So we have a camp full of orcs, which are stupid as I recall, and one of these orcs can speak common. Better yet, one of these orcs can speak and read common. Because Elanya could have written anything she wanted on that parchment, if the orc couldn’t read it. So obviously, we are engaged with one of the most highly educated orcs in the known world.” Eldric’s voice grew louder with each syllable, until every soldier in line flinched. “Is this what I am expected to believe, Captain?”