hags this world’s Snow Whites, servicing the seven dwarves in the only way they know how. This world the product of the Fairy Godmother’s abortions.
We can feel the eyes upon us again, ignore the apprehension in the air. They could pounce upon us at any minute if they so wished and we would be powerless against them. Yet I feel drawn, drawn towards the noise, I want to know what lays behind the wall, through the door. If I was alone I would disregard my own safety and investigate, take the plunge into this seedy world, embrace the darkness and rise to prominence in it, but I’m not alone, I have Sam with me. I must protect him, keep him out of harm’s way. If anything happens to him I could never forgive myself, a life without out him a nightmare vision, it would be to live without a centre. I watch him constantly out of the corner of my eye, I can see he feels nervous, uneasy, on edge. I want to reach out and take him in my arms but to do so here would be a kiss of death. Beneath his unease I can detect interest, I know what he is thinking, his words mirror my thoughts as we move out from the black fairytale’s shadow.
‘I want to know what it’s like inside the wall,’ he says.
‘I know, me too.’
‘Should we go back? Go in there?’
‘Do you think that would be the best thing to do?’
He thinks for a moment. ‘Nope.’
‘Exactly.’ I smile, his safety my happiness.
Move on, let our feet lead us through the brightly coloured but dead London, across the road where the only sound echoing through the air is a distant siren and the bleep of the green man. Yes, habit made us wait. Stop, look, listen. Always follow the green cross code. Make our way back underground, choose a destination and wait for a train.
II
The doors open, we step out onto the platform of Leicester Square station. All around us people doing the same. Sam and I move in silence. Around us conversations, none in English. We’re still observing. We made an observation on the train, the platform based conversations prove it correct. People communicate more with their eyes than the words they use. The eyes giving away the truth behind the words. Portals to the soul. The mouth can lie, the eyes never. I see it in Sam, I’m sure my eyes give me away to. My eyes upon Sam always filled with a love. It’s the same for everyone, eyes betraying emotions. Everyone’s insecurities glowing through two orbs whilst their bodies tell different stories, confidence just a show, everyone has baggage. The pain, upset and feelings of life a burden on our shoulders pushing us into the dirt.
We move through the crowds like ghosts. Observing, watching. Feeling disconnected from a world which is running as normal, no colour changes, no disjointed walking. Nothing. A world we simply cannot connect with, the toxins running through our blood stream creating an invisible barrier which we cannot cross, forcing us to live in limbo. Watching. Learning the ways of the world. We’re disheartened. ‘Nothing’s happening,’ I hear Sam say.
‘I know. It fucking sucks.’
‘Shall we just enjoy the day as usual?’
‘Might as well, I mean there’s nothing else we can do is there?’ I smile at a couple crossing the road. Female and female. The only same sex couple I’ve seen all day. We cross the road.
‘I reckon we look around here for a while and then go back to mine,’ Sam continues. ‘I wanna snuggle.’
I look at him and smile. He smiles back. Love in our eyes. ‘Sounds like a plan.’ Look forward, cross the road. I smile at a couple crossing the road. Female and female. The only same sex couple I’ve seen all day. Stop, frown. We’ve passed them twice, that’s not possible. I turn and watch them move into the distance. Sam’s doing the same. ‘Did you?’ I breathe.
Sam nods. ‘What the fuck?’
‘That was freaky. Could they have doubled back?’
‘Not unless we were moving really slowly.’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘Oh well.’ Cross another road, through the doors and enter Forbidden Planet, a store which contains many memories for us. We always end up here on our travels when we’re connected to the world. Our legs have guided us here now. I feel the barrier weaken a little. I smile at Sam. All I want to do is to hold him, hug him tight, but we can’t, not in public. It’s frowned upon.
Inside it’s quiet, people around but not in massive hordes. We joke around with the toys on the top floor before descending into the comic book and fantasy kingdom of the lower level. Walk around, still feeling a barrier separating us from the world. Observing, taking it all in. I stop. I giggle. Sam stops. He giggles. We look at each other and hold back the full onslaught of laughter. In front of us a man with eye patches is reading. Stood, holding a comic to his face and reading its content obviously through some psychic link. We watch him flip through some of the pages. No one else pays any attention to him, they’re all caught up in their own obsessions. The man puts the comic back down perfectly in place before moving on, moving away from us, his second sight preventing him from walking like a blind man. We let him move out of sight before we continue on our voyage through the store.
Turn a corner and stop dead in our tracks. ‘What the fuck?’ Sam mutters next to me and I shrug my shoulders in reply.
A woman. A huge mass of a woman sitting on a seat reading, her excess skin pouring around her like molten wax on a candle. The book in her hands dwarfed by her fat fingers. Piggy eyes moving from side to side as her brain digests the words on the pages. I look at the cover of the book, its image the opposite of the scene. A thin woman, her slim figure upright and leaning against a unit. For some reason the image is disturbing. Fat fantasising about the thin. Confidently sitting for all to watch as she does so. No one pays her any second glances, too caught up in their own obsessions. Sam and I feeling like voyeurs, watching someone engulfed in their own private fantasy.
Shake my head and turn, another sight hits my vision. ‘What the fuck indeed,’ I exclaim quietly. Sam’s eyes follow my gaze. His mouth loosens, a mix of interest and amusement.
Two tall, lean figures. One male, one female, both with long locks of beautiful blonde hair flowing down their heads and onto their shoulders, the pointed tips of their ears poking through slightly. Delicate faces on top of delicate bodies making delicate movements. Elven with pure hearts. Continue to watch, observing an endangered species existing in an alien territory. I feel a smile cross my face when the male picks up a book. An elf reading a book on elves. A pretentious love for their kind, the feel of home in a different world.
They stand transfixed, looking at the pictures in the book as though they are looking at a mirror. Their love for each other ripe in their body movements.
Feet move, Sam follows. We move behind the elven pair and return to the top levels of the store. Moving through the world, observing as we do, out of the shop into the world at large.
III
Our feet have led us to HMV, an auto-piloted walk, taking in nothing but observing everything. Electric blue light flooding around us as we walk into the store.
All around us are people walking aimlessly and without purpose, their eyes never looking at a title, their arms never reaching for a CD. They just walk around. Pause, look, correct. Not walking, they glide. Life on a conveyor belt being moved at a designated speed on a designated route. Mechanical people moving at mechanical pace, here for no other reason than to bring life into an inanimate building. We walk around the store, people gliding by all the time. Consumed and unaware.
‘Why can’t we get on?’ Sam says beside me.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why can’t we get on the conveyor belt?’ He stops to make a point. ‘See, they move along in order and I just stay motionless.’
‘But why would you want to get on their paths? Why would you want to move at a designated speed?’
‘I dunno, they just seem so content with it.’
‘Content or unaware they are on it?’
‘I didn’t thi
nk of that.’ He looks around him. ‘It just seems unnatural, like...’
‘...they’re here for no reason?’ I finish the sentence for him. He nods, I continue, ‘I don’t like it. It makes me feel sick.’
Sam’s hand brushes against my shoulder. ‘Shall we leave?’
I nod my reply and we start to move our way through the maze of shelves. Thousands of emotions burnt onto disc, the voices of both the living and the dead recorded on plastic. A giant graveyard of memories, stored forever but still influencing the souls of the masses.
It’s dark outside, evening has descended upon us without a word. How could it be so late? For the whole day we’ve had no concept of time. Think. What have we done all day? Where have we been? How many faces have passed by us without us even noticing? Faces in a crowd, unseen, non-existent in our life paths but existing nonetheless. Images returning to my mind. Sam chewing gum, placing whole packets into his mouth, savouring, enjoying. We talked. There was no way that this day has been as silent as it feels. No, we had long conversations, joked about yet all this has been forgotten, it was second place to the controlled theme of the day. The toxins rushing through us had their plan and forced that upon us, allowing us only to remember our observations. Any love and fun we may have shown today lost in scene changes and the ways of the world.
I look around