PART II
THE HOME OF ANECDOTE
CHAPTER I
The entire population of Fertoeszeg was assembled on the public highwayto welcome the new proprietress of the estate. Elaborate preparationshad been made for the reception. An arch of green boughs--at the top ofwhich gleamed the word "Vivat" in yellow roses--spanned the road, oneither side of which were ranged twelve little girls in white, withflower-baskets in their hands. They were under the superintendence ofthe village cantor, whose intention it was to conclude the ceremonieswith a hymn of welcome by these innocent little creatures.
On a sort of platform, a bevy of rosy-cheeked maids were waiting topresent to the new-comer a huge hamper heaped to the brim with ripemelons, grapes, and Ostyepka cheeses of marvelous shapes. Mortarscrowned the summit of the neighboring hill. In the shadow of a spreadingbeech-tree were assembled the official personages: the vice-palatine,the county surveyor, the village pastor, the district physician, thejustice of the peace, and the different attendants, county and stateemployees, belonging to these gentlemen. The vice-palatine's assistantought also to have been in this company, but he was busy giving the lastinstructions to the village beauties whose part it was to present thehamper of fruit and cheeses.
These gentlemen had wives and daughters; but _they_ had stationedthemselves along the trench at the side of the road. _They_ did notseek the shadow of a tree, because _they_ wished people to know that_they_ had parasols; for to own a parasol in those days was no smallmatter.
Preparations were making in the market-place for an ox-roast. The fatyoung ox had been spitted, and the pile of fagots underneath him wasready for the torch. Hard by, on a stout trestle, rested a barrel ofwine. In front of the inn a gypsy band were tuning their instruments,while at the window of the church tower might have been seen two orthree child faces; they were on the lookout for the new lady of themanor, in order that they might be ready to ring the bells the momentshe came in sight. There was only that one tower in the village, andthere was a cross on it; but it was not a Romish church, for all that.The inhabitants were adherents of Luther--Swabians, mixed with Magyars.
The municipal authorities, in their holiday attire of blue cloth, hadgrouped themselves about the town hall. The older men wore their longhair brushed back from the temples and held in place by a curved comb.The young men had thrust into the sides of their lambskin caps gaylittle nosegays of artificial flowers. _They_ proposed to fire a grandsalute from the pistols they had concealed in their pockets.
Meanwhile, the dignitaries underneath the umbrageous beech-tree werepassing the time of waiting pleasantly enough. Maple wine mixed withmineral water was a very refreshing drink in the intense heat; besides,it served as a stimulant to the appetite--_appetitorium_, they calledit.
Three wooden benches, joined together in a half-circle, formed acomfortable resting-place for the committee of reception, the chief ofwhom, the vice-palatine, was seated on the middle bench, drawing throughthe stem of his huge carved meerschaum the smoke of the sweet Vekertobacco. His figure was the living illustration of the ever true axiom:"_Extra Hungariam non est vita_,"--an axiom which his fat red face by nomeans confuted,--while his heavy, stiffly waxed mustache seemed to addmenacingly: "Leave the Hungarian in peace."
He shared his seat with the clergyman, whose ecclesiastical officeentitled him to that honor. The reverend gentleman, however, was anextremely humble person, whom erudition had bent and warped to such adegree that one shoulder was lower than the other, one eyelid waselevated above its fellow, and only one half of his mouth opened when hegave utterance to a remark. His part in the festive ceremony was theperformance of the _beneventatio_; and although he had committed thespeech to memory, he could not help but tremble at thought of having torepeat it before so grand a dame as the new mistress of the manor. Healways trembled whenever he began his sermons; but once fairly started,then he became a veritable Demosthenes.
"I only hope, reverend sir," jestingly observed the vice-palatine, "thatit will not happen to you as it did to the _csokonai_, not long ago.Some wags exchanged his sermon-book for one on cookery, and he did notnotice it until he began to read in the pulpit: 'The vinegar was--' Thenhe saw that he was reading a recipe for pickled gherkins. He had thepresence of mind, however, to continue, '--was offered to the Saviour,who said, "It is finished."' And on that text he extemporized adiscourse that astounded the entire presbytery."
"I shall manage somehow to say my speech," returned the pastor, meekly,"if only I do not stumble over the name of the lady."
"It is a difficult name," assented the vice-palatine. "What is it? Ihave already forgotten it, reverend sir."
"Katharina von Landsknechtsschild."
The vice-palatine's pointed mustaches essayed to give utterance to thename.
"Lantz-k-nek-hisz-sild--that's asking a great deal from a body at onetime!" he concluded, in disgust at his ill success.
"And yet, it is a good old Hungarian family name. The last Dietrecognized her ancestors as belonging to the nobility."
This remark was made by a third gentleman. He was sitting on the left ofthe vice-palatine, and was clad in snuff-colored clothes. His face wascovered with small-pox marks; he had tangled yellow hair and inflamedeyelids.
"Are you acquainted with the family, doctor?" asked the vice-palatine.
"Of course I am," replied the doctor. "Baron Landsknechtsschildinherited this estate from his mother, who was a Markoczy. The baronsold the estate to his niece Katharina. You, Herr Surveyor, must haveseen the baron, when the land was surveyed around the Nameless Castlefor the mad count?"
The surveyor, who was seated beside the doctor, was a clever man in hisprofession, but little given to conversation. When he did open his lips,he rarely got beyond: "I--say--what was it, now, I was going to say?"
As no one seemed willing to-day to wait until he could remember what hewanted to remark, the doctor, who was never at a loss for words,continued:
"The Baroness Katharina paid one hundred thousand florins for theestate, with all its prerogatives--"
"That's quite a handsome sum," observed the vice-palatine. "And, what ishandsomer, it is said the new proprietress intends to take up apermanent residence here. Is not that the report, Herr Justice? Youought to know."
The justice had an odd habit, while speaking, of rubbing together thepalms of his hands, as if he were rolling little dumplings between them.
"Yes--yes," he replied, beginning his dumpling-rolling; "that is quitetrue. The baroness sent some beautiful furniture from Vienna; also apiano, and a tuner to tune it. All the rooms at the manor have been hungwith new tapestry, and the conservatory has been completely renovated."
"I wonder how the baroness came to take such a fancy to this quietneighborhood? It is very strange, too, that none of the neighboringnobles have been invited here to meet her. It is as if she intended tolet them know in advance that she did n't want their acquaintance. Atany other celebration of this sort half the county would have beeninvited, and here are only ourselves--and we are here because we areobliged, _ex officio_, to be present."
This speech was delivered over the mouthpiece of the vice-palatine'smeerschaum.
"I fancy I can enlighten you," responded the doctor.
"I thought it likely that the 'county clock' could tell us somethingabout it," laughingly interpolated the vice-palatine.
"You may laugh as much as you like, but I always tell what is true,"retorted the "county clock." "They say that the baroness was betrothedto a gentleman from Bavaria, that the wedding-day was set, when thebridegroom heard that the lady he was about to marry was--"
"Hush!" hastily whispered the justice; "the servants might hear you."
"Oh, it is n't anything scandalous. All that the bridegroom heard wasthat the baroness was a Lutheran; and as the _matrimonia mixta_ areforbidden in Vienna and in Bavaria, the bridegroom withdrew from theengagement. In her grief over the affair, the _sposa repudiata_ saidfarewell to the world, and determined to w
ear the_parta_[2] for theremainder of her days. That is why she chose this remote region as aresidence."
[Footnote 2: A head-covering worn only by Hungarian maidens.]
Here the bell in the church tower began to ring. It was followed by aroar from the mortars on the hilltop.
The gypsy band began to play Biharis's "Vierzigmann Marsch"; a cloud ofdust rose from the highway; and soon afterward there appeared anoutrider with three ostrich-plumes in his hat. He was followed by afour-horse coach, with coachman and footman on the box.
The committee of reception came forth from the shade of the beech andranged themselves underneath the arch. The clergyman for the last timetook his little black book from his pocket, and satisfied himself thathis speech was still in it. The coach stopped, and it was discoveredthat no one occupied it; only the discarded shawl and traveling-wrapstold that women had been riding in the conveyance.
The general consternation which ensued was ended by the agent fromVienna, who drove up in a second vehicle. He explained that the baronessand her companion had alighted at the park gate, whence they wouldproceed on foot up the shorter foot-path to the manor. And thus endedall the magnificent preparations for the reception!
A servant now came running from the village, his plumed _czako_ in onehand, and announced that the baroness awaited the dignitaries at themanor.
This was, to say the least, exasperating! A whole week spent inpreparing--for nothing!
You may be sure every one had something to say about it, audibly and tothemselves, and some one was even heard to mutter:
"This is the _second_ mad person come to live in Fertoeszeg."
And then they all betook themselves, a disappointed company, to theirhomes.
The baroness, who had preferred to walk the shorter path through thepark to driving around the village in the dust for the sake of receivinga ceremonious welcome, was a lovely blonde, a true Viennese,good-humored, and frank as a child. She treated every one with cordialfriendliness. One might easily have seen that everything rural was newto her. While walking through the park she took off her hat anddecorated it with the wild flowers which grew along the path. In thefarm-yard she caught two or three little chickens, calling themcanaries--a mistake the mother hen sought in the most emphatic manner tocorrect. The surly old watch-dog's head was patted. She brushed with herdainty fingers the hair from the eyes of the gaping farmer children. Shewas here and there in a moment, driving to despair her companion, whosegouty limbs were unable to keep pace with the flying feet of hermistress.
At the manor the baroness was received by the steward, who had been senton in advance with orders to prepare the "installation dinner." Then sheproceeded at once to inspect every corner and crevice--the kitchen aswell as the dining-room, astonishing the cooks with her knowledge oftheir art. She was summoned from the kitchen to receive the dignitaries.
"Let there be no ceremony, gentlemen," she exclaimed in her musicalvoice, hastening toward them. "I detest all formalities. I have had asurfeit of them in Vienna, and intend to breathe natural air here in thecountry, without 'fuss or feathers,' with no incense save that whichrises from burning tobacco! This is why I avoided your parade outyonder on the highway. I want nothing but a cordial shake of your hands;and as regards the official formalities of this 'installation' business,you must settle that with my agent, who has authority to act for me.After that has been arranged, we will all act as if we were oldacquaintances, and every one of you must consider himself at home here."
To this gracious speech the vice-palatine gave utterance to somethingwhich sounded like:
"Kisz-ti-hand!"
"Ah!" returned the baroness, "you speak German?"
"Well, yes," replied the descendant of the Scythians; "only, I am likelyto blunder when speaking it, as did the valiant Barkocz. When ourglorious Queen Maria Theresa recovered from the chicken-pox, she wasbemoaning the disfiguring scars left on her face, when the bravesoldier, in order to comfort her, said: 'But your Majesty still has verybeautiful _leather_.'"
"Ha, ha, ha!" merrily laughed the baroness. "You are the gentleman whohas an anecdote to suit every occasion. I have already heard about you.Pray introduce the other gentlemen."
The vice-palatine proceeded to obey this request. "This is the Rev. HerrTobias Mercatoris, our parish clergyman. He has a beautiful speechprepared to receive your ladyship; but he can't repeat it here, as itbegins, 'Here in the grateful shadow of these green trees.'"
"Oh, well, your reverence, instead of the speech, I will listen to yoursermons on Sundays. I intend to become a very zealous member of yourcongregation."
"And this, your ladyship," continued the master of ceremonies, "is Dr.Philip Tromfszky, resident physician of Fertoeszeg, who is celebrated notonly for his surgical and medical skill, but is acknowledged here, aswell as in Raab, Komorn, Eisenburg, and Odenburg, as the greatest gossipand news dispenser in the kingdom."
"A most excellent accomplishment!" laughingly exclaimed the baroness. "Iam devoted to gossip; and I shall manage to have some ailment every fewdays in order to have the doctor come to see me!"
Then came the surveyor's turn.
"This, your ladyship, is Herr Martin Doboka, county surveyor and expertmathematician. He will measure for you land, water, or fog; and if yourwatch stops going, he will repair it for you!"
"And who may this be?" smilingly inquired the lady, indicating thevice-palatine's assistant, who had thrust his long neck inquisitivelyforward.
"Oh, he is n't anybody!" replied the vice-palatine. "He is never calledby name. When you want him just say: '_Audiat!_' He is one of thosepersons of whom Cziraky said: 'My lad, don't trouble yourself to inquirewhere you shall seat yourself at table; for wherever you sit will alwaysbe the lowest place!'"
This anecdote caused "Audiat" to draw back his head and seek to makehimself invisible.
"And now, I must present myself: I am the vice-palatine of this county,and am called Bernat Goeroemboelyi von Dravakeresztur."
"My dear sir!" ejaculated the baroness, laughing heartily, "I could n'tcommit all that to memory in three years!"
"That is exactly the way your ladyship's name affects me!"
"Then I will tell you what we will do. Instead of torturing each otherwith our unpronounceable names, let us at once adopt the familiar'thou,' and call each other by our Christian names."
"Yes; but when I enter into a 'brotherhood' of that sort, I always kissthe person with whom I form a compact."
"Well, that can also be done in this instance!" promptly responded thebaroness, proffering, without affectation of maidenly coyness, theceremonial kiss, and cordially shaking hands with the vice-palatine.Then she said:
"We are now Bernat _bacsi_, and Katinka; and as that is happilyarranged, I will ask the gentlemen to go into the agent's office andconclude our official business. Meanwhile, I shall make my toilet fordinner, where we will all meet again."
"What a perfectly charming woman!" exclaimed the justice, when theirhostess had vanished from the room.
"I wonder what would happen," observed the doctor, with a maliciousgrin, "if the vice-palatine's wife should hear of that kiss? Would n'tthere be a row, though!"
The heroic descendant of the Scythians at these words became seriouslyalarmed.
"The Herr Doctor, I trust, will be honorable enough not to gossip aboutit," he said meekly.
"Oh, you may rest without fear, so far as _I_ am concerned; but Iwould n't say as much for the surveyor, here. If ever he should succeedin getting beyond 'I say,' I won't answer for the safety of your secret,Herr Vice-palatine! When your wife hears, moreover, that it is 'Bernat'and 'Katinka' up here, it will require something besides an anecdote toparry what will follow!"