She kicked and struggled. And then she threw herself on her knees and tried to kiss my hands, and when I pushed her away she fell on the ground and started sobbing and sobbing. I seized the opportunity and made a bolt for it.
“I’d hardly got home before she rang me up. I wouldn’t speak to her and rang off. She rang again and again, fortunately mother was out, and I just didn’t answer. There was a letter waiting for me at the office next morning, ten pages of it, you know the sort of thing; I took no notice of it; I certainly wasn’t going to answer. When I went out for lunch at one o’clock she was standing in the doorway waiting for me, but I walked right past her, as quick as I could, and got away in the crowd. I thought she might be there when I came back, so I walked along with one of the chaps at the office, who had his dinner the same place that I had lunch. She was there right enough, but I pretended I didn’t see her, and she was afraid to speak. I found another chap to walk out with in the evening. She was still there. I suppose she’d been waiting all the time so that I shouldn’t slip out. D’you know, she had the nerve to come straight up to me. She put on a society manner.
“ ‘How d’you do, Fred,’ she said. ‘What a bit of luck meeting you. I’ve got a message for your father.’
“The chap walked on before I could stop him, and I was caught.
“ ‘What d’you want?’ I said.
“I was in a flaming passion.
“ ‘Oh, my God, don’t talk to me like that,’ she said. ‘Have pity on me. I’m so unhappy. I can’t see straight.’
“ ‘I’m very sorry,’ I said. ‘I can’t help it.’
“Then she began to cry, right there in the middle of the street, with people passing all the time. I could have killed her.
“ ‘Fred, it’s no good,’ she said, ‘you can’t throw me over. You’re everything in the world to me.’
“ ‘Oh, don’t be so silly,’ I said. ‘You’re an old woman and I’m hardly more than a kid. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.’
“ ‘What does that matter?’ she said. ‘I love you with all my heart.’
“ ‘Well, I don’t love you,’ I said. ‘I can’t bear the sight of you. I tell you it’s finished. For God’s sake leave me alone.’
“ ‘Isn’t there anything I can do to make you love me?’ she said.
“ ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘I’m fed up with you.’
“ ‘Then I shall kill myself,’ she said.
“ ‘That’s your trouble,’ I said, and I walked away quickly before she could stop me.
“But although I said it just like that, as if I didn’t care a damn, I wasn’t easy about it. They say people who threaten to commit suicide never do, but she wasn’t like other people. The fact is, she was a madwoman. She was capable of anything. She was capable of coming up to the house and shooting herself in the garden. She was capable of swallowing poison and leaving some awful letter behind. She might accuse me of anything. You see, I hadn’t only myself to think of, I had to think of father, too. If I was mixed up in something it might have done him an awful lot of harm, especially just then. And he isn’t the sort of man to let you off easy, if you’ve made a fool of yourself. I can tell you I didn’t sleep much that night. I worried myself sick. I should have been furious if I’d found her hanging about the street outside the office in the morning, but in a way I’d have been rather relieved. She wasn’t there. There was no letter for me either. I began to get a bit scared, and I had a job to prevent myself ringing up to see if she was all right. When the evening paper came out I just made a grab at it. Pat Hudson was pretty prominent, and if something had happened to her there’d sure to be a lot about it. But there wasn’t a thing. That day there was nothing, no sign of her, no telephone message, no letter, nothing in the paper, and the day after, and the day after that it was just the same. I began to think it was all right and I was rid of her. I came to the conclusion it was all a bluff. Oh, my God, how thankful I was! But I’d had my lesson. I made up my mind to be damned careful in future. No more middle-aged women for me. I’d got all nervous and wrought-up. You can’t think what a relief it was to me. I don’t want to make myself out any better than I am, but I have some sense of decency and really that woman was the limit. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes she just horrified me. I’m all for having a bit of fun, but damn it all, I don’t want to make a beast of myself.”
Dr. Saunders did not reply. He understood pretty well what the boy meant. Careless and hot-blooded, with the callousness of youth, he took his pleasure where he found it, but youth is not only callous, it is modest, and his instinct was outraged by the unbridled passion of the experienced woman.
“Then about ten days later I got a letter from her. The envelope was typewritten or I shouldn’t have opened it. But it was quite sensible. It started, ‘Dear Fred.’ She said she was awfully sorry she’d made me all those scenes, and she thought she must have been rather crazy, but she’d had time to calm down and she didn’t want to be a nuisance to me. She said it was her nerves, and she’d taken me much too seriously. Everything was all right now, and she didn’t bear me any ill will. She said I mustn’t blame her, because it was partly my fault for being so absurdly good-looking. Then she said she was starting for New Zealand next day, and was going to be away for three months. She’d got a doctor to say she needed a complete change. Then she said Pat was going to Newcastle that night, and would I come in for a few minutes to say good-bye to her. She gave me her solemn word of honour that she wouldn’t be troublesome, all that was over and done with, but somehow or other Pat had got wind of something, it was nothing important, but it was just as well I told the same story as her if by any chance he asked me any questions. She hoped I’d come, because though it couldn’t matter to me and I was absolutely safe, things might be a little awkward for her and she certainly didn’t want to get into any trouble if she could help it.
“I knew it was true about Hudson going to Newcastle because my old man had said something about it at breakfast that morning. The letter was absolutely normal. Sometimes she wrote in a scrawl that you could hardly read, but she could write very well when she wanted to, and I could see that when she’d written this she’d been absolutely calm. I was a little anxious about what she’d said about Pat. She had insisted on taking the most awful risks, though I’d warned her over and over again. If he’d heard anything it did seem better that we should tell the same lie, and forewarned is forearmed, isn’t it? So I rang her up and said I’d be there about six. She was so casual over the telephone that I was almost surprised. It sounded as though she didn’t much care if I came or not.
“When I got there she shook hands with me as if we were just friends. She asked me if I’d like some tea. I said I’d had it before I came. She said she wouldn’t keep me a minute because she was going to the pictures. She was all dressed up. I asked her what was the matter with Pat, and she said it wasn’t really very serious, only he’d heard that I’d been at the pictures with her, and he didn’t much like it. She’d said it was just an accident. Once I’d seen her sitting by herself and come over and sat by her, and another time we’d met in the vestibule, and as she was alone I’d paid for her seat and we’d gone in together. She said she didn’t think Pat would mention it, but if he did, she wanted me to back her up. Of course I said I would. She mentioned the two times he was asking about, so that I should know, and then she began talking about her journey. She knew New Zealand well and she started talking about it. I’d never been there. It sounded fine. She was going to stay with friends and she made me laugh telling me about them. She could be jolly nice when she liked. She was awfully good company when she was in a good temper, I must admit that, and I never realised that time was passing. She was just like what she was when I first knew her. At last she got up and said she’d better be going. I suppose I’d been there about half an hour, may be three-quarters. She gave me her hand and she looked at me half laughing.
“ ‘It wouldn’t really hurt you to kiss
me good-bye, would it?’ she said.
“She said it chaffingly, and I laughed.
“ ‘No, I don’t suppose it would,’ I said.
“I bent down and kissed her. Or rather she kissed me. She put her arms round my neck and when I tried to break away she wouldn’t let me go. She just clung to me like a vine. And then she said, as she was going away to-morrow, wouldn’t I have her just once more. I said she’d promised she wouldn’t make a nuisance of herself, and she said she didn’t mean to, but seeing me, she couldn’t help herself, and she swore it would be the last time. After all, she was going away, and it couldn’t matter just once. And all the time she was kissing me and stroking my face. She said she didn’t blame me for anything, and she was just a foolish woman and wouldn’t I be kind to her? Well, it had all gone off so well and I was so relieved that she seemed to accept the situation; I didn’t want to be a brute. If she’d been staying I’d have refused at any price, but as she was going away I thought I might just as well send her away happy.
“ ‘All right,’ I said, ‘let’s go upstairs.’
“It was a little two-storey house, and the bedroom and spare-room were on the first floor. They’ve been building a lot of them round Sydney lately.
“ ‘No,’ she said. ‘The whole place is in a mess.’
“She drew me towards the sofa. It was one of those Chesterfields, and there was lots of room to cuddle up in it.
“ ‘I love you, I love you,’ she kept on saying.
“Suddenly the door opened. I sprang up and there was Hudson. For a minute he was just as startled as I was. Then he shouted at me, I don’t know what he said, and jumped. He let out his fist, but I dodged it; I’m pretty quick on my feet, and I’ve done a bit of boxing; and then he just chucked himself at me. We grappled. He was a big, powerful chap, bigger than me, but I’m pretty strong. He was trying to get me down, but I wasn’t going to let him do that if I could help it. We were struggling all over the room. He hit me when he could, and I hit him back. Once I got away from him, but he charged me like a bull and I staggered. We knocked down chairs and tables. We had a hell of a fight. I tried to get away from him again, but I couldn’t. He wanted to trip me up. It didn’t take me long to find out he was a lot stronger than me. But I was more active. He’d got his coat on and I hadn’t got anything but my undies. Then he got me down; I don’t know if I slipped, or if he just forced me, but we were rolling over on the floor like a couple of madmen. He got on top of me and began hitting my face; there was nothing I could do then, and I just tried to protect it with my arm. Suddenly I thought he was going to kill me. God, I was scared. I made a hell of an effort and slipped away, but he was on me again like a flash of lightning. I felt my strength giving out; he put his knee on my windpipe and I knew I’d choke. I tried to shout, but I couldn’t. I threw out my right arm and suddenly I felt a revolver put in my hand; I swear I didn’t know what I was doing, it all happened in a second, I twisted my arm and fired. He gave a cry and started back. I fired again. He gave a great groan and rolled off me on to the floor. I slid away and jumped to my feet.
“I was trembling like a leaf.”
Fred threw himself back in his chair and closed his eyes, so that Dr. Saunders thought he was going to faint. He was as white as a sheet and great beads of sweat stood on his forehead. He took a long breath.
“I was in a sort of daze. I saw Florrie kneel down, and though you wouldn’t believe it I noticed that she was careful about it so that she shouldn’t get any blood on her. She felt his pulse and she pulled down his eyelid. She got up.
“ ‘I think it’s all right,’ she said. ‘He’s dead.’ She gave me a funny look. ‘It wouldn’t have been very nice if we’d had to polish him off.’
“I was horror-struck. I suppose I couldn’t have been all there or I wouldn’t have said anything so stupid as I did.
“ ‘I thought he was at Newcastle,’ I said.
“ ‘No, he didn’t go,’ she said. ‘He had a telephone message.’
“ ‘What telephone message?’ I said. Somehow I couldn’t understand what she was talking about. ‘Who sent it?’
“D’you know that she almost laughed?
“ ‘I did,’ she said.
“ ‘What for?’ I said. Then it suddenly flashed across me. ‘You don’t mean to say it was a put-up job?’
“ ‘Don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘What you’ve got to do now is to keep your head. You go home and have supper quite quietly with the family. I’m going to the pictures like I said I would.’
“ ‘You’re crazy,’ I said.
“ ‘No, I’m not,’ she said. ‘I know what I’m doing. You’ll be all right if you do what I say. You just behave as if nothing had happened and leave it all to me. Don’t forget that if it comes out you’ll hang.’
“I expect I nearly jumped out of my skin when she said that, because she laughed. My God, the nerve that woman had got!
“ ‘You’ve got nothing to be afraid of,’ she said. ‘I won’t let them touch a hair of your head. You’re my property, and I know how to look after what belongs to me. I love you and I want you, and when it’s all over and forgotten we’ll be married. What a fool you were to think I was ever going to give you up.’
“I swear to you that I felt my blood run icy in my veins. I was in a trap and there was no getting out of it. I stared at her and I hadn’t a thing to say. I shall never forget the look on her face. Suddenly she looked at my undervest. I hadn’t got anything on but that and my drawers.
“ ‘Oh, look,’ she said.
“I looked at myself and saw that on one side it was just dripping with blood. I was just going to touch it, I don’t know why, when she caught hold of my hand.
“ ‘Don’t do that,’ she said. ‘Wait a minute.’
“She got a newspaper and began rubbing it.
“ ‘Hold your head down,’ she said. ‘I’ll take it off.’
“I bent my head and she skinned me.
“ ‘Have you got any blood anywhere else?’ she said. ‘Damned lucky for you you hadn’t got your trousers on.’
“My drawers were all right. I dressed myself as quick as I could. She took the vest.
“ ‘I’ll burn it and I’ll burn the paper,’ she said. ‘I’ve got a fire in the kitchen. It’s my washing day.’
“I looked at Hudson. He was dead all right. It made me feel rather sick to look at him. There was a great pool of blood on the carpet.
“ ‘Are you ready?’ she said.
“ ‘Yes,’ I said.
“She came out in the passage with me and just before she opened the door she put her arms round my neck and kissed me as if she wanted to eat me alive.
“ ‘My darling,’ she said. ‘Darling. Darling.’
“She opened the door and I slipped out. It was pitch dark.
“I seemed to walk in a dream. I walked pretty quick. As a matter of fact, I had all I could do not to run. I had my hat as far down as it would go and my collar turned up, but I hardly passed anybody and no one could have recognised me. I went a long way round, as she’d said I was to, and took the tram from right away in the neighbourhood of Chester Avenue.
“They were just going to sit down to dinner when I got home. We always had late dinner and I ran upstairs to wash my hands. I looked at myself in the glass, and d’you know, I was absolutely astonished because I looked just the same as usual. But when I sat down and mother said, ‘Tired, Fred? You’re looking very white,’ I went as red as a turkey-cock. I didn’t manage to eat very much. Luckily I didn’t have to talk, we never talked much when we were alone, and after dinner father started to read some reports and mother looked at the evening paper. I was feeling awful.”
“Half a minute,” said the doctor. “You said you suddenly felt a revolver in your hand. I don’t quite understand.”
“Florrie put it there.”
“How did she get it?”
“How should I know? She took it out of Pat’s pocket wh
en he was on the top of me or else she had it there. I only fired in self-defence.”
“Go on.”
“Suddenly mother said, ‘What’s the matter, Fred?’ It came so unexpectedly and her voice was so—gentle, it just broke me. I tried to control myself; I couldn’t, I just burst out crying. ‘Hullo, what’s this?’ said father. Mother put her arms round me and rocked me as if I was a baby. She kept on asking me what was the matter, and at first I wouldn’t say. At last I had to. I pulled myself together. I made a clean breast of the whole thing. Mother was frightfully upset, and started weeping, but father shut her up. She began reproaching me, but he wouldn’t let her do that either. ‘All that doesn’t matter now,’ he said. His face was like thunder. If the earth could have opened and swallowed me on a word of his, he’d have said the word. I told them everything. Father had always said the only chance a criminal has is to be absolutely frank with his lawyer, and that a lawyer couldn’t do a thing unless he knew every single fact.
“I finished. Mother and I looked at father. He’d stared at me all the time I was speaking, but now he looked down. You could see he was thinking like hell. You know, in some ways father’s an extraordinary man. He’s always been very keen on culture. He’s one of the trustees of the Art Gallery and he’s on the committee that gets up the symphony concerts and all that. He’s gentlemanly and rather quiet. Mother used to say he looked very distinguished. He was always very mild and amiable and polite. You’d have thought he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was everything he seemed, but there was a lot more in him than that. After all, he’d got the biggest lawyer’s business in Sydney, and there was nothing he didn’t know about people. Of course he was highly respected, but everyone knew it wasn’t much good trying on any hanky-panky with him. And it was the same in politics. He ran the party and old Barnes never did a thing without consulting him. He could have been premier himself if he’d wanted to, but he didn’t, he was quite satisfied just to be in the government and manage the whole shooting match behind the scenes.