While I worked on breathing in and out slowly, trying to control myself, Halina coolly raised an eyebrow. “You’re right…I could.”
Realizing what I’d just said, what I’d just told her to do, I swallowed and averted my eyes. Jerk or not, I didn’t want Russell dead. Just…gone. As I sorted through my shifting feelings, Halina calmly gave me an answer. “No, Julian. I will not trance him…or her.”
Leaning over my hands and knees, I exhaled long and slow. I’d expected that from her—really, I had—but it was still crushing. To be so close to an easy solution…and then to find it was completely out of reach…sucked. “You could make her life better,” I whispered.
Halina snorted, and I looked back at her. Closing her eyes, she laid her head back, enjoying the rays of light on her face. “If I went through my nights giving better lives to miserable humans…” she cracked an eye and looked over at me, “I’d starve to death.” I frowned at her comment and she sat up straight. “They reap what they sow, Julian. It’s not up to me to change that.”
“But he’s bad for her…”
Smiling, Halina shook her head. “There are many things that are dangerous to humans—cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, driving, donuts…vampires—” she glanced over to the wide windows filled with light, “…the sun.” Sighing, she returned her eyes to mine and shrugged. “Even the air she breathes every day is suspect. The very world she lives in is toxic to her, Julian. What’s a crappy boyfriend compared to all that?”
I started to object, and she raised a hand to stop me. “Yes, I could make her leave her boyfriend…” I smiled, and Halina shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean she will go to you, and it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t find another creep to fall in love with. And before you ask…no, I won’t make her fall for you. I won’t force a child to be a mindless automaton, living a life I have chosen for her. Not even for you, Grandson.”
Lowering my head, I was instantly reminded of Dad’s very similar conversation. I didn’t want Halina to force Raquel to like me, and as much as I hated to admit it, Halina was right. Just getting Raquel away from Russell wouldn’t solve the problem. She would probably just find another guy to treat her like dirt. For whatever reason, Raquel wanted that; otherwise, she would have left Russell ages ago. And I could never, ever be that kind of a jerk to her.
Lifting my jaw, Halina’s face was sympathetic as she eyed me. Then she flinched and started rubbing her arm. From across the room, Gabriel’s gaze narrowed as he watched his patient. “How are you feeling, my dear?”
Halina shrugged as she glanced at the sun-drenched windows. She started to say, “Fine,” but then cringed and turned away from the bright light. Gabriel blurred to her side in an instant.
Reaching down, he scooped her up like a child. “It’s time to go, love.”
She kicked, squirming to get away. “No, just a little longer…” Her eyes, red with unshed tears, looked over Gabriel’s shoulder, to the wall of windows bathing her in warmth, and in pain. “Please, Gabriel…it’s been so long.”
Imogen rushed to her mother’s side while I stood beside Gabriel, trying to block as much direct light from Halina as I could. Imogen frowned in concern. “It’s hurting you, Mother. You should go back downstairs.” Halina hissed in a quick, pain-filled breath, her arms and legs retreating from sight so that Gabriel had to hold her like a ball.
Kissing her forehead, Gabriel murmured, “I am sorry, Halina, but the glass is only a temporary patch. I have not yet found a permanent solution to the problem, and you need to go, before your discomfort turns deadly.” His face full of concern now, he blurred her back to the entrance of her underground lair. Before disappearing, he paused and let Halina take one last look at the sun she’d missed for so long. A sun she painted over and over on her canvases downstairs.
Smiling, even though her face clearly showed an escalating amount of pain, Halina leaned her head on Gabriel’s shoulder. My heart broke for her as I watched a bloody tear run down her cheek. Then Gabriel dashed away with her. Not sure whether I should feel happy or sad, I put an arm around Imogen. Her smile was just as conflicted as she wrapped her arm around my waist and kissed my head.
From downstairs, deep below the earth, we both heard Halina tell Gabriel, “I saw the sun today for the first time in more decades than I care to count. You have given me a gift beyond compare.” She let out a low, husky laugh as she added, “But I will try my very best to repay it…”
Knowing exactly what she meant, I felt a wave of embarrassment begin to swell. Just as I was letting go of Imogen to go help Dad with the fence, Alanna swept back into the room. Lips twisted into a frown, she shook her head. “Don’t leave just yet, Julian.” She motioned to a plush chair. “We should have a talk about your fighting. Sit…please.”
With a sigh, I sat down. I knew I shouldn’t have brought that up. Oh, well. This was bound to happen this weekend anyway…might as well get it over with.
I LOVED COMING out to the ranch with Mom, Dad, and Julian. I loved it so much that time seemed to fly by whenever I walked through the front doors. It seemed like only a split-second passed between helping Dad and Grandpa with the fence and packing up my things to leave.
Sighing, I slung my backpack over my shoulder. From the opulent room next to mine, I heard Julian respond to my sad sigh. “It’s not like we won’t be back, Nick.” There was a definite smile in his voice, and a heap of humor in his mood. He knew as well as I did that we came here almost every weekend.
I took one last look at all the fine things speckled throughout my room, the physical, financial investments that the family had made, and then I walked over to Julian’s room. His space was no less magnificent: a four-poster bed in a rich, deep mahogany, a matching night stand, dresser, and wardrobe closet, all adorned with an assortment of pillar candles and vases of fresh hydrangeas. Magnificent, red draperies, arranged to perfection, framed a wide bay window that took up almost an entire wall.
Watching Julian zip his backpack shut, I said with a frown, “I know. It’s just…nice here.”
He peeked up at me, his light eyes reflecting a sudden spark of curiosity. Even without Julian saying it, I knew why he was silently questioning my comment. Yes, the ranch was nice, but our spread back home was equally luxurious. But luxury wasn’t what I’d meant.
Clarifying, I told him, “It’s nice to not have to hide, to not have to be so careful all the time.” I blurred over to Julian, to punctuate my point. His only reaction to my sudden appearance in front of him was a sympathetic nod.
Heading downstairs together, we ran into Grandma Linda on the wide, elaborate staircase that dropped down to the first floor. Grandma had a bit of a hunch to her back, as age had tightened up her body, and she took her time going down the dozens and dozens of lacquered steps. Julian and I rushed to her side, each escorting her with a supportive arm under hers. Truly, either one of us could have scooped her up and carried her down, but Grandma was just like Mom and Aunt Ashley, and wanted to do as much as she could on her own. Come to think of it, aside from vampirism, the Taylor side of our family was just like the Adams side.
Patting my arm, Grandma tilted her neck to peek up at us. “Thank you, children.”
It made me smile that she still saw us as little kids, zipping around the house when she was trying to get us to focus on our math assignment. “You’re welcome, Grandma.” Grandma’s hair was the shiniest silver now, and she wore it in a bob that hung right at ear length, so she could conveniently tuck it away. I tucked a loose piece for her, and she smiled.
Mom, Dad, and the others met us in the living room. Mom hugged her mother, telling her to stop playing at being a cowgirl and start taking it easy. Grandma replied, “I’m in the last half of my life. Now’s not the time to hold back.” Mom had tears in her eyes as she nodded and hugged her again. I tried not to think about what that meant.
Grandpa Jack cleared his throat, then gave his son a hug. Dad patted his back, then told him, “I’m
only a phone call away if you need help with anything, Dad.” Then he smirked. “And I can get here really fast if I need to.”
Grandpa chuckled and nodded. His hair was just as silver as Grandma’s now, and as I watched my parents say goodbye to their parents, the elderly couple almost seemed like the husband and wife who ran this place. But as soon as the two of them disengaged from Mom and Dad, Grandpa was surrounded by Alanna’s cool embrace, and the look of love, adoration, and contentment that passed between them was unmistakable. They were the couple who were going to be by each other’s side until the very end. Even if the end never came for one of them.
Shaking the dark thoughts out of my head, I said goodbye to everyone. I hugged Halina last. Smiling at me, then at Julian, she told us, “Enjoy your schooling, children, but…be careful of your surroundings. Be mindful of how many lives you come into contact with. When we leave this place, I’ll need to blur you out of their memories.”
Julian immediately frowned. I could feel the disappointment growing in him, and I knew exactly who he was thinking about. “All of them, Grandma?”
Her mouth in a firm line, Halina nodded. She glanced over Julian’s shoulder at our father. “It is better…for everyone…if the memory is taken as quickly as possible.” Her eyes flicked back to Julian, then me. “I know you care for people here, but we cannot risk them seeing you, or us, later in life. Not with our appearances never changing.”
Julian lifted his chin. “That’s if we decide to not take Gabriel’s shot and become undead vampires. What if we do take it? What if we keep taking it? What if we decide to age like Starla? What if we decide to stay human? Or…stay as human as we can.”
Feeling his determination made me snap my head to stare at him. He was serious about this. My jaw dropped as I considered the future he’d just mapped out. If Julian decided to live a completely human life…then he would die…just like humans did. A hollowness filled my heart at the thought of living for eternity without him. He was my best friend. No, he was more than that. We almost shared a soul we were so close. And I didn’t want to take the shot. I didn’t want to age unnaturally. I wanted to be with my family for as long as I could, and that meant I had to die and become an undead vampire. So I could be like them…so Julian and I could be like them. Anger flew up my spine. It mixed with shock and sadness, then transformed into loneliness. He couldn’t do that to me. To us.
Mom stepped forward. “Julian, you don’t mean that. You don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Twisting his head to her, he dropped his eyes for a second, then raised them to hers. “Yes, I do, Mom. I completely understand what I’m saying.” Feeling the tension in the room, and the well of confusion coming from me, Julian looked around with a conflicted expression on his face. Sighing, he turned back to Halina. “I don’t know if that’s what I want. I just…wanted to ask the question.” He looked around the room again. “Is it wrong to ask?”
Dad stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s perfectly fine to ask, Julian.” Grabbing Julian’s other shoulder, Dad twisted him so he was squarely facing him. “I know exactly what you’re feeling right now. I felt it too. And yes, you have options available to you that weren’t available to me. And yes, if I’d had them, I might have considered what you’re considering…but then I wouldn’t have what I have now.” He shook his head, his eyes intense. “You have time…a lot of time. You don’t know where your life is going to go from here, so don’t make that choice yet. Keep your options open.” Dad sighed, then kissed Julian’s head. “I promise you, son…it will get easier to let them go.”
Julian dropped his head, sadness washing over him so fast it stole my breath. I clasped his hand, silently begging him not to choose a life that left me without him.
It was painfully quiet when we were finally in the car driving home. The radio was off, and no one was speaking. The only soundtrack to the moment was the heartbeats coming from the backseat and the hum of the tires on the road. Everyone looked out the windows, lost in their own thoughts. And even though I couldn’t hear those thoughts, I was sure they were all centered around Julian and his out-of-the-blue question about keeping his mortality.
Staring out the windshield, I couldn’t help but notice the symbolism before me. The headlights lit the road, but only for so far. After that, the world was dark and empty, full of possibility and uncertainty—much like the paths of our own lives. While Mom and Dad had gotten through the bends and curves of their unknown road, and were now traveling down a long, straight highway, our paths were still too twisted and tangled to know which way they’d turn out.
After another moment of the silence, Julian whispered, “I won’t do it. I won’t take the shot. I’ll be an undead vampire.”
Mom sighed and bowed her head. Looking up, she locked gazes with Dad, and I saw a lifetime of love pass between them in their communicative gaze. It made me proud to be a part of them. It made me ache for a connection that intense.
Shaking her head, Mom turned around to face Julian directly behind her. Smiling, tears in her eyes, she put a hand on his knee. “You’re saying that to make us happy, but you can’t know yet what you will or won’t do.” Mom paused, then lifted her chin. “We will support whatever decision you make, Julian, and we will love you every day.”
She turned around then, but not before I saw the tear roll down her cheek. I couldn’t stop myself from glaring at Julian, couldn’t help being irritated that he was hurting our parents because he had some stupid crush on some insipid teenage girl. Julian ignored my anger and stared out the side window.
When we got home, Mom was still upset, even though she tried to act like she wasn’t. I could tell from the way Dad urged her to go upstairs that he wanted to have a private conversation. I was also sure that Mom would cry once they were alone. Dad gave me a quick kiss on the head, then sighed and gave Julian an extra-long hug. Glancing between the two of us, he shook his dark head. “Don’t stay up too late. You have school tomorrow.”
Once Dad disappeared into his room, and Julian and I were alone in the hallway, I turned to him and slapped his arm as hard as I could. And considering I was a vampire, the hit was exceptional. The resounding smack was satisfying, as was his cry of pain. It was well worth the backlash of feeling the pain I’d just caused.
“Jesus, Nick, what the hell?”
Hands on my hips, I spat back, “What was that about, Julian? Are you really considering dying to be with a girl who doesn’t want to be with you?”
Julian immediately straightened, his jaw tightening. “No, I was considering living a normal life, and normal lives include dying.” Folding his arms over his chest, he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me that you’ve never thought about it, because I know that you, the one who is so tired of hiding and lying, has thought about not having to do it anymore.”
My jaw trembled as I shook my head. Sure, I’d thought about it. I was a sixteen-year-old girl who wanted to be just like all the other sixteen-year-old girls. How could I not think about it? “Not ever having to lie… The price you’d have to pay for that is too high, Julian. The only way you could live your life without ever lying…is to leave the nest. To leave the family.” My eyes filled as I stared at him, my momentary anger slipping back into pain. He couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t. “You’d have to live without us. We’d have to live without you.”
Julian sighed as he watched long tears streak down my skin. Waves of sympathy rolled off him, and shaking his head, he pulled me in for a warm hug. “It was just a split-second thought, Nick.” He rubbed my back, just like Dad did when we were upset. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I nodded into his shoulder, hearing his heartbeat, alive and strong beneath me. He held me until he felt my emotions leveling, then he pushed me back. Crooking a smile in the way that made Arianna sigh, he said, “You didn’t have to go all Mom-zilla on me.”
I laughed as I shoved him away from me. It was a long-standing joke between t
he two of us that Mom sort of loved to wail on Dad when she got upset. She’d never hit Dad as hard as I’d just hit Julian, and Dad usually laughed and took her attacks without complaint, but there had been a lot of smacking throughout my childhood. When I’d finally called Mom out on it a few years ago, she’d been extremely embarrassed and had made an effort to restrain herself. At least, she had when she was in front of us.
“You didn’t need to upset everybody by bringing it up, Julie.”
Julian looked down, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know.” His pale eyes peeked up at me, apologetic. “It just…slipped out before I could stop it.”
Nodding, I rubbed the spot on his arm where I’d brutalized him, then shuffled off to bed.
I WAS THE last one to wake up Monday morning; I could feel and hear everyone else downstairs. Rolling onto my side, I collided with Spike and reconsidered. The old pup was still asleep as he lay beside me. I gently stroked his graying fur, careful not to wake him. He used to come out to the ranch with us all the time, but we’d started leaving him at home recently. Halina had jokingly told us that we should keep bringing him since he was slower and easier for her to catch now. Well, I thought she was kidding. She wouldn’t really nibble on our dog. We watched him very closely whenever he was there, though, just in case.
I gave him a soft kiss, listening to his heavy, wheezing breath, then popped out of bed and got ready for my day. Downstairs, I could hear Julian having a quiet conversation with our parents. He was apologizing, again, for upsetting them yesterday. They were telling him not to worry about it, that he had every right to decide how he wanted to live his life.
Sighing, I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom. I was halfway there when I heard Mom stop mid-sentence and say, “Good morning, Nika.”