Antwone decided to walk back to his hotel, at least, walk some of the way then take a cab if needed be.
Ava had returned to his brain. He tried to get her off, replace her with something that was less complicated. But then he realized Ava wasn’t complicated, it was their situation that was complicated.
He was almost sure she loved him. Maybe more than he deserved. But she loved him the way a woman loves a man without asking for anything but a little bit of his time. She had never verbalized it though, her love. And he was glad she hadn’t. Or maybe she hadn’t because she knew doing so would compromise what little functionality there was between them.
His legs suddenly felt like rubber. He felt a little bad for her. Here she was, ready and willing to give him everything out of love, and take nothing back from him. Antwone thought it was just as well because he had already given his all a long time ago. He had nothing left, nothing to give. He was a parasite to those who could still love like Ava. He was wearing it all out.
A parasite…
Strolling by Hancock Park, Antwone came face to face with a scrawny stray dog that was devouring a dead raccoon which had been run over by a car.
As Antwone passed up and paused, the scurvy animal, dining just a little ways off the curb, perked up his head and gazed toward him. Its snout was wet and scaly-looking and its teeth were dirty with bits of dead meat.
The dog returned its attention to its dinner, taking no more notice of the onlooker. And so Antwone watched it, as if moved inwardly by a strange feeling of fascination mixed with repulsion.
A moment later, after the dog was done eating and had padded off into the shadows of a back alley, Antwone moved along. Where the carcass of the dead raccoon had been, now was a fresh brown blot on the pavement. Someone would have to wash it off. Something nauseous happened in his stomach and Antwone felt like having a beer to keep it back down. As he came up toward The Wall Along Willshire, he wandered into the first bar he found still open.
It was a pool table bar and it was still teeming with patrons, even this late at night.
When he thought about it, it was not difficult to realize a place like this was like a haven for people seeking out company when the rest of the city was asleep. You always found some sort of company in a dive bar, it was the favorite hangout of lonely hearts, and you felt less of a unique case in the world afterwards. Maybe that’s why, on a very subliminal level, Antwone thought it was good that he had ended up in there.
Antwone ordered a beer and drank slowly to give his feet some time to rest. He exchanged a few words with the bartender and when he was finished he didn’t get another one. He paid his tab and walked out at about the same time a group of three young men with their dates were leaving.
Outside the bar, Antwone saw them gathering around a parked car.
Presently they were laughing together and the reverberations of their laughter seemed amplified by the dead quietness of the block the pool table bar was located at. One of them even banged the car top, a convertible that looked dark green.
Every car parked in open air around the block looked dark green in the night; it was the mixture of light from the streetlamps and store signs reflecting off the cars’ surfaces that tricked the eyes. So it may have not been the real color of the convertible.
Antwone rolled by this merry bunch and as soon as his back was to them, he heard someone call out to him.
“Hey, you there…”
He turned and he saw a girl pull away from the group and walk up to him. Antwone recognized her as she drew nearer and nearer. It was the girl from the restaurant, the waitress he had been a little rude to…
Now she was smiling.
“For some coincidence,” she said, “this is a rich one.”
“Hey Liv–!” a big-boned guy called after her. “Come on, we have to go.”
“Just a minute,” she replied back in an overtone.
She looked back at Antwone; she was still smiling. The street lights were playing on her figure, breaking up the pretty canvas of her face in shadows and halftones.
“What are you doing around here?” She said.
Antwone hesitated, then said, “Same thing as you, I guess.”
Her smile became a grin. Antwone was really pleased to see that she didn’t seem worked up over his obnoxious demeanor back in the restaurant.
“You know you didn’t have to be a dick this afternoon,” she said. “That was not so cool. If you didn’t want to talk to me––”
“—Liv, come on, hey!”
Antwone peered over at the shouting young man. He was maybe five or six years older than the girl whose name was Liv.
“Excuse me,” she said to Antwone and she turned to head back to the car. Before she got there she turned again toward Antwone. “Don’t wander off on me yet.”
Antwone stood rooted on the sidewalk. Maybe it was her command. Or maybe he was just beginning to get curious about her. Now he was quite certain that he had encountered her before somewhere… But where exactly? At a book signing perhaps? No, he hardly remembered the faces of the attendees, and her face had a definite and distinctive impression on his mind, which meant their past encounter had been somewhat noteworthy.
Antwone overheard the conversation she was having with her friends.
“What do you mean you’re gonna walk home?” the big-boned guy asked her. The car was his because he stood next to the driver’s side.
“I live just five or six blocks down the street,” she said. “It’s no big deal.”
“Who’s that man?” asked a young girl about the same age as Liv. She was a little pale-looking, anorexic-like.
“A friend,”
“A friend?” the big-boned guy intoned. Antwone could see he was jumping to some nasty conclusions.
“Yeah Barry, a friend. You know, as in F. R. I. E. N. D.”
“Is he gonna walk you home?” asked the pale-looking girl.
“He might––”
“—Who’s that friend, by the way?” big-boned Barry asked while coming around from the driver’s side to where Liv was standing.
“Do I know all your friends, Barry? Seriously!” Liv said.
The pale-looking girl turned to her date, a goatee-sporting chap who had the generic features of the main bad guy in an action B movie.
“Maybe we should go with her,” she told him.
“What?” the goatee chap said. “I’m this close to bottom out and she’s a big girl.”
“No, no, no; you guys go ahead,” Liv told them while starting away from them. “Seriously, I’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.” She gave the pale-looking girl a reassuring look. “I’ll call you first thing in the morning.”
The other couple in the group – a bespectacled redheaded girl and her biker boyfriend – bowed out from their midst after hugging them goodbye. They headed for a motorbike which sat across the street from the pool table bar.
Liv came back to Antwone and he saw the pale-looking girl behind on her heels.
“Hi,” she said to Antwone right away when she got close. “I’m Monique.”
“Nice meeting you,” Antwone said. And he introduced himself, leaving his last name out. Monique probably didn’t know who he was and he wanted to keep it that way.
“So are you gonna walk her home?” Monique said, jerking her head toward Liv.
“Gee,” Liv sounded. “You can’t help it but play Mother Hen to the hilt, can you?”
“This is no hour to be out and about on the street, my dear. And on your own––”
“—I’ll walk her,” Antwone cut in. At this point there was no other course of action than to show some gentlemanliness. “I’ll walk her. She’ll get home safely.”
“All right,” Monique said, looking from Antwone to her friend. Between the two of them, Antwone figured Liv was probably the less mature and yet the most alert.
“I just wanted to make sure,” Monique said then she smiled. “Well, it’ll be nice to meet you again
sometime. I’m always interested in Liv’s friends, especially those who stand out from the usual lot.”
Afterwards, Monique said goodbye to the both of them and gestured at Liv to give her a call. The convertible finally pulled back from the curb, not without big-boned Barry growling behind the wheel. He threw the car into gear and finally drove off.
“She was my roommate when I first got here,” Liv explained when they got on the move. “In town, I mean. She saw me through some pretty tough times.”
“That’s what friends are there for.”
“I hope you’re cool with this, I mean walking me home. I mean, even if it’s just some of the way––”
“—I’ll tell you in a minute when I know where home is at.”
“Oh, just a couple blocks down the street.”
“Well, that’s fine then,” Antwone said. “It’s just a little detour from where I was headed.”
“Yeah, where was that?” Liv asked him.
“Doesn’t really matter.”
There was a short silence. Liv filled her lungs with the cool and fresh air and let it out wispily. Then she sort of lifted her arms to stretch them. She was tastefully clad in two different jackets over a chambray shirt, a bonnet and a short jean skirt. A striped scarf was wrapped around her waist.
When she was done stretching she said, “Just to be clear, I wasn’t trying to trick you or anything.” She looked over at him. “I’ve done this before. I mean––I’ve walked home before, pretty late at night, when the city sleeps and it’s just me without all the noise.”
Antwone returned her gaze.
“And you like that,” he said, “when it’s just you?”
“Sometimes yeah.” Then something occurred to her and she smiled and added, “My name is Liv, by the way. I realize we didn’t have a proper re-introduction.”
“Alright Liv, I’m Antwone.”
“I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you except it wouldn’t be proper given the way you blew me off earlier.”
“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“It’s alright. As a waitress, you’re paid to take it, right?”
“You can take a lot of things, but not on a minimum-wage job.”
“It’s that or you can go be precious somewhere else. Plus, it’s just part-time. I’m doing this and a few other day jobs to foot the bills until I can get my real job going.”
“Your real job…” Antwone said.
“Yep, I’m taking stage acting classes,” she said. “And the best part is I’m what you’d call a natural. I’m gonna reach the stars and I don’t care how long I must sing in the rain for that.”
“You really got a head on your shoulders, huh?”
“A head and a face you seem awfully unable to recognize. Is there any history of Alzheimers in your family?”
Antwone said after a moment, “So we’ve really met before.”
It was no longer a question. Somehow, Antwone was now sure. He knew without knowing. In his mind, Liv was not just some face in the crowd, she was becoming more and more of a familiar face.
“Yes we’ve met before,” she said. “I must say I’m a little offended that you didn’t recognize me. Yeah, it’s true I’ve changed a little bit.” She stroked the locks of hair falling over her forehead from under the bonnet. “But still, that doesn’t make me less offended.”
“Help me out here,” Antwone said. “Exactly when and where did we have this nebulous rencontre?”
She laughed like a little schoolgirl and covered her mouth with her wrist.
“I’ll give you a hint,” she said. “You were a tad thinner.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and you even had those Lionel Richie-type curls and a lot of stubble. I like the new look by the way. You’re slicker.”
Antwone thought on it. She was losing him. The short curls, he had given it up for the polished, faded hairstyle he now sported. Exactly eight years ago or so. Right after he had left the freighter life behind. Was she kidding him?
“How old are you?”He suddenly asked her.
“No one ever told you it’s rude to ask a woman her age.”
“Well you should know that I have a tendency to be rude,” Antwone said. “But seriously, how old?”
“Twenty-three if you really must know.” Then she added rather teasingly, “Would you like to check my ID to make sure?”
Saying that, she had turned her body lithely so that Antwone would see her face full-on. And she had done it in a waist-swinging manner to tilt herself toward him a little bit. Right then, she tripped and fell on his shoulder. She would have slid down to the pavement had Antwone not caught her in his arms. He had to hold her close to hold her up. Their eyes locked on one another.
“No, I wouldn’t want to check your ID,” Antwone said, before adding, “You don’t seem to have undergone any type of facial enhancement.”
“That’s right. I’m one hundred percent natural.”
They started walking again. Antwone said, “So you’re telling me that we met like eight years ago…”
“More or less, yeah,” she said. “And it’s a real pity if you can’t remember. Because I’ll never forget it. Your words… They were just… I had never heard anything like that. A miracle, that’s what they were.”
Antwone didn’t say anything.
A car passed them up, throwing its headlights on everything that stood in its way. Antwone saw that up ahead the sidewalk lay an empty beer can. Now and then, it was getting kicked around by a quick and sudden draught.
He then tried to think of something to say to Liv but his prolonged silence made her go on: “I’m not some crazy fan or something, I assure you. Besides, before this morning I had no idea you were a writer. But all these years I’d been hoping to see you again in person so I could tell you what your words meant to me. But if you can’t remember, then there’s no point in me coming forward.”
“No I’m glad you did. It’s just …um… I’m just a little...” He searched for the word. “You know, speechless.”
“I can’t believe it,” Liv suddenly exclaimed, looking up. “Old Nassilia hasn’t gone to sleep yet.”
They had just made it onto the courtyard of a three-story housing building. Rows of windows fronted on the street, a few of which were still lighted. Antwone couldn’t tell specifically which one Liv was looking at.
“You can’t believe the electric junk she’s got in there,” Liv went on. “And she often lets it run all night long and guess who’s gonna get stung with the overage billing? We are. I guess landlording comes with its own set of perks.”
“Is this your stop?”
“Yeah…” Liv replied. “This is my stop.”
And she looked at him with her bright teal eyes and Antwone could see into their depths. Because of that, he wondered if she could see into the depths of his own eyes.
Next to them, an arc-light was shining through the branches of a tree and its shadow fell flat on the courtyard and blended with their own shadows pooled beneath them.
“Well, I guess this is it,” Liv finally said after a moment.
“Are you going to work tomorrow? I mean, today,” he said, realizing they were in the a.m. already.
“At the restaurant?”
“Yes.”
“No,” she said. “I have the day off. I’ll be at the Dockweiler Beach. Friends of mine are throwing a bonfire party. It’s gonna be something.”
“The same friends I saw you with?”
“Yeah, them too.”
Antwone nodded. The last time he’d been to a bonfire gathering, he was still a boy, and he kept a fond memory of that period of his life. But that period had ended prematurely when he made himself into a man even though he was still going through his boyhood.
“You can tag along if you want to,” Liv said. “You know, just saying––”
“—Thanks for the offer,” Antwone said. He slowly shook his head. “But, hum… hangin
g out with a bunch of college kids is not really something I do.”
“Hey, you don’t look like someone’s grandpa yourself, you know; and it’s gonna be fun––”
“—I’m on this writing schedule and––”
“—Look… Here.” She held out her hand to him. “Give me your cell phone.”
Antwone hesitated at first and Liv saw it and wiggled her fingers to sort of make him and he gave in to her request.
“If you change your mind,” she said, thumbing away at the cell phone keyboard, “call me. I’ll be there anyway.” She handed the cell phone back. “Otherwise, I’ll see you when I see you.”
She smiled at him, then turned and went inside the building, walking fast, nearly trotting and scuffing the sand with her shoes. Antwone watched after her. Then, when she was indoors, he looked at her phone number and saved it.
It was only then that he was starting to place her, in the time and in the place he had met her, eight years ago or so.
And he realized she hadn’t just changed a little bit, like she had claimed. No wonder he couldn’t recognize her. He was remembering now. But the young woman he had just interacted with was different in everything from the then-tween girl he remembered.
Smiling to himself, and because the memory had come back to him belatedly, Antwone turned his back on the housing building and slouched down the street. He didn’t stop a cab along the way. He walked some twenty plus blocks back to the hotel.
7