“Okay, I'm good. I think.” I stare at my face in the mirror and meet Peter's eyes. He smiles.
“That's my girl.” My heart flutters at his smile. It's better than any happy pill I could take. I know he's struggling with my emotions. I'm sorry for that, but there's nothing I can do. We're going to have to carry this together.
“I really need a toothbrush,” I say, running my tongue on my teeth. Yuck.
“I'll be right back,” he says, sliding through the door and coming back seconds later with a boosted toothbrush and toothpaste.
“Thanks, baby.”
“Anytime.”
Mom and Dad are laughing when Peter and I get back to the room. Flowers and cards are already arriving, and Aj called a couple of times, offering to come down. She says she's not coming until tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure she's on the way, judging by how distracted she was when I talked to her an hour ago, and the fact that I could hear highway noise.
“What's so funny?” I say, motioning for Peter to sit in the chair so I can sit in his lap. He does it, and I prop my feet on Mom's bed.
“Your father was just talking about our honeymoon. Did I ever tell you that on our honeymoon we got attacked by a family of raccoons?”
“Uh, no. Why haven't I heard this story?”
“Well, it was so stupid. We went out for a hike around the island and someone named your father forgot to close the door all the way. When we got back there were at least five raccoons tearing through all our food. I can't remember what you used to shoo them away.”
“It was that broken chair we had on the porch, remember?”
“He was like a lion tamer, trying to get them to go out the back door. I'll never forget the way they hissed and ran around. Of course I was screaming one second and then laughing the next.” Mom starts to laugh again, and tears roll down her face. Dad gets up and does a reenactment for us, and I start giggling. Soon we're all laughing so hard we can't breathe. Well, except for Peter. He does make a really good effort. Gold star.
Dinner arrives for Mom, and Peter and I go down to the cafeteria to get some food. He helps me carry the trays back up and when we walk into the room, Tex and Viktor are there.
“Hey, we just thought we'd stop by and say hi.” They're holding hands and Tex has a strange look on her face. Like she's about ready to explode and shoot rainbows everywhere. Like she just saw a unicorn and got to pet it. I think I know what that look is for, but I really, really can't deal with that right now.
“I know how much you love your tulips, so I thought I'd bring your garden to you,” Tex says, gesturing to a bouquet of baby yellow tulips in a pink vase.
“Thank you, Tex. That was so thoughtful. Thank you for the card as well, and thank your parents for me.”
“I will,” she says, and her happy face falls for a second as she glances at all the tubes, wires and equipment Mom is strapped to. Tex doesn't do well with hospitals. They totally freak her out. I don't know why, because she's never had to stay in one and all her parents and grandparents are alive.
Viktor takes up most of the room. Today his wardrobe consists of black skinny jeans, which he somehow manages to make masculine, and a Pink Floyd t-shirt.
“It's nice to meet you, Viktor, although I wish it were under better circumstances. Still, I've heard so much about you and it's nice to put a face with a name,” Mom says.
“I have heard much about you as well, and I can see where Ava gets her beauty and her spirit from.” Mom blushes at the compliment. Yeah, he's that charming. Dad looks a little uncomfortable.
“Well, we don't want to intrude. I'll see you later, Ava. Nice to see you, Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan. I hope you get better soon. Bye.” Viktor echoes Tex’s sentiments and leaves.
Peter and I pull up another of the rolling trays, and we all settle in for a family dinner.
“I don't want to be rude, but are you adopted?” Dad asks.
“Yes, all my brothers are. My mother was unable to have children of her own.”
“Oh, I see. Was it difficult for her to adopt as a single mother?”
“She is a lawyer. She has ways of getting what she wants.” Okay, so the first part isn't true, but the second is.
“Are you sure you're not hungry? I'm sure there are plenty of gluten-free and lactose-free options.”
“I will eat when I get home. My mother is very strict about family meals.” Dad is clearly puzzled by the fact that Peter never eats with us, but he has other things on his mind.
“That fruit looks really nice.”
“I'm not that hungry,” Mom says. Understatement of the year. She's barely touched anything. She refuses to eat Jell-O, just like me. The texture of that stuff makes my gag reflex go crazy.
“Claire, you have to eat something.”
“I'll have some later.”
She puts her fork down and pushes the tray away. I glance at Dad, waiting for him to fight her on it, but he doesn't. He sits back and takes a bite of his burger. I munch my salad and Peter watches. We're quiet for the rest of dinner, and soon it's time for me to go home. Dad is going to stay until visiting hours are over for the night. I don't want to leave her, but I'm not going to have a hissy fit. It's juvenile and Mom doesn't need that. So I kiss her on the cheek and say I'll be back in the morning. She tells me to get some sleep and that she loves me.
“Love you more,” I say.
“Not possible,” she says.
I watch her face until we leave the room. I think I'm going to break again, but Peter is there to hold me up and keep me together.
“You're my glue,” I say when we get in my car. He puts me in the passenger seat without even consulting me. I should be angry, but I like this take-charge Peter much more than mean Peter or just-say-no Peter.
When we get to the house, Aj's car is already there. I walk in the door on tiptoes and flash the lights. “The good silver is in the china cabinet. Take it and go.”
“You know that silver is fake, right?” she says, coming out from the kitchen.
“How did you get in?”
“I can't imagine. Could it be the hide-a-key under that fake rock in the garden?”
I narrow my eyes. “How did you know about that? It's supposed to be a secret.”
“I have my ways,” she says, pretending to twirl a mustache. “I see you've got your shadow with you.”
“Yeah, we're pretty much a packaged deal. Right, baby?”
“Right.”
“I never thought I'd see the day when my independent niece would go crazy for a boy. You must be pretty special to keep this one in line.”
“He is,” I say.
“I don't,” he says in response to the second part. “I would never want to tame her.”
“Good. That's what I like to hear. So, who wants dinner?”
“We already ate at the hospital.”
“Really? Damn, I made a crap ton of mac and cheese. Granted, it's from a box, but it's organic.” Aj can't cook, so this is really something.
“Well, in that case.” I hear a loud truck about a mile away. “What's Jamie doing here?”
“Aw, I miss Jamie. I haven't seen him in forever,” Aj says, going to the stove to stir what I hope is the mac and cheese. She turns, snapping her fingers. “Damn, I forgot about your lactose intolerance. Sorry.”
“It's fine. I have already eaten.”
Jamie's truck finally pulls into the driveway and dies. Aj frowns, looking out the window at the pickup.
“Did you know he was coming?” she asks.
“No.” Where is she going with this?
Her eyes narrow. “Then how did you know he was coming?”
“I heard his truck.” Aj looks at me, puzzled. Damn, I shouldn't have said anything. “You know, it's really loud,” I say as I go to the door to let him in.
“Hey, James. How's it going?”
He still has his hands in his pockets. I go to give him a hug, but he lets go fast.
“Dude, what ha
ppened to your hand?” Aj says, pointing to a white bandage around Jamie's left hand.
“I was walking and I fell. Had a klutzy moment.” He won't meet my eyes.
“Jamie?”
He looks up and then glances at Peter. I look back and forth at them as they share a moment. Oh shit, she bit him. I want to go ballistic on him, but Aj is here, and I can't drag one more human into this mire.
“Bummer.”
“At least I don't need my hands to run,” he says. I open my mouth to ask him something, but shut it. His heart is already broken. Why drive the knife in deeper?
No wonder she left.
“No, but you need them to block a punch!” Aj fakes a punch at his stomach and he grabs her arm. They have a little struggle, but end up laughing, even though Jamie's dies quickly and his face goes back to sad Jamie. “Not bad. Remember when I used to kick your ass?”
He scoffs as we walk into the living room. “I'm pretty sure that never happened.”
“Oh, it did. I have pictorial evidence.” Jamie rolls his eyes and tugs on his ear, putting his hands in his pockets again.
“So there's a reason I came. I... heard your mom was in the hospital, so I brought these,” he says, going to the porch and retrieving a box. Instead of getting a bouquet, he has a box with a tulip bulb in it.
“I know you hate it when flowers die. This way you can plant it.” The flower on the cover of the box is pure white. “White is supposed to be for purity and healing. I think. I don't know, I think I read that somewhere.”
“Thank you,” I say, swallowing the ball of tears in my throat.
“I also have this.” He pulls a card out of his back pocket. “Don't open it now.”
“Okay.”
There's a pause. Aj fills it.
“So, are you hungry? I have enough mac and cheese for an army, or for a Jamie Barton.”
I think he's going to protest that he shouldn't intrude, but he doesn't.
“Thanks.”
Aj beams, happy to have someone to cook for.
“So how's Claire?” Aj asks. I give her the update as she fills a plate with mac and cheese, green beans and corn for Jamie.
They try to look upbeat, but they know as well as I do that pneumonia isn't good. Her immune system is so compromised that her body just doesn't have the will to fight. But I'm not thinking about that at this particular moment.
“So, Jamie, is there a special lady in your life? I thought I saw a twinkle in your eye.” Aj prods him with her finger, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
“Yeah, there is. But she's away right now.”
“Oh no. When is she coming back?” Aj asks.
“I'm not sure if she is.” He puts his fork down and absentmindedly rubs the gauze on his hand.
“What happened there?”
“Her mom keeps moving them around.”
“I'm sorry, that sucks.”
Jamie meets my eyes and I give him a sad smile. I go over and rest my head on his shoulder.
“Whatever will be, will be,” I say, altering Rasha's quote a little.
“Isn't that from a song?” Jamie says.
“It sounds like it, doesn't it?” I say. Maybe it is.
Jamie stays a little bit longer, talking about everything at school I've missed. It's nice to talk about stupid teenage things for a few minutes. Normally I don’t want to hear about how everyone else's lives are normal and mine isn’t, but I need it now.
“So then Macey walked up to Sarah and threw a bottle of Gatorade right in her face.”
“Seriously? What color was it?”
“Red. So she looked like she was covered in blood.” At the word blood, he flinches involuntarily.
“Jamie, I don't know if it's best that she comes back,” I say, glancing back at Aj to make sure she can't hear. She's busy in the kitchen with her iPod in her ears, jamming out to Mumford and Sons, probably.
“I know what she did was wrong, but can you say Peter's never done the same thing?”
No, I can't. I'm a hypocrite. The reasons he should stay away from Brooke are the same reasons I should stay away from Peter, but I don't. So I don't have a leg to stand on.
“Well, he never chewed on my hand, but he did leave me with this,” I say, showing my neck. There is the tiniest red mark. “And this,” I say, sliding off the wide bracelet I wear to cover up my wrist wound. “It's the price you pay for hanging out with a bloodsucker. It's like being in love with a giant mosquito.”
“Nice, Ave.”
I shrug one shoulder. “It's true.”
“I'm not mad at her. I've tried to tell her a million times that I don't care. It's not her fault that she can't control it. She is what she is, and I can't change that and neither can she. Did I tell you what she did to my dad?”
“No.” This is the first I'm hearing about it.
He shakes his head and tells me how his Dad got drunk one afternoon and Brooke beat him up. Well, she didn't exactly beat him up, but she gave him a good scare. I guess it worked. Jamie says he's been going to work every day and helping around the house. He even went out and bought a brand new crib for Cassie's baby.
“Brooke said he needed a wake-up call. I guess he did. I just hope it lasts.” He's been disappointed so many times in the past. “But at least he's still with me.” He doesn't say alive, but that's what he means. At least he still has a father. Even if he's an ass.
“Is there anything I can do? I'm not sure what that would be, but I'm here. All you have to do is ask,” he says.
“I don't know, Jamie. I just want it to go away. I just want it to stop. I want to go back in time, or to change my life, or something.”
“I'm so sorry for you, Ave. If I could change it, I would.”
“I know.” He rubs my hand with his. “I love you.”
“I love you. I'm only a phone call away. I can get in my truck at 3 a.m. if I have to. Anytime. Anywhere.”
“Thanks.” I give him a hug, and he picks me up off my feet, spinning me around. It's been so long since he did that.
“We need a Miller's date soon.”
“Absolutely. As soon as possible.”
He gives me a kiss on the cheek and then leaves, his truck sputtering down the road.
“He is a good friend. I am glad you have good humans in your life.”
“I'm glad I have good immortals, too.”
Twenty-Six
Brooke
“So who are we trying to find?”
“Di. She was the one who found me and brought me to the man that changed me. I need to convince her to stop being a bitch, basically.” She'd told me about binds and how they worked. Ivan hadn't, and I didn't understand why. He'd made two binds with me, and if I hadn't followed them, I would have died. Or re-died. I wasn't sure how that worked exactly. Since I didn't have a beating heart, I wasn't alive. But I could walk and talk, so what did that make me? When I thought of 'undead,' I thought of zombies. I definitely didn't lurch around and hunger for brains. Blood, hell yes.
“And what will we do once we find her?” I said, sitting down on a rock.
The desert stretched out in front of us, endless and red, like it was on fire. It had nothing on New Hampshire. I should have been more excited, but I didn't really get excited anymore. Although, the world was both a more beautiful and ugly place since I'd become immortal, I was still trying to make sense of it all.
“Try and convince her to stop being insane,” she said.
I was frustrated with Helena because she didn't tell me anything. When she asked if I wanted to come, I thought the trip would be a distraction from Jamie. In reality, nothing would have distracted me from Jamie. He existed in my mind, as if he'd colonized part of it and wouldn't give it up. I thought about his hair, his voice, his blood, his smile, his arms, and everything else. I wanted to go back, but I couldn't. I had to stay away. He was just too much of a temptation. His blood was too much of a temptation. If only I could change him, and then we could b
e together, but I didn't think he'd want that. I couldn't take his mortality from him, no matter how much I wanted to spend my immortality with him.
“How do you intend to do that?”
“I'm not really sure yet. I've had how many years to think about it?”
Helena told me about the saga between her and Di. In my opinion, Di was a lost cause. Clearly, she had been going down a crooked path for so long she probably couldn't find her way back, even if she wanted to. I didn't tell Helena that. Who was I to judge?
Helena stopped and stared at the sky. “I can't believe I'm nervous. I don't remember the last time I was nervous.”
“I don't remember being nervous,” I said. Except for when I thought about hurting Jamie, maybe. That was more panic than nervous.
“It feels like my life is going to end,” she said, breaking a tree limb and crushing it in her hands. I knew what she meant.
“Did you make a binding promise?”
“Yeah. No, I won't tell you what it is.”
“Why not?”
“Because. That's why.”
That wasn't a reason, but I wasn't going to push it. The truth was I didn't care that much. Once I was done with her and all this, I was going to move on. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else.
“Whatever,” I said. “How do you know where she is?” I decided a subject change was in order.
“I don't know. I'm just following a hunch.”
“And where does your hunch lead you?”
Helena scented the air, considering. “I'm not sure yet.
Twenty-Seven
Peter
That night I finish Ava's coursework for her. Most of what she has is done. At least I didn't have to write her English essays, because I'm not sure I could get her voice quite right, but I did her math, finished her history paper and put the finishing touches on her French project.
Her father doesn’t get home until well after nine, and both he and Ava are restless. Her aunt is also asleep in the guest room, and she apparently has the habit of talking in her sleep. Sam doesn’t sleep at all, instead staying up and typing on his computer. I hear him talking to himself. Ava has the nightmare again, and I try to send good dreams to her, just to see if I can. It works for a moment, but then the anxiety takes over. It is harder in her sleep to keep her mind positive.