“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” I’d had Peter send him and Aj periodic texts over the weekend so it wouldn’t seem like I’d dropped off the planet.
“It’s okay, really. I wanted you to have a good time. What have you girls been up to?” I tell him about movies and junk food and even throw in an anecdote about Tex’s little brother. He laughs in all the right places and I ignore the breathing on the other line that is clearly Aj listening in.
“Do you want to say hi to your aunt? She’s right here.” Smooth, Dad.
“I’m totes jealous of you guys. But I will have you know that I haven’t ordered takeout for every single meal,” she says with a note of pride in her voice. It makes me want to smile, so I do. It’s not that hard. I don’t know what Peter was making such a fuss about.
“I’m very impressed.” I chat a bit more with both of them and it’s like something inside me clicks into place again, after being moved for a little while. It’s like I’m putting myself back together again. My next call is Tex.
She picks up after half a ring.
“Ava? Ava is that you? Are you alive? Or, whatever?” She barely lets me get a word in edgewise.
“Tex. Calm down. It’s me, and yes, I’m . . . whatever I am. I’m fine.” She squeals on the other end as if I’d just told her I’d gotten concert tickets to her favorite band.
“You ho! When are you coming home?” For that answer, I look at Peter. He gives me a vague look, and I know it’s going to depend on a lot of factors, most of which are whether I can be around people without wanting to eat them.
“Um, we’ll have to see. You know, with controlling my bloodlust and all.” I try to make a joke out of it, but a bolt of fear goes through me. What if I turn into a blood-crazed monster? What if I can’t be around any humans without killing them? Or at least wanting to kill them?
Dad. Aj. Tex. Jamie.
What if I bite one of them?
You’d think I would have thought about this beforehand. Maybe I did, but now that it’s actually happened, it seems like I should have thought about it more. A lot more.
“Listen, I’ll call you later, okay?” I hang up before she can say anything else. I didn’t even get a chance to tell her about the wings. She’s going to be stoked about that, and probably a little jealous.
I stare at the phone and Peter puts his hand on my shoulder. I want to call Jamie, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
“What is wrong?”
“What if I can’t control myself? What if I hurt her? Or Jamie? Or Dad? I mean, I have to go home soon. I have to live in the same house with Dad and Aj, and what if I just go crazy and kill them? What if I go on a rampage like Godzilla and massacre everyone in Sussex?” My words have gotten away from me and Peter puts both hands firmly on my shoulders and digs his fingers in. He never would have done that if I were still human. He would have broken my collarbone.
“If anyone, anyone, can make it through this, it is you.”
“Why do you have so much faith in me?”
“Because you make me have faith in everything else.” God, it’s just so easy for him. He’s always been like that. Black and white. Am I going to be like that now? I’m so used to living in the land of gray.
“Are you hungry?” he says and I can’t deny it any longer. Hunger is an odd word for it. It’s more like . . . need. Need for something you can’t put your finger on, but you know as long as you have to wait for it, you are slowly wasting away, fading, disintegrating.
“No,” I say, and we both know it’s a lie. God, I’m not looking forward to this part. Because once I do this, once I have my first taste of blood, there is no turning back. I mean, there’s no other option. I have to do it. Like going to the dentist, or the DMV or taking geometry. You have to do it and get through it.
“So are we going to um, hunt someone, or . . .” I don’t know all the proper terms. I realize I’ve never really asked Peter about this part, seeing as how most of the time I’ve been with him, I’ve been Claimed and now that’s broken (or at least the blood taking part) I feel like I need some Human Hunting Lessons. Will I need to wear camouflage?
“I have . . . made arrangements.” He won’t look at me when he says it. Part of me wants to demand the details of these so-called arrangements, and another part of me seriously doesn’t want to know. I mean, really, if he sets me loose and lets me feed on whomever, I’ll probably freak out. Sussex is a small town, and the likelihood of me getting someone I know is pretty damn good.
Before my head can spin completely out of control, Peter takes my hand and starts ripping the wood from the door, taking me out into the world for the first time.
Ten
Tex
“Ugh. She must have shut her phone off,” I say, chucking my phone back on my bed. I’d barely spoken to Ava and then she’d hung up on me. It’s my very worst fear come true. She’s immortal and she doesn’t want to be dragged down by her human friend anymore.
I stare at the phone and Viktor pulls me against his chest from behind. He’s so tall that he can almost fold himself in half over me. His arms encircle me and I try not to cry. Again. He sends tender sweetness my way and I appreciate it, but I can’t seem to grab hold of it.
When did I turn into such an emotional mess? Yeah, that’s a stupid question. I have a tendency toward emotional overload. But this time I don’t have my BFF to fix me.
“I’m okay,” I say, even though it isn’t true. I turn in his arms and look up, nearly wrenching my neck. I’m always joking that we need to get me really high heels, or a stool or something. Maybe stripper shoes. Then it would be something for me and something for him. Win-win.
“You can’t lie to me,” he leans down and whispers in my ear.
“I know.” My arms go around his neck. “I need to go. I need to go see her. I can’t take it any more. I don’t care if she’s a bloodlusty psychopath. She’s still my best friend, and nothing’s going to change that.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I also know you don’t care, and you’re going to do it anyway. I might as well come along with you and try to keep you out of trouble.”
I’m rendered speechless for a moment.
“You know me so well, V.” He grins and it makes my knees weak.
“Oh, you still have plenty of secrets, Tex. I won’t ever know all your secrets.”
“Mystery is good.” He tosses my car keys at me and then hops out the window. Mystery is good, but I’m pretty sure he’s the one with more of it.
~^*^~
He could have run me to the church and gotten us there faster, but I needed the drive to think. Or just babble at Viktor. I ended up doing both, and he listens, not attempting to calm me down, because he knows it’s a lost cause.
Ava’s Mom’s car is out front, and the church is all boarded up. I start to get out of the car, but Viktor puts his hand on my arm to stop me.
“Let me go first. They are not in the church, but nearby. Stay in the car, Texas.” He never calls me Texas, except when he wants me to pay attention. So I pay attention, because he’s the one with the extra sensory whatever and because I’m suddenly so scared I feel like I’m going to pee my pants.
He gets out and goes behind the church, soaking into the cool shade of the trees that hover around the church like guards or protectors.
I can’t sit still, so I take off my seatbelt and push my seat back, also rolling down the window so I can get some air.
This is insane. This whole thing is insane. I’d said I was cool with it, but sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and for just a second, I’ll think that I imagined all this. Peter, Viktor, the whole noctalis thing. And then I roll over and Viktor is naked beside me, watching me, and I realize it is real.
I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
Viktor
She is feeding. I know it would upset Texas, and could be dangerous for both of them, as Tex is Claimed and it would hurt Ava to touch her.<
br />
When I round the church Peter is standing over Ava, stroking her head as she feeds from the wrist of a man who is nearly dead, but he is not the first. Near him are three other bodies that she had drained earlier.
Peter looks up when he sees me, but Ava does not. She is still wrapped in the thrill of her first tastes of blood. I remember it so well myself. It seems that the memories with blood in them stand out the strongest. Like a picture I could throw myself into at any time and relive.
“How is she?” I say as Ava finally pulls away from the man, her mouth stained and some of it running down her chin. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and then licks off the remnants.
“Do you need more?” Peter says, ignoring my question.
“I think I’m good for now,” Ava says, and shoves herself away from the body, as if she is disgusted with it. Finally she looks up at me.
“Viktor. What are you doing here?”
“Hello, new little sister.” She might as well be. “How are you?”
“Apart from the fact that I just murdered four people in an eight-hour period, fan-freaking-tastic.” Her sarcasm is completely intact.
Fascinating.
“I thought I would let her get the feel for it, get her bearings and then we can work on feeding without killing,” Peter says, as if he has to explain it to me. Aside from Tex and those she cares for, I have no qualms about killing humans. You lose qualms at roughly the three hundredth person you’ve killed, at least for me. There are always more humans. Too many of them in fact. Noctali are a strange method of population control. Maybe if there were more of us, there wouldn’t be a problem with overpopulation.
Ava moans and stares at the pile of bodies. Well, there are only four, so it can hardly be called a pile.
“I’m never going to be able to do this. It’s like I can’t hear or see anything else. I can’t do this, Peter.” I know she wants to cry, but she can’t anymore. Her body has forgotten how, and it will never be able to again.
“It will be all right.” Peter comforts her and gives me a nod. He doesn’t need to tell me what the nod means. Take care of the bodies.
I drag them further into the woods, nearly a mile away from the church, and bury them, each in a different grave and far apart enough that if they are ever discovered, they will not be connected. I probably should have burned them, but the smoke might attract attention. It would be easier to do this in northern Maine, where a puff of smoke would only be seen as a woodstove or campfire. The ideal area is either heavily populated, so the bodies can be tossed in a river, or a Dumpster, and the death is written off as an unsolved crime, or an area so rural that it will be years before anything is discovered.
I return and Ava is pouring water over herself, trying to wash away the rest of the blood.
“I will get you a change of clothes,” Peter says and comes back with another shirt, pants, and underwear.
“Thanks,” she says, and starts to strip. “You wanna turn around?” I am amused by her still-human sensibilities, but I acquiesce.
“So, back to the non-blood world. What are you doing here?”
“Tex wanted to see you. She’s out front in the car.”
Ava gasps. Such a human thing to do. Then she comes forward and smacks me on the arm. I laugh.
“What the hell were you thinking? This is exactly what I was worried about. Dude, I just k-killed four people. Did you think about the fact that I might decide I want to bite her? I mean, I did it once. Almost.” Her face is filled with sadness and remorse. So young.
“You cannot touch her without extreme pain. She is Claimed. So she is safe,” I say.
“Yeah, but –“ She is interrupted by the sound of Tex running around the front of the church.
“Oh God,” Ava says, and shrinks against Peter. “Hold me tight.”
His arms lock around her as we wait.
Ava
What the fuck was she thinking? I don’t care if she’s Claimed or not, I don’t want her near me right now. Not that I could take any more blood, but that doesn’t mean my need still isn’t there.
It was easy. So easy to bite into those people and suck every drop of life out of them. Peter told me he got Viktor to get them, and had been holding them, drugged, in the mausoleum. He told me they were all people who were going to die anyway, or had been so close to death that I would be doing them a mercy. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair, but I only cared about that before and after. The during was a whole other story.
I didn’t care. The moment I smelled their blood, all thoughts of innocence, or being a monster evaporated, gone as if they’d never been there. It was all I could do not to rip their heads off to get better access to their blood. If it weren’t for Peter’s voice in my ear, telling me to listen, to feel the heart and count how many pints I’d drained and when I should stop in order to leave someone alive and how I should go for the wrist instead of the neck because it was less noticeable, I would have probably ripped them all to pieces in five seconds.
And the blood. Words don’t do the taste of it justice. Peter had told me once that noctali could get drunk on too much blood, and now I believed him.
Easy. So easy.
After my little blood buffet, Viktor took care of the bodies. I couldn’t think of them as people because it hurt too much. For now I could push it aside, but, just like my mother’s passing, it would only stay dormant for a little while. Those demos always know the best time to attack and when you are most vulnerable.
Then Tex is here, and then there she is, all human and blood-filled.
“Oh my God. You look the same,” she says, taking in the scene of Peter clamping his arms around me and Viktor waiting calmly. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to master the noctalis calm. Maybe I didn’t get it in my immortality package.
“Did you think I was going to change?”
She shrugs.
“I don’t know. So, um, how are you?”
“Fine. Except for the beating heart and all that.” I smile, trying to reassure her. Smiling still feels different.
She is scared. I hear her heart beating fast. I seem to have an intimate knowledge of the human body now. How fast a heart should go at normal rate, what lungs sound like when they expand. It’s cool and extremely creepy at the same time.
“Yeah. That. But you’re good? You don’t, like, want to kill me?” I remember so clearly, asking Peter nearly the exact same thing. It feels like a lifetime ago.
It was. My lifetime.
“Yeah, I do. But I can’t, so you don’t have to worry, and my body couldn’t hold anymore blood in it anyway, so you’re safe.”
“You . . . want to kill me?” She seems a little shocked, but that shock turns into dismay.
“But I won’t. Peter, you can let go.” He does and I step toward Tex.
She flinches.
I should have expected that, but it stings nonetheless.
“I’m not going to touch you. Remember, I can’t.”
“Yeah, sure.” She definitely doesn’t believe me. Oh, this is going to be unpleasant. I’m not sure what kind of pain this is going to involve, but for Tex to trust me, I’m gonna have to do this.
“Will you just hold still for a minute?” Peter and Viktor watch, as if they know what I’m going to do, but they don’t try to stop me. Like parents who watch their kids make a mistake so they learn.
“What are you doing?” She starts to back up.
“I’m going to hug you so you can see that it’s going to cause me pain to even touch you, so you’ll stop freaking out and we can go back to normal.” We’ll never be normal again, but we’ll make a new normal.
“Only if Viktor stands right next to you.” He comes and does so, and I slowly lean into Tex, my arms wide.
The second my bare skin touches her bare skin, it’s like I’ve been hit over the head by a pain stick.
“Fuck!” I scream and shove myself away from her. She follows me and taps me on the
shoulder with one finger, sending another shock through me that almost makes my knees buckle.
“What did you do that for? Didn’t you think it worked the first time?” I rub my arm where she touched it.
“Just checking,” she says, her face white. If my face could still change color like that, I’m sure I would have looked the same way.
“That hurt. Like, a lot, a lot. Remind me never to do that again.”
“Like ever,” Tex says. Peter comes up behind me and plants a kiss on my arm. The pain is gone, but I still feel like it’s going to come back and get me. Knock me to the ground an incapacitate me.
“That was . . . awful.”
“Well, now I know you’re not going to suck my blood, but I’ll need to wear armor any time we want to hug. I’ll try to remember not to poke you.” God, she’d better.
“That would be much appreciated,” I say and an uncomfortable silence falls on us.
“So how’s the . . . blood?” Of course she would bring that up.
“Good. I guess,” I say, lying through my teeth. With my new voice, it sounds convincing, even to me. Huh.
“I missed you,” she says, and tears start to fall from her eyes.
“I missed you, too. I want to hug you right now, but I can’t. Viktor, come here.” He does and I hug him. “Now hug Tex.” He does. “There you go.”
She laughs and hugs him back and then he hugs me. The two of us laugh as the guys watch us.
“You’re the same. I was so worried about that.” Yeah, me too.
“Still me. All my memories and everything. Just a little less mortal and a little more bloodlusty.”
That sends us into hysterics and our laughter is so loud that it booms through the quiet woods.
“Okay, so can we have some girl time now? I need, um, details on certain events.” She means the sex. I want to tell her all about it, and even though I know she’s gonna tell Viktor, I’d rather it be just the two of us right now.
“Shoo,” she says, motioning to Viktor and Peter as she starts to walk toward the church.