Read The Orange & Blue Drive-In Page 3


  March 1967

  (miserable or dead)

  Timmy looks at himself

  smooth pale skin

  eyes clouded by the decayed reflection in the mirror

  he tilts his head from side to side

  watches his face slide out of sight

  stares straight ahead

  his portrait stares back

  an oval reflection with gray borders

  In the reflection of his own eyes

  a distorted and unrecognizable form of his own face

  Overhead a light bulb hangs from a wire without a cover

  A metal bead chain sways

  The wall is a hard coat of paint laminated

  on dry pressed cardboard

  Stains and white residue mottle the surface

  The mirror is too cloudy for detailed work on his hair

  so he quickly combs it to the side brushes his teeth

  He opens the door

  Julie leans up against the wall frowns

  ready to use the bathroom

  He walks through the living room

  his mother sits in the kitchen

  concentrates on her hands

  She looks through the kitchen window to see him walk away

  Timmy feels the rough gravel and asphalt on 23rd Street

  through the thin leather soles of his boots

  He missed the school bus

  walks north to Hawthorne Road

  waits at the entrance of the Orange & Blue Drive-In

  A monument of concrete block painted orange

  with square corners that stand up against a pale blue Florida sky

  Thin clouds spread out in the jet stream like a lace tablecloth

  Warm morning air reminds him of the coming summer heat

  the North Florida spring is short

  Timmy does not carry any books or paper

  stands looking east while he waits for the bus

  At night when he runs the projector at the drive-in

  he sits above the rows of cars pointed at the screen

  their headlights like surrogate eyes for the people inside

  Sepia figures on the screen pass through rectangular windshields

  move across the car interiors like a river

  Voices channel through the wires and cones

  of metal speakers in a serious tone and the dialogue erupts

  echoes like the distant voices of gods and goddesses

  The night before Timmy looked out of the film room

  while the projector reels clicked forward

  the sounds muffled and distorted

  He sat resting his chin in the palm of his hand

  His first job bored him by the third night

  Leaflets spilled out of the film canisters on the floor

  A close-up of Clint Eastwood was printed on the first page

  folded inside were descriptions of Sergio Leone

  and three Italian westerns

  The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

  A Fistful of Dollars

  For a Few Dollars More

  He admired Eastwood’s toughness cleverness

  his way of extracting revenge

  the way he rode off on his horse

  right after the triumph

  the bad guys left miserable or dead

  (a patch of sand)

  The same afternoon

  along the edge of Hawthorne Road

  a dog trots west toward Manero’s Restaurant

  attracted by the smell of grease and garbage

  stored behind the kitchen

  She follows the aroma rather than her eyes

  she strays onto the pavement

  the same time as a large white Lincoln passes

  hits her in the right hip

  spins her onto her back in the center of the road

  Another car passes swerves to miss

  Her yelp is faint against

  waves of sound created by the cars

  She pulls herself to the side of the road

  with her front legs and tries to stand

  Her rear legs shake she is stunned

  her sense of smell numbed by the exhaust of the cars

  she reaches with her head toward her back legs

  smells the blood

  the metallic exhaust on her fur

  From the side of the road she watches

  a red truck pass

  then a blue car hits a patch of sand

  that swirls in the air and stings her eyes

  She blinks needs tears

  Slowly she gets up and limps

  sniffs at a trail of blood that runs

  along a yellow stripe on the road

  Turned around she passes through

  the gate of the Orange & Blue Drive-In

  Broken dragonfly wings and dead resurrection beetles

  litter the windowsill of the ticket kiosk

  paint flakes curl on the wall and the sun

  in the west lights the wooden door

  (past the ticket window)

  At the bathroom window a middle-aged man

  in a white t-shirt adjusts his glasses watches the dog walk

  past the ticket window

  His apartment is built into the back of the screen

  orange paint blends the staircase and roofline

  into the block orange wall

  He calls out ‘Penney did you see that’

  She answers from one of the bedrooms ‘See what’

  ‘A car hit that dog on the hind legs

  spun it around on the road and kept on going

  That dog just got up real slow walked over here

  like it was going to the movie

  right past the ticket window’

  ‘The movie won’t start for another three hours

  What they doing coming in so early’

  ‘Jesus are you listening

  The dog not the car

  Jesus’ he said again to himself

  and thought of his Jewish mother

  ‘I thought you said the car hit the dog’

  ‘I did’

  ‘And it’s not dead’

  ‘No it just got up and walked over here’

  The man leans over and puts his forearms on the windowsill

  The woman looks out

  her hands on her knees bent over

  her nose almost touches the window screen

  Two faces stare out of adjacent windows

  talk to each other

  ‘Do you think we ought to check on that dog . . . Morgan’

  The man stepped back and looked in the mirror

  tried to decide if he needed to shave

  ‘No it walked off after getting hit it’s probably ok’

  (from her bedroom)

  Timmy’s boots made a hollow scraping sound

  on the hard soil

  Penney could hear them from her bedroom

  The first time she saw Timmy

  he lifted his arm to wipe his nose

  on the sleeve of his jacket

  She guessed his age fifteen

  Timmy wore jeans boots white undershirt

  and a flannel shirt with frayed sleeves

  His blonde hair flat against his skull

  Freckles dotted the skin below his eyes

  and the bridge of his nose

  In the summer he wore the same boots and jeans

  with a red t-shirt

  and no underwear because it was too hot

  More than once he crossed Hawthorne Road

  without a glance only to get to the other side

  and think ‘How stupid’

  Timmy slowed down when he saw Morgan

  come down the stairs from his apartment

  let him walk through the gate first

  lagged behind not wanting to speak

  (an accident by the evidence)

  Each step for the dog had been painful

  blood ra
n down both hind legs from underneath the tail

  The dog hopped as if something was stuck

  in the paw of one hind foot

  Slow and steady she moved

  to the concession stand and lay down

  between two gray plastic trash cans

  Her head rested on a dirty blue towel

  when Morgan found her

  her eyes stared out toward the pine trees

  west of the drive-in where the sun set

  Morgan had never seen anything like this

  he squatted down to watch

  Convulsions jerked her stomach

  her legs pawed in the air

  She gave birth

  Two gray pups slid out her birth canal

  struggled with the sticky membranous tissue around their eyes

  She twisted around toward the pups and growled in pain

  before she licked the sticky film from the eyes and nose of each pup

  When she was done

  she severed the umbilical cords with her teeth

  and then collapsed

  The pups burrowed around blindly

  until they found their mother’s teats

  and started to suck

  Morgan stood up when he realized the mother had died

  The pups continued to nurse

  Timmy walked up

  stood behind Morgan

  watched him stare at the pups

  Death was in the eyes of the dog

  the same death he had seen in animals

  on his grandfather’s farm

  Something hurt inside when he looked into the cloudy eyes

  He heard the car hit the dog from 23rd Street

  The eyes were still

  The legs twitched

  He had seen a chicken run without a head

  seen his father slaughter pigs

  dress them out hang them by their hind legs

  and let the blood drain onto the ground

  This was a bloodless death

  and the lack of blood made him ill

  Morgan walked away without the swagger of Eastwood

  unsure puzzled by senseless random events

  An accident by the evidence

  but he repeated to himself

  that he didn’t believe in accidents

  (massing in the Sinai)

  Three more rounds of Eastwood that night

  everyone would have to work later than usual

  because of the triple feature

  The spring days were longer

  Timmy wondered when Morgan would drop back

  to two films on weeknights

  As Morgan turned toward the apartment

  Timmy saw Penney bring out

  a blanket and newspapers

  Morgan took the blanket

  she held the newspaper open to the front page

  Morgan noticed the story

  —Egyptian troops massing in the Sinai—

  then turned away

  walked back to the dead dog

  Timmy looked out from the concession stand

  wanted to tell David and Gary about the dog

  hoped they would sneak in

  from the woods behind the drive-in

  David was afraid of the woods in the dark

  afraid of getting caught

  When he ran he ran sideways to look back

  Lived with his grandparents

  since his father died

  David was timid feared

  he would get caught

  when he did something wrong

  Gary would come alone if David wimped out

  Timmy thought at least

  he would act unafraid of the woods at night

  (his mother’s body)

  Morgan’s white t-shirt tucked neatly into gray

  pleated slacks He wore a black belt with a silver buckle

  black shoes and black-rimmed glasses silver flecks

  in his dark hair made him look distinguished

  when he was dressed in a white shirt and tie

  The glasses made him look studious

  like an accountant or librarian that poured over books

  He squatted down to look at the dog

  set the blanket on the ground

  He could not decide what to do with the pups

  ‘Such inconvenient timing’ he said to himself

  it was the same thought he had

  when he stared into the casket at his father

  There is nothing else to do but to go on

  He stared at his mother’s body

  during her funeral without emotion

  The same way she stared at his father

  he remembered her lack of feeling

  something he thought was related

  to her being so impatient and indignant

  Something natural he thought

  ‘something that I have to accept’

  Instinctively he looked at his watch 5:30

  One hour to clean the concession stand

  and set up the movie reels for Timmy

  He felt nausea rise when he watched

  the pups nurse on a corpse

  but he would not pull them away

  Morgan stood slowly the pain in his knees

  reminded him of how physically weak he felt

  As he walked up to the door of the concession stand

  he looked at the white popped kernels of corn in the sand

  shook his head

  His shoe caught the edge of the concrete

  he stumbled forward

  never losing sight of the popcorn

  Morgan turned back to look at the pups

  yelled out ‘Timmy! Take that dog somewhere and bury it’

  Stomach bile gurgled in his throat

  Timmy was upstairs

  looked for the movie reels

  He walked down the steps

  wondered why he had to be the one

  to get rid of the dog’s body

  Morgan stood by the popcorn machine

  his face turned away from Timmy

  held his hand over his mouth

  Their eyes met and Morgan nodded his head

  toward the doorway and the dog

  (abandonment in every man)

  Timmy grabbed a shovel from the utility room

  The pups were asleep

  their mouths still clung to their mother’s teats

  He spread out the blanket

  moved the pups to it

  folded the edges up into a bowl shape

  Flies walked over the eyes of the mother

  He brushed them away

  and looked into the clouded stare

  He felt like something

  was still alive in the dog that stared out at him

  trapped in a lifeless body unable to escape

  He reached down

  grabbed the dog’s skin behind the neck with one hand and picked it up

  The body was heavy he noticed for the size

  The shovel in his left hand the dog in his right

  he walked dragged the corpse through the sand

  and weeds to the back corner of the drive-in property

  He dug a hole the soft sand collapsed and re-filled the hole

  but he continued until he hit moist packed sand

  Water seeped into the hole two feet down

  because the water table was so close to the surface

  He hollowed out the bottom of the hole

  wide enough for the dog to lay flat

  Timmy looked at the dog’s eyes again

  He felt something solid and real stare back

  He gently covered the head first

  then pushed the rest of the pile of sand into the hole

  Back at the concession stand Morgan stood next to the pups

  Timmy wondered why was it so hard for him

  He noticed when he was twelve

  his own father

  had a wea
kness in some things

  how he gave up when confronted

  how he was afraid to learn

  Timmy began to look for the same weakness

  the abandonment in every man he met

  Morgan walked several steps away and looked back

  and seemed to shiver with the memory of what he saw

  He stepped further away

  then put his arms around himself

  and started to walk toward the road

  Timmy saw loneliness in his eyes

  and the unwillingness to talk

  (between the cracks)

  A month before in February

  on his fifteenth birthday

  Timmy worked on the roof of his home

  with his father Sam Sam would pull the nail out

  of the sheet metal lift the edge

  and Timmy put tar over the hole

  Then Timmy stood on the edge of the panel

  to hold it in place while Sam put back the nail

  ‘It’s time for you to get a job son’

  Timmy looked at the orange letter F on Sam’s baseball hat

  ‘We got too many people in one house’

  No discussion just a conclusion

  Sam’s arms spotted with pink and brown flesh

  shook as he worked

  Timmy squatted down

  brushed tar over another hole

  looked at the dry brown okra stems in the garden

  the small green tomato plants

  that grew in rusted tin cans

  Sam forgot Timmy worked at the drive-in

  so Timmy just listened

  Sam looked up ‘Hell son

  I was married at fifteen’

  He said it in a way that the word

  fifteen held some kind of finality

  an irreversible milestone crossed

  Fourteen was the magic number in Timmy’s family for the women

  His mother Anne was fourteen when he was born

  His grandmother was 43

  which made her fourteen

  when she was pregnant with his mother

  Julie was fourteen and pregnant

  the fourth generation in 43 years

  Sam walked in the house and Timmy followed

  Their boots clonked and shuffled

  over the dry wood floor

  worn smooth by scuffling shoes

  Dirt fell between the cracks

  (the only one)

  Anne stood next to the kitchen table

  held a cigarette and comb in one hand

  scissors in the other her tired eyes sunk behind dark circles

  Julie sat in a chair silent with wet hair

  and a towel wrapped around her shoulders

  Anne combed out the wet hair

  tried to cut a straight line across the thin strands

  Julie looked up at Timmy expressionless

  He couldn’t imagine David

  or Gary moved out on their own

  Gary’s mother worked full time

  David’s grandfather worked at the post office

  ‘Fifteen’ Timmy thought ‘time to move out Damn’

  Every night in his bed

  was the same as far back as Timmy could remember

  The paneling in the house so thin

  he could hear his mother and father exhale

  or the sound of the springs when they climbed into bed

  Across the room he could see his sister’s bed

  Julie was like a crease in the sheets

  barely visible in the light that came in

  the window from the neighbor’s porch

  She was like a dream her skin white

  the blue veins in her stomach the same color as her eyes

  He wanted to blame her and he resented her

  She had a way of tilting her head

  when she looked at Timmy

  She would laugh and cry with the same sounds

  while tears fell in drops on her cheeks

  Timmy imagined he heard a baby’s cries mixed with Julie’s

  ‘Never’ he thought ‘if I was a girl I’d never let myself get pregnant’

  The sheet was crumpled up between her legs

  Drops of rain vibrated the sheet metal roof like a snare drum

  The compressor in the refrigerator ran continuously

  the sides of the gas oven popped and creaked

  Sam coughed cleared his throat

  and went into the bathroom

  His father had yellow eyes

  he was thin as a willow branch and cynical as spit

  Timmy got up that night looked out the window

  at his girlfriend Melissa’s house

  opened each drawer quietly

  and stuffed all of his clothes into a canvas bag

  He looked at the bag on the floor

  Every toy he owned had been thrown away or given away

  Everything was there no pictures no books and no cards

  When he left the room there was nothing left to call him back

  nothing to possess No one could find anything

  to prove he lived there unless someone found his hair on a pillow

  He picked up the pillow and pushed it into the bag

  Rain fell harder the drum rolls muffled his steps

  The front door closed without sound

  On the porch Timmy watched

  the rain disappear where it hit the ground

  and waited listened for his mother’s voice

  He imagined her telling him to stay

  What would he say

  ‘It’s time—Dad asked me to leave—I’m ready’

  Across the street at David’s house

  a faint light was on in the bathroom

  He imagined his friend Gary asleep in his bed

  with his Beatles posters on the wall

  ‘I’m the only one that can leave’

  He started down the steps stopped and looked back

  at the dark windows

  then stepped over a puddle of water

  He felt the raindrops hitting his clothes

  as he walked quickly out into the road

  and turned up 23rd Street

  When he reached Hawthorne Road

  the rain had soaked through to his skin

  and he looked for a place to sit and wait

  He walked back to the antique store

  across from the drive-in opened the back screen door

  to a utility room and made himself at home

  The next morning Rundi found Timmy

  at the back of his store and smiled

  ‘Timmy Timmy You have run away from home like a little boy’

  Timmy’s head rested on the bag of clothes

  and he looked up at the small round face

  of the Indian shopkeeper

  ‘Can I stay here’

  Rundi looked down at him with dark brown eyes

  and noticed the pale skin that matched his mother Anne’s complexion

  He saw a small soul wondered how it would grow

  ‘Of course and you will need a job right’

  ‘I work at the drive-in’

  ‘But if you stay here I need rent You cannot afford rent’

  Rundi knew Sam was often out of work

  He looked at Timmy what did it mean for the boy

  Timmy stared at Rundi

  ‘You don’t get rent now

  No one would ever rent this small space’

  Rundi laughed ‘You are very smart Timmy

  ‘Work for me clean up after the auctions and you can stay

  I’ll change the back lock and put a lock on the utility room

  then you can use the bathroom and kitchen’

  He wondered would Sam come and look for Timmy

  Timmy looked around

  His mind tried to catch up with his eyes

  This room was bigger than his room at home

 
He settled into the wood frame back porch of Rundi’s store

  It made sense in a way he did not quite understand

  The windows the doors felt like they would stay closed

  He felt safe but restless did not know what his feelings meant

  The space was his

  Rundi walked to the front of the store

  Morning dew covered the window looking out on 23rd Street

  the sunlight was yellow and the air still

  shadows from the pine trees

  behind the convenience store lay across the floor

  Timmy got up and went to the window

  Sam’s truck passed by and coasted up to the stop sign

  the gears meshed hard

  he wondered if his father knew he left home

  He wasn’t sure if his father cared

  he couldn’t remember if he heard him say ‘I love you’

  Everything clicked like a lock and the tumblers fell into place

  (the first time he kissed)

  At the corner of SE 23rd

  and the two lanes of Hawthorne Road stood the Quick Stop

  Rundi’s Antique Store in an old wood frame house

  and across the street the sign at the Orange & Blue Drive-In

  A Fistfull of Dollars

  For a Few Dollars More

  The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

  Timmy sat behind the projector on a Tuesday night

  and watched the images move on the screen

  Clint Eastwood stumbled back from the impact of bullets

  Underneath his poncho was a steel plate

  The smell of popcorn seeped up through the floor

  made Timmy hungry Penney climbed the stairs

  on the outside of the building opened a screen door

  and looked at Timmy ‘How much longer’

  He looked at the counter on the projector

  ‘Ten minutes, about’

  Where were Gary and David

  She sat a bottle of Coke down on a folding table

  He leaned over a metal chair rocked back and forth

  while he watched the movie

  ‘You like this stuff’ Penney sat down next to him

  ‘It’s bloody’ He stared straight ahead ‘It’s real-like

  They don’t shave don’t have to’

  She looked at the contour of Timmy’s face in the light

  his chin bare no shadow of a beard

  ‘A man is real if he doesn’t shave’

  He looked at her ‘I like the rugged cowboys the ugly ones

  that fight and spit back at their enemies’

  Voices from the film echoed outside the projection room

  ‘You live at home’ Penney asked

  hoped he had some interest just in her

  ‘Not any more I have my own place’

  She had seen him disappear behind the antique store

  Penney stared at the dirt under his fingernails

  ‘Can I come over sometime’

  Timmy looked back at Penney

  The room was illuminated by colored light from the projector

  images on the film were reflected on the windows

  shadows crossed her face

  Confused and unsure

  She was as old as his mother maybe

  He asked and tried to keep his tone light

  curious unimportant enough for her to answer

  ‘Thirty Why’ She looked at Timmy

  curious about her own interest in him

  thought he was judging her and her appearance

  She reached up with both hands

  brushed her hair back and wondered about Timmy’s mother

  if she had the same thin blonde hair and fair skin

  the freckles under her eyes and on the bridge of her nose

  The movie ended and the film clicked in the reel

  Timmy turned off the projector and turned on the lights

  Penney got up and reached for the film canister

  at the same time as Timmy their shoulders touched

  and Timmy grabbed first pulled the canister away

  ‘I’ve got it’ and turned away

  Her skin was cool and he could smell her hair

  The smell of Penney was nothing like Melissa

  He wanted to smell around her neck feel her hair

  and feel if her lips were cool or warm

  The first time he kissed Melissa it was awkward

  their teeth collided before their lips met

  In his brief fantasy about Penney

  there was slower movement not so awkward

  positioned just right easy to search and find each other’s lips

  Penney left while he put everything away

  Her shoes landed hard on each step going down the stairs

  jarred something loose in her

  let out her frustration

  She opened the cabinet under the sink

  pulled out the towels and the sound

  of the ceramic white metal doors

  echoed in the empty concession stand

  The amber light in the projection room glowed

  and Timmy looked at his hands saw the dirt

  and remembered the buried dog

  Penney must have moved the pups somewhere

  where

  He turned off the light next to the door

  and waited for his eyes to adjust

  Penney heard the door close while she wiped down the counter

  with a towel and called out ‘Goodnight’

  He smelled his hands felt their dryness

  and started down the steps

  He did not want to stop

  ‘See you tomorrow’

  (strands of blonde hair)

  Timmy walked past Rundi’s store

  and looked at the dark window of his room

  His boots dragged through bits of gravel

  Self-conscious of his own sounds

  he picked up his feet

  His heels hit the road and he pointed his toes at David’s house

  He tapped on the windowsill

  and David parted the curtain ‘Quiet I’m awake’

  David was always serious

  controlling his manners

  cautious like his grandmother

  afraid of attention

  afraid to let the focus land on him

  Timmy walked toward Gary’s house as David closed the back door

  He ran to Timmy and they walked in silence

  through the thick grass in Gary’s yard

  Dew had already formed

  Gary stood on the back porch and held a metal lighter

  that he clicked open and shut

  He walked out to meet them and they went down 9th Avenue

  to the end and they followed a dirt road

  to a spot where a couch had been dumped next to a pile of trash

  Gary flicked on the lighter and held it in front of his face

  to light a cigarette Timmy took one out of his pocket

  He had four Camels stolen

  from the pack on the seat of his father’s truck

  ‘What’s it like living with Rundi’ Gary asked

  ‘I don’t live with Rundi’ Timmy offered a cigarette to David

  who refused to smoke ‘he lives down Hawthorne Road a mile away’

  Glass bottles littered the ground

  David sat and listened stared at his feet

  his brown hair parted on the side

  the Vitalis hair oil glistened in the moonlight

  Timmy asked ‘You ever seen Penney’

  Gary had David had not Timmy went on

  ‘She got so close to me tonight I could smell her hair’

  He wondered would he be content

  to spend his life in this neighborhood

  would he ever have somewhere else to go

  David cut in ‘My grandmother noticed her

  wa
nted to know what a grown woman was doing

  in an apartment with her father’

  Gary laughed ‘Your grandmother knows everyone’s business’

  They all laughed

  The conversation continued slow and relaxed

  Timmy tried one of Gary’s cigarettes

  ‘Damn Gary your cigarettes smell like soap’

  They all laughed again and Gary turned to Timmy

  ‘You still smell Penney’s hair’

  Timmy sat with a Camel inches from his face

  ready to light and paused wanted to say something

  They waited then broke into laughter

  They smoked a few more

  Timmy got up ‘I’m tired I gotta go’

  Gary looked at him ‘Your momma ain’t callin’’

  Timmy looked down at him

  ‘No but your momma’s gonna whip you for stealin’ cigarettes’

  The gray sand and dew stuck to their shoes

  and they stomped on the pavement

  to shake it off before heading home

  They split up when they reached the paved road

  under the streetlight and Timmy looked at them

  ‘how much longer would they meet at night’

  He forgot to tell them about the dog

  The walk to his room felt different than walking home

  He walked a little at a time out of the lives of his parents

  He stepped into his room quietly took off his clothes

  and went to the shower The bathroom light was bright

  and hurt his eyes Green tile and the white grout made a strange

  checkerboard pattern The floor was polished clean

  and he could see a reflection of the overhead light

  He let the hot water pour on his neck and closed his eyes

  thought of Penney while he rubbed soap between his legs

  When he was finished he saw strands of blonde hair

  collected on top of the drain stuck together by semen

  He took some toilet paper and wiped it up

  dropped it in the toilet and flushed

  (just to make sure)

  Thursday night Morgan lay on top of the sheets in bed

  The light coming in made the white walls look gray

  and the shadows from the window blinds were tilted at an angle

  Everything looked out of line

  Marie Penney’s mother surfaced in his thoughts

  He pushed her back drifted between sleep and waking

  for hours before giving in to sleep

  The thoughts in his restless philosophical mind were undying

  There were times when he felt like his life had ended

  but this time when he left his marriage and home

  he searched for the truth in the secrets he kept from his wife

  Despair at work petty lies

  about time spent drifting doing nothing

  avoided Marie’s questions

  Love Or Truth Morgan decided

  he could not love without truth so truth came first

  This set in motion a torrential sequence of questions and fear

  Could he change Would the world let him change

  Or drag him back into the patterns of his old life

  His old life the real fear

  Endlessly taking inventory of Coke bottles in wooden crates

  reconciling bank statements matching invoices with delivery tickets

  He laid down on the floor at home every night exhausted

  He replaced the long Saturdays of inventory and numbers

  and replaced Marie’s probing questions with silence

  He bought the Gainesville Drive-In

  by simply taking over the payments of an owner

  anxious to leave town re-named it and didn’t look back

  There was his daughter Penney

  a distraction

  He could not understand her

  or where she was headed with her life

  He could never say what he wanted

  for her to get out of his home

  Marie to leave him alone

  If anything was going to drive him to prayer

  Dear God he thought dear God

  Help them find someone else

  Morgan traced the length of time

  he had put what he wanted on hold

  waiting for her to leave

  The number of years he had provided for Penney

  —thirty—made him wonder how long

  he would have to continue

  His thoughts ended with a deep sigh

  because he knew he did not have to depend on her

  to make the decision if he made some of his own

  Morgan looked down at his bare feet

  sticking out the legs of his pants

  like they belonged to a mannequin

  His feet were pale white and the hair

  growing on the knuckles of his toes

  in his mind was a dead giveaway

  they belonged to an aging man

  He moved them a little just to make sure

  he could still tell his toes what to do

  (breathing room)

  Penney’s shoes scraped the concrete

  steps that led up to the apartment

  Morgan sat up, looked out the window

  and watched Timmy walk across Hawthorne Road

  The key in the lock turned over the tumblers

  and he heard the glass jalousie windows creak

  as Penney pushed against the door

  ‘For God sake Penney can’t you come in the door

  without pushing on the glass It’s going to break through one day

  and I don’t want something more to fix’

  Morgan’s eyes stared straight up at the ceiling

  ‘All right all right You nag at me all the time

  but I didn’t see you out here ready to hold the door open

  I’ve got the money from the concession stand

  and ticket sales and dirty towels that have to be washed’

  Penney shoved the door with her left foot

  and the metal frame rattled against the concrete

  Morgan called out from his bedroom

  ‘How much were ticket sales’

  The cash boxes rattled across the kitchen table

  and he heard the quiet thump of the towels on the floor

  ‘About $80’

  ‘How about sales in the concession stand’

  ‘About $50’

  Morgan calculated how much money they cleared

  above the cost of the film rental Timmy’s time

  and the cost of snack foods It was barely enough

  to cover their daily costs but still not too bad for a weeknight

  The weekend would need to be good

  to get a little breathing room

  All he wanted each week was a little breathing room

  Across the street Timmy lay down

  on the mattress Rundi gave him

  Melissa his old girlfriend was thirteen

  Penney was 30 He listened to the sound

  of passing cars After 2 AM it was quiet