The king accepted his gifts and said that he could think of nothing better or rarer to give him than the large turnip. So the rich brother had the turnip loaded on his wagon and driven to his home. Once there he didn’t know how to vent his anger and frustration. Finally, some evil thoughts came to him, and he decided to kill his brother. He hired murderers and showed them a place where they were to ambush his brother. Afterward he went to his brother and said, “Dear brother, I know where to find a secret treasure. Let’s dig it up and divide it among us.”
The brother liked the idea and went with him without suspecting a thing. However, when they went outside, the murderers fell upon him, tied him up, and were about to hang him from a tree when they heard loud singing and hoofbeats in the distance. They became frightened for their lives and hastily shoved their prisoner head over heels into a sack. Then they hoisted it up on a branch and fled. However, the brother went to work and made a hole in the sack through which he could poke his head. Then who should happen upon the way but a wandering scholar, a young fellow, riding along the road through the forest and singing a merry song. When the man up in the tree noticed that someone was passing below, he cried out, “Welcome! You’ve come just at the right time.”
The scholar looked all around him but couldn’t detect where the voice was coming from. Finally, he said, “Who’s calling me?”
The man in the tree answered from above, “Lift your head. I’m sitting up here in the sack of wisdom, where I’ve learned great things in only a short time. Compared to this, all schools are like a bag of hot wind. Soon I shall have learned all there is to know. Then I’ll climb down from the tree and be wiser than all other human beings. I understand the stars and the signs of the zodiac; the movements of the wind, the sand, and the sea; the cures for sickness; and the power of herbs, birds, and stones. If you would spend some time in the sack just once, then you’d know the glorious feeling that flows from the sack of wisdom.”
When the scholar heard all this, he was astounded and said, “Blessed be this hour in which I have found you! Would it be possible for me to get into the sack for a little while?”
The man in the tree answered as if he didn’t like this idea. “I’ll let you do it for a short time if you pay me and speak sweetly, but you’ll have to wait another hour because there’s still something more that I have to learn.”
The student waited a little while, but he became impatient and begged to be let in because his thirst for knowledge was so overwhelming. After he waited a while, the man in the tree pretended to relent and said, “In order for me to leave the house of wisdom, you must lower the sack by the rope. Then you may climb in.”
So the scholar lowered the sack, untied it, and set the man free. Next he cried out, “Now pull me up quickly,” and he sought to get into the sack feet first.
“Stop!” said the other. “That’s not the way.”
He grabbed the scholar’s head and shoved him upside down into the sack. After that he tied the sack and hoisted the disciple of wisdom up the tree by the rope. Then he swung him back and forth in the air and said, “How’s it going, my dear fellow? You see, I’m sure you already feel wisdom coming and are getting valuable experience. Sit there nice and quiet until you get wiser.”
Upon saying this, he mounted the scholar’s horse and rode away.
61
THE REJUVENATED LITTLE OLD MAN
At the time that our Lord still walked on the earth, he was with Saint Peter and stopped one evening at the house of a blacksmith and received lodging for the night. Now, it happened that a poor beggar, suffering greatly from old age and illness, entered this house and asked for alms from the blacksmith. Saint Peter took pity on him and said, “Lord and Master, may it please you, cure him of his sufferings so he can earn his own living.”
Then the Lord said gently to the blacksmith, “Lend me your forge, and put some coals on the fire. I want to make this sick old man young again.”
The blacksmith was quite willing, and Saint Peter pumped the bellows, and when the fire sparkled and was in full blaze, the Lord took the little old man and shoved him into the forge, right in the middle of the glowing fire, so that he became as red as a rosebush and praised God in a loud voice. Afterward the Lord stepped over to the water tub and dunked the glowing little man in it so that he was completely covered by the water, and when he was nice and properly cooled off, the Lord gave him his blessing. Then, lo and behold, the little man jumped out of the tub and was sound, upright, and fit as a young man of twenty.
The blacksmith, who had watched everything closely and carefully, invited everyone to supper. His old, half-blind, hunchbacked mother-in-law now went over to the rejuvenated man and asked him earnestly whether the fire had burned him badly. He answered that he had never felt better and that the flames had been like the cool morning dew.
The young man’s words kept ringing in the ears of the old woman all night, and early the next morning, after the Lord had thanked the blacksmith and had gone on his way, it occurred to the blacksmith that he could make his mother-in-law young since he had watched everything very carefully, and it had involved the skills of a blacksmith. Therefore, he called his mother-in-law to see whether she wanted to walk sprightly again like a girl of eighteen.
Well, since everything had turned out so well for the young man, she said, “With all my heart.”
So the blacksmith made a big fire and shoved the old woman into the forge. She wriggled this way and that and cried bloody murder.
“Sit still! Why are you crying and jumping around? I haven’t pumped the bellows enough yet,” cried the blacksmith.
Upon saying this, he pumped the bellows again until all her rags caught fire. The old woman wouldn’t stop shrieking, and the blacksmith thought, “This isn’t working out quite right.” So he pulled her out and threw her into the water tub. Then she screamed so loudly that the blacksmith’s wife and daughter-in-law heard it upstairs in the house. They both ran downstairs and saw the old woman, who was lying doubled-up in pain and howling and groaning. Her wrinkled and shriveled face had lost its shape.
At the sight of this the two women, who were both with child, became so upset that they gave birth that very night to two babies who were not shaped like human beings but like apes. They ran off into the forest, and it is from them that we have the race of apes.
62
THE ANIMALS OF THE LORD AND THE DEVIL
The Lord God had created all the animals and had selected the wolves for his dogs. However, he had forgotten to create the goat. Then the devil got ready to create as well and made goats with fine long tails. Yet, when they went out to graze, they usually caught their tails in the briar bushes, and the devil always had to go to the trouble of disentangling them from the bushes. Finally, he became so fed up that he went and bit off the tail of each goat, as you can still see today by their stumps.
Now he could let them graze alone. But it happened that the Lord God saw how they soon took to gnawing away at the fruit trees. Then they damaged the precious vines and spoiled other tender plants. He became so disturbed by this that, out of kindness and mercy, he set his wolves upon them, and they soon tore apart the goats that went there. When the devil learned of this, he appeared before the Lord and said, “Your creatures have torn mine apart.”
The Lord replied, “Why did you create them to do damage?”
“I couldn’t help it,” said the devil. “Just as my own inclinations tend toward destruction, my own creatures can have no other nature but this. So now you’ll have to pay me compensation.”
“I’ll pay you as soon as the oak leaves fall. Come to me then, and your money will be ready.”
After the oak leaves had fallen, the devil came and demanded his due. But the Lord said, “In the Church at Constantinople there’s a tall oak tree that still has all its leaves.”
The devil departed, cursing in rage, and began to search for the oak tree. He wandered about in the wilderness for six months
before he found it, and when he returned, all the other oak trees were covered with green leaves again. So he had to forget about his compensation. In his anger he poked out the eyes of the remaining goats and replaced them with his own.
This is why all goats have devil’s eyes and bitten-off tails, and why the devil likes to appear in their shape.
63
THE BEAM
Once upon a time there was a magician who stood in the middle of a large crowd of people and performed marvelous tricks. Among other things, he made a rooster appear, lift a heavy beam, and carry it as though it were as light as a feather. However, there was a girl who had just found a four-leaf clover, and it made her so clever that she could see through any kind of deception. Consequently, she saw that the beam was nothing but a straw, and she cried out, “Don’t you people see that the rooster’s carrying a mere piece of straw and not a beam?”
As soon as she said this, the magic vanished, and the people saw what was what and chased the magician away, with scorn and contempt. However, he was filled with rage and said, “I’ll get my revenge.”
Time passed, and the girl was about to be married. She got dressed up and marched through the fields in a large procession to the village where the church was. All at once, the procession came to a brook overflowing its banks, and there was no bridge or plank to cross it. The bride, however, was quick to react. She lifted her skirts and started to wade. When she got to the middle of the water, a man, who was standing nearby, called to her. It was the magician, and he began mocking her. “Hey! What’s the matter with your eyes? You don’t think that this is actually a brook, do you?”
Her eyes flew wide open, and she saw that she was standing in the middle of a field of blue flax in full bloom with her skirts raised high. Then everyone else saw this too, and they chased her away with their jeers and laughter.
64
THE OLD BEGGAR WOMAN
Once upon a time there was an old woman. Of course, you’ve seen old women go begging before. Well, this woman begged, too, and whenever she got something, she said, “May God reward you.”
Now, this beggar woman went up to a door where a friendly young rascal was warming himself inside by a fire. As she stood shivering at the door, the youngster spoke kindly to the old woman, “Come in, grandma, and warm yourself.”
She entered but went too close to the fire so that her old rags began to burn without her noticing it. The youngster stood there and watched. He should have put out the fire, don’t you think? Don’t you think so? And even if there was no water at hand, he should have wept out all the water in his body through his eyes. That would have made for two nice streams of water, and with that he could have extinguished the fire.
65
THE THREE LAZY SONS
A king had three sons, and since he loved them equally, he didn’t know which to choose to be king after his death. When the time of his death drew near, he summoned them to his bedside and said, “Dear children, I’ve been contemplating something for a while, and now I want to reveal it to you: I’ve decided that the laziest among you shall become king after me.”
“Well then, father,” said the oldest, “the kingdom belongs to me, for I’m so lazy that when I’m lying on my back and want to sleep and a drop of rain falls on my eyes, I won’t even shut them so I can fall asleep.”
The second said, “Father, the kingdom belongs to me, for I’m so lazy that, when I’m sitting by the fire to warm myself, I’d sooner let my heels be burned than draw back my feet.”
The third said, “Father, the kingdom is mine, for I’m so lazy that, if I were about to be hanged and the noose were already around my neck and someone handed me a sharp knife to cut the rope, I’d rather let myself be hanged than lift my hand to cut the rope.”
When the father heard that, he said, “You’ve outdone the others and shall be king.”
66
SAINT SOLICITOUS
Once upon a time there was a pious maiden who swore to God she wouldn’t marry. Since she was so remarkably beautiful, her father wouldn’t accept this and tried to force her to marry. Confronted with this predicament, the maiden implored God to let her grow a beard, and this happened right away. But the king was so enraged that he had her crucified, and she became a saint.
Now, it so happened that a very poor minstrel went into the church where her statue was kept. He knelt down in front of it, and the saint was glad that the minstrel was the first one to recognize her innocence. Consequently, the statue, which was adorned with golden slippers, let one slipper drop to the ground so the pilgrim could have it. He bowed in gratitude and took the gift.
Soon the people in the church became aware that the golden slipper was missing, and questions were asked all around until finally the slipper was found on the poor fiddler. He was now condemned as a wicked thief and led to the gallows to be hanged. The procession went by the church where the statue was standing, and the fiddler requested permission to go inside, pour out his heart to his benefactress with his fiddle, and say his last farewell. His request was granted, but no sooner had he moved his bow than—behold!—the statue let the other golden slipper drop to the ground and thus demonstrated that he had not committed the theft. So the irons and rope were taken off the fiddler, who went merrily on his way. From then on the holy saint was called Solicitous.
67
THE TALE ABOUT THE LAND OF COCKAIGNE
In the days of the land of Cockaigne I went and saw Rome and the Lateran hanging from a small silk thread. There was also a man without feet who outran a fast horse, and a keen-edged sword that sliced a bridge in two. Then I saw a young ass with a silver nose chasing after two quick hares, and a large linden tree grew hotcakes. I saw a scrawny old goat carrying a hundred cartloads of fat on its body and sixty loads of salt. Now, haven’t I lied enough? Then I saw a plow tilling the ground without horse or ox, and a one-year-old child threw four millstones from Regensburg to Trier and from Trier to Strasbourg, and a hawk swam across the Rhine, which he had a perfect right to do. Then I heard some fish make such a noise together that their clamor reached all the way to heaven, and sweet honey flowed like water from a deep valley to the top of a high mountain. All this was quite strange. Then there were two crows mowing a meadow, and I saw two gnats building a bridge, while two doves tore a wolf to pieces. Two children gave birth to two goats, and two frogs threshed grain together. Then I saw two mice consecrating a bishop and two cats scratching out a bear’s tongue. Then a snail came and killed two wild lions. There was also a barber who shaved a woman’s beard off, and two sucking babes who told their mother to keep quiet. Then I saw two greyhounds dragging a mill out of the water, and an old, worn-out horse stood there and said that it was all right. And in the courtyard there were four horses threshing grain with all their might, and two goats were heating the stove, and a red cow shoved the bread into the oven. Then a chicken crowed, “Cock-a-doodle doo! The tale is done, cock-a-doodle-doo!”
68
THE TALL TALE FROM DITMARSH
I want to tell you something. I saw two roasted chickens flying swiftly with their breasts turned toward heaven, their backs toward hell. An anvil and a millstone swam across the Rhine very slowly and softly, and a frog sat on the ice and ate a plowshare at Pentecost. There were three fellows on crutches and stilts who wanted to catch a hare. One was deaf, the second blind, the third dumb, and the fourth couldn’t move his feet. Do you want to know how they did it? Well, first the blind one saw the hare trotting over the field. Then the dumb one called to the lame one, and the lame one caught the hare by the collar. There were some men who wanted to sail on land. They set their sails in the wind and sailed across the wide fields. As they sailed over a high mountain, they were miserably drowned. A crab chased a hare, making it flee, and high on a roof was a cow who had climbed on top of it. In that country the flies are as large as the goats here.
69
A TALE WITH A RIDDLE
Three women were turned into f
lowers that stood in a field. However, one of them was permitted to spend the night in her own home. Once, as dawn drew near and she had to return to her companions in the field to become a flower again, she said to her husband, “If you come and pick me this morning, I’ll be set free, and I’ll be able to stay with you forever.”
And this is exactly what happened.
Now the question is how her husband was able to recognize her, for the three flowers were all the same without any distinguishing mark. Answer: Since she had spent the night in her house and not in the field, the dew had not fallen on her as it had on the other two. This is how her husband was able to recognize her.
70
THE GOLDEN KEY
During winter, when the snow was once very deep, a poor boy had to go outside and gather wood on a sled. After he had finally collected enough wood and had piled it on his sled, he decided not to go home right away because he was freezing so much. Instead, he thought he would make a fire to warm himself up a bit. So he began scraping the snow away, and as he cleared the ground, he discovered a golden key. “Where there’s a key,” he thought, “there must also be a lock.” So he dug farther into the ground and found a little iron casket. “If only the key will fit!” he thought, for there were bound to be wonderful and precious things in the casket. He searched but couldn’t find a keyhole. Finally, he found a very tiny one and tried the key, which fit perfectly. So he turned the key around once, and now we must wait until he unlocks the casket completely. That’s when we’ll see what’s lying inside.