I quickly get a metal bucket out from under the sink and place it on the bed. The first drop falls in with a satisfying ping. This will have to do for now.
My alarm would be going off in a half hour anyway, so I take a shower and get ready for the day. It takes me extra-long to blow-dry and then curl my hair loosely, but since I’m going to the Lion later for birthday shenanigans, it’s worth it. My hair finally has the best cut and color, something really sophisticated and (hopefully) sexy. It’s just past my shoulders and this shiny thick chocolate brown color with red highlights that for some reason make my eyes seem bigger and bluer. It makes me look older but not in a bad way, although I have a feeling it makes my frowny, resting bitch face even more pronounced.
It’s Thursday, so I head into work and look over my list of resumes. After just over a year of operating the store, I’ve finally decided to hire additional help. I would have done it earlier but I couldn’t afford it while trying to save for a deposit for the apartment. Besides, I think I have a problem handing control over to other people.
But if I continue running everything myself, I think I’ll end up running my health into the ground. I barely manage to hit the gym after work, so now my body bounces back between curvy and too curvy, I’m often eating at the counter during store hours, quickly wolfing down to-go food that probably isn’t as healthy as it seems, and when I do get home I’m too tired to even fuck my boyfriend. I used to really like fucking, so that says a lot.
Also, Aaron is still a model. He is, as my friend Nicola describes, “hawt” – so hot you have to spell it differently.
He’s also been getting on my nerves lately but I think that’s because I’m just too stressed and overworked that I’m snapping at everyone and everything. It’s fucking tough when you’re working your ass off all the time trying to run a business and your life (and maybe they are one and the same thing) and your boyfriend doesn’t really have a clue what hard work means. He goes to photo shoots maybe once a week and the rest of the time he’s drinking and eating at exclusive parties and events and showing his handsome mug and shirtless body all over Instagram. Most days he sleeps in until eleven. I mean, he’s twenty-seven, not seventeen.
But I push all my complaints out of my head while I work on counteracting my resting bitchy face and try to lure in customers with all the markdowns I’ve put on pieces for the fall. I’m probably just nitpicking because I’m tired and no one likes working on their birthday.
Luckily, I get a barrage of Facebook posts to my wall and texts and messages from all sorts of people that make me feel all warm and fuzzy. There’s one from Penny, James’s girlfriend, and then one from James himself. Linden ends up texting me later, saying he wanted to call but wasn’t sure if it was appropriate. I’m not sure if he means whether calling me while I’m working is inappropriate or just calling me in general is. Considering how little I’ve seen him lately – and that’s partly my stupid schedule – I really hope it’s not the latter.
My mom calls me when the store is closed but my dad hasn’t even sent a text. I don’t voice this to her since it will only rile her up but it does hurt. I remember how much my father used to check in on me when I was younger because he was so overprotective and concerned about Oliver, and how much it used to annoy the shit out of me. Funny the things you later appreciate.
I’m almost back at the apartment, running late as usual and hoping I have enough time to fix my face and find something to wear before I head over to the bar when Aaron calls me.
“Hey sexy birthday girl,” he says. “Are you home yet?”
“Almost,” I say, running through a yellow light on Guerrero St.
“Don’t go to the Lion,” he says quickly. “Come to my place.”
I try not to sound annoyed. He lives all the way out by the zoo in a house he shares with two other model dudes. It smells like dirty laundry and I hate going there, though I may have to more often if I don’t get the leak in my apartment fixed.
“Aaron.”
“Just for a drink. The guys want to wish you a happy birthday.”
I roll my eyes. All his friends do is ogle my boobs and my butt. They probably want to gift me a free motorboat ride. “Why can’t they come to the Lion like everyone else is?”
“Please, Stephanie,” he says, sounding like a little boy. He then adds quietly, “I never see you anymore. It would be nice to have you alone before I have to share you with everyone else.”
I sigh, not used to this guilt-tripping tactic from him, even though moments before he had mentioned his roommates being there. “Fine. I’ll be there in forty-five minutes, I just have to freshen up.”
“You’re always fresh, babe,” he says.
“Yeah, yeah.” I hang up the phone. I go home, check the bucket on the bed and discover it’s nearly at full capacity so I dump it out and replace it. That’s all the handiwork I can do for now. Then I change into a bright yellow shimmering dress that shows off my tan and manages to disguise all the bits that are a bit too soft lately. My hair has somehow kept its shape and curl and so I spray a whack of hairspray on for insurance, quickly apply a strip of subtle but dark false lashes and a swipe of magenta lip tint. I find myself hoping that Aaron doesn’t want sex so I don’t have go through the effort of getting ready all over again and then quickly feel ashamed.
Man, I thought a woman’s sex drive was supposed to go up as she got older, not down. I cringe at the thought but still make my way to the car and drive through maddening traffic to Sunset, where I pull to a stop near 46th and Vincente.
Aaron’s house is a simple two-story with a walk-up to the second floor and a garage underneath. It’s plain – especially since a bunch of guys live there – but because it’s so close to the zoo and the beach, I know the rent is phenomenally high, just like everything in Sunset. There have been a couple of times before I bought my place that I contemplated my future with him and if I should invite him to move in with me. It would help with mortgage and be cheaper for him in the long run, but honestly I don’t think I could do it. It’s not that I want to live alone forever. It’s just I don’t think I could ever live with him.
That thought sobers me a little and causes me to pause on the bottom step. Sometimes when I catch myself thinking like that, I wonder why I bother staying with him if I don’t really see a future together. But then the idea of being alone again and in the city’s dating scene, especially now, freaks me the fuck out and I hate to think of myself as a quitter.
I take in a deep breath, force myself to think happier thoughts, like the glass of wine I can’t wait to have and my friends whom I’ll see later, and head up the stairs.
I knock and he eventually comes to the door, holding a beer.
“You look fucking hot,” he says as he looks me up and down. He puts an arm around me and pulls me closer to him. He’s already drunk which pisses me off because it means I’ll be stuck being the designated driver on my birthday. A cab ride from here would be crazy expensive and I don’t think he’d pay for it.
He kisses me lightly on the lips and then takes my hand, leading me inside the house. It’s dark with the only lights being from the kitchen down the hall.
“Why is it so dark?” I say, looking around the living room. “Where are Chuck and Adam?”
“Sit down,” he says, practically pushing me down on the couch. “I’ll get you a drink.”
I watch him go as his silhouette disappears down the hall. “Nothing too heavy,” I tell him. “I guess I’m driving now.”
“No you’re not,” he yells back.
It’s too fucking dark in here, even the curtains are drawn and none of the street lights can get in. I lean over the couch and turn on the lamp beside me.
There is a split second where my eyes adjust to the light and then I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
It looks like every person I know is standing around me, some crouching, some with their backs against the wall. Linden, James, Nicole, Kayla, Penny
. They are all smiling, frozen.
And then Linden bellows, “Surprise!” and someone else screams “Happy birthday, fucker!” and I’m suddenly enveloped by all my friends.
I also think I’ve had a minor heart attack. It takes me a moment to remember to breathe, then to let out a scream of, well, surprise.
“What the hell!?” I cry out, my hand to my chest, looking at all of them. I noticed Chuck and Adam are here, as well as Ben, Nicola’s new boyfriend, Caroline and Dan, who work at the Lion for James, and Aria, my co-worker from All Saints.
This is one of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me. Something so simple – gathering a bunch of people I know in the room – but it means the world.
Nicola pulls me into a hug. “Your face was amazing.”
James slaps my back. “That was so hard not to say anything, I can’t believe you fell for it.”
My heart beats rapidly in my chest from the commotion and Linden comes over. “Happy birthday, baby blue.” Before he has a chance to hug me – or perhaps that was never his intention – Penny grabs my wrists and pulls me toward her.
“Hope you didn’t piss your panties,” she says as she bear hugs me and I laugh.
“I was close,” I joke and then Aaron is at my side handing me a glass of wine. I stare up at him with bright eyes. I can’t believe he actually planned this all for me. I’m hit with a pang of guilt at the thoughts I was thinking earlier. I need to be better to him – apparently he’s full of surprises.
Someone puts on Led Zeppelin’s “Trampled Underfoot,” one of my favorite Zep songs, and the night swings into action. The Lion is out of the question now, here is where the party is and where it was always supposed to be.
I go into the kitchen to help Nicola and Aaron take some of the appetizers out of the fridge. Once Nicola leaves with a bowl of spinach and artichoke dip, I grab Aaron around the waist and hold him close to me.
“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely as I peer up at him. “Thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
He gives me a bashful, boyish smile. “Don’t worry about it. I thought it was a good idea. It was all Linden’s though.”
Did I hear that right? “What?”
“Yeah, he called me a few weeks ago and said he had a great idea for your birthday present but he needed my help. He wanted to use my place because you’d be less suspicious that way and I was like sure, that’s cool. It was all him.” He reaches behind and squeezes my ass. “My birthday gift will come later though, don’t you worry babe.”
I’m too surprised to pay that promise any attention.
This was all Linden’s idea?
Linden did all of this…for me?
I find myself pulling away from Aaron and staring at him with new eyes. He doesn’t seem ashamed in the slightest or even jealous that another guy would do all of this. In fact, I’ve never seen Aaron get jealous over Linden, not even once. I used to really like that about him but now I’m starting to wonder if a little jealousy is a healthy thing.
“More wine?” he asks and brings out the bottle from the fridge, filling it up before I say anything. “Here’s to fucking thirty, you cougar,” he says jokingly. I glare back and am still glaring as he leaves the kitchen to join the rest of the party.
I stay leaning against the counter, sipping my glass for a minute, trying to wrap my head around it all. Linden had done this for me. I’m sure to some people it’s not a big deal – their friends throw them surprise parties all the time and he is my friend.
But for some reason, it was cutting deep, and in a wonderfully warm way.
I decide to head toward the bathroom and as I go down the hall away from the party and round the corner, I literally bump right into the man of the hour. Linden.
It’s amazing how my body brushing against his just unleashes this vat of butterflies right into my stomach.
“Sorry,” Linden says with a cheeky grin, peering down at me.
I grab his forearm. I love a good, strong forearm on a man and his forearm game is on point. Skin still dark from the summer, just enough hair to make him manly but not a gorilla, the quotes tattooed on the inner side (“She’s mad but she’s magic. There is no lie in her fire”) and muscles to burn, like you can imagine him either chopping wood with ease or gripping your hips as he takes you hard from behind.
I’m starting to think maybe grabbing his forearm was a bad idea. I let it go and then for what seems like the first time ever, I’m at a loss of what to say to him.
“Linden,” I say and then stop, biting my lip like some moronic schoolgirl.
His dark blue eyes search mine. They can be so damn intense sometimes and I’m afraid of what he’s looking for and what he’s about to deduce.
“Did Aaron tell you?” he asks cautiously.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t want him to,” he says, not taking his eyes off of mine.
“Why not?”
He shrugs, his brow furrowing. “I don’t know. It didn’t seem right. I wanted you to think that it was all his idea.”
I give my head a small shake. “Why?”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing on his thick neck and I briefly imagine what it’s like to bite him there, just a small nibble or two. I bet he tastes like sage and testosterone.
His eyes settle on my lips. “Because this is the sort of thing the man in your life should do for you. Not your friend.”
Something in my chest is growing warm, clawing through me. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or what but something in this dark hallway is changing. The air around us is becoming electric, like before a summer storm, and the tension feels thick enough to choke you.
“Then why did you do it?” I ask and now my voice is just a whisper. Whatever is happening, I’m afraid that if I speak too loud, it will go away and break the spell.
He stares at me so intently, he must feel it too. He looks at my lips like he wants to devour them. Perhaps he wants to taste me just as much as I want to taste him.
Of course, that would be impossible.
Then again, he is reaching for my face.
Oh, lord have mercy.
With that same searing look in his eyes, he puts his fingers along my cheekbones and slowly trails them up to push my hair behind my ears. His touch is like a torch, setting off fireworks, making my skin come alive.
“It’s too bad about the pact,” he murmurs as he slides my hair behind my ear, rubbing the strands between his fingers. I am so glad I conditioned the shit out of it this morning because from the smile teasing the corner of his lips, he seems to enjoy it.
I softly clear my throat, so conscious of everything now – how close we are standing, the way he’s just touching my hair, the way I’m getting lost in his eyes. “What about it?”
He smiles sadly and takes his hand away. But he doesn’t step back and he doesn’t stop staring at me. “You’re thirty today. And you’re with someone else.”
“So are you. Where is Nadine anyway?” I ask and then instantly regret it. The mention of her name makes Linden stand up straighter.
“She couldn’t come. She had other plans. I’m sorry.”
I’m not. She didn’t come out for my last birthday either. Granted she was in the hospital, but still.
He lets out a long sigh and runs his hand through his hair. “Listen, Steph…” he says and then he comes even closer. The heat between us rises and the tension turns into a strained rope.
“What’s going on?” A voice booms.
We both whip our heads around to see James standing in the hall, his arms crossed. He doesn’t look pleased. In fact, he looks ready to kill the both of us.
Immediately I feel like we were doing something wrong. Maybe because deep down, I wanted to do something wrong. Or maybe because James seems to be both hurt and disgusted.
“Nothing, man,” Linden says. “Wishing the birthday girl a happy birthday.”
Jame
s continues to eye us and I consciously take a step back. “Aaron told me that it was all Linden’s idea. You know for the surprise. So I was just thanking him.”
Linden shoots me a killer look and for a moment I have no idea what it means.
Then James raises his brows in shock and says, “It was your idea?”
Oh. So James thought it was all Aaron too. I wonder why the hell Linden didn’t tell him.
Linden gives him an exasperated look. “It isn’t a big deal.” He gives me a quick look. “I’ll talk to you later.” And then he leaves, going back to the party.
Now I’m alone with James and I can’t help but remember what happened exactly one year ago between us. I really hope he doesn’t bring that up.
“What else were you guys talking about?” James asks me. He’s trying to play it cool but there is this air of suspicion in his voice.
“Nothing,” I tell him. “I was just thanking him, that’s all.”
He narrows his eyes at me, enough so that I go, “What is it, James?”
“I don’t know,” he says as he moves past me to the washroom and I remember that’s why I had come down here to begin with. “From where I was standing it looked like a lot more than saying thanks.”
I give him a crazy look. “Well, okay then. Stop being so weird.”
“I’m not being weird,” he says defensively and now I can see those wheels turning behind his brown eyes. He is thinking of my last birthday, I just know it.
“Good,” I tell him quickly before he has a chance to bring it up. I know it would be something along the lines of, “Always getting lucky on your birthday or something like that.” We’d never ever discussed what had happened that night and I want to keep it that way.
I forgo the bathroom, letting him have it, and scurry down the hall back to the kitchen where I promptly fill up on more wine before returning to the party. By the time my glass is bone dry, I’m feeling pretty good about age thirty and do what I can to shut everything else out of my head.
I don’t think about James.
I don’t think about Linden.
At least, I try not to think about Linden. But when I later find out that he also made the playlist we are listening to, with of all my favorite songs (heavy on the Zeppelin), I can’t help it.