The sun angled down in the western sky as late afternoon approached. The warmth of the sun was shadowed by the bulk of the house and a cool breeze struck Fuller, causing a chill on his bare arm.
“It’s getting kind of cold out,” he said with a shiver. “Let’s go in the house.”
Sue cocked her head as her lips pouted. “Nah, you go ahead. I want to sit here for a little longer.”
She leaned back in the cushioned, steel chair and flinched forward when the wounds stung from the sudden pressure.
He asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah. I keep forgetting about my back,” she replied as she eased back this time. “It’s still tender.”
He sat back in his own chair, deciding to stay since she was. They had slept late into the morning, with Fuller rising first. By the time he had showered and shaved though, Sue was knocking at the door to prod him along. She was anxious to shower herself, and while she did so, he made breakfast. Afterwards, he reapplied bandages to her back and they ate. Still worn-out from the night before, they lounged on the patio the early part of the afternoon.
At first, talk had come easy for both while they prattled on about the events of the previous night. Now they were both silent, each knowing the string of events that happened to the other. As the silence stretched out, Fuller continued to think of all he had done at the palace and those he had killed. While he had told her his actions, he shared nothing of his remorse for the slain men.
He gazed at her. “Sue?”
She was looking across the yard with a blank stare but turned to him. “Yeah?”
He stared into the unfathomable blue of her eyes and could say nothing for a moment. He felt like a grape he was eating had gone down whole and wedged itself in his throat. As she continued to watch, her eyebrow rose. “What’s wrong?”
Her gaze made him uncomfortable, so he looked down. “Well… how many people do you think you killed?”
His eyes darted back to her, but now she could not hold his gaze. As her eyes drifted down, she scowled. “Why does it matter?”
“I don’t know. It’s just…” He swallowed hard, but the lump would not clear. “Well, I can’t tell you how many I killed. I stopped counting after the first few. I’ve never done anything like that before.” He looked at his hands. “I’ve never even killed an animal before.”
“I don’t feel any better about it either, but what were we supposed to do?” she growled.
“I don’t know.”
She sat in silence for a moment, examining her own hands, before her head snapped to him. “You’re not blaming me for this, are you? I never asked you to do any of this after that first time.” Tears trickled down and the normal azure serenity blurred out. “I didn’t ask you to kill anyone for me!”
“No, no, that isn’t what I meant, Sue. I didn’t mean to imply that at all. It’s just I feel terrible about what I did.”
Her eyes glared into the distance, “I know.”
Fuller leaned forward, grasping his mug from the metal tabletop. He sipped the chai, not noticing it was already cold. He put the chilled cup on his lap and held it with both hands, his fingers shifting back and forth across the side.
“The whole thing is like a bad dream,” he said. “Even at the time it was. I did all these things, but it was like some kind of game and men weren’t really dying. We kept moving along at such a fast pace that it was easy not to think about it. But now…”
Sue nodded while she wiped the back of her hand across her cheek. “I know. I didn’t have time to think about anything either. The bullets were coming at me so fast that all I could do was worry about staying alive.” She sniffed hard. “I kept pressing the button to fire, but I have no idea who was hit by it. The one I do know about is when I threw a na…” Her voice broke off with a gulp, and her tears started flowing in full.
She threw her face into her hands and began sobbing. Fuller could just make out the words when she stammered, “A napalm grenade.” Her head lifted and turned to him while she continued to stutter out, “Oh, John, it was horrible. He kept screaming and screaming. He just wouldn’t die.” She put her face back in her hands and continued to weep.
As he listened to her words, his grip tightened on the cup, and his eyes moistened. The experience had affected her as much and knowing this made his guilt easier to bear. Despite this though, he felt he could not let go like she had. He fought back the tears that he wanted to release but knew he dare not. If he allowed himself to start, they would be as uncontrollable as Sue’s.
His mind focused hard as he thought to himself, No, I won’t. No, I won’t. I won’t cry. His whole body tensed, holding back what he wanted to do the most, run into her arms and release all the pain he was feeling along with her.
He could not do that again though, the memory of his crying when they first met jabbing at his mind. He had started to prove himself to her and did not want to lose any respect she may have gained for him. To give in would be weak, and that is what he had been his whole life.
He could feel his eyes drying as the tension increased. It felt as though his heart were being gripped like his hands now did to the cool mug between his fingers. He would not let go. He would not allow himself to revert to the pathetic person he used to be and now despised. Although the sorrow and remorse for the killing he had done was great, his disgust at regressing to that feeble person was a far more powerful force.
Anger at his own frailties took hold and suppressed the urge to cry as he looked at Sue. She was wiping her eyes to dry them again as the emotional storm within subsided. They sat without words, each in their own thoughts for a time. Only the chirp of birds and the rush of a light breeze interrupted the silence until Fuller, looking down at the cup he had been holding, put it back on the table with a clack.
As if the noise were a cue, Sue’s gaze drifted to the house. “I think you’re right. It is getting cold out. I’m going in.”
He heard her rise and walk past while he continued to stare at his hands folded over his stomach. Before Sue could reach the door though, it opened and Jen came out, silent and expressionless.
“You’re back,” said Sue as she halted.
“Yes,” said Jen, stepping around her and walking to Fuller.
He looked up when he heard the two talking then stared at Jen as she came to him. Something seemed wrong in her expression, her normal cheerful look replaced by a flatness of emotion. She appeared trancelike. When she got to him, her knees hit the concrete patio in a freefall drop and her head thudded into his lap, her hands grappling his thighs.
At first Fuller could only stare at her, not knowing what to say. Without thinking, he reached down with his right hand and caressed her pale-colored hair. His hand slid over the silkiness of its surface and only stopped when it reached the spiral bunch it was in to wear under her helmet. He was stroking her again when Sue caught his eye as she stood over them.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” Sue demanded, placing her hands on her hips.
Fuller looked up. “I don’t know.” He looked back at Jen and urged her. “Jen, what’s wrong?”
She twisted in his lap, his fingertips now feeling the warmth of her skin while they moved down towards the smoothness of her dust-smudged cheek. She stayed silent, her eyes closed but the muscles around them twitching.
He attempted again, “Jen?”
“Yes?” she responded this time.
“What’s wrong?”
“I feel…” she said, breaking off, unable to complete the thought. He could sense her jaw working up and down under his fingertips like her mouth more than mind was attempting to find the right words. She started again and said, “I feel…” Once more she seemed at a loss but soon asserted, “I feel!”
*****
Fuller adjusted the temperature of the water as it spl
attered into the oversized bathtub. The churning water foamed when he poured syrupy, pink bath oil into the stream. The fragrance of roses filled the room as he sealed the cap back on the bottle and returned it to the vanity. Jen stared at him as she sat on the covered radiator.
“Any better?” he asked, closing the cabinet door.
A perfunctory smile crossed her face before going blank again. “Yes.”
“Okay, you get in the bath and relax for a while and then we’ll talk.”
He started to leave her in privacy but turned back when she cried, “John!”
“What?”
“Please do not leave me!” she exclaimed, her eyes wide.
Her look was more vulnerable than he had ever seen before. In all the time she had been around, the expression she bore was always one of joy. He assumed this was part of her programming, to make interaction with humans inviting. Now there was trepidation painted across her face, and she acted as if his leaving would bring about doom.
He hesitated in staying, knowing she would strip, the image of her naked body being an embarrassing attraction. Although he recognized on one level that she was a robot, on another he could not help but think of her as an alluring woman. The physical illusion was already complete, and the psychological one was becoming more so all the time.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“I need you near me,” she said, desperation in her tone.
“Well, okay. I’ll stay.”
She started undressing without apparent self-consciousness, first removing the remnants of the body armor, then her normal clothing. She paid no attention when his eyes kept darting from her to the wall and back again as more of her simulated skin was exposed. He could not help but appreciate the perfection of her beauty and the exactness of every detail.
Once she turned away and could not know he watched, he stared. He became excited at the fluid curvature of her waist and hips and her round and perfectly proportioned derriere. The sway of her body hypnotized him while she first walked to then descended into the white peaks of the foam-filled tub.
Fuller sat on the radiator while she settled into the frothy water, his tension easing when the foam obscured her body. They sat in silence for a few moments before he asked, “How’s the water? Is it warm enough for you?”
“Yes, it is fine,” she said, examining the foam. She grabbed a glob of it in the palm of her hand and swirled around it with the index finger of her other hand. When a stream of the bubbles flowed down her wrist, it drew her attention. The dread she had expressed only moments before dissolved with the gentle stimulation of her sensory inputs.
Fuller stood for a moment and reached over to push the faucet knob off. The rushing water stopped and brought silence, broken only by a light spatter when Jen moved around. He sat on the radiator and continued to watch as the gentle trickling of the foam enthralled her.
She ceased examining the bubbles and slid her body down the back of the tub, immersing her head under the water. A hill of foam rose from the water’s surface, eventually exposing her knees as the spume drifted down along her legs.
She stayed under the surface for some time, and Fuller had to push back a flash of panic. Without the need to breathe, she could not drown. Several minutes passed before her head popped to the surface with a splash, and she slicked her hair back with both hands. Her dripping hair and face gave her a most seductive air. His ardor arose again when the subsiding foam exposed her breasts.
“It is so peaceful when I am under the surface,” Jen said, gazing at him.
He shook off his distraction. “What do you mean?”
“I feel protected and enveloped in warmth when I am under water,” she said with awe. “The sounds I hear have an added depth, the quiet a gentle pulsing?”
Fuller’s brows furrowed at the change in her, the description more lyrical than he had ever heard her express before. Each day brought a new surprise as her emotions became more prevalent. Something traumatic had happened to cause this shift, and he needed to find out what it was.
“What happened, Jen?” he barked. He evened his tone. “What upset you so bad after I left the other universe?”
Her head eased from side to side and the mask of calm was transfigured into one of terror. She spoke with hesitation, and the words when they came seemed like she had to force each syllable.
“John, I was so scared. I realized that my life could end.”
“Yes.” He paused. “I suppose we face that possibility every day.”
“You do not understand. I determined that I would be able to shoot a man before he could shoot me, and my calculations were in error. I did not take into account that he may be able to fire even though I hit him first. I almost died because of that error.”
“You made a mistake, Jen, that’s all. Nobody’s perfect,” he said, trying to minimize it.
“But how could I have failed to take variables which were so important into my calculations?” Fuller thought if she were able to cry, she would be doing so now. Her speech became more strained when she said, “Worse still, if I was able to make such an error before, I will be capable of making another. The next error could mean my end.”
Her jaw began to tremble and her body shivered as though from a chill. Before Fuller could respond, she slid down the back of the tub and immersed herself again.
“Jen, what are you doing?” he asked, letting out a breath. “You can’t hide underwater forever you know. Come back up so we can talk.”
She was shrinking away from her mistake and seeking a womblike protection in the tub. He would have to make her face the confusion she felt and give her a perspective she seemed unable to find. She edged back up and looked at him.
“I know it isn’t easy to make a mistake Jen—believe me, I know. I’ve made more than my share, but that doesn’t mean I should give up making decisions and let someone else do it for me.”
As he said this, he felt a sharp jab in his chest, the realization hitting him that he had been guilty of this most of his life. He said to himself as much as to her, “All we can do is our best. We don’t always have all the information or, like you, not take everything into account that we should have. We can always look back and tell ourselves I should have done this or I should have done that.
“When you have to make a decision like that though, you don’t always have the information needed to weigh all the possibilities. You just have to go on instinct and do what you think is best.
“When it’s over and you realize what you did may not have given you the best outcome, you need to give yourself some credit. You made the best decision possible given the circumstances at the time.”
“But how can I avoid putting myself in a position where I will be forced to make such a decision again?”
“You can’t.” He chuckled, “Unless you want to stay under that water forever.” The humor left his face when he continued, “You can be put in a life-changing situation at any time. If you cross a street, you could be hit by a car; if you don’t, you could be struck by lightning. Hell, you could sit here in this bathtub forever and feel safe but still be killed by a meteor.”
“The chance of that is very small though.”
“Of course it is, but that doesn’t eliminate the possibility that your decision to stay here in safety will cause the end of your existence.”
The muscles of her face relaxed. “I believe I see your point.”
“I know humans have the instinct for self-preservation, and I’m sure you have similar programming. It shouldn’t be such an overwhelming drive though that we become crippled by it and sit frozen in neurosis.”
Wet strands of hair swirled around when Jen shook her head. “It is not my base programming to preserve myself that caused the discomfort. Although that is part of it, the majority is originating from shifting potentials in my neural network.”
“I see. Wha
t is causing these shifting potentials?”
“I am not sure of the complete driving patterns, and that is the problem. I feel that the biggest part though is that if I cease functioning, I will no longer be with you.”
His brows furrowed. “And this causes fear in you?”
“Yes, very much so. I know this does not make sense but many of the things I think in the last few days are not rational.”
A realization struck him. As sophisticated a brain as she had, her developing emotions were totally alien from any programming she had to cope. She may have had limitless access to human expression of emotion while in the library computer, but the experience was different from any research. While intellectually she may be beyond him, emotionally she was still an infant.
While he could sympathize with her desire to shrink from her anxiety, he also knew that hiding was not the answer. His decision of days before to stop letting others control his destiny had empowered him like he had never felt in his life. He had to convince her not to shrivel from life because of a single mistake.
*****
As the two sat in their own worlds of contemplation, Sue entered. She crossed her arms and leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, looking at Fuller while he stared at Jen. Her eyes narrowed as she watched for a moment but then said, “Well now, enjoying the view?”
Fuller snapped his head towards her, his face burning red when he looked from Sue to Jen and then back to Sue again. She thought he looked like a teenage boy caught with his father’s girly magazine.
“No, no, we were just talking,” he stumbled out.
“Really,” she said, dripping with sarcasm. “I’m not sure what you were saying, but it’s pretty obvious what she is.” Her thumb shot towards Jen.
He reddened further. “We were just talking about a bad decision she made in the other universe.”
“Uh huh,” Sue said, her lips puckering. “Well, if you think you can tear your eyes off this fascinating discussion for a moment, I’d like to know if she got the empress and kids to the emperor, and if he told her who our man is.”
“Huh?” Fuller responded.
Jen, who had twisted to her side so she could look at Sue, spoke up. “Yes, I delivered the emperor’s family and Placidia as well. The emperor also told me the name of the head of the conspiracy.”
“Yeah, and he is?” asked Sue, her eyes glowering at Jen.
“His name is Larry McAndrews,”
Sue’s body came to attention, her arms unfolding when she pulled away from the frame. “McAndrews? He’s the one who’s investigating the high power usage on the project.” She looked off for a moment, her forehead crinkling as she thought the machine must be mistaken. Glaring back at Jen, she bellowed, “Are you sure about that? He wasn’t even around when all this started.”
“Whether I am sure or not is irrelevant,” Jen snapped back, her eyes narrowing also. “This is what I was told by the emperor.”
“I just asked,” Sue retorted.
The damn machine was getting more difficult to stomach every day. Now it was getting snotty with her. Its programming was flawed and needed debugging. Better yet, the whole mechanism should be dumped back where they found it and left to rot.
“I know you just asked,” said Jen, emphasizing Sue’s words. Any hesitation in her speech coming forth had been lost now. Her words came out quick and pointed, as though resentment was building. “It is the way that you asked. In fact, it is always the way you ask that I find offensive. You treat me with as little regard as you would one of your kitchen appliances. I know you may find this difficult to believe, but I am not just a thing. I am a sentient being with feelings.”
Sue’s body tensed like a catapult ready to fire as she took half a step forward, her fists balling. “Feelings? Hah! You don’t know a damn thing about feelings. What the hell do you think you are—human or something?” The fatigue and anger at what she had done in the last two days took over when she shouted, “You’re right! I don’t think of you as anything more than a fancy can opener! In fact, for you to even think you have feelings means your system must be crashing! Where’s your reset button? I think I need to press it!”
The strain in Jen’s body snapped with such force when she spun around that streams of water shot from the tub. She sucked up water with a loud whoosh as she sprang to her knees then stood. Her hard body stood dripping, small globs of suds still clinging to her.
“Reset button!” yelled Jen.
Fuller stood and his voice boomed out, “All right, that’s enough!”
The two women stopped and looked at him, both their eyes wide. When the echo of his voice faded, the room was in silence but for the spatter of drips falling from Jen.
Fuller swung his head back and forth between the two while he spoke, “I know we’re all on edge because of what happened yesterday.” He paused for a second as his face flinched. “But that doesn’t mean we should take it out on each other. Don’t forget, there’s a real enemy out there that we all want to see stopped, and instead of fighting amongst ourselves, we need to be fighting them.”
Fuller continued to look at Sue after he finished talking, and she could see by his glare that he was directing his anger at her. There was silence from both a moment more, then Jen said, “This has nothing to do with yesterday, John. She has treated me bad since I came here, and I feel as though I should not have to accept it any longer.”
Sue opened her mouth but snapped it shut. There was so much she wanted to say but did not. Instead, she turned and growled a loud, “Bahhhhh,” when she stormed from the room.
There was no use in arguing with either of them. The robot’s processing unit had corroded after sitting all that time and was now under the impression it was human. As for Fuller, the machine had enticed him into its trap. No matter what she said, he would side with it. The damn thing fascinated him, and he treated it like it was a real woman.
Sue was aware of her physical flaws and that the machine was manufactured to be every man’s perfect dream. She had not dated many men, but surface appearance easily lured those she had. She berated herself for ever thinking Fuller was different. She knew now that he was the same. Even so, thinking of him falling for some illusion like that sickened her.
She stomped down the hall and descended the stairs, her breath quickening. It was not from the exertion but the rage she had worked herself into. When she got to the foot of the stairs, she sat on the second step and took deep breaths to calm herself.
As her anger diminished, she began to think of one thing Fuller had been right about; there was an enemy to fight and they were no longer nameless and faceless. The robot had at least done that much for her. As she reflected, her initial reaction that McAndrews could not be the conspiracy’s leader changed. If the emperor had seen Placidia meet with him, he was involved. If involved, what better position to become the leader than to be the one charged with heading the investigation? In fact, the initial scheme may have been Phil’s, but once McAndrews discovered it as part of his investigation, he decided it was his turn to feed at the trough. They were transporting millions of dollars worth of gold back, and the promise of even greater riches and power once the library computer was cracked. That was more than enough to turn even the most honest of men.
The time had come, and she knew what to do. She would go to Uncle Bob and expose the whole mess to him. She stood and looked up the stairs for a moment when her thoughts went back to Fuller. She had the required information and did not need him anymore. He could stay up there and play with his toy for all she cared, but she was going to finish by herself what they had started together.
She half walked, half ran to the kitchen, grabbing her cell phone and purse before racing out the door. Certain her uncle was still at his office, she would call on her way to make sure he stayed until she arrived.
;
*****
Fuller looked at Jen. “Well, I guess I’ll start eating. I’ve waited for Sue as long as I can. I’m starved.”
“Yes, you should eat,” Jen replied, tightening the robe she wore. “She may be gone for several more hours, and you cannot wait that long.”
Fuller took one of the hamburger patties he had fried off the plate and placed it on an open bun, dowsing it with ketchup before putting the top on. He took a bite from it and chewed, not savoring it but just going through the motions. The distraction in his mind was too great to enjoy the food, being more concerned how mad Sue looked when she stormed from the bathroom earlier.
He wanted to follow, but Jen had grabbed his arm before he could, forcing him to remain to quell her fear. She looked so childlike in her pleading that he could not abandon her at that moment. He stayed and helped her dry off from the bath. He had heard the slam of the back door when Sue left, leaving the wound of the argument still festering and not giving him a chance to set things straight.
He swallowed his mouthful and thought that while he had directed his anger at both women, maybe Sue thought he was focusing on her. In hindsight, he was angrier with her for the hurtful words she had said. After all, Jen had put up with Sue’s ill treatment for a long time, and he could not fault her for fighting back. For too long he had let others step all over him, so he was very conscious of how wearing it could be to take abuse day after day. The main question was why she so disliked Jen. They had discussed the matter before, but Sue had never given him a coherent reason.
Another unconscious bite of the burger and another thought came to him. He looked at Jen sipping a glass of water, her eyes focusing on him over the top of the cup. She lowered the glass from her mouth and smiled at him.
When he swallowed his bite he asked, “Say, Jen, you never said anything to Sue about how you love me and all, did you?”
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “Oh no, you asked that I tell no one, and I have not.”
It was obvious that Jen had not. She did not want to displease him, and by her look, even the thought of it scared her.
“All right, just making sure,” he said and took another bite. It was a crazy thought after all. For a moment, he thought maybe Sue was jealous of Jen. There was the comment about him looking at her in the tub, and there had been other similar references in the past. There was also Sue’s kiss the night before, but it could not add up to anything. It was only a wild dream to think a woman like Sue could have any thoughts beyond friendship for a man as unattractive and boring as himself.
He shook his head as he continued to chew. If that was not it, then what was it? Sue acted like she was jealous, so maybe it was envy of something else. Yes, Jen was a textbook beauty and imperfection plagued Sue like every human. Was that reason enough to despise her? It did not seem likely. Sue may not be a faultless beauty, but she was very pretty nonetheless. Besides, she was far too smart not to realize that no woman was as flawless as Jen.
Was it possible that Jen’s vast storehouse of knowledge made Sue feel inferior intellectually? That was as ridiculous as the other reasons. Sue was the most intelligent woman he had ever met, and there was no way she could feel that way. Jen did have great knowledge at her disposal, but she did not have the creativity a human had. If there was one thing Sue had, it was creativity. Her theory behind the quantum shifter proved that.
Fuller was about to take another bite of his burger when he froze. That was it. The quantum shifter. He remembered when they had first encountered the library computer, and it refused to give them any of its secured data. The prospect of getting further information about using her machine to extract energy from parallel universes had excited Sue. That was, after all, the reason she and her father had constructed it. Maybe she thought that because it did not work as intended, she had failed. She knew it was possible now because the people of Jen’s universe used the same theory for their source of power. It was only a matter of tuning her machine to turn failure into success, and Jen was holding this secret from her. She was jealous of this knowledge and hated Jen for it.
This had to be it thought Fuller, smiling at his ability to work out Sue’s rationale. He was not one to pat himself on the back but maybe he should have gone into psychology instead of computer programming. He nodded and took another bite of the hamburger, this time enjoying its meaty flavor.
*****
When Sue walked into Humboldt’s office, he came around his desk. “Hello, my dear. It’s good to see you. How are you?”
“All right,” she muttered.
He started to give her a hug, but when he put pressure on her back, she flinched and moaned, “Ooh.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, releasing her.
“Nothing. I just hurt my back yesterday. It’s okay.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, dear. Here then.” He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. He motioned towards a chair and said, “Sit, sit,” while he walked back around the desk and plopped in his own.
“So how did you hurt your back?”
She did not want him to know how much danger she was in so said, “Oh, nothing. I just overdid it cleaning yesterday.”
“Hmmm, really. You should be more careful.”
By the look on his face, her white lie did not work. Since she was a little girl, he had always been able to tell when she was lying. He did not press the matter though, so her shoulders dropped when some of the tension released.
“Well, I don’t think you came here to tell me about your back anyway. You sounded pretty urgent on the phone. What’s up?” he asked, lounging back in his chair.
“I need to tell you about something I found out, but I know you’re going to be upset by it, so I need you to promise me…”
“Promise you? Promise you what?”
It was already not going well by his agitated look. She knew he would be even more upset when he found out about the chances she had taken. However, she would have to finish what she started.
“I need you to promise that you won’t be too mad at me, and that you’ll try to stay as calm about this as possible.”
“Calm about what? Is it something to do with the project?” he asked, leaning forward in his chair.
“Yes, in a way,” she replied.
He stared at her for a moment then grumbled, “Sue, you obviously have some bad news to tell me.” He held up his hand and said in a calmer tone, “Why don’t you just tell me what’s going on so I can help you. Haven’t I always been able to help no matter what your problems have been?”
Her eyes moistened. “Yes, you have.”
It was true too. Although she had always been close to her father, there were a few times in her life when she had been afraid to approach him. At those times, she had been able to go to Uncle Bob for help.
She remembered when she first got her driver’s license and wrecked her dad’s new car. It was Uncle Bob’s house she drove to in hysterics, and it was him that brought her home and broke the news to her father. Although her dad was still angry, Uncle Bob had put things into perspective. He made her dad realize that it was not that bad. The car was replaceable, but Sue was not.
He leaned back in his chair. “Okay then. What’s going on?”
Sue told him, leaving out the more dangerous details. She could see it upset him numerous times by the strain on his face but not once did he interrupt her. He listened as she finished with the discovery of McAndrews being the head of the conspiracy.
“Well, that’s quite a piece of detective work you and your friends accomplished,” he said. “But tell me, why didn’t you just come to me to begin with, Sue?”
“I wanted to in the beginning, but John and Vince kept telling me it might put you in danger. They said if w
e didn’t know how high up this thing went, you might tell someone who was involved, and they might kill you to keep things quiet.”
“Makes sense, except for the fact that I would have thought the same thing,” he said with a scowl. “I would have brought in outside investigators from other agencies to look into it.”
The look on his face was disconcerting to her. She had expected an outburst of anger and an accompanying lecture for taking chances but not this reaction. She had not seen him this way before so was not sure how to interpret it. Was it hurt for her not confiding in him or fear for her life? She could not tell.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Bob. You’re right. I should have, but when they told me you could be killed like dad, I just couldn’t take the chance.” A tear rolled down her cheek and her voice quivered. “You’re all I have left now.”
The look on his face changed, softening at her words. She was not positive, but the glisten of his eyes made it appear as though tears were forming. He blinked and the look was gone.
“I appreciate that, Sue, but you know I’ve been in this business too many years to let anything like that happen,” he said, one corner of his mouth going up. “Now it’s time for you to promise me something?”
“What’s that?”
“This is the end of your playing detective. You just worry about physics and getting our machine working like we want and leave the cloak and dagger stuff to me, okay?” A tense smile formed on his face.
Sue grinned. “Okay, I promise.”
“I may be getting old, but I’m not senile just yet. Some of what you told me comes as no surprise. I haven’t trusted Phil Baxter for some time; that’s why I brought in McAndrews to look into things.” He looked down for a moment and shook his head, a scowl coming to his face. “The real disappointment is Larry McAndrews. He’s one of the best operatives in the agency. How he could screw up this bad…” After a moment, his head snapped back up, and the forced smile returned. “But, you don’t need to worry about any of this. I’ll take care of both Baxter and McAndrews.”
“Thank you, Uncle Bob. And thank you for not blowing up at me. I was so afraid you would,” said Sue, her eyes moistening again.
Humboldt stood and started to walk around the desk. “You know I wanted to and could have, but I’m too relieved you’re safe.” Sue stood when he came up to her. He continued, “Besides, didn’t I always tell my favorite girl she could always come to me with anything?”
“Yes you did,” said Sue, her voice shaking. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. As far back as she could remember, he had always told her she was his favorite girl; it had been some years since he had said it to her though.
She reached up, put her arms around his heavy neck and hugged him tight. He put his arms around her with a gentle hug so as not to hurt her back. Sue continued her embrace, not wanting to end the comfort and security she felt in his arms. She said, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, dear,” he responded. When she released her grip, he put his hands on her shoulders and rocked back. He gazed into her eyes. “You’ll never know how much I love you and what you’ve always meant to me.”
She smiled. “No, I think I do.”
He smiled back with no hint of strain this time. “Well now, you get going. I have a lot to do to get this thing wrapped up. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said, wiping her eyes and sniffing.
Humboldt released her and she picked up her purse. While she exited, Humboldt sat down at his desk. When Sue turned to close the door behind her, she caught a glimpse of the fury on Uncle Bob’s face when he picked up the phone and stabbed the buttons. She walked away knowing there would be hell to pay for Larry McAndrews.
*****
Fuller was immersed in the chair with his eyes half closed. As the television flashed its light throughout the room, he only peripherally observed it. The inane images that flickered across it were enough to make even the most alert person drowsy. It was less than an hour since he had finished his dinner, and the warmth of the meal as it settled in his stomach seemed to weigh on his eyes.
His eyelids dropped to narrow slits then closed when he drifted into a semiconscious state. As his sleep deepened, there was a distinct feeling of plunging backwards over a cliff. His eyes snapped open and his fingers clawed into the arms of the chair.
“Is there something wrong, John?” asked Jen, tearing her face away from the television screen. Her head snapped back to it, as though fearful of missing the nuances of the show.
“Huh, oh, nothing,” he snorted. “I was falling asleep.”
“Did you wish to go to bed now?” Her eyes remained glued to the screen, the conversation seeming of minor interest.
It did not matter whether the shows she watched were a portrayal of the finest in literature or the basest trash, they enthralled her as an object of intense study, like a biologist examining a virus through a microscope. Fuller shook his head as he looked at her staring at the television, her mind so focused she did not notice his silence.
He sat another minute before the weight in his lids began dragging them down again. He said, “I think I will.”
“You will what?” she muttered.
“I’m going up to bed,” he said, rising from the seat.
This broke the spell, and Jen turned her head around. “All right, I will go with you.”
She grabbed the remote control and snapped off the television, following after as he ascended the stairs. Fuller walked into his bedroom and was about to shut the door when Jen slipped through it. He asked, “What are you doing?”
“You said I could stay with you,” she said, her eyes flashing at him.
“Oh… yeah,” he yawned. “Can you at least turn around while I get undressed?”
“If you wish,” she said, brightening since she could stay.
She turned her back to him while he stripped off his clothes down to his briefs. He pulled down the bedspread and sheet and climbed in, wrapping himself under the covers. He said, “Okay, you can turn around.”
She did so and stood there in the darkened room, the light from a streetlamp streaming through the window. He gazed at her as the rays reflected off her glistening hair, the aura softening the outline of her magnificent features.
She asked, “Are you proud I was able to get the empress to safety and the name of the head conspirator for you?”
“Huh? Oh, sure. I’m very proud of you,” he replied, her question tugging his thoughts from her vision of beauty.
“Good, I am glad.”
She reminded him of her childlike qualities, always craving his approval. He accepted it though because he knew her emotions were developing and soon would move past such things. He would try to give her as much support as she needed during these critical times, something he felt he had never gotten.
She broke the silence again. “What will we do now that we know his name?”
“Hmmm, I was thinking of that earlier. We could go to Sue’s uncle at this point or we could do a little more digging.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I wanted to talk to Sue about this first, but I was thinking that just because McAndrews was the highest level person the emperor met, that doesn’t mean he’s our top man. After all, Sue said he wasn’t even around when all this started.”
“Even though the emperor seemed quite certain, he could be in error,” she stated.
Fuller yawned. He was still tired, but the climb up the stairs and interest in the discussion had made him more attentive. “Did the emperor say why he thought McAndrews was the head of the conspiracy?”
“He was introduced by Phil Baxter as his superior.”
“Uh huh, you see? The emperor assumed that because he was Phil’s boss, he must be the head man. That may not be the case.”
“No, I w
ould suppose not,” said Jen. She sat on the bed next to him, her face in silhouette to Fuller. “How would we continue forward with the investigation to make certain though?”
“Well, I could kick myself for not thinking of this sooner,” he said, turning on his side to face her. “What do you think the possibility would be of you breaking into the computers at DAP, more specifically, McAndrews’ computer?”
“I am not certain. I have a basic understanding of your systems and some of the data transmission protocols you use from interfacing with Sue’s computer.” She paused, putting a hand to her chin. “I would need to do additional study before I could say with confidence though. I could do some additional reading on your Internet like I did when determining how to interface with the laptop.”
“Well, do it. The main thing is to break into their system in a way that you can’t be traced here in case you’re detected. Search for information on computer hacking.”
“Computer hacking. Yes, I have come across this on your television as a popular term used for breaking into a computer system.”
“Yep, that’s what they call it.”
“Very well, I will start researching this as soon as possible. Since I am now able to interface to your Internet without the use of one of your computers, I should be able to do this with much greater speed than when I did my earlier research.”
“Good, that’ll help.” His brows furrowed. “Speaking of hacking, there is one thing that’s bothering me. It’s been a couple of days since we’ve been to the library. I’m worried that the longer we let the conspirators try to hack into the library computer, the more of a chance they’ll succeed. I know you said you couldn’t give me an estimate of how quick they can break in, but should I be concerned at this point?”
Fuller was again astonished at her growing emotional awareness when she laughed. “Oh that. You do not need to worry at all. In fact, I can give you an exact estimate of when they will gain entry to the library computer.”
He came up from the bed, propping his upper body on one elbow. “You can?”
“Never. I programmed the interface port’s sub-processor to keep prompting their computer for a login and password, but it will never let them gain access. The computer has locked out that port until they cease their attack.”
“I’ll be damned,” said Fuller, chuckling. “Jen, did I ever tell you you’re a genius?”
“I do not believe you have, but it is good to hear.”
It was difficult to see her face in the dim light, but he thought he could see her smiling with pride. He scowled. “Wait a minute. I thought you said you couldn’t tell me that information?”
“That was before I knew you, John. Now that I do, I know you are not attempting to steal our technology. In fact, you are trying to protect it. I have come to trust you more than any person I have ever known.”
The way she said the last touched him. The guarded secrets of an advanced society lay in the balance, and to know she trusted him with this made Fuller feel honored.
He pulled his free hand from under the covers and laid it on her thigh. “Thanks, Jen. It means a lot to know you trust me that much.”
This time he thought he detected an even bigger smile come to her face. She reminded him again of how overriding her desire to be accepted and loved by him was. What she did not know, and he could not say though, was that he did accept her and he did love her.
With her state of emotion being like that of a child, he could never explain to her how he felt. She would never understand and would take his love to the fullest extreme of her interpretation of it. He did love her very much, but for now he was uncertain of the exact nature of his feelings. Was it only that of the closest of friend or was there the spark of something more? He was not sure.
He knew the nature of what she was but found it more difficult to make a distinction between her mechanized life form and that of a human. Of the fact that she was a feeling, sentient being, he was certain. That she was not a woman was also certain though, even if the certainty lessened bit by bit every day.
He had felt her passion the first time she had kissed him. As strange as it was to him even now, he had felt something from her that no other woman had ever displayed towards him. The intensity of love she felt and the simple, honest way she portrayed it made it as real and concrete as anything he could touch. Could his level of feelings towards her ever develop to that between man and woman? He could not say. There was still too much uncertainty in him.
Fuller was not sure how long he had been lost in thought when Jen said, “John, if you still wish to go back to your own universe, I can check the library computer for information that will help you.”
He jerked his elbow from the bed and slid his body into a full sitting position, throwing the covers back in a tidal wave. He clutched her shoulder. “Can you do that? I mean, do you think you have the information?”
“Even though we never used the technology for transporting people or objects, I am certain our knowledge is far in advance of what you have available in your universe.”
“Wow!” is all he could say, a grin exploding onto his face.
The desire to see Rita again had long ago faded for him, but he did miss his job though. While he did not like working for Mr. Mattson, he enjoyed programming computers. The long hours of work flew by as his mind gripped onto challenging problems.
The question now though was did this outweigh any happiness he had gained at finding friends who accepted and respected him? Although he was certain there could never be anything more than friendship between himself and Sue, he would miss her. In the long run though, would it be less painful to leave now or wait for her to return to her normal life, which would cut him out anyway?
What about Jen? Although the nature of her being held him back for now, would it always? The return to his old life would prevent the development of anything more between them. Or was anything beyond a simple friendship just more foolish thought on his part?
He was not sure and would need some time to consider the alternatives. But time he had. There was still more to discover regarding the conspiracy, and he could never desert Sue while the task was unfinished.
Jen turned her face towards the window after his joyful reaction. When he stretched around to look at her, he could see her distress in the diffuse yellow light. Had her adolescent love for him developed to such an extent that she was now willing to assist in his leaving her?
The grin vanished from his face. “Would you do that for me?”
“If that is what would please you the most,” she replied in a low voice.
That she would make this sacrifice for him sealed it. The love he felt for the woman, yes woman, seated next to him swelled. She was as human as anyone he had known, maybe even more so than some. Self-sacrifice was the most telling of human qualities as far as he was concerned.
“You are a very special person, Jen,” he said as he hugged her.
She wrapped her arms around him and held on with a long hug, as though fearing he may vanish if she let go. He let her hold on, but soon she rose from the bed and faced the window. She said, “I am sure you are tired, you should sleep now.”
Although it was obvious she feared he would leave, he dare not say anything to ease her pain. He was not sure what to do and could not hold out false hope only to dash her feelings later. Instead, he said, “You’re right. I’m sleepy.”
When Jen moved to the window and looked out, he crawled back below the covers, immersing himself in their cold comfort. He lay on his side and gazed at Jen as the glowing light behind her increased the magic of her beauty. That she was the most perfect vision of loveliness he had ever seen was still true, but it was also becoming so for her on the inside as well. To be a part of her metamorphosis was even more magical.
Fuller was not sure how long he watched while she continued her vigil, but sleep soon came, and so too did
the same dream of several nights before. His body and soul were entangled in making love to the mysterious woman. It was so much more vivid than before that he was unsure when the dream ended and he found himself awake, enveloped by warm silky skin.
“Make love to me, John,” whispered Jen in his ear as she began to kiss his face and neck.
As the memory of the dream was still fresh in his mind and he now knew the identity of the woman in it, there was only one thing for him to do. He returned a light kiss to Jen’s lips.
*****
Sue walked into the darkened kitchen, the under-cabinet nightlight providing just enough glow for her to navigate by. She noted the quiet in the house and was glad of it. She was tired and did not wish to have her discussion with Fuller until the morning. She put her purse in its niche by the door then headed for her bedroom.
It had ended up being a long night for her. After leaving the DAP offices, she was unsure of what to do next. The past string of days had all been focused on doing what she had just done, getting the necessary information of her father’s murderers to Uncle Bob. But now what? What next?
Needing time to think things over, she did something that in the past had often cleared her head—she went for a drive. Clear of rush-hour traffic, she sped onto the freeway heading out of town. She was soon on a straight country stretch that continued for hours before entering another town. The mind-numbing miles and drone of the tires while they sped over the concrete allowed her mind to wander.
She knew she was ready to go back to work and continue her efforts on the project, of that she was certain. But that was not what concerned her; it was Fuller and what she should do about him. While she had isolated herself after her father’s death and had become quite content in her solitude, that was now no longer the case. Having Fuller with her almost constantly had changed how she felt. It was good to have the companionship of someone to talk to in times of joy and of sadness, and she had missed that since her father was gone.
On several occasions, Fuller had temporarily left, but they had been for short spans—only hours at most. She was glad for the peace and quiet in the house when he left but was even happier when he returned. He would tell her about all he had done since leaving her side. It did not matter how small or trivial the discussion may be. It could be that he went to the grocery store and complained to her about how long the lines were, or he was mad because they had run out of his favorite ice cream. Even these trivial rantings made the day-to-day mundane tasks like unpacking groceries tolerable.
She could not lie to herself. She had been attracted to him from the start. While he was not the muscleman hunk or the handsome, sophisticated lady-killer type, he still had a definite attractiveness. It was more than that though. Once she knew him and found out how different he seemed to be from most other men, her feelings were confirmed. There was a boyish sweetness about him and a lack of selfishness. While at first he may have seemed frightened and weak, she now knew there was another side to him that was as strong as anyone she had ever known.
Did the relationship she had with him have to end now that the fight with the conspirators was over? After all, it did not help him get home or solve the mystery of how he got here in the first place. He was still trapped here. With their goal accomplished though, would his desire to get home take up where it left off?
She did not think so. It did not seem as much of a concern to him any longer. She knew that more and more he was drawn to this robot they had discovered and would want to stay with it. Whether he left or stayed with the machine, it would not matter to Sue. She would lose him either way.
Maybe she was laying too much blame on the robot and not enough on her own shortcomings. Even before the machine was around, no matter how many hints Sue gave him, there always seemed to be a lack of interest on his part. She felt a barrier between them. He was always pleasant and seemed glad to be around her but only as a friend and no more. At first, she assumed there was some loyalty to his wife, regardless of how unhappy the relationship he described was. But now, with his obvious attraction to a lifeless mechanical device, it had to be due to something lacking in her. It all seemed futile now, as she saw her chances with him slipping further away. She decided to turn the car around and head home in defeat.
As she drove in her new direction, she thought back to the argument with him before leaving the house. She became angry all over again for him yelling at her for being inconsiderate of the machine’s feelings. What about her feelings? Did he expect her to be happy for the two of them? Happy at his being so shallow and immature as to prefer a fake simulation to a real woman.
The anger turned inward though and she began to hate herself for even caring about him. Why had she let herself be drawn to him? Why? Why? Why did she love him so much? She began to sob, the tears blurring the road ahead. She slowed the car, but it did not help so pulled over to the shoulder.
She cried, “I do love him! I can’t help myself, I do!”
She continued the outpouring for several minutes, but soon it began to subside and she attempted to dry her eyes of the tears that were still slowly trickling.
“What am I going to do?” She took several deep breaths then sighed. “Give up. He’s lost and you just need to accept it.”
She could not though. She would not. In fact, why should she? She had never given up on anything in her life without a fight. If there was one thing she had learned from her father, it was persistence. He never gave up, and no matter what the odds, he always came out on top in the end. She would too. She wiped her eyes dry this time and started her car. There was no way she would give him up without some kind of fight.
As she pulled onto the road, she began to think of all the things she would say to him. How she would convince him of his folly in thinking this robot was in any way human. It was not, and he needed to realize that. She would tell him how she felt and why it made sense to stay with her for a chance at happiness rather than to go back to a wife he hated. She knew she would convince him some way. There was no stopping her when her mind was set.
All this would have to wait for the freshness of morning she thought as she walked through her front hallway. For now, all she could think of was sleep. She climbed the stairs in a trancelike state, the nightlight at the top streaming down like that of heaven itself. When she reached the top and started towards her room, a door opened beside her, the one to Fuller’s room.
Her head shot around, expecting to see him emerge. It was not him though; it was the damnable machine. Sue’s pink robe hung open about the robot’s shoulders, exposing its pale, naked body beneath. When Sue’s eyes met those of the machine, the blank, lifeless, unfeeling stare, she realized what had happened. She did not need further proof but knew with every fiber of her shattered heart. Fuller had made his decision, and it was not in Sue’s favor.
Sue ran to her room, slamming the door behind. Though she had cried so much before that it did not seem possible for more to come, she threw herself onto the bed and sobbed into her pillow like never before.
There she stayed for the rest of the night, eventually falling into unconsciousness from exhaustion.
*****
“Would you care for more coffee?” asked Jen.
“Yes, please,” said Fuller, smiling at her.
She snatched up his cup and rushed to the pot, filling it with coffee then topping with cream. She had learned the precise proportion of each that he liked, so he was not surprised when she brought it back and his first sip tasted of perfection.
“Would you like more eggs as well?” she asked with her hand ready to grab his plate.
He chuckled. “You don’t have to hover over me like this. Sit down. I’ve had enough.”
“All right,” she said, sitting on the stool next to him. “I just want to ma
ke sure you are pleased.”
“Don’t worry; you’ve pleased me all right. It was delicious. You’re a good cook.”
She grinned. “Thank you.”
He sipped at his coffee and began to think of what happened last night. He wondered if her extra-special treatment was due to what had transpired. She may think her attentiveness might sway him to stay. He had to admit it was working, and the thought of leaving was becoming distant.
“How is the hacking coming?” he asked.
She put down the glass of water she had been sipping. He noticed that when he ate, she drank any water she needed to run her systems. It was most likely to share a common experience with him, even though it was different.
“Quite well,” she replied. “I have found that your websites are accessed much faster if I view the pages as text only and then download the pictures and diagrams I need later.”
“Hmmm, I suppose they do,” he nodded.
When he awoke that morning, she was not in the room with him. After showering and dressing, he searched the house to find her. At first, he did not see her, but when he was turning to leave Dr. Manders’ office, he caught a spark of sunlight glimmering from her hair between two tall stacks of papers on the desk. She was hard wired to the Internet modem, the short length of the interface cable forcing her to sit on the floor. He saw the cable hanging from her head when he came around the large oak desk, her eyes closed and body still. The focus of her concentration filtered out the majority of her inputs.
When he spoke her name, her eyes snapped to attention. She yanked out the cable, moving her hair into place to camouflage the mechanics of her data port. She explained she left his side the night before after he was asleep and had been connected to the Internet since. It was then that she offered to make him breakfast and he accepted.
As he took another sip of coffee, she mirrored him with her water glass. He smiled at how cute her attempts at mimicry were.
He pulled the cup from his mouth. Still smiling at her, he said, “So, do you think you have the information to start hacking or do you need more research?”
“Oh I gathered enough data hours ago,” she beamed. “I have already hacked,” she said the word seeming pleased with herself for using a slang term, “into one of the routers that DAP obtains their Internet services through.”
Fuller’s eyes widened while his body drifted backwards several inches. “You’re kidding me! That’s amazing!” An evil grin came to his face. “What a criminal you’d make. I’ll have to get you to hack into some bank accounts for me.”
Her brows furrowed. “How would that help us to obtain more information on the conspirators?”
He laughed. “It was a joke, Jen. You’re almost human you know, but I think you need to do a bit more study of humor.”
She nodded. “Ah yes—humor. That is one of the most difficult of human emotions to comprehend. I find that I make humorous statements without even knowing I have done so. I also find it very difficult to interpret the meaning of them when someone else says them. The laughter tracks on your comedy television programs are most educational in pointing out when something funny is said though.”
“Yeah. I think most of the time that’s what they’re for,” he said, knowing his wit would be undecipherable to her.
“I am still studying though. I will get it sooner or later.”
“Yes, you will,” he said. “I have every confidence that it’s only a matter of time.”
“John?” he heard from behind. It was Sue at the door between the front hall and kitchen.
He turned and grinned. “Well, good morning. And how are you on this bright sunny day?”
He could see his good cheer was lost on her as she did not seem her usual happy self. Her eyes were scarlet roadmaps, and the areas around them were red and irritated too. Her hair was in a tangle and she looked like she had not slept last night. She had always been particular about her appearance, but that did not seem to be the case today.
“I need to talk to you,” she said.
Concern causing him to bite his lip, he spun around on the stool to face her. “What’s wrong, Sue? Are you coming down with something?”
“I need to talk to you—alone please.”
“Sure, sure. Jen, why don’t you go back to your hacking? Since you were nice enough to cook, it’s my job to clean up anyway,” he said.
“That is all right. I can do it later,” said Jen as she rose from her seat.
“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
“Very well. As you wish.”
When Jen walked to the door, Sue stepped aside and gave her a wide berth. Her eyes glared at the floor until the robot passed, revolted at the thought of even looking at her.
“Let’s go out on the patio,” said Sue as she started to the back door.
“Sure, if you want,” Fuller said, not sure what to make of her odd behavior. “Would you like me to bring you a cup of coffee?”
“No, just come out.”
When they got to the patio, Sue sat in one of the wrought-iron chairs, her eyes looking out to the yard beyond.
“What’s wrong, Sue?” he asked, sitting across the table from her. “Are you upset with me about yesterday still?”
“That’s part of it.” She looked at him. “I think it would be best if you just leave.” Her eyes darted away from him again, focusing out to nothing in the yard.
“Oh come on, Sue. I’m sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have hollered at you, but I just didn’t want things to get out of hand between you and Jen.”
“I know that, but it doesn’t change anything. You have to leave.”
“How can I leave right now? We still have more to do to get the guys that killed your dad. Don’t we?”
“No, that’s finished. I’ve already told my uncle everything, and he’s going to take care of it. That’s where I went last night.”
“Oh, okay,” he stammered. He recovered and asserted, “I was going to talk to you about a few other things we could do, but I guess we don’t have to now.”
“No, we don’t. It’s all over so you and… and Jen can leave.” She spit the robot’s name out like something bitter was in her mouth. Her eyes moistened and she pleaded, “You have to understand that I can’t take having you two here under the circumstances. Can’t you?”
“Under the circumstances? What circumstances? Ohhh, I understand now,” he said, thinking back to his reasoning why Sue did not like Jen. “I know you don’t care for Jen, and I understand why you don’t.”
“You do?” she said, her eyes shooting back to the yard. “Well good. You know why you have to leave then.”
He held out his hands. “Come on, Sue, you can’t blame Jen for that. It’s not her fault you know.”
Sue lowered her head and looked at her hands tugging at each other. In a low voice she said, “No, I suppose you’re right. It isn’t her fault. You’re the one who made the choice.”
“My choice?” he said in a strained voice. “Are you trying to say that I influenced Jen? Come on now, that’s even more ridiculous than blaming her.”
Her head snapped to him. “Ridiculous! Is that what you think I am? Is that piece of shit so perfect or is it that I’m so damn… repulsive?” she said, barely gulping out the last word. Even a machine was more appealing than her! What choice would any man make?
She continued, the tears flooding out now, “I know I’m not the best damn thing you ever saw, but at least I’m real. That stupid thing is some kind of a sick fantasy of yours, and for you to do what you did makes you some kind of a mental case!”
“Wait,” he said, his body looking frozen in place, but his head coming forward. “Now I’m really confused. What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about my feelings for a change,” she cried, her hand slapping onto the table. “I know how co
ncerned you are for that machine’s feelings, but what about mine? Mine are real you know, and for you to not give a damn about them…”
She could not continue to speak. Her thoughts were thrashing about so fast that all she could do was put her face in her hands and cry.
All the little pieces that kept coming from her mystified Fuller, and he was unable to put the puzzle together. He could see she was frantic though so rose from his chair and knelt beside her.
He said as gentle and calming as he could, “Sue, I’m sorry, but I don’t follow what you’re talking about. Please, tell me what happened that caused you to get so upset?”
She glared at him. “I saw last night when I got home. She was coming out of your room with one of my robes on. One of my robes! I saw she didn’t have any clothes on. I know what you two did!” She buried her face back in her hands and sobbed.
His eyes widened. “What? You think I… with Jen?” His mouth hung open. When he gained his senses, his head swayed back and forth. “Sue, I didn’t. I mean, I really didn’t.”
“John, you don’t have to lie to me. I know you’d rather have her than me. But once you made that choice, you can’t expect me to let you stay here anymore. I’m only human and it hurts!” She lost control again and could say no more. Her hands muffled her cries as they enveloped her face, her body convulsing.
Like a shot, it struck him. She said he had made a choice of Jen over her. She also thought he had slept with Jen even though he had not. Yes, Jen had wanted to, but he could not. Was Sue so upset by this because she cared for him as more than just a friend? As ridiculous as he had always thought it to be, did she in fact love him?
He was lost for words, his heart thudding at the thought that his dream could come true. Now that he remembered his dream of last night, he knew who the woman in it was—Sue. He had been attracted to her from the start, and that attraction could only grow to love once he knew her. However, the impossibility of it all had always driven the thoughts away. There could never be even a small chance that a woman as perfect as Sue could ever love him.
He needed to be sure, his mind still refusing to accept it. His voice was shaky when he asked, “Do you mean you love me?”
Her onslaught of weeping was still too intense to respond, so he said more to himself than to her, “I had no idea. I can’t believe it. You love me?”
Her crying subsided, and she pulled her face from her hands. “Yes, I love you! I’m sure you and that thing in there will get a big laugh out of it now!” Her finger stabbed towards the house.
“My God, you do?” The confirmation made his heart flutter again, his breath going short. How could this be? Nothing like this had ever happened to him. For several moments he was too confused to know what to do, but then reason took hold, and he realized he had to make her understand how he felt.
“Sue, I’m begging you to listen to me. I never did anything with Jen; I don’t think of her in that way. In fact, she asked me to, but the thought of it just doesn’t sit right with me, so I couldn’t. Can you understand that?”
Having calmed somewhat, she was able to speak. “John, you don’t have to tell me that. I know you don’t have anywhere to go when you leave here. I feel sorry for you. I know you can’t go back to your universe, but I’ve thought about it. I’m sure Vince can forge whatever documents you need to start up a new life here in this universe. I’ll even talk to my uncle for you. I’m sure he’ll be able to help you with whatever you need. You can go anywhere you want, but you have to leave here. I can’t take this anymore!
“Is that what you think?” he said in a steady voice. “I’m lying to you because I have nowhere to go? That’s not the case at all, Sue. As a matter of fact, Jen told me last night she would use the library computer to get all the information it had on shifting to get me back home.”
He said to himself as much as to her, “At first I was so excited that I wanted to go back right away. Then, I told myself there was no way I could leave until we finished catching the guys who killed your dad. I even told Jen to start hacking into the DAP computers so we could get more information on McAndrews. But you know, that was just an excuse. Hell, I thought that could take her weeks or even months, so I was safe. I was going to stay here.
“I don’t want to leave. I have nothing to go back to. I had a shitty life with a shitty wife, and I was miserable. The only thing I had was my job, but that was just an escape for me. I got to program a computer that was its own safe little world where John Fuller was in control of everything. So even that was just a fantasy.
“Until I met you and learned what a strong person is, I was nothing. I was a scared little rabbit who ran from everything, but you changed that for me. You showed me what it was to fight for something you believe in and to never give up, even if it means dying. And you know what? I respected the hell out of you for it, and I wanted you to respect me just like that.
“I even lied to myself and you both saying I was doing everything for me so I could get back home. Bullshit! Why the hell would I ever want to go back there when I can be with you? The only reason to ever consider it was because I thought I didn’t have a chance with you.
“Everything I’ve done here was to earn your respect, and the right to earn your love. From the second I saw you, I knew how impossible something like that was, but I tried and I tried. I kept telling myself over and over every day that something like that was impossible, so if you ever gave me any signs, I sure as hell wouldn’t have believed them. But that didn’t stop me from trying.
“And now that the impossible is happening, please don’t tell me I’ve blown it like I have my whole life. Sue, I’ve tried so hard for you. You have to believe me when I say I love you, more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. Please, believe me.”
Sue gazed into his eyes. She had stopped sobbing long ago as his words continued. She had been looking for any evidence of deception, but there was none. All she saw was the thoughtful, kind man she had come to love. It was all she had longed to hear these past days, and now that he said it, she believed him.
The pressure in him built, and he could no longer stand her silent gaze. He had to know what she thought so asked, “Do you believe me, Sue?”
She could not speak as the tears came again, but this time tears of joy. She nodded her head and held her arms out to him. He pulled her into a tight embrace. “God I love you so much.”
He pulled back and, fearing his clumsiness, gave her a light kiss at first. A glowing tingle began when his lips met hers. When she responded, he became bolder as his passion grew. The electric charge he felt spread out from his lips and enveloped his entire body in warmth.
Sue felt the same as the warmth also enveloped her. To kiss was a pleasure, but to do so with the man you love was a transcending experience she had never felt before. The void that had been there for so long but never acknowledged was finally filled.
CHAPTER 14