He wanted to take her to bed with him. To laugh with her. To soak up just a little of the colors she trailed wherever she went.
He wanted…
But he’d done without things he’d wanted before.
You’ve always been my strong one, his mother had often told him. Strong like the rock of Cashel I named you for…
He could do this, Cash told himself firmly. He could get through the next few weeks with Rowena.
And then he could walk away.
ROWENA STALKED toward the car, her temper blazing as she thought of how deeply her sister’s barbs must have cut Cash, the echoes from his past Bryony must have awakened. Not that Bryony could have known that, and yet far too often, Bryony made snap judgment calls, too used to being right ever to consider she might be wrong.
“You were way out of line back there,” Rowena said as she plopped her wet butt down on Bryony’s leather seat, feeling a petty sense of getting her own back as her sister gave a gasp of displeasure.
“I’m out of line?” Bryony arched one dark brow up. “I drive three hours to see you because I’m worried about you—and with good reason if that little scene with the deputy was any example of what you’ve been up to since you moved here.”
“You have no idea what happened.”
“You were crying. And he was looking at you like—like—”
“Like what?”
“Like he…God, Rowena! A man stuck with two kids on his own? You’ve got to know he’d have to be after the first woman he could find who’d take some of the load off his shoulders. You might as well have walked into town with a target painted on your ass.”
“And you all wondered why I moved so far away from home.”
“Okay, so maybe that’s not the—the most P.C. way of putting it. But admit it. On some level, you know I’m right.”
“Actually, Cash decided after the divorce that he wouldn’t date, wouldn’t risk bringing another woman into his daughters’ lives.”
“And of course, men always tell the truth.”
“Cash does. Bry, I’m sorry Richard hurt you. And I’m sorry you wasted your day off driving down here on some hare-brained scheme to rescue me from…whatever you think you’re rescuing me from.”
“Being used. Being hurt. Getting trapped in a situation that—that…I don’t care what the man told you. The way he was looking at you back there scares the pants off me.”
Rowena felt a shiver run down her spine at the memory of those moments when Cash had stared down at her, his eyes vulnerable, his mouth so close. Then closer still, brushing her cheek, the corner of her mouth. Warmth, heat, emotions cruising far too close to the surface. Cash’s voice, whispering her name as if it were a prayer.
But he’d only been offering comfort, only been grateful that she’d cherished the gift his daughter had given her.
“Rowena, you know I love you. And I admire the way you’re always so willing to rush into things, take risks I never would. But this thing with Deputy Lawless is just asking for heartache.”
“What thing is that?”
“You care about him. You always want to give love so—so freely. It never occurs to you that most people take time to count the cost and the benefits before they make a leap like that. I don’t want Lawless to figure out just how much easier you’d make his life and decide that that would be enough to base a marriage on.”
“You’re delusional! Talk about overreacting! Considering what Cash’s first wife did to him and to his children, I doubt he’d ever marry anyone else.”
“I feel sorry for whoever he did marry.”
“You’ve met him for what? All of three minutes—while you were having a fit, by the way. You don’t know anything about him.”
“Don’t I? I saw that anger of his running so close to the surface. I know just how dangerous that can be.”
Rowena turned her gaze out the window, remembering the boyfriend who had broken her sister’s arm three years ago. Knowing how ashamed Bryony had been. Even so, she didn’t want Bryony to know she’d struck a nerve. “You attacked him, Bry. For no reason. What did you expect?”
“Are you trying to tell me that he’s the Good Humor man the rest of the time?”
“Not a lot to laugh about with his daughter in a wheelchair. But he’s been learning.”
“From you, right?”
Rowena knew the answer must be on her face. Bryony sighed, a rare chink showing in her armor, old sadness in her face.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she said, the endearment so rare it was too precious to entirely dismiss. “I’ve spent years treating patients. I’ve seen all kinds of families go through tragedies like this one. I know just what kind of man Cash Lawless is. The kind of man who’s angry, who blames—”
“Bryony, stop.” Rowena said, gentler this time. Quieter. “I know you’re scared for me. But Cash has been brutally honest. The boundaries between us are absolutely clear.”
“But—”
“I’m not going to listen another minute.”
Bryony gave her the once-over, with far too serious eyes. Eyes that reminded Rowena of Cash. Eyes far too good at hiding pain. “That’s okay. You don’t have to listen anymore,” Bryony said at last.
“What?” Rowena said, surprised at her sister’s capitulation.
“You’re nothing if not fair, Row. Even though you’re pissed off at me for interfering, you’ll consider what I’ve said.”
There was no sense in arguing with her. Not when she was right.
“What say we go to your house? Get you out of those clothes. I’m afraid you’ll catch your death of cold.”
Oh, Bry, Rowena thought, reaching over to squeeze her sister’s hand, Bryony, so closed off, so determined to be strong. Cool and capable on the outside. Never letting anyone see deeper. I’m afraid you’ll do the same thing…
SOMEBODY ON THE STREET outside slammed a car door. Cash glanced up at the clock as Destroyer gave a low woof from Charlie’s room, just in case “the boss” had missed the potential intruder. It was ten o’clock—not late by Fair day standards. Cash figured the local teenagers still had plenty of night left to celebrate, so even quiet little Whitewater had the potential of seeing more action than usual tonight.
At least there was no chance either of the girls would wake up, Cash thought, sinking even deeper in his easy chair. Both kids had fallen asleep in the car on the way home. He’d carried them in, both sticky and smelling of cotton candy and mustard and face paint and fun. He figured he’d have to wash them and the sheets come morning. But he didn’t mind. They’d be jabbering all day about their adventures. He’d barely have to talk at all. Good thing, since shouting at people from the tank had left his throat a little sore.
While Rowena had left another kind of ache. In his heart.
Cash snagged his half-empty bottle of Budweiser from the table beside him and took a drink. But tonight the beer did nothing to help him relax. He kept remembering the sight of Rowena’s back as she walked away from him.
And the kicked-in-the-gut feeling that had taken him completely by surprise.
He grabbed the remote and switched off the news, then rubbed his face with one hand. Better go take a hot shower, drive back the chill that had grown so much worse in the hours he’d spent in the dunk tank after Rowena had left.
A quiet rap made him turn toward the front door. His heart skipped a beat. The kids were safe in bed, Vinny was still without wheels. The only person he knew who would show up on his doorstep this late was Rowena.
Doubtless trying to “fix” things, the way she had the day after Vinny had broken his leg. Cash winced, remembering Bryony Brown’s exasperated remark that Rowena was always finding somebody to save.
Cash clung to that bitter thought, trying to arm himself against Rowena’s lost-fairy eyes, her generosity of heart, her sensitivity that seemed able to find any wound, no matter how old or how deeply buried. Even so, his heart skipped a beat at the thought of her on his d
oorstep.
Cash looked through the peephole, then went still. After a moment, he turned the lock and opened the door. “Dr. Brown.”
“Deputy Lawless,” Rowena’s sister greeted him. “I was hoping I could have a word with you before I left town.”
The idea of letting the woman into his home grated Cash’s nerves. He could remember far too well the way Joan’s aristocratic nose had wrinkled in distaste the few times she’d walked through his door. He blocked the opening pointedly with his big body. “Not necessary,” he told her. “You made your point in the parking lot.”
She actually looked a little chagrined. The ice in her eyes thawed a bit, revealing something darker beneath. Something Cash understood. “I’m afraid I made a rather bad job of it this afternoon,” Bryony confessed. “I hate seeing Rowena cry.”
What could Cash say to that? He stepped back, opened the door wide enough for Rowena’s sister to come in.
“I’m sorry it’s so late. But I didn’t want the children to be up. I knew this would be awkward.”
“They’re out for the night.”
“That’s good.” She rolled her shoulders a little as if working out the kinks. “It always amazes me, how children sleep. So easily. As if…” Her features grew puzzled. A little wistful. “Well, I didn’t come here to talk about my insomnia, did I?”
“What did you come here for?”
“To talk to you about my sister.”
Cash waited a few seconds, silent, seeing that the doctor was gathering her thoughts.
“I know Rowena seems so…strong. Fearless, the way she plunges heart-first into life.”
“Fearless, or crazy,” Cash said, surprising himself at his honesty. “I envy her that. I hate to think what will happen when she finally gets hurt. It’s inevitable, I guess. Even so…I hope to hell I won’t be around to see when it happens.”
“So you really don’t have any…well, designs on my sister?”
“No.” At least, not anything real. But in his fantasies…have mercy…
“When I saw you with Rowena, before you knew anyone else was there—I could have sworn—”
“I’m no man for Rowena, Dr. Brown.”
The doctor turned her back to him, and yet, not before he’d seen the echo of his sentiments in her face, and an intimate knowledge of exactly how scorched a spirit could be. Something deeper than Lisa’s sister had experienced, and far sadder.
“Thank you for…putting my mind at ease,” Dr. Brown said. “After the way I behaved earlier, you could just as easily have let me stew about it.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I guess I’d better hit the road.”
Cash’s brows lifted in surprise. “You’re not going to drive back to the city now, are you?”
Bryony lifted one elegant shoulder. “Might as well. I don’t sleep much anyway.”
Another foible they both understood. “Maybe it comes with our jobs, eh?” Cash observed. “Cops and doctors. We’re always waiting to see what disaster hits next.”
“Knowing something always will.” Bryony sucked in a deep breath, let it out. “Rowena doesn’t, Deputy. Doesn’t know. Doesn’t wait.”
“It’s hard to believe.”
“But it’s not because of the reasons you might think. Because she’s naive. Or—or chooses to pretend away heartache. Rowena has cried far too many times in the past. It used to drive our mother crazy. Rowena would get herself bitten by some dog or scratched by a cat or hurt by some kid in school everyone else stayed away from. Mom would take Rowena in for stitches or sit up all night talking to her and she’d say to me maybe this time she’ll learn, Bryony…please, God, let Rowena learn. Rowena never did.”
Cash couldn’t count the number of times he’d leaned over his own daughters’ beds, pleading with God—to protect them, heal them, keep them safe.
“When Rowena moved here, I guess we all hoped…maybe a fresh start would do her good after all she’d been through.”
“Calling off the wedding, you mean.”
Surprise filled Bryony’s gaze, her uneasiness about the closeness between Cash and her sister obviously deepening again.
“Rowena told me all about it,” Cash explained. “She said…you can’t marry someone you don’t love. It took a lot of guts for her to do what she did, upset your family, publicly break this guy’s heart.”
“Break his heart? Is that what she told you?”
“Yeah.” Cash’s brow knit with confusion. “She said the family wanted her to marry him. But the moment the invitations hit the bottom of the mailbox, she knew it was all a big mistake.”
“Not because she wanted out. Because she guessed Dan did. She didn’t tell us that, at first. And he never said a word. He never would have had the courage to call off the wedding, face the two sets of parents. Duty, obligation, mean everything to Dan’s family. And to our own.”
“But…that doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s what we all said. Until three months later Dan eloped with his lab technician.”
Cash imagined Rowena hearing the news, and he wanted to beat Dan senseless. “That asshole,” Cash snarled aloud. Heat spilled up his neck. He could almost feel his mom taking him by the ear. A man has no business swearing in front of a woman.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly.
“Don’t be. I’ve called him plenty worse. To his face.” Her features went grim with satisfaction.
Considering the ass-chewing the doctor had given Cash when she just suspected her sister was being taken advantage of, Cash could imagine Bryony Brown’s reaction when Rowena had been humiliated for real. Cash wished he could have added his two cents to her tirade.
What the hell kind of idiot would fall for some other woman when Rowena Brown loved him? But he swallowed the words before he could say them aloud.
Instead he fisted his hands. “That must have hurt Rowena.”
“It hurt her plenty. But by the time Dan showed his true colors she’d worked through most of it alone. I’m happy for them. That’s what my sister said when she heard the news. Her gutless wonder of a fiancé had let her take the heat for calling off the wedding. Left her open to gossip—Rowena, the flighty Brown sister. Nadine must be so disappointed. Imagine having to send back all the gifts, cancel the reception…contact all the guests.” Bryony pressed her hand to her stomach, and Cash guessed it was as knotted up as his own.
“What I’m trying to tell you, Deputy, is that Rowena has been hurt by life. Badly. She just…doesn’t care.” Bryony frowned and gave her head a brisk shake. “No. That’s not it. She dives right back in, in spite of it all.” She fell silent a moment, hugged her arms around her middle, as if instinctively trying to protect herself from a blow. “Why does she do that?”
The woman looked at Cash as if he had the answer. He was the last man on earth who would understand why anyone would take such a risk. When they’d already been betrayed. Bitten. Again and again, from what Bryony Brown said. And yet even if he didn’t understand how Rowena could do it, he knew her well enough to understand why.
“Hope,” he said, the word feeling strange on his tongue.
“What?”
“Rowena told me she believed in hope. That my girls needed to believe in it, too.”
“What do you think?”
He shrugged. “For months after their mother left my girls kept hoping she’d come back. And after every one of Mac’s surgeries I kept hoping she’d dance. Hope can eat you like acid from the inside out.”
“I know.” Her mouth softened with a grief and a sensitivity that surprised him, Dr. Brown reminding him for the first time of Rowena. And he wondered what had made Bryony Brown slam bars down around whatever was soft inside her. Like Cash had. Bars neither of them could afford to knock down.
“I don’t want Rowena hurt,” Bryony said, looking him square in the eye. And he could see just how much she loved her sister. Just how much she feared for her.
“Neith
er do I.”
She searched his face. Something she saw there must have satisfied her. “I guess I’d better go. At least I won’t have to worry about falling asleep at the wheel.”
Cash grimaced as he opened the front door for Rowena’s sister. “I won’t, either.”
Bryony hesitated a long moment and fingered the pearls at her throat. “When it comes to real life, Rowena’s completely hopeless,” she confessed. “I know that. But…sometimes I envy her.”
Cash met Bryony’s eyes in complete understanding. “Sometimes I do, too.”
HE COULDN’T STOP THINKING how much as he walked toward her shop the next day. Jake had taken the three girls to the movies, giving Cash the chance to put Destroyer in the giant-sized kennel Rowena had sold him. Cash wasn’t taking any chances with the hellhound during the trip to the drugstore he was taking Vinny on so Mr. Google could get his meds.