CHAPTER IX.
MR. PUFFIN HUNTS A BUTTERFLY.
The Reverend John Dodd had been more than satisfied with his new curate.At first the long cassock, the flowing robes, and the rather eccentric"make up" of the man had been a daily outrage to the vicar's idea ofdecency. Mr. Puffin was not the first curate in the vicar's experiencewho had sought notoriety by a fantastic dress; but Mr. Puffin workedhard in the parish, Mr. Puffin was eloquent, and the vicar felt certainthat the Established Church in King's Warren was gaining ground. He wasrather gratified than otherwise to hear that Mr. Puffin had begun towaver in his ideas about celibacy. Puffin as an engaged man might besomewhat less divine, but he would be assuredly more human. Dodd himselfdidn't see why Mr. Puffin should not become the husband of MissWarrender. Puffin was a clergyman, and a gentleman; and the ReverendJohn Dodd rubbed his hands as he thought of the inevitable struggle formastery which would take place between the pair should the marriage evercome off. And after all, more unlikely things than this marriage hadhappened. Miss Warrender certainly had had her fling, but a girl can'tgo on having her fling for ever, and the vicar chuckled as he thought ofLucy as the Celibate's wife. Unconsciously perhaps the curate hadassumed an air of superiority to his vicar, for as a Celibate he wouldnaturally look down upon him as a being of a coarser clay, a mereearthen pot; but this had only amused his good-natured chief, and theReverend John Dodd smiled as he thought of the gentle vengeance he mighthave, when the enamoured Puffin should take him into his confidence.
He sat down to dinner in the best of tempers. When he perceived that hewas to be regaled with a veal sweetbread with brown sauce, his eyes werelighted up with a merry twinkle. But he felt that there was something inthe wind; he knew that that delectable propitiatory sacrifice was onlyoffered to his critical palate on his birthday, when his wife was in aparticularly good temper, or when she had a favour to ask. As he lookedat the partner of his earthly joys, it was plainly apparent to him thatMrs. Dodd was ruffled; it was not his birthday, so he had a secondhelping of the delicacy and made up his mind to yield to the inevitabledemand with the best possible grace. But not till they were alone didhis wife unbosom herself.
"John," she said, "I've come to the conclusion that Mr. Puffin mustleave us; a curate ceases to be of use in a parish the moment he makeshimself ridiculous, and Mr. Puffin tells me that he is determined tomake a fool of himself. I could have passed over his peculiarities,John," she said, "and his eccentricities in dress; I could even haveforgiven his long hair, in consideration of the immense amount of workhe manages to get through; but he is about to render himself unsuitable.I approve of ambition in a clergyman; my dear father is an ambitiousman, and he has prospered, though not perhaps according to his greatdeserts; but worldly ambition, the thirst for gold, is unbecoming in aclergyman. To my mind, it is painfully apparent that Mr. Puffin, whoought to be actuated by far higher motives, is prepared to sacrificehimself to Lucy Warrender, who is a most objectionable young person, inorder to secure at some future time the presentation to the living ofKing's Warren."
The vicar laughed.
"I mean to live for the next twenty years, my dear, and if Puffinintends to put up with twenty years of Lucy Warrender for the sake ofthis living, though it is a fat one, I shall consider that the labourerwill have been worthy of his hire."
"Don't be profane, John," said the lady reprovingly.
"To do Puffin justice, I don't think he is mercenary. Lucy has probablyturned his head."
"John, Mr. Puffin is not of an inflammable nature."
"All curates are of an inflammable nature, my dear; why you turned myhead in your time."
"I trust, Mr. Dodd, that my mental qualities attracted you, and not merephysical beauty."
"Of course, my dear, of course; but you were a monstrous fine womanthen, and for the matter of that, you are still, Cecilia," said thevicar, as he helped himself to a third glass of his '47 port.
His wife smiled and smoothed her cap ribbons.
"Don't exceed, John," she said, with a warning gesture, "or Mr. Puffinmay not have to wait twenty years for his preferment after all. You mustadmonish him, John; a man of his principles, his pretended principles,is not suited for married life. He told me himself, that ever since hisordination he has assumed what he calls a priestly garb. I ask you,John, how could he be married in a cassock? How could he go on hishoneymoon in it?"
"Well, he could leave it off, my dear."
"But he has declared to me that he never would leave it off. How oftenhas he sneered at ordinary clerical attire, though he has never dared tosuggest that you should masquerade in, what he calls, properecclesiastical costume."
"There may be reasons, my dear; he may have bandy legs."
"His legs are perfectly indifferent to me, Mr. Dodd. If he wishes tomarry, he should dress like other people."
"You should suggest that to Lucy Warrender, my dear."
"If I thought for a moment, Mr. Dodd, that there was a possibility ofhis being the means of rescuing the girl by his own self-sacrifice, Ishould not say one word; if he has a taste for martyrdom, it would notbe for me to interfere; but I know that Lucy is only wickedlyencouraging him for the sake of winning the bet of a new bonnet from hercousin's husband. You must warn and admonish him, John, or he must go.Stacey would have been a far more suitable partner for him."
"Why didn't you suggest it, my dear?"
"It is not my duty to secure a husband for my sister-in-law, Mr. Dodd."
"You thought it was, in the squire's case, Cecilia."
But the vicar's wife let the taunt pass by unnoticed.
"If you don't admonish him, John, I must. It will be a thankless office,for the wretched man seems bent on his own destruction."
"Well, he has chosen a particularly pleasant form of suicide, Cecilia."
"Flippancy, Mr. Dodd, is not becoming in a clergyman," said his wifewith a ruffled air, "and it is not good taste for a clergyman to openlyexpress his admiration for his female parishioners to his wife, and soviolate the sanctity of his own fireside."
"I'm not going to make or meddle in the matter, Mrs. Dodd," said herhusband.
"'Tis a vicar's duty to protect his curate, Mr. Dodd."
"Not when the curate is perfectly well able to take care of himself, mydear. Besides, there is another point of view; Lucy might do worse."
"Well, John," she replied, "I shall say no more. I can only hope that itis not in a spirit of professional jealousy that you allow this poorthoughtless young fellow to rush to his doom." And then she rang forcoffee.
Next day the Reverend Barnes Puffin lunched at The Warren. Being a feastday he did full justice to the meal. He was overflowing with goodspirits, and as soon as lunch was over he seized the first opportunityof securing a _tete-a-tete_ with the squire's niece. As Miss Warrendertook the arm of the clergyman, she cast an amused and meaning glance atHaggard. Little by little the pair wandered away into the secluded rosegarden, and the Reverend Barnes Puffin felt that he had got his chance.
"Do you care for parish work, Miss Warrender?" said the Celibate, aftera few commonplace phrases.
"To tell you the truth, Mr. Puffin, I don't know; I have never tried."
"It is a great privilege, you know," he said. "Has it never occurred toyou, my dear Miss Warrender, that it might be your vocation, yournatural aim in life."
"No, I don't think it ever has, Mr. Puffin," she said. "I did know agirl once, one of my school friends, she joined a sisterhood; you know Ifancy it was the dress attracted her. She joined a sisterhood, but theymade the poor thing wear dreadful thick shoes like a man's, and she hadto scrub floors, which spoilt her pretty hands; poor child, they haveremained red ever since, and she was glad to marry an army doctor and goto China with him. I suppose red hands don't matter in China," the girlsaid meditatively. "No, I don't think I should care to scrub floors, Mr.Puffin," and she spread out her taper fingers as though for her owninspection.
The curate admired the fingers, and obs
erved with satisfaction that theywere undecorated by a prohibitive ring.
"There are other spheres, dear Miss Warrender, than sisterhoods. Ourfriend Mrs. Dodd has found a happy and congenial one here in King'sWarren."
"But then she is a clergyman's wife, Mr. Puffin, and a privilegedperson."
"It is a privilege, Miss Warrender, a great privilege. I'm glad itcommends itself to you as such."
"Oh, yes; Mrs. Dodd is much to be envied, but then Mrs. Dodd is a veryclever woman; she, Mr. Puffin, has caught her hare."
"And having caught him, Miss Warrender, she has accommodated him to herown taste."
"Hers is a master mind, Mr. Puffin."
"It is perhaps as easy, my dear young lady, to rule by love as to ruleby fear."
"And much nicer, I should think, Mr. Puffin."
The curate blushed, and then he made an audacious statement.
"Mine is a very accommodating nature, Miss Warrender."
"That's very fortunate for you, Mr. Puffin, for you must have so muchto put up with from the poor people."
"I have lately been engaged, Miss Warrender, in a very serious mentalstruggle. I am afraid I have been arrogant. I am afraid that I haveboasted and bragged to my friends and to my parishioners that I was notas other men are, that my whole soul was given up to duty, that I was aCelibate, not merely from vocation but from inclination. But my feelingshave undergone a change. At first, dear Miss Warrender, I wasoverpowered by a sense of what I considered my own degradation, but thatfeeling has entirely passed away. I confess to you that when I firstcame here I considered myself on a higher platform to that of most men,and I supposed that in obstinately refraining from the ordinary lot ofclergymen, I mean marriage, that I was exercising a considerable degreeof self-abnegation, in fact that I was leading a higher life. I now seethat all this was a wicked error. The Church enjoins penance, and Ihave come to the conclusion from my intimate acquaintance with thesufferings of my unfortunate vicar, that instead of making a sacrificein abstaining from matrimony I was actually guilty of profound andcalculating selfishness. I see, too, that a married clergyman in givingup the idea of celibacy secures at least one efficient coadjutor in hisparish work. As you know, Miss Warrender, I am in the habit of actingupon my convictions."
"Then of course, Mr. Puffin, you will at once seek to secure the hand ofsome particularly objectionable person, in order to render the touchingmartyrdom you speak of the more meritorious?"
"No, Miss Warrender, I shall not look upon that as a bounden duty. Myposition as a Celibate has many advantages from a professional point ofview, for the female portion of my parishioners are enabled to look uponme as one of themselves."
"Oh, I don't quite think that, Mr. Puffin; of course there issomething--well, epicene about your dress, but then to some minds, youknow, the clerical dress has a great attractiveness. Why the LouisQuatorze abbes, that we see so much of in comic opera, were terriblywicked people, you know, Mr. Puffin, and _they_ clung very tightly tothe clerical dress, and so did Tartuffe for the matter of that."
"Dear Miss Warrender, the cleric garb is but a delightful reminiscenceof a past time; there is nothing ridiculous in it. You have the samething in the Blue Coat boy, and there is assuredly nothing ridiculous ina Blue Coat boy."
"Quite the contrary, Mr. Puffin; it is rather romantic than otherwise,but I can't fancy a full-grown man in yellow stockings, anda--hem--undivided skirt. By the way, Mr. Puffin, I can give you asuggestion: if you did really carry out your ideas and marry after all,you might adopt the Blue Coat costume as a sort of sign of yourapostacy, a kind of _san benito_; you would still be retaining themediaeval idea, you see, and be thoroughly distinguishable from Tartuffeand the wicked abbes we were talking about."
"In matters of dress, Miss Warrender, did I become a married man Ishould naturally defer to the wishes of my wife."
"You don't mean to say that you would dress like other people?"
"Yes, Miss Warrender, I should do so, though it would not be without apang that I should relinquish what I look upon as the true clericalgarb."
"Don't think of it, Mr. Puffin, don't think of it, for an instant. Thenoble savage in his war-paint, his wampum, his feathers and his scalps,is a dignified object; but dress him in a suit of common clothes and cuthis hair and he ceases to be interesting."
"Do you really think, Miss Warrender, that I should lose influence if Iadopted the costume of ordinary life, should I enter upon the periloussea of matrimony?"
"Well, Mr. Puffin, if you dressed like other people and married, I don'tsee how, to use your own expression, 'the female members of yourcongregation could continue to look upon you as one of themselves,'because if they did, you see you would be only Mrs. Puffin's sisterafter all."
"Yes, I am afraid that is the _reductio ad absurdum_. But we arewandering away, Miss Warrender; it was about my heart, and not about mygarments, that I sought to converse with you."
"Oh, Mr. Puffin, I should make the worst of confidants; I never by anychance keep a secret."
"And yet I am ready to trust your discretion, Miss Warrender."
"I confess you rouse my curiosity. Do I know the lady?"
"Yes, Miss Warrender, she is your best friend and your worst enemy."
"Now you intrigue me, Mr. Puffin, for all my acquaintances address me astheir dearest Lucy, and as for my enemies--I've guessed it, Mr. Puffin.I never had an enemy till Mr. Sleek's hay making. I suppose Miss ConnieSleek is the bride-elect. Let me congratulate you, Mr. Puffin, but dotell me one thing, it is so interesting--what are Miss Sleek's ideasabout the clerical garb?"
"I fear you wilfully misunderstand me, Miss Warrender. My aspirationsare higher. I do not think Miss Sleek would ever be the ideal wife for aclergyman."
"You mystify me, Mr. Puffin."
Mr. Puffin possessed a copy of the "Bab Ballads." He remembered twolines in them that gave him that hope which they say springs eternal inthe human breast.
"It isn't so much the lover who woos, As the lover's way of wooing."
He remembered that Mr. Gilbert's successful lover came to the point atonce, so, to use a hunting simile, he sat well down in his saddle, andhe hardened his heart.
"Dear Miss Warrender," he said, and there was a certain amount ofdignity about the man, despite his long hair and his eccentricappearance, "I am only a working clergyman, but I am a gentleman; and Iwish you, for both our sakes, to share my lot."
Here Lucy Warrender cast down her pretty eyes and smiled, for she feltthat she had won Haggard's new bonnet fairly and honestly.
The parson continued, taking heart of grace from the false little smileupon her lips:
"I'm going to ask you to give up a great deal for the sake of religion,and for my sake, Miss Warrender. I'm going to ask you to give up theworld, its frivolous enjoyments and its pleasures, and to tread with mea thorny and toilsome path which leads to higher things. I know mypresumption, Miss Warrender. I know that in trying to do good accordingto my lights I often merely succeed in making myself ridiculous. If I amridiculous in your eyes, Miss Warrender, you can have but one answer togive me. But my proposition to you is at least disinterested. I know youwill believe that. I don't ask you for an answer now, Miss Warrender. Ishould scorn to snatch a favourable answer from an inexperienced girl."
Lucy gave another little smile.
"Think over what I have said, dear Miss Warrender; if you feel equal tomaking the sacrifice, so do I. Take time to think it over."
"No, Mr. Puffin. I have been foolish and wicked, perhaps, if I haveunknowingly encouraged you; but you have spoken honestly enough to me,and the least you deserve is an honest answer. I am not fit, Mr.Puffin, to be any man's wife--any honest man's wife--least of all aclergyman's."
Lucy felt that she had said a little too much, so she hastened toqualify it.
"I am but a worldly girl. I love pleasure and dissipation; it is mynature--a nature I can never change. Look on me, Mr. Puffin, as whollyunworthy of you. Were you to marry
me, Mr. Puffin, you would commit anact that we should both repent. You would degrade yourself to my level;and, God knows, mine is a very low level. Take my answer as it is meantMr. Puffin, in seriousness, and as irrevocable. Forgive me, Mr. Puffin,and do me one favour. I am utterly bad, Mr. Puffin, but try not to thinkunkindly of me, for I have no friends; and, as you told me just now, Iam my own worst enemy."
Tears were standing in the pretty eyes. Lucy Warrender was not actingnow.
The Reverend Barnes Puffin did not press his suit further.
"Good-bye, Miss Warrender," he said, in a choking voice. "But never sayyou have no friends. We may never meet again. I have merited my rebuff,but I thank you for your forbearance. And if you ever need a friend, youhave a faithful one in me."
He pressed her hand and took his leave. As he walked out of the rosegarden with a dejected air, it was very evident that his wooing had notprospered. But Lucy Warrender never asked Haggard to pay his lost wager.
The Reverend Barnes Puffin bore his misfortune like a man. He felt thatLucy's determination was final, and that it would be hopeless to try hisluck again with her; but she hadn't laughed at him, and that wassomething. Still, Mr. Puffin felt that it behoved him to leave King'sWarren. Just as it is a matter of tradition, an un-written law, that aministry when beaten on a great political question goes out of office,so it is the custom among curates who have been unsuccessful in theirlove affairs in the parish, _if the parish is aware of the fact_, totender their resignation. The curate sought an interview with theReverend John Dodd and announced his decision. The vicar did not attemptto combat it. A celibate clergyman has many advantages; but a celibateclergyman who is prepared to renounce his principles ceases to inspirerespect among the female portion of his congregation. As a Celibate,rapturous maidens will go on sighing and weeping for him, for while herepresents the Unattainable there is something almost saint-like abouthim; but as a curate who has been refused by a member of his owncongregation, the nimbus suddenly disappears from his brow; he ceases tobe a modern apostle, and turns out to be an ordinary and unsuccessfulfisherman after all. And this is one reason why the modern fishermanalways carries a creel. Isaac Walton was contented to bring home thespoils of his art strung upon an osier; but the modern creel conveys animpression of dignity; the natural supposition is that there issomething in it, hence its popularity.
So the Reverend Barnes Puffin went back to hard work at the east end ofLondon, and after a time attained the preferment which the archdeaconhad prophesied; but he still retains the celibate garb, and in hisdreams he sees a glorified Lucy Warrender--fair hair, brown eyes andall--and the lovely vision is quite sufficient for him. He thinks of heras he fondly fancied her, and looks on her as a sort of guardian angelstill. Who shall grudge him the fond delusion?