Chapter 4 – Prime Time
“Peggy, tell me one more time what this delicious dip is called.”
Anna Aldrich hummed as dragged her tortilla chip through the bowl of dip set upon her friend’s living room table, and she closed her eyes to better savor the morsel’s delight as she popped the snack into her mouth. She never enjoyed the broadcasted planet-grabs with the same amount of intensity as did her husband Rob, who chatted away with Peggy’s husband Shawn about the types of modifications the lottery may have made to the settler rigs for tonight’s program. Yet Anna still looked forward to each broadcast, for Peggy Masterson always introduced the latest snacks and dishes the grocers’ guild resurrected from the old world weeks before Anna ever learned that such products were stocked upon the store shelves. Thus Anna always enjoyed Peggy’s invitation to join her while their husbands, dressed in their jackets that sported the logo of their favorite lottery sponsors, cheered and howled at the action that unfolded upon the glowing television wall.
Peggy clapped upon seeing Peggy so enjoying her dip. “It’s called humus. Soon, all of the dome’s grocery stores will be carrying the product.”
“What’s in it?” Anna mumbled.
“Garbanzo beans.”
“Garbanzo beans?”
Peggy laughed. “I know. I was as confused as you are when I read the recipe that called for them. Some people called them chickpeas way back in the day, and they’re a kind of a legume. The grocers’ guild has just brought garbanzo beans from that wonderful seed vault they unburied several years ago. That dip’s supposed to be as healthy as it is delicious.”
Anna smiled. She was so lucky to live in a time when the domes brought such wonders back from the world many believed to have been lost.
“It’s just so incredible what they’re rediscovering outside the domes, now that they finally have a way to handle the problem of all those housing stacks.”
“Isn’t that the truth,” winked Anna. “The people who devised the lottery are pure geniuses. Thank goodness we’re blessed to live in a time of such humanitarians.”
One of the new appliances in Peggy’s kitchen chimed, and the hostess excused herself from Anna’s company to check on the progress of whatever new casserole or quiche she was about to introduce to her company’s taste buds.
Every media channel offered to the fortunate citizens of the domes broadcasted the start to a new planet-grab once a month on the third Sunday afternoon, when the giant starliners carrying the most recent contestants harvested from the world’s dirty housing stacks shimmered out of light-speed in the center of the wall television. Anna always thought the action started very slowly, as the announcers, dressed in matching, tan sports jackets, rambled on and on about the potential treasures and pitfalls those settlers might soon encounter upon the worlds waiting for colonization. There were a lot of flashy, animated graphics, and the producers of the planet-grab broadcasts seemed to have no trouble in finding so many young women to dress in bikinis so that a heavy, oozing dose of sex appeal was added to every sign and message purchased by a broadcast sponsor. Anna knew how her husband enjoyed drooling over those women, but Anna forgave him of his lust when she reminded herself that the simple pleasures she enjoyed – such as snacking on tortilla chips and humus dip – would never be realized without the lottery’s work at clearing away so much of the wasted world’s refuse.
If those people shipped to the stars proved to be prosperous, then they would be blessed with a young, green world that even the wealthiest and most prestigious of dome families would envy. And if those settlers delivered to the cosmos proved to be slothful and idle, then the old Earth would be relieved of the burden of another housing stack.
No matter how those settlers proved themselves to be, the action of the planet-grab always proved thrilling.
“Hurry in here, love!” Shawn Masterson shouted into the kitchen for his wife, while Rob waved to Anna to attract her attention towards the glowing television wall.
Peggy’s voice echoed back. “I’m putting together an apple pie!”
“Forget the dessert!” Shawn laughed. “Diamond Arizona and Oregon Destiny are going to appear the moment this intro music stops. You don’t want to miss what they have to say when they introduce the new planet and tell us what the settlers have named it.”
“Take notes for me,” Peggy replied. “You’ll forgive me once you taste a slice of this pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream thrown on top.”
Rob winked at his friend. “Let Peggy be. My stomach won’t forgive you if you prevent her from finishing another delight.”
Shawn shrugged. “I suppose I just get too excited at the start of each of these broadcasts. You can’t fault me for wanting to share a bit of the thrill with the woman I love.”
Anna draped her arms around Rob’s neck and planted a long kiss on his cheek before he settled back into the couch to enjoy the latest planet-grab. She wondered how long the spectacle would last this month. Sometimes, the broadcast might last for weeks if the settlers plodded carefully and slowly about the alien landscape. The action tended to hardly simmer at the beginning of those marathon planet-grabs, but the tension tended to crescendo into a climax that left everyone viewing the action in the comfort of the Earth domes panting for breath. Sometimes, the broadcast might last no longer than a few frantic hours as more impatient settlers might roar their settler rigs towards the waiting planet without waiting for their crafts’ computers to finish calculating the safest approach trajectories that prevented the settler rigs from exploding into comets of fire shortly after hitting the atmosphere. Viewers routinely places wagers on the length of contests, and competent hosts like Peggy always stocked their refrigerators with enough food and drink to get through several days. Business within the domes ground to a standstill during the broadcast, for there was no enterprise as exciting, no cause more noble, no mission more important to Earth’s reclamation than the lottery’s resettlement of those people housed within the stacks.
“Diamond Arizona’s glowing on the wall!” Shawn again shouted into the kitchen. “Here he comes, Peggy! Diamond Arizona’s on the screen!”
The hips of a last buxom, bikini blonde swayed across the wall television, and the colorful graphics unraveled to reveal the square-chinned face and salt and pepper hair of Diamond Arizona. Rob and Shawn applauded as Diamond Arizona gave another of his trademark salutes to the home-viewing audience. The man was the greatest legend yet created by the planet-grabs, a man rumored to have choked an alien monster to death with his bare hands when that announcer had participated in one of the lottery’s earliest planet-grabs.
Anna doubted so many stories regarding Diamond Arizona’s history, for she recognized that the slight scar beneath that patented, square chin betrayed that the announcer had kept at least one appointment with the plastic surgeon. Nor did Anna believe Diamond Arizona’s face showed much any of the blemishes scratched upon most of the faces of those who lifted from the housing stacks to conquer new worlds. But she never voiced any of her doubts in the presence of her husband or her friends. Why would it matter if some of the stories regarding Diamond Arizona proved not to be completely true? Why did it matter if Diamond Arizona’s chin was made more of plastic than of bone as long as the grocers’ guild continued to salvage so many of old Earth’s tastiest recipes so that they might end up on Peggy Masterson’s plate?
Diamond Arizona winked and his lips twitched. “Ladies and gentlemen of our grand home planet Earth, once again, I welcome you to the stars.”
Rob and Shawn hopped up and down on the couch upon hearing Diamond Arizona’s famous opening line employed to start every planet-grab.
“Through the marvel of interstellar television,” Diamond Arizona grinned, “we broadcast into your homes and apartments tonight this thirty-second planet-grab contest. Who might predict the triumph, and the tragedy, that is about to unfold for our pleasure? Who can predict if our souls will soar to witness humankind establish a new
foothold amid the cosmos, or if our hearts will shatter as our brave settlers fail to scale the many dangers promised by a new world? I can promise all of our viewers this - that we’re in for another hell of a ride.”
Horns and guitars blared from the television walls’ mighty, built-in speakers. Rob and Shawn refilled their chilled mugs with fresh cans of their favorite sponsor beers, while their hands dragged chips and veggies through all the dips and salsas presented on Peggy’s table. The camera panned upon the bust of yet another bombshell pin-up, who this time held a glittering, electronic placard advertising a new taste of mouthwash.
Diamond Arizona returned in the frame as he lifted a large, foam microphone near his chiseled chin. “And with us again this month is my esteemed colleague, Oregon Destiny, here to help fill us in with all the facts working behind whatever action unfolds during our drama. Oregon, can you tell us what these settlers have named their new world? What do you know of the planet seen hovering there in the center of our satellite cameras?”
Anna leaned forward when the camera focused on Oregon Destiny. Diamond Arizona might be, according to the latest market research, the more popular of that duo, but she preferred the rough-shaven, broad-shouldered and dark-haired Oregon Destiny. Something about the wrinkles that started to unfurl from that man’s eyes burned a desire in her heart.
“Well, Diamond, we’re sure looking at one heck of a comfortable planet,” it always sounded as if Oregon Destiny spoke with a mouth filled with gravel. “The settlers have named the world waiting for them ‘Wildberry,’ chosen by the students of their New Trenton housing stack elementary school after looking at the survey photographs supplied to their classroom by our Starbright Vodka sponsors. The planet has an atmosphere slightly richer in oxygen than our own, so while breathing might feel a bit easier for some of those settlers, they’re all going to have to be real careful they don’t start some nasty fires.”
Diamond Arizona winked at the redheaded woman who twirled across the studio to advertise the logo painted on her belly of a corporate sponsor famous for selling athletes’ foot spray and penis pills.
“Can you answer the question everyone wants to know at the start to any planet-grab, Oregon? Can you tell us if any monsters lurk below those clouds swirling there across Wilberry?”
“The survey crew didn’t find much proof of monsters on this rock, but they gathered some terrific video of a rather incredible life form.”
“Then let’s roll the footage, Oregon.”
The graphics returned to the glowing television wall to transition into the footage taken by the surveying crew. As was usual with surveying video, the camera shook very slightly, and details at times blurred out of focus.
The swarm of fluttering, butterfly-like creatures nonetheless remained captivating. Anna returned a handful of pretzels to a bowl and held her breath as she watched those wings wink through every color of the spectrum. Her eyes gaped at the television wall as one of those creatures floated to the camera before hovering mere inches from its lens, seeming to consider the contraption from a pair of eyes that glowed the color of pearl.
“You better get in here, Peggy! You’ll never forgive yourself if you miss this.”
“I’m waiting for the oven to finish with the pie!”
Shawn rolled his eyes. “To hell with the pie! Hurry in here!”
Peggy hurried out from the kitchen. “Oh, wow. Just wow. Anna, are my eyes playing tricks on me? Have you ever seen such beautiful creatures?”
Anna shook her head.
Peggy gripped her husband’s arm as she threw herself onto the couch. “Those creatures look so delicate. I pray the settlers don’t butcher them. I always hate it when the settlers kill of so much of the native wildlife.”
Shawn laughed. “Hell, those settlers have to work hard just to survive. You can’t fault them if they have to kill off the natives. They have to claim that planet for themselves. The lottery only supplies one-way tickets.”
Peggy’s shoulders slumped. “I suppose, but it still feels sad.”
Anna nodded. “But that’s what makes it so captivating. That’s what creates so much tension and drama. You wouldn’t be so interested if you knew those settlers were never going to harm the native life.”
“See there, Peggy. Anna knows how it all works.” Shawn winked. “Don’t worry. I’m recording the entire broadcast so we can always punch up video of those wings should they ever disappear. And we’ll be sure to purchase whatever commemorative print the lottery website offers on their merchandise website.”
Rob whistled. “I can’t wait to see what kinds of weapons the settlers might’ve brought along with them this time. I can’t wait to put some new replica weapons on my credit card.”
The view of the blinking, shimmering swarm of alien butterflies faded upon the glowing television wall, replaced by a trio of women adorned in thin, nearly transparent dresses. The women danced a strange ballet that mimicked those fluttering creatures found upon Wildberry, while lights taped to their nipples blinked like all those pearl eyes seen in that cloud of alien butterflies. Diamond Arizona’s grin stretched from one ear to another when the camera returned to him. The music rose in a loud crescendo, and on cue, that massive starliner carrying the latest contestants shimmered as it materialized above Wildberry.
“This looks like it, Oregon.”
Oregon winked. “It’s one of the larger starliners. We can be sure they’ll be plenty of settlers to entertain us.”
“What do we know about the people currently aboard that spaceship?”
A glowing list of names scrolled up the edges of the wall television as Oregon responded. “No more or less than we ever know about the settlers delivered to these new worlds.”
“So we don’t know much, Oregon?”
Oregon’s eyes sparkled. “We know that the planets are for the prosperous, Diamond.”
The deck lights on the side of the starliner facing the satellite cameras went dark, a signal that the settler rigs would soon drop from that ship’s docking bay.
“Here we go, Oregon.”
“Here we go, Diamond.”
“Folks, mark it on all your calendars,” Diamond repeated his famous salute. “Humanity’s not going to forget the day man and woman came to Wildberry.”
Anna’s heart raced, and she leaned into her husband, while out from Peggy’s kitchen drifted the sweet aroma of burning apple pie.