“Please don’t leave me. Please stay,” I plead again.
“Go with me then?” he whispers ever so softly.
Where? I want to ask but I shake my head instead. “I can’t,” I whisper back. I feel the beginning of tears in my eyes.
He nods as if know my answer beforehand.
“You will die,” I say desperately.
He looks at me oddly, “It’s not dying I afraid,” he touches my collar. “This, I hate.”
I know what it feels to be kept in bond but I say, “This is the will of the Gods.”
“I don’t need a cruel god,” he says coldly. “I will be THE god.” Our gaze locked and I see fury in his eyes. “You won’t go with me then,” he adds softly.
Again, I shake my head. I cannot stop my tears.
He erases my tears gently. And I feel a sudden pull as he takes my energy.
“No, don’t,” I say weakly.
Don’t go…
I see his eyes between my tears. It is mix of red, silver and blue. We did this so many times before, gazing at each other eyes. I try to avert my gaze but unable in doing so.
Will this be our last?
“If we meet again, we will be enemy,” he whispers.
I feel he draws more energy out of my body. I try to resist but cannot. I feel the familiar weakness in my knees. As he takes more and more, I feel weaker. He holds me tight in his arm and takes all until nothing left. Then, the darkness came. In the brink of unconsciousness, I hear he softly says, sorry, my lady.
I do forgive you. I did already.
I feel a touch from hard calloused hand. I open my eyes slowly. I see the weathered face of the guards. Hours must have been passed.
I look at my surrounding and myself. I am sure I look so pitiful to them, unconscious and slumped on the floor of the damp and dark cell. I know it is Ryn’s way of saving me from the blame, from the prince rage.
I hear hurried footsteps and two female servants come, bursting into the cell. They help me stand on my feet and escort me out the underground prison. They lead me to an empty room in different tower with the one I stay. They help me to put my nightgown and leave me alone there.
***
The next morning, I still feel weak and stay abed. Looking at the ceiling above, it looks bleak and stony cold. From the small window the sun rays pouring in bright color, make a halo of dust in its path.
With a loud bang that shocked me, Prince Lex enters the room. He stops near my bed. And he angrily accuses, “You know where he is, don’t you?”
“I am sorry, your highness. Truly I don’t know.”
He glares at me in disbelief. It seems he is trying hard taming his anger. His nose flaring, then he closes his eyes as if asking the heaven for help.
I get out from my bed and padding to him.
“I truly don’t know,” I say again softly.
He opens his eyes, I still can see his anger there but he says nothing. He looks at my disheveled self, his gaze linger for a while at my breasts. But he does nothing and leaves me, still bristling with anger.
Gods, please let Ryn live wherever he is now.
Please go to the Westland or any faraway land, even my sister won’t be with you, please be happy this time. And I wish to the Gods, don’t let us meet again, for I don’t want to be your enemy.
***
Today, summon from the empress force us back to the palace. With most of the soldiers already back to their own clan, we ride in smaller party. No more than a hundred ride back to the Varr City with us. We ride fast and slowdown a little after we enter the city.
For the last few days, Prince Lex was combing the neighborhood area looking for Ryn, to the Marcy city in the north, Yaqo in the northwest and Oppeo in the northeast. But Ryn along with other prisoners disappeared like morning mist.
Now, Lord Kigan leads the Blesseds to chase him to the west. It seems he has bad history with the lost soul. People say he lost his first born son to the rebel, almost two decades ago. And General Wazax leads the common soldiers. But both Lord Van Darr and Lord Arga Varres politely refused when commanded by the prince. Lord Van on account of advanced age and Lord Arga said he not sure whether he should chase or join them. That infuriated Prince Lex, he still lives now is all thanks to Princess Larra. And now, Lord Arga is on house arrest back in Varr City.
Looking up to the sky, it well past noon already, the sky is cloudy above and the air is stagnant with humidity. It is good to be atop of a horse in a day like this. Seeing the thick clouds above, it seems a heavy rain will comes down tonight.
Please let the rain comes.
Let the rain wash the land and erase any trace of you. I know I shouldn’t have this traitorous though but it come without my consent.
He is my friend, isn’t he?
We stop briefly at Varan Castle, only half of the party go up to the palace and the others stop here. Prince Lex and Lord Zeff are leading the way and I ride abreast with Princess Larra. She seems deep in thought. She looks so delicately beautiful when she silent like this.
But I know being soft and delicate isn’t in the princess bone, she is hard and willful as a person can get. I don’t know why she dislikes me so. But with all her cousins, save Lord Zeff, already off to the palace, I am the only companion she gets. So, we have to bear with each other.
I stop looking at the princess, and turn my gaze ahead again. It is Prince Lex who rides in front of me. I stare at Prince Lex’s back as he rides ahead. He still won’t speak to me until this day.
Did I do something wrong? I truly don’t know where Ryn is. But if I know, will I tell him? I shake my head to ward off my wandering thought.
I don’t want to betray his trust but I can’t let my friend die too.
What I am supposed to do?
The palace is looming ahead. In few minutes, we will arrive there. My heart starts getting heavy again. Gingerly, I touch my collar, hating its biting cold.
Maybe I should go with him. Will he take me too like my sister? No, if that so, to the grave I’ll be. Stop think about it.
I sigh heavily and slow my horse, the palace door is just few feet ahead us now.
The guards, open the big red door and bowing to us when we passing through. We swiftly dismount and are greeted by sweet faced court lady, I forget what her name is. She leads us –Prince Lex, Princess Larra, Lord Zeff and I– to the throne room.
As the four of us enter the room, the empress is already waiting there, seated up on her throne, her back rigid, looking down at us. Her cold stony face is partly covered in her snowy white hair, her red blood diamond crown sit atop her head. Her lips clamp together in straight stern line. Her golden robe gleaming so is her light eyes. It is narrowed dangerously.
No one else in the room save the empress and one of Oracles in her yellow robe. She stands in the dais, next to the empress, whispering something. With a motion of her hand, the empress commands her to stop.
And suddenly, the empress gets up from her seat. “How could you let him escape?!” the empress roars.
“I–” the prince tries to answers.
But Princess Larrra cuts him, “I am sorry mother,” she answers in calm icy voice.
“It’s you!” She glares at the princess. Her body trembled with untamed anger.
“Mother, it’s…” Prince Lex tries to help, as angry as he is. I know he loves his sister.
“No, I know, it’s her,” she looks at the princess with burning eyes, “Do you know what you have done?”
Princess Larra meets the empress gaze unblinking.
“You! Stupid girl… He…” she stops to draw a long breath, “He is…” She so furious and can’t even finish her sentence. Then she sags to her seat, looks defeated.
“Stupid girl, stupid, stupid girl,” she keeps chanting slowly, staring blankly ahead.
After a while as if come from her trance, she says, “Be gone all of you,” she dismisses us in soft defeated voice without e
ven looking at us, slumped in her throne.
Chapter 14
Days past, summer has come in its full force. Tonight, I sit in my window sill and looking at the sky above. The sky is dark purple smeared with blue and orange color of galaxies. And holy fire’s light is barely there among the white moon and the starts. It is tranquil night. Wind blow softly drying the sweat in my body. I hug my feet tighter and put my face on my knees.
And I look at the ground below my window. It seems so far. Only with a soft nudge all it need, for me to tumbling down there.
Will I die if I fall? Such a morbid though. As easy as a comrade to turn into enemy, it seems.
Is he okay there? He must be…
I feel like standing in cross fire. I don’t know whose side I should choose. But it’s not my place to choose. I have duty to this empire.
It makes him my enemy then?
He and my sister, both of them shouldn’t be born here. They both should be born in the west.
I still remember your face very clearly as if I still standing in that damp cell. I understand why my sister loved him so. Beneath your cold exterior I know he has a kind and gentle soul. I feel tears gather in the corner of my eyes. The fate is cruel to both of you. One died too young and the other… I don’t want to think about it.
“You still wake up, I see,” the princess voice startled me and I sway in my seat, “Be careful,” She adds.
Maybe it will make her happy if I fall from this window.
I come down from my window sill and bow to the princess.
“My mother will summon you tomorrow, whatever she asks, refuse it.”
“Pardon?” what is the princess talking about?
She gives me an odd look but she says nothing and leaves me in confusion.
Whatever you says, princess.
I walk to the self and pick two big books and bring them to the table at the center of my room.
I sit on wooden chair, facing the table. I open the journal of the Hallowed. It has been long time since the last time I read this book, a life time ago. Gingerly I touch its fragile texture and start to decipher its picture-like words.
I start to read from where I left it. This book brings me back to hundreds years ago. Lady Zara told her account after a big battle. And about how she missed her lover. This part always makes me smile before but I find no joy in it now. Finally, the time she met with her lover came. I let out my pent-up breath. She was making love with him in the meadow. The details are so vivid and almost close the book in frustration, but then I catch something.
It can’t be…
I read the passage again.
“I missed him, the feel of him and his power, my power. In my haste I burned down the grass…”
I open another page and another, searching the possibility. She said she can do all those thing. It is her, not her lover or partners. I check again on the dictionary, but the meaning is the same.
Yes, it is true. But can it be true? Once again, I read the words.
“I loved his fire, his was the strongest. He always gave me his all unlike others. We shared our glorious love in fire.”
Is this meant that I can receive the energy too? I dearly wish Ryn is here. He will know what to do.
Should I ask the masters? Yes, maybe I should.
I close the book in resignation and come to bed. The dream comes so vividly, my body drenched in sweat. My clothes are plastered to my skin.
I feel a cold touch on my damp shoulder. With my ragged breath, I open my eyes. I see the servant hovering over me.
I look around, and see that the morning has come.
True to Princess Larra’s word, the empress summons me but this time not to the throne room. Marie leads me to the part of the palace I’ve never been to before. I don’t know where it is but we go through many stairs, winding around.
Finally, I arrive in a big dim room lit with glowing stones on the floor. It is in red, silver or blue in color. Marie leave me alone after give me stiff bow.
I let out a small sigh. Everyone treat me strangely now. I see their wary glance. It is hard to feign ignorance anymore.
What are they thinking of me? The prince’s mistress? His lover? I want to scream that I am not. It is the opposite, Prince Lex hates me now. I am a traitor to him. And he never summons me since coming back from Naqari.
I look back at those stones. They are lying around on the floor haphazardly. They are small, in size of a thumb. These stones are grouping in to small group, scattered in all direction. But some scattered around alone. Below these stone I see map of Varr Empire painted on the floor with gold and silver paint.
In this dim light, I see three figures stand in the perimeter of the room. I see one of them wear a crown, she must be the empress. I walk toward her and give a deep bow.
“Rise,” she says coldly.
The other two beside her are the Oracles. Both of them wear yellow and white robe, one of them is lady Niqa who went together with me to the east for summoning rain, ages ago.
“You must be curious, why I call you here?” the empress asks in oddly calm voice.
“Yes, your majesty.”
“You see those stones,” she makes a gesture with her hand, “These are the Blessed stone,” the empress explaines calmly, “The blood sister of the one in your collar.”
My hand automatically goes to my neck and touches the stone in my collar.
“Do you know what this mean?”
I shake my head.
Blood sister? I remember the oracle takes my blood at the accession ceremony. Is this stone made of my blood?
I feel that my history lesson is very limited, and I still don’t know many things. Besides, I am not sure they teach this matter in Varran Castle. This must be one of the Oracles many secret.
The Oracle explains that this stone will show the way where the Blessed is.
“This is yours, my lady,” Lady Niqa says.
My stone is right on top of the palace on the map. It is the color of holy fire’s light. It is yellowish-green and changes rapidly into purplish pink and back again to green.
Lady Niqa says that this stone shows the last location where the gift was used.
So, this is how they monitor the lost soul? My eyes automatically darted looking for Ryn’s. I look at Naqari, and I see that there are many stones atop of it. One of them is silver clouded with red, that one must be Prince Lex’s. It means he hasn’t use his gift since he coming back to the palace. And that was three days ago. I ignore my curiosity and scanning the map once more. Not far from Prince Lex’s stone, I see a strange colored stone, the red color mixed with silver and a hint of blue.
Three color? It can’t be… no one can control three elements, not even the last emperor or the emperor before him.
“You see it,” says the empress.
I lift my gaze and my gaze, and I see the empress. Our gaze locked.
“So, you see how dangerous he is.”
“It can’t…”
“The stone doesn’t lie, I know he tries to hide it. He must be careless lately to show his true color, thinking that no one will look at the stone.”
The empress takes steps forward and stops in front of me. She holds my hands.
“I… We need your help. This empire needs your help,” her voice is oddly soft.
I don’t get her meaning so I just look at her and stay silent.
“We must stop him,” she says fervently, “Only you can do it. I know he is fond of you. You’re his lover’s sister.”
I stand there, stunned and don’t know what to say.
“He won’t hurt you… I want you to bring him here.”
“I can’t…”
“ Yes, you can!” her strong voice is coming back.
“But how?” I ask dumbfounded.
“I know how. Just tell me that you will.”
“No…”
“I know you love my son. I will make you his empress if
you want.”
She seems so desperate; she will give me the moon if she could.
“Just tell me that you will,” she adds.
“Will you kill him?”
The empress releases my hand, “I will only kill their leader,” she says coldly.
“Their leader?”
“My nephew’s son. I will let the rest live as long as they swear fealty to me and my son,” she says.
Of course, she knows about the hidden prince.
“Do you want this empire to disappear? You know what war can bring us? It will weaken us! Do you want to be a slave of foreign nation?”
I shake my head.
“So please do this,” she pleads, “I know, you think I am cruel. I killed many,” she pauses, “My own nephew too, I had to kill him. I know all of you think it’s out of greed, but no. I loved him. We grow up together. But I must,” she paces around the room, “Did you know what that woman whispered to him?”
It was the prince wife, she meant. She seems still hate her after all this time.
I shake my head once again.
“That collar,” she points my collar, “She wanted no more collars for the Blessed. Yes… yes… I know it is freedom that you all want. But it will only bring chaos and bloodshed. It’s the law from the Gods. Without it, we will fight each other like the barbarian in the west. Don’t you see?”
She clasps my hand again, more tightly this time.
“Please only you can do it.”
Can I really do it? I know this empire won’t survive another civil war. I have read in history what it can do to an empire.
But she killed your sister. And she will kill Ryn too, says my heart.
Allay ran away, and it’s her right to kill a deserter, says my mind.
With a heavy heart, I look at the empress, “Promise me, you will spare him and all of them.” I say in sure tone.
“I will, only if their swear fealty to me. Only one I need to die. He must die.”
I nod my consent.
One life against thousands. It’s an easy choice, isn’t it? For the better of this empire, I must.
The deal with the devil is made. And I dread the coming days now.
***
The morning comes so fast, I drag my body to the throne room.
What will happen there today?
I feel so tired but I held my head high and walk gracefully, for a lady must be graceful. My aunt must be proud if she sees me now. I mask my face and enter the throne room.