If Nikolai doesn’t come to dance with me, he has a good reason. After all, there’s more to life than balls and parties. People are much more important, and if someone here should fail to recognize this, well it’s not my—
“I’m sorry I’m late.” Nikolai was suddenly beside her, taking her hand and leading her onto the floor. “I was tied up in a conversation, and the music started before I realized.”
Shelby didn’t speak. All she could do was look up at him.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she said softly, not sure it was true. It was the silliest thing in her mind, but she suddenly felt he’d rescued her by coming to dance with her. The last time they had done this had been at the King’s Ball, and she’d been terrified of him. For a moment she tried to speculate on the change.
Knowing this was not the place to press her, Nikolai wondered if she was really all right. He simply pulled her a bit closer as they danced. He had never known anyone whose eyes seemed like mirrors to the soul. At times he thought Shelby looked like a child, lost and alone. At other times he saw her capable and strong, not seeming to need anything or anyone. But the woman he saw most often was just Shelby—sweet, unassuming, intelligent, talented, and caring Shelby. His wife.
The music ended just then. Nikolai clapped with everyone else, but he took Shelby’s hand for the next dance as soon as his hands were free. Again he held her closer than was needed for the dance, and with the way she looked up at him, he was certain she noticed.
“Are you having a good time?” he asked.
“Yes. How about you?”
“I am, thank you.”
“I forgot to ask, Nikolai, but how do you know the major?”
“His brother was in school with my father, and I went to school with his nephew. As a matter of fact, the major’s brother was just telling me about Mark—that’s his son—and how he’s living in the United States these days.”
“Where in the U.S.?”
“California.”
“I’ve been to New York.”
“Have you really?”
“Yes. On a school trip.”
“What was it like?”
“Interesting but hot. It was summertime, and I thought we would all melt. The sights were spectacular, but the traffic and crowds were a little hard to take. It’s difficult for me to believe that not all of America is like that.”
“Pendaran spoils us—it’s so small and consistent.”
“It didn’t feel small to me until I visited New York and realized that our whole country is smaller than that one state. To think of the rest of the United States stretching out for thousands of miles was a bit overwhelming.”
“You were glad to get home?”
“Tremendously. The flight was long and tiring. I guess I’m not much of a traveler. By the time I sit in the car for the two hours to the lake house, I have ants in my pants.”
Nikolai smiled.
“What did I say?”
“I just haven’t heard the phrase in years,” Nikolai admitted, “but my grandmother used to say it to me all the time.”
“Were you a rambunctious child?”
“I could be, but I also liked to read. I could disappear into a book for hours. I still can.”
“If I recall from your letters, you like the classics.”
“You have a good memory. Did I ever ask you what you like to read?”
“I don’t think so. I like history but also an occasional romance.”
“I don’t mind a romance myself. I’ve read all of Jane Austen.”
“What was your favorite?”
“Persuasion.”
The dance ended the moment after Shelby said, “Mine too.”
Nikolai let her go, because his father came to request her hand, but he told her he would be back and to reserve the last dance. Shelby nodded without speaking, seemingly as composed as any woman could be. If she were questioned, however, on half of what her father-in-law was saying to her, she would have failed miserably.
Ten
Shelby sank into the rear seat of the limo and stifled the sigh that threatened to escape her. Had she been alone, she would have felt free to express herself, but Nikolai’s presence—he had climbed in on the other side—held her in check. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop the ache in her feet or the hollowness of her stomach. She certainly hoped she could raid the kitchen without waking anyone as soon as she got home.
“Did you have a good time?” Nikolai asked out of the darkness.
“Very much. The major’s daughter knows my father, and I didn’t realize that until we had talked for some time.”
“She’s a fascinating woman. I don’t know if there’s a country she hasn’t visited.”
“She told me about some of them.”
“How does she know your father?”
Shelby chuckled. “He cuts her hair when she’s home.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. She’s been to hairdressers all over the city and finally found my father in Henley. She misses him dreadfully when she’s abroad.”
Nikolai was still chuckling when he noticed something odd. Not having ever cared to use the phone in the limo, he hit the button and lowered the window.
“Ivan?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Can you tell me where we’re going?”
“Burger Haven, sir, to pick up some food for the princess.”
“Oh no, Ivan,” Shelby spoke up, her face heating instantly. “We can go home.”
“Did the princess ask you to stop?” Nikolai questioned. He wasn’t upset, just remarkably curious.
“No, sir. Hank informed me.”
Shelby was rattling on again, but both men ignored her.
“Do as Hank asked,” the prince said quietly and put the window up, at the same time putting an end to the conversation.
She thought she was beyond this horrible blushing, but right now she couldn’t speak or even look in Nikolai’s direction. There was so much he didn’t know. There were so many little things the staff did for her, and for some reason, his learning of the way they spoiled her was mortifying to her. It didn’t lessen when she felt the car come to a halt and knew that Ivan was getting out and coming around to see her. She still hadn’t looked at her husband when the chauffeur opened her door.
“The usual, Princess Shelby?”
“Yes, please,” she said softly, hoping just to get it over with.
“Anything for you, Prince Nikolai?”
“Some fries sound good, Ivan, and maybe an orange drink.”
“Very good. I’ll be right back.”
“I’m sorry, Nikolai,” Shelby said softly, just as soon as the door was shut.
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because you must want to get home.”
He was silent for almost a minute, his eyes on her profile. Shelby could feel his gaze but didn’t shift her own.
“You’re too hard on yourself, Shelby. If you were hungry and the staff didn’t see to your needs, that would be something to be upset about.”
Shelby nodded but still kept her eyes averted. She might as well have told Ivan not to bother; she didn’t think she could eat a thing.
Why does it feel this way? Why do I think the staff spoils only me and that Nikolai would be angry? Surely they must spoil him as well. They’ve known him years longer. Some of them probably watched him grow up.
“I had a long conversation with your brother today,” Nikolai said conversationally, breaking neatly into Shelby’s tortured thoughts.
“Brice?”
“Yes,” Nikolai said on a chuckle. “How many brothers do you have?”
“Five!” she said defiantly, feeling tired of trying never to be a bother to him.
“Well, let’s hope they all want to pull.”
“Does Brice?”
“Yes. He sounded quite pleased to be asked and even wanted to know the practice days and times. I’m not su
re whether he’s made up his mind to like me yet, so maybe this will help.”
“Why would you say such a thing?” Shelby asked as her head turned swiftly. “Did he say something to you?”
“No, but I get the impression that the jury’s still out where I’m concerned.”
Nikolai had been watching her and saw her mouth open in surprise.
“I take it you haven’t said anything.”
“Of course not! If Brice has been rude to you, Nikolai, I must know about it.”
“He hasn’t. Not in the least. But I did steal the sister, whom I suspect he adores, and I’m not certain he thinks me worthy of her.”
Shelby relaxed a little. She had also gotten that impression from Brice, but just one time. It had been at her birthday celebration, and it had been so fleeting that Shelby thought she had imagined it. She didn’t think her brother had been discourteous, but she now understood what Nikolai was speaking of.
“I’m glad he wasn’t rude to you. I would be surprised if he had been, but I would still expect him to apologize.”
“There is no need.”
“Were you rude to him?” she asked before she thought.
“I hope not,” Nikolai said with some surprise. “Why did you ask that?”
Shelby shrugged, but for just a moment he’d sounded so lordly and superior that she wondered if he hadn’t put her brother on the defensive.
“You didn’t answer me,” Nikolai said out of the darkness.
“I shrugged,” Shelby told him, but her voice said more—it said that was all he was going to get out of her right now.
Nikolai watched her until their food came. He honestly hadn’t seen the shrug. The only thing that was illumined in the deep recesses of the limo was one side of her face, a face that was turned in profile to him.
They ended up not speaking while they ate, but Shelby was no longer tense. She was a little angry at herself, but only because it seemed that all she did these days was try to act as though everything were fine.
Where is the balance? she prayed as she finished the last of her burger and shake, a combination she’d found herself hungry for the moment Ivan handed it to her. I need to be the woman this man needs, but I’m not myself when I’m around him. I’m not given to impulsive speech or actions, but I’m almost afraid to speak at all. It’s not fair of me to think he might have been impolite to my brother. I have no solid reason to accuse him of that.
“Thank you, Ivan,” Shelby said. It was nice to have her thoughts interrupted by their arrival back at the north quadrant. Ivan had opened the door, and because it was late, she headed inside with the intent of retiring. The plan worked until she was in the green parlor on the way to her bedroom door. She was on the verge of saying goodnight when her husband spoke.
“May I ask you a question, Shelby?”
Shelby turned to him, her feet throbbing. “I’m rather tired,” she admitted.
“I don’t think it will take long.”
Shelby nodded.
“Did you not enjoy the food at the party tonight?”
“What I had was delicious, but it’s hard to eat when so many people have questions.”
Nikolai blinked. This had never occurred to him. His head tipped as he asked, “What do they want to know?”
“Oh, the usual. Where did I grow up? How did I meet the prince? Are my parents alive? That type of thing.”
“What do you say about meeting me?”
“That it was through your parents.”
Nikolai just barely kept his mouth closed. There was so much he wanted to say, so much more he wanted to know, but her fatigue was obvious now, and unless he missed his guess, the almost constant shifting of her feet meant they hurt.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said simply. “Sleep well, Shelby.”
“Thank you,” Shelby said, too tired to add anything else.
Nikolai would have been pleased to know that she did sleep well, and almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. His night wasn’t quite so restful.
To look at the prince on Sunday morning, his gaze intent on his wife, no one would suspect that he had stood in front of Yvette’s picture that morning and cried.
Never had his heart been in such a quandary. Never had he been so confused and unsure of himself. His new wife was lovely, poised, and talented. Why then did he feel that she desperately needed him? And not just that—he was beginning to desperately need her in return. He felt different, comforted somehow, when she was around. He knew she was angry with him at times, but even then he wanted to be near.
He realized suddenly that he had been watching his wife but not really listening to the words she was signing for Pastor Allen. He turned his mind toward the sermon, and just in time.
“I remember the first time it occurred to me that anxiety was a sin. I was a teen at camp, and the speaker was telling about when he’d come to Christ. He had wrestled and fought against the Lord for years, and when he finally came to Christ, his children wanted nothing to do with him. One went so far as to pack his bags and move out.
“I remember sitting there as the man described the scene. The 18-year-old son went storming from the house, his father going after him and trying to speak with him, but the young man would have none of it. The father was forced to stand and watch as his son threw his bag into the back of his car and tore down the street with enough speed to kill someone, maybe himself. The speaker said he stood there and felt worry crowding in but made himself stop. I’ll never forget his words. ‘In my newfound faith I knew that worry was a sin. I had no choice but to give my son to God, even if I never saw him again.’
“There I sat,” Pastor Allen went on, “just a teen mind you. But even in my youth I asked God how that could be. I sat there and said, ‘Not even then, Lord? Not even when someone I love might be hurt? Do You mean I can’t ever worry?’ I remember my heart crying out those words to the Lord. You see, I had been worrying myself sick over college. How would I pay for it? Should I sell my car? Should I attend now or save for a while?”
The pastor paused and looked out at all of them. “I saw that day that worry was a sin. Our text here in Matthew 6, Jesus’ own words, makes that perfectly clear, but I hadn’t read my Bible very much at that time. After that experience at camp, I dug deeply and learned that when it comes to worry, God is very serious.
“When we worry we say to God, ‘I can’t trust You. You’re not doing Your job, so I’m going to step in and take over.’ We can’t just call that arrogance and foolishness—it’s sin.”
Nikolai’s eyes had been closed for some time, but he was still listening. For weeks now he had done nothing but worry about his relationship with Shelby. He opened his eyes and watched Shelby as she signed these next words.
“God is able to bear all that you are fretting about. He has made a plan. He has made provision. There are no shoulders larger or more capable than His. Give that worry, whatever it is, to God.”
Help me to do this, Father. Help me to give Shelby to You. I believe as my parents do that this marriage was the right thing for us, so I know You will work this as well. I know she doesn’t know what to do with me at times, just as I’m at a loss with her. Help me to give of myself and help Shelby to give of herself as well. Work in both our hearts, and help me to believe that no matter how far we have to go, You’ll be with us every step of the way.
The service was coming to an end. They stood for the closing prayer, and Shelby was already headed his way. They sat closer to the front when she interpreted, and he had noticed that she liked to be back in her seat by the time the service ended. He was beginning to enjoy the familiarity of opening his eyes to find her standing next to him.
“Tell me something, Shelby,” Nikolai said almost immediately as he turned to her. “Do you get as much out of the sermon when you sign it?”
“No, but Pastor Allen allows me to keep the notes, so I’ll go over them this week.”
“And what do you do if s
omething isn’t clear to you?”
She looked uncertain and then shrugged. “I just hope he’ll cover it the next week.”
“I hope you’ll check with me,” Nikolai said with quiet modesty. “I can’t promise to help, but if I’m in the dark too, maybe we can find out together.”
“All right,” she agreed, her heart pounding a bit. “Nikolai?”
His brows rose in expectation.
“It’s terribly late notice—I mean, I should have said something to you before now—but my mother’s birthday is tomorrow, and we’re going out to dinner.” Shelby came to a painful halt and swallowed once. “You probably have plans,” she continued with a red face. “I’m sorry I neglected to ask you sooner.”
“Did you say tomorrow night?”
Shelby nodded.
“I do have something on the calendar, but I’ll do my best to get out of it.”
Shelby blinked. “You would do that?”
“For your mother’s birthday? In a flash.”
Shelby was speechless.
“What time will you go?” Nikolai asked, sorry that she was so shocked by his courtesy.
“Um . . .” Shelby answered foolishly, every logical thought flying out of her head.
Nikolai couldn’t stop his smile as he said, “Do you want to let me know about the time?”
Shelby felt rescued when she had only to nod. The church was clearing out as they left, but several people still stopped them for conversation. By the time they got to the day limo, Shelby’s brain had kicked back into gear.
“I’m leaving for Henley at five,” she told Nikolai. “It’s pretty casual, and we’ll leave for the restaurant as soon as I arrive.”
“I’ll try to go with you, but maybe you should give me the name of the restaurant in case I run late.”