“I know,” I repeated softly.
“Can you kiss me like that and then think you can convince me you don’t wanna go there with me?”
I closed my eyes and dropped my chin again to put my forehead to his chest.
Benny kept at me.
“I know I’m pushin’, cara, but seriously.”
“Can we talk about it at dinner tomorrow?”
He was silent and he was that way awhile.
So I breathed a sigh of relief when he gave me a squeeze and said, “Yeah.”
I tipped my head back and, again, slid my hands down to his chest. “They’ll be here soon and we need Fanta.”
“Babe, they’re comin’ up from Brownsburg with two teenaged girls. Teenagers don’t get out of bed on a Sunday at the crack of dawn and it’s a four-hour drive. They won’t be here until noon, earliest. We got an hour and a half, at least.”
I felt my brows draw together. “Cal didn’t text you to let you know when they’d left?”
My question made him smile huge. It was white. It was gorgeous. And it made his eyes warm with humor in that way I liked so much.
Witnessing that up close and personal for the first time, I had no choice but to wrap my arms around his middle and hold on.
“I’m not sure Cal does the text thing, Frankie. More, I’m not sure it’s humanly possible for Cal to check in with anybody about any of his activities.”
“He’ll have to learn. He has a woman in his life.”
His smile stayed white and gorgeous, and even as I felt the ground quake beneath me, I kept right on enjoying it up close and personal.
“Strike that,” he stated. “I’m not sure it’s humanly possible for Cal to check in with anybody about any of his activities unless that anybody is in his bed and he likes what she gives him there.”
My eyes drifted to his ear. “This is probably true.”
Ben gave me a squeeze and regained my attention.
“You got everything you need in that bag?” he asked.
“Yep,” I answered.
“Now’s the time to stock up, babe. We’re here.”
“I’m stocked up.”
“Right,” he said, then bent in and went deep. I held my breath and kept holding it when he brushed his lips against my neck.
I also kept holding on because I had to in order to stay standing.
Then I had to let him go because he let me go. He moved away but caught my hand, the handle of my bag, and he pulled me to the door, rolling my bag with us, saying, “We get home, I’ll clean out a drawer in the bathroom.”
My eyes hit the ceiling.
Lord, I hope you’re paying attention, I silently prayed. That was Benny’s idea.
Ben kept speaking.
“And in the dresser in the bedroom.”
My hand spasmed in his.
He ignored it and pulled me out the door.
* * * * *
Likely speeding up my trip to hell, an hour and a half later, I was curled on my side on Benny’s couch, head to his thigh. Benny was sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, eyes to a game on the TV.
Incidentally, a TV that was eighty inches.
Eighty.
The thing was so huge, it took up nearly the whole side wall of his living room.
And the surround sound rivaled those found in cinemas.
Even so, Theresa could be heard over the surround sound, banging around in the kitchen.
I had learned when I was with Vinnie that Theresa didn’t do this because she was making a point that she wanted you to get off your ass and help her. She didn’t. She wanted you nowhere near her when she was cooking or cleaning up after. She wanted no disruptions or distractions because only she could do whatever she was doing in a way she liked. If you tried to help, it only messed with her mojo and put her in a bad mood.
Theresa in a bad mood was not good.
So, even if I hadn’t been shot in a forest a couple of weeks earlier and Theresa was banging around in the kitchen, I would have stayed in the living room.
Though how I got in my current position, I was still hoping God was paying attention because I didn’t put me in it. Benny did. And when I’d protested, he muttered, “Quiet.”
I didn’t think it was the right thing to do, lying with my head on his thigh, not ever. But with his parents in his house, and after I had participated fully in the kiss he laid on me, definitely not then.
I also didn’t think it was the right thing to do to get into an argument about it with his parents in the house.
This was something we’d come home to an hour ago. They were in the kitchen as we came through the back door—Vinnie sitting at the table drinking a cup of joe; Theresa bustling around a bevy of grocery bags on the table, bags whose contents I had no idea where she would put, seeing as Benny’s fridge was decidedly full.
Vinnie had fallen on the donuts like he didn’t have the huge-ass breakfast I knew Theresa cooked him before they went to church.
Theresa had shooed us out nearly the minute we got in the door and definitely the second Benny dumped the donut boxes on the counter.
Not long after, I found myself lounging with Benny on the couch.
In the end, his jeans were soft, his thigh was hard, so I told myself I was being polite and I’d give Benny hell later.
But in reality, it was just that I liked where I was.
“Ben, your ma wants to know where your casserole dish is,” Vinnie Senior said, and I shifted my eyes to the side of the couch (but did not lift my head from Benny’s thigh) to see Ben’s father come to a stop there.
“I don’t have a casserole dish,” Benny answered.
Vinnie looked in the direction of the door that led to the foyer, muttering, “That’s not gonna go over too good.”
“She wanted to cook, she should have brought over what she needed,” Benny noted. “I was gonna get takeout barbeque.”
Vinnie’s eyes sliced back to his son and he hissed, “Jesus, don’t let her hear you say that shit.”
“Why?” Benny asked.
“’Cause family’s gonna come callin’. Boy, you know you don’t serve takeout barbeque to family comin’ callin’.”
“I’m a single guy, Pop. They’re lucky I thought about feeding them at all,” Benny returned, and I couldn’t hold it back, my body started shaking with suppressed giggles.
Feeling it, Benny’s hand that was resting on my waist gave me a squeeze.
“Go in the kitchen and help her find somethin’ she can use to assemble the lasagna,” Vinnie ordered.
“Pop, I don’t own anything she can use to assemble the lasagna,” Benny replied.
“Then get your ass to the store and buy something she can use to assemble the lasagna,” Vinnie kept ordering.
“That shit is just not gonna happen,” Ben growled.
My body started shaking harder.
“Vinnie!” Theresa shouted from the kitchen. “I got the noodles laid out! Where’s my dish?”
“Ben doesn’t have one!” Vinnie shouted back.
“What?” Theresa yelled in a borderline screech. “I got the noodles laid out! What am I supposed to do with noodles and sauce and cheese and no dish?”
I lifted a hand, curled it around Benny’s thigh, tucked my face in it, and snorted.
“Jesus, shit, I’ll go to the store,” Benny mumbled testily. I felt his thigh muscles tense in preparation to get up, even as I felt his hand glide to the back of my neck to nonverbally tell me he was getting up.
I lifted my head and looked up at him, grinning.
He was not grinning.
“It’s good you’re amused, babe, but this shit is not funny,” he stated right when the doorbell went.
I turned my head and aimed my eyes over the back of the couch.
“They’re here!” Theresa shrieked from the kitchen.
I lost purchase on Benny’s thigh, then I lost purchase on the couch when Benny lifted me up and set me on my sandals.
/>
We turned and I saw Vinnie was already at the door, huge smile on his face, opening it.
Ben took my hand and started us toward the door when Theresa showed, arms up in the air, mouth shouting, “Happy day!”
I heard, “Uncle Vinnie! Aunt Theresa!” shouted back in teenaged girls voices, but I couldn’t see them.
Ben and I made it to the foyer and waited in it for a full three minutes while Theresa pushed out to the stoop and grabbed everyone’s face, jerking their head back and forth to give them kisses before they were allowed to come in to get handshakes (Cal) or hugs (Vi and the girls) from Vinnie.
I watched as Cal took his kisses from Theresa like he’d rather wrestle an alligator. But Vi gave her kisses back and a hug, and Vi’s gorgeous daughters acted like Theresa’s signature dramatic welcome was a delight the like they’d never experienced.
The girls hit the foyer and practically bowled Cal and their mother over to rush Benny, shouting, “Benny!”
He let me go just in time to get hit by them both. He went back on a foot, steadied, and put his arms around them, murmuring something I didn’t catch because I was completely drawn in by the scene.
This was because something about it didn’t strike me right. It was beautiful watching Ben give affection to Vi’s gorgeous girls, downright dazzling.
But I was under the impression that Vi and Cal were relatively new, so I wondered how the girls were so tight with everyone so quickly.
“Hey.” I heard.
I turned my head to see Vi close and I completely forgot about watching the dazzling display of Benny Bianchi giving affection to two young girls.
“Hey,” I replied, looking into Violet’s eyes.
I didn’t think about it, her visit, except to look forward to seeing her, like she was a close gal pal who lived a few hours away, and thus, we didn’t have cocktails every Friday night but instead had to make plans for special occasions.
Looking into her eyes right then, seeing her in normal circumstances for the first time ever, it hit me that the last time I saw her, Daniel Hart was pointing a gun to her head. The entire time I’d made her acquaintance, our lives were in danger or we were running for them.
Together.
She did not let me separate from her when it probably would have been prudent.
And I did not let her separate from me when it probably would have been prudent.
We’d stuck together.
And we’d made it through.
Looking at her beautiful face in the foyer of Ben’s home, I felt it happening, my face crumbling, as I watched it happen to her. And then we were in each other’s arms, holding close, so fucking tight, my face shoved in her neck, hers in mine.
“I’m sorry,” I cried into her neck, my voice thick and clogged, muffled by her hair.
“No, I’m sorry,” she cried into mine, her voice the same.
“I’m an idiot,” I told her, holding tight and still crying.
“I’m a dork,” she told me, holding tight and also still crying.
“No, you aren’t,” I blubbered.
“You aren’t either,” she blubbered back.
“Jesus.” I heard Cal mutter.
“Shut up, Joe,” Violet snapped but did it in my neck, not moving a centimeter away from me.
We just held on.
For my part, I held on because she felt good. She felt alive.
And we’d made it through.
Suddenly, Vi’s body jerked and she asked, “Am I hurting you?”
I lifted my head, she lifted hers, and we caught each other’s eyes.
“I’m fine,” I whispered.
“I’m glad,” she whispered back, and I knew she meant she was glad I was fine in more ways than just enduring her hug.
I smiled at her. She smiled back.
Seeing it, I felt my face start crumbling again, but I beat it back and gave her a shake. “You fine?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” she answered, then asked, “You wanna meet my girls?”
“Absolutely,” I answered.
Her smile came back and she kept hold of me with one arm but turned us toward her daughters. I swiped my hand on my face as I saw one girl was hanging on Cal. The other one was hanging on Benny. Both had eyes to their mother and me and both sets of eyes were wet.
“Katy, Keirry, come here and meet Frankie,” she urged.
They moved forward cautiously, undoubtedly knowing I was convalescing.
I threw out my free arm and they came a lot faster, but they didn’t knock me back to a foot.
What I figured was the older one, Kate, got there first. Vi let me go so she could give me a light hug and say close to my ear, “Cool to meet you.”
When she would’ve let go, I held tighter and said, “Same here, honey.”
She turned her head, looked into my eyes, and her lip quivered, but she held it together and smiled.
I let her go and Keira came forward.
Her hug was just as light, but I knew things were going to go bad when she said in my ear, “Thanks for taking care of Momalicious.”
Then her arms spasmed and I knew she’d lost it.
I tightened my arms around her and my eyes moved to Benny, who was watching us with a warm intensity that would have taken my breath away if Keira was letting me breathe.
I tore my eyes from Ben, turned my head, and whispered in her ear, “My pleasure, baby.”
Keira’s body bucked with her sob.
Kate slid in beside her mom and I heard her whimper. So I caught her eyes and grinned at her.
She, again, held it together and grinned back.
Suddenly, Cal was there, hand wrapped around the back of Keira’s neck, and he asked in a gentle, quiet voice I’d never heard from him in my life, “You wanna let me in there, Keirry?” His voice was so beautiful, if Keira was letting me breathe, again, it would have made me stop.
She let go abruptly, almost like she was embarrassed, nodding and wiping her face.
Vi claimed her and Cal claimed me. He didn’t hold on tight, but he did communicate a lot with his hug and I felt myself begin to lose it again.
I took in a shuddering breath and held it together as Cal leaned away, looked down at me, and asked in a voice meant only for me, “You good?”
I knew what he meant.
“I’m thinkin’ I need to get off my feet,” I answered because all that hugging felt great, but at the same time, it didn’t feel real great against my wound.
Then Cal, Vinnie Junior’s best friend in the world, did something weird.
He let me go but did it leaving a hand in the small of my back whereupon he gently, immediately, and firmly pushed me direct to Benny as he said low, “She’s gotta take a load off.”
That was when Benny claimed me, arm around my waist, turning me to the living room and moving us in, saying, “Let’s get settled.”
Company followed, but I couldn’t see how they did because Benny deposited me in the corner of the couch and instantly bent in, one hand to the seat beside me, one hand to the armrest, his face an inch away.
“You need a pill?” he asked.
“No, I’m gonna tough it out. It might get better when I’m not bawlin’.”
His head went back a bit, his eyes moved over my face, and he said, “Right. You need somethin’, you tell Pop or Ma.”
I nodded.
“Now, I gotta go to the store and get a fuckin’ casserole dish.”
I felt my lips quirk before I nodded again.
He watched my lips quirk before he looked back into my eyes, grinned, and winked.
Then he was gone.
But his grin and wink remained and I found I didn’t have to tough out the pain.
A grin and wink from Benny Bianchi was the best medicine a girl could have.
* * * * *
“School is awesome, the best part about it being Jasper Layne.”
It was after lasagna, which Theresa served at Benny’s dining roo
m table after spending nearly the entire time the lasagna cooked in his dining room, shifting what looked like three years of discarded junk mail from the top of the table and attacking the old-fashioned, definitely hand-me-down eight-seater with Pledge.
We were in the living room. Vi, obviously not knowing she should leave Theresa alone, was in the kitchen with Benny’s mother, helping her do the dishes.
I was back on the couch, sitting up again but not in the corner. Benny was in the corner and I was tucked to his side, his arm around me. Kate was down the sofa from us. Vinnie Senior was in Ben’s recliner. Cal was in an armchair. Keira was on the floor and she was the one who was talking.
I was surreptitiously watching Cal, who was not surreptitiously watching Benny and me tucked into the side of the couch. He had a small smile playing at his mouth, the warm light of humor in his eyes, but with both of these, he also had a knowing look on his face.
And I did not get that. He and Vinnie Junior were the same age, close as brothers. He’d tried to talk Vinnie out of working with Sal but was one of the few who intended to take Vinnie as he came. That was how tight they were. He didn’t like that Vinnie was on Sal’s crew, but he didn’t intend to lose him because of it.
So the way Benny was holding me, which was not with brotherly affection, I would have thought would anger Cal, or at the very least perturb him.
It obviously didn’t.
He obviously liked it.
Which was strange.
Stranger, Vinnie Senior had no reaction to it either.
This was making me uncomfortable, and with all that was going on in my head, not to mention having company, I didn’t have the time to sort out why.
“Jasper Layne is hot, no doubt about that, but he’s also a dawg.”
That came from Kate, and the instant it did, Cal stopped grinning knowingly at Benny’s foot, which he’d tangled with mine in an intimate way that felt nice but I knew I should not allow (though I did, bent on earning my first-class ticket straight to hell), and his attention cut to Kate.
“He is not,” Keira snapped.
“Total player,” Kate declared.
“He is not!” Keira’s voice was rising.
“Keirry, he’s had three girlfriends already and we’ve been in school, like, a month,” Kate told her.
I quit surreptitiously watching and started openly watching, and also openly grinning (huge), as a dark, protective, dad look moved over Cal’s face.