Rand stood watching as Leofric supported Finan’s ponderous progress towards the chair that Drogo had set outside in the cold air. Eda and Adele hovered nearby. They looked anxious, but seemed to accept that Finan would not like them to fuss. Finan had been, despite his dislike of the situation, a model patient, and in return Adele and Eda had tried not to interfere overmuch.
Leofric lowered his friend into the chair, casting an anxious look at his face. He was much paler than he had been, and beads of perspiration stood out on his brow. It would have been best if he had stayed in bed but Finan had been determined, just as Rafe had known he would be.
Leofric had decided not to argue, such an action would only have made Finan stubborn and push him to even more strenuous activities. Better to let him have his way; he would soon see that he was not well enough to do more than sit in the chair that Drogo had provided. Without the incentive of argument, he would have no reason to do more.
Eda shivered in the cold air; more than anything she wished to wrap one of the thick furs around Finan. Yet she knew he would rather freeze then have his men see him swaddled as a infant.
“Will he be all right?”
Eda jumped as she heard Rand’s voice, low and close to her ear.
“So long as he does not stay out here too long,” she replied, trying not to notice the way her heart had begun to thump heavily. She took a deliberate step away from him, and Rand was surprised by an urgent desire to pull her back. Instead he asked the question he’d been longing to ask but had not found the appropriate time or place to do so.
“Did she tell you, Eda?”
Eda flinched a little at his words, but her face remained expressionless.
“She told me.” The answer gave nothing of her inner thoughts away, and for some time they were silent. Rand looked at those standing near; they were close enough to hear what he and Eda were saying. He had no wish for an audience when he said that which he was going to have to articulate. He took Eda’s hand, but started away from him in surprise, trying to extricate herself, but his grip was too strong. He raised a finger to his lips in a gesture of silence and, tugging gently on her hand, beckoned her to follow him.
Against her better judgment Eda found herself moving after him, and he led her toward a wooded area to the left of the camp. He stopped a few yards into the trees and released her, keeping a few feet distance between them, and turned his back upon her. Now he had her alone he wasn’t sure what he was going to say, how he was going to explain.
“I am sorry, Eda.”
It hadn’t been what he had planned to declare, but somehow he had spoken before he could stop himself.
“There is no need to apologise to me, only to Adele. As she has freely forgiven you, you need not feel guilty anymore.” Her tone was carefully neutral but he felt the words held a barb.
“I did not...” Rand broke off turning toward her again. “I did not mean that; I meant that I was sorry for how I behaved to you.”
Eda went white, her face losing its colour so quickly that Rand thought she might faint.
“There is no excuse that I can give you,” he continued with difficulty. “I wish there was something I could say, some reason why you were hurt...” He paused again, but Eda continued to stare at the ground blindly. “It… it was not my intention to try and attach your feelings.”
Something that sounded suspiciously like a curse burst from Eda’s lips, and her face flooded with anger.
It had not been his intention to attach her feelings?
How could he be so cruel as to mortify her by talking of her love for him? Her unrequited love for him? Surely the least he could do was feign ignorance of her emotions?
“How dare you?” she demanded, her voice furious.
Rand stepped backward in surprise, waiting for her to continue. She waited, obviously expecting him to answer her question whatever it was.
“I do not... what...?”
“Are you trying to insult me yet further?” she asked. “Have you not done enough damage, have you not mortified me enough?”
Rand stared at her blankly, not understanding her anger.
“You smug, self centred, dishonourable knave!” she spat, bringing her hand up and landing a forceful slap across his cheek.
Silence followed, so absolute that Eda held her breath so as not to disturb it. Suddenly she was afraid. Rand remained completely still, his face filled with cold fury, his cheek turning angry red where her hand had touched him.
It had taken a great deal for Rand to make her that apology, and she had treated it as the mud beneath her feet. Worse, she had questioned his honour and Rand held nothing as dear as his honour. He knew its value, and he knew how it felt to bear a stain upon it. Had he not done so all these years on account of the battle for Calis?
The silence stretched out, and yet still Rand said nothing, he could not trust himself to speak, but was feverishly trying to control his temper. Eda could not say a word either, her throat had closed and she wasn’t sure she could utter a sound. Over Rand’s shoulder she saw the camp and, thinking only of escape, made to walk away. Rand’s hand closed around her upper arm, his fingers hard and unyielding.
“Be still!” he commanded.
Eda could do naught but obey him and gaze with longing at the camp.
She knew she should not have come.
“You think it a dishonour that I have accorded you the respect of apologising for my actions, a thing I have done for no other woman?” His voice sent an unpleasant chill down her spine. “You think it a dishonour that I should realise that my behaviour toward you was not what it should have been?” He paused, waiting for her to reply, but Eda remained dumb. Rand shook her a little.
“Answer me!”
“I... but the... I want to go back to the camp now.”
“And so you shall, but first I shall show you what it is to be treated with dishonour!”
Rand’s arm slid around her waist and Eda found she could no longer breathe, with a sigh she leaned into his embrace as he kissed her. Then, as suddenly as he had kissed her, she was released.
“What is it?” Eda tried to gather her scattered wits together.
Rand stared down at her in a bemused way, as though he were trying to find the answer to a riddle.
“Randwulf?”
“You were enjoying it, were you not?”
Eda blushed fierily.
“Were not you?” she countered boldly.
“Yes, but I always knew that I would.” He paused. “If I had thought that you would be so enthusiastic, nothing could have made me wait this long.”
Eda snuggled her head against his shoulder.
“If only I had known,” she lamented with a laugh. “I would have arranged for a private moment alone in the orchard at the fort!”
For a moment there was silence.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked at last.
Rand looked startled at the question.
“Something wrong?”
“When we… when I…” She blushed awkwardly. “Did I do something to anger you before?”
Rand felt rather unwell. He knew that his behaviour had been a cause for reproach, but he had never supposed that Eda would think it her fault that he had pulled away from her all those years before.
“No, Eda, you did nothing wrong. It was I who did wrong.”
Eda swallowed jerkily and brushed an errant tear from her eye. It made Rand feel like a fiend. He supposed he was.
“Eda, if I ask you something, something you might not like, would you answer me?”
A wary look came into Eda’s eyes.
“I do not know.”
“Would you try?” he pressed.
Eda nodded.
“When we were... friends... you liked me a little, did you not?”
Eda averted her face studiously, focusing on the trees. After a while she nodded hurriedly. Rand took a deep breath.
“Do you think t
hat you could like me again?”
Eda kept her face turned, but after a few moments hesitation her head moved fractionally in an affirmative nod.
“Do you think that you could do more than just like me?”
“That is too much... I cannot tell you that.”
Rand felt as though something had withered inside of him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. It was as though all hope had gone, leaving him suddenly bleak.
“Forgive me, I should never have asked you, should not have supposed that you could.”
Eda saw the disappointment fill his face and realised he had not understood her. Reaching out she clutched his arm as he turned away from her.
“I could not tell you that until first you had told me...” She broke off swallowing with difficulty. “I have revealed so much, but you; you have told me nothing at all.”
Enlightenment dawned in Rand’s eyes, and he lifted her hand to his lips.
“I have always loved you, Eda, but there are complications.” As he spoke he slipped an arm around her waist pulling her closer again. “You did not know the truth, and I confess that I did not wish you to learn it. When I was with you I was free of him, I felt… worthy. I thought that if I told you the truth you would think that I was like my father.”
“I would not have thought such a thing,” replied Eda softly.
“That is... you do not understand.” He shook his head. “What you said before; that I was dishonourable, it angered me because my honour is not spotless. My House will always bear the shame of Calis.” He paused, his voice coming with difficulty. “And anyone who is associated with us must bear that shame also.”
Eda was silent, knowing that he had not finished and giving him time that he might collect his thoughts.
“’Tis hard for me to talk about; I know that I have no right to ask any lady to join herself to me and I promised myself never to ask. Only a fool would put himself in the position of being rejected.”
For a time both were silent, and Eda waited in expectant excitement for Rand’s next words. It soon became apparent that he had said all he was going to say. He had gone as far as his pride would let him. Now it was up to her; she must go to him, for he would never ask her to.
Rand’s pride sprang, in part, from not wishing to inflict that which he loved with the shame that he bore. She understood it and she could not really fault the decision. Now everything depended on her. Rand pulled away, his arm falling from her waist, and she realised that she had been silent too long. Rand had taken her silence as rejection.
“Rand…” She hesitated, struggling to find the right words. “You have always been kind enough to call me ‘Lady Eda’, but we both know that I am no lady. My father was a Creole who knew not what to do with a female child. Had I been a boy, he would have had use of me. I suppose I was too young to cook and clean, and not strong enough to help on the farm. What I mean to tell you is that I can bring naught to you but my person and,” Eda swallowed convulsively as her face flooded with colour, “and the affection I feel for you. If you count me worthy, I would be yours.”
For a moment Rand felt almost euphoric. This was what he had hoped for; that in explaining to her his situation she would make it possible for him to claim her. Yet now that she had he felt little better than a thief, underhandedly coming by something he had no right to.
Great goodness but scruples were vile things to live with! Eda stepped forward, burying her flushed face in Rand’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. “Rand? Please...”
Rand looked down at the soft creature nestled within his arms.
Scruples be damned!
Who needed them anyway?
With that cheering thought he turned Eda to face him, kissing her with the fervour of a man who could not quite believe his good fortune.
“You are mine now, Eda, and I swear you shall never regret it.”
A slow smile curled Eda’s lips and she reached out hand to touch his cheek.
“Yes... but you may,” she answered mischievously. “I can be quite a handful!”
Rand looked down at her his eyes narrowed.
“Not with me,” he stated firmly, “for I know how to handle you... do I not?”
Eda blushed thinking of the kisses they had just shared. It was very likely that he would be able to keep her in line.
“Do you intend to settle all of our arguments that way?” she asked curiously.
“Great goodness, you intend to argue with me!”
“Well, ‘tis sure to happen sometimes.”
“As your Lord and Master, you are not permitted to argue with me; I believe it says so somewhere in the Bible. Besides,” he continued, his voice becoming reproachful, “why would you even want to?”
Eda laughed, playfully slapping him on the shoulder.
“You can ask that, when you irritate me thus?”
“Now you are just being bad tempered, and that’s no way to please a man. Fortunately though,” Rand cuddled her a little closer, grinning, “I have a cure for that.”
Chapter Thirty One