4
Business was like usual in Fatty Irish's Temple of Poker. I asked at the bar for the boss and after some waiting I was allowed through the door with the inscription 'private only'. The gorilla welcomed me behind it, led me up the stairs and then down a corridor into Irish's office.
In comparison to inspector Hasenzargel's canary cage, the office of Fatty Irish was more that of an outdoor pen for a predator. It had a huge, darkened glass front, through which you could see down into the hall. It had a vault from ancient times and a very large desk behind which Irish had made his very large self very comfortable.
Irish and I sat a while across from each other and chatted about the so-called unexpected incident. He swore by all the gods that came into his mind that he would not rest until Seidel was found. And that he was going to send the Gorilla after him and that means goodbye.
»I feel so sorry for you, Steiner. I am unfortunately not insured against robberies, otherwise we could have made a deal. You have my word on this that the matter with your brother is over and done with. We both are even. On my honor, the Gorilla remains in the barn and there are no broken bones. I'm a man of my word.«
»I know. That's why I'm here.«
Fatty Irish glanced at me uncertainly. Then he rolled his eyes, suddenly laughed and said, »Oh what the heck. I don't wanna be a monster.«
He tore open a desk drawer and took a cash box to light. Irish unlocked the box with a key that hung around his neck, and then he counted five hundred euros. He locked the box and threw it back in the desk drawer.
»For going ahead with all this,« he said, holding up the five hundred euros. »A consolation prize, so that the whole adventure isn't that painful. Sorry it's only five hundred, but unfortunately I can't afford more. The business didn't run that well. Sure you understand. But it is indeed the gesture that counts, and not the money.«
With the last sentence, he pushed the five hundred euros over the table. I put the money in my pocket, you could never know. Better five hundred euros instead nothing.
»That's really nice of you Irish,« I said. He smiled understandingly as the most generous patron, and scratched his fat belly, satisfied.
»Chin up, Steiner. We'll catch that bastard,« he said. »Don't you worry.«
»I'm not worried. I know where Seidel is.«
»You know?« stammered Fatty Irish.
»Yeah. I know everything. The whole story.«
»I don't believe you.«
»Believe it or not. It's the truth. And I'm not joking.«
Irish suddenly lost all his color. Deathly pale, he stared at me. The right moment to continue.
I said: »He's at General Hospital right now.«
»Oh he is, is he?«
»I bought him flowers this morning.«
»This is good news, Steiner! I'll set loose the Gorilla immediately.«
»Don't bother, Irish. I also know where the money is.«
»Now I'm curious.«
I pointed at the old vault and said: »I know that the Gorilla worked him over with a club, and took the million.«
Irish laughed and said: »You don't really believe Seidel, do you? He is willing to say anything, just so he won't have to give back the money.«
»Shut up and give me my share, or I'll tell the story to the insurance company. I also know about the Russians and the stock market. It's not my fault that you bet on the wrong horse.«
»No, it's not your fault.«
»So?«
»I still don't know yet.«
»What do you think will happen if I spread everywhere around that you are not paying off your gambling debts? How long do you think your establishment will still be full?« I tried it one last time. Irish stared at me seriously for at least a minute, then the hour the inspector gave me was over and the phone rang.
»Give me a moment,« he said, and picked up the receiver.
»What?«, Irish yelled into the phone. »Ah, inspector Hasenzargel. No, the million still hasn't popped up yet. Come again? But inspector, I...«
A fat fold suddenly formed on his brow, I could see the wheels turning behind his tiny eyes. Sweat poured from his forehead. I had no idea what the inspector whispered in his ear, but it led him to rethink. When he put the phone back on the hook, he looked at me briefly and then laughed friendly. Irish struggled painfully to his feet.
»Can't you take a joke anymore, Steiner?« he said and tramped over to the old vault. He worked on the combination and came back with a stack of money. He slapped it down on the table in front of me.
»Count it if you don't trust me.«
And that's exactly what I did. It was really a hundred thousand. I took the five hundred which he had given me earlier and threw it back on the table. The hundred thousand disappeared in my pockets. Then I left Irish alone and went home.
5
I pulled out the business card of inspector Hasenzargel and dialed his number. He answered it personally. I said who I was and thanked him for his help. And then I asked for another favor.
»Could you find out a phone number?«
For a moment there was silence at the other end. Then he wanted to know what number. I told him about Eddie's call two days ago.
»Is it a Viennese number?« he asked.
»Yes.«
»I'll get back to you.«
He hung up and I waited. Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. It was inspector Hasenzargel. He gave me Eddie's number.
»One more thing, Mr. Steiner. I hope I do not need to remind you that one day I'll get interested in what you're up to during the workweek. And then, unfortunately, I'll have to imprison you.«
»Only if you can prove it.«
»Don't worry about that I will, so be careful.«
He hung up and I listened for a while to the dial tone, then I dialed the number he had given me. I let it ring until someone answered. It was Eddie. I told him that he could come home.
As I hung up, there was a knocking on the door. I opened it and there stood the playboy-worthy ladyboy.
»Two hundred euros,« she said.
»Uh, what?«
»Okay, make it a hundred.«
»I'm uh, I'm sorry. I'm not really, uh I'm not gay,« I stammered.
»Me neither,« she said and smiled seductively.
»Uh, it's a no, I'm sorry.«
»Fifty.«
I shook my head.
»Okay, let's say ten.«
I was about to open my mouth to send her away, when she said. »Don't panic. I only lost my phone. And your place is the last possible spot.«
Goddammit, Eddie.
© T. A. Welte
© PEGAPHANT Entertainment Wien, 2014
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Cover: Simona Obholzer
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