She racked her brain. Where on earth were they? Many possibilities sprang to her mind. Were they on a pilgrimage? Were they collecting fruits and other food? Were they spying on humans? Were they...?
“Oh nein!” Florence suddenly thought a horrible thought. She began dreading that her nightmares of the villagers capture had come true. She began searching, running in and around the empty streets, calling the few names she knew.
"Rafael? Elin? Jan?" her heart was pounding and her mouth was watering. She ran down the main road and down the few side streets the village had. She willed with all her might for a woman to come out with her washing basket, a little boy with a pine cone or a man going out to chop the wood. Any indication of the villagers’ safety would do.
Florence ran down every street in the village without seeing a single frescreet. She stumbled, tripping on her own thickening black dread. Certain that she had already failed her task, she sank to the ground. Her vision was blurred, one hot, fat tear rolled down her cheek. With her head in her hands, Florence began crying.
"I could have been here. I could have saved them. I'm so USELESS!" she cried between sobs. The idea of the frescreet’s capture had overridden all her previous thoughts
She could already hear the mourning music. Her mind was anticipating their funeral. She cried even louder, drowning in her tears and guilt. The sound of the solemn hymn grew louder in her head, torturing her. Her mind was dead except for the one thought dancing around her head: I’ve failed them!
She wasn't even sure how it was her fault.
I’ve failed them! I’ve failed them! I’ve failed them! I’ve failed them! I’ve failed them!' it spun round and round in her head.
Her chant and sobbing was interrupted abruptly when the droning music stopped. She sat up. Confused. Was it normal for her imagination to stop imagining things so suddenly?
She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve and stood up, feeling no fear, her tears had drained her of emotions.
"What's going on? Who is it?"
The deathly silence was abruptly broken with the ascending sound of sudden chatter. Small voices all talking at once.
It was coming from the edge of the forest, wafting over on woody winds. Florence instinctively started towards it. The constant chatter getting nearer and louder.
"Oh, scheiße." Florence regained her senses and dived behind a nearby tree trunk. Her heart pounded and her mind raced. Could it be her frescreets' capturers? Could it be people? Could it be...
The tension and anxiety that was climaxing inside Florence washed away all of a sudden when the noise makers showed themselves.
Florence let out a confused gasp as she watched the frescreets all file out of the trees and into the clearing one by one. Their faces shone and they talked merrily. Children ran out yelling, full of energy as usual, the adults followed slowly, happily socialising and chattering enthusiastically.
Florence stumbled out from her hiding place, startling all the frescreets who recognised her and waved as they continued into the village.
Florence ran up to the nearest man who was walking quietly with a pleasant smile on his lips.
"Excuse me, where were you?" she asked lamely. Noticing the confused expression on the man’s face, she added, "Just then, I mean, where were you all?"
"Oh, we were all just saying our weekly prayers." said the man as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. The man hurriedly ran off, shooting Florence strange looks over his shoulder.
Florence hung back, absorbing this pleasant shock. . She had overreacted, all the built up stress and pressure expelled in one giant surge. An overwhelming sense of relief flooded her body, warming her.
"Maybe I haven't condemned them to death just yet." she said quietly to herself. The flow of frescreets eventually thinned before Rafael and the tribe re-entered the clearing.
Rafael spotted Florence standing at the edge of the clearing, staring dumbfounded at his tribe.
"Ah, Florence. Good to see you."
"Hello Herr Rafael." Florence mirrored Rafael's greeting dance as best as she could, failing miserably. "I couldn't find anyone for a while. I thought you had all been captured." Florence said. Rafael heard a tinge of annoyance in her voice and gave her a defensive look.
"So sorry Florence, I didn't think to tell you." Florence replied with a fed-up grunt.
"Well I'm just glad that you're all alright."
"And I'm glad that you have great concern for my tribe. Since Friday, my people have been more relaxed, you know. I think they feel reassured by your protection. I'm expecting big things from you Florence. We shall see you in two days’ time." With that, Rafael hobbled off, his fragile frame leaning on his cane.
Florence blinked. 'Is that it?' she thought. All that stress and worry was for nothing. The tribe was fine and safe. Plus, the leader barely acknowledged her arrival. "Well fine then!" she said and turned on her heels, heading back into the forest.
All the way home she fumed.
"All that effort for a stupid little speech!" Yet, underneath all the annoyance, there was another familiar feeling emerging from Florence's depths, she felt burdened. She kept repeating Rafael's comment to her in her head.
'I'm expecting big things from you Florence.' How was she going to live up to Rafael's expectations when she didn't even know what they were? This role as protector was turning out to be exhausting.
Escapees
30th May 1938
"Hey." Ben pulled his red jumper on over his broad shoulders.
"Oh, hey Ben." Florence and Benjamin walked down the shaded hillside.
"Where were you yesterday? I came but you weren't there." his face was closed, the hurt evident in his voice.
"I'm so sorry Ben, I promise I'll help you tonight." Florence blushed. She had completely forgotten about her promise to help Ben study. Ben screwed his nose up, annoyed.
"Ja, whatever. But where were you? You promised."
"I'm sorry Ben, I was caught up at Frau Walburga's." she lied. "She wouldn't let me leave."
"That's a stupid excuse. You never listen to that woman!" Ben argued. Florence shrugged.
"Whatever. I just don't wanna get fired, like you!"
"Hey!" Ben chased Florence down the mountain side, laughing between pants and puffs. The secret was running around Florence's mouth, prying her lips apart to squeeze out. She bit her tongue.
*
Unfortunately,
Florence was a terrible liar.
But that was just too bad.
There was no other option.
Nobody could know.
*
The birds flitted around merrily while chirping their songs. The trees danced in the gentle breeze and the grass moved in a Mexican wave. The sun shone down and all the while, Florence was stuck inside a stuffy class room. Frau Baasch stood at the front of the room, stiff as a board and eyes sharp, ranting on.
How Florence longed to feel the refreshing touch of water on her skin and to slip into her secret pool down in the forest. She longed to be free of this wretched burden.
Only a few days ago, she had been innocently bathing in the cool centre of the forest, no responsibilities to uphold or any idea of, really, anything. Now she was slowly being eaten up inside. The pressure of this responsibility was eating her alive. A whole extremely endangered and very sacred species depended on her for their survival. 'What a mess this is!' She thought.
The school bell rang, followed by the thundering of footsteps. Florence slowly picked her way out into the bright sunshine, sighing. A hand suddenly grasped Florence by her forearm, and tugged into the bustling crowd. The hand was strong but gentle. She looked at Ben, who grinned back, still holding her arm. He led her into and out the other side of the crowd, escaping the bustle. The pair ran out the school gate and down the road.
"Ben, where on earth are you taking me? Actually, what the heck are you even doing?" Florence yelled. But the boy just grinned and kept running
.
"I have something to show you."
"What is it?"
"A secret." A smile escaped her lips as she chased after Benjamin Seelenfreund, following him, clueless. Florence followed Ben all over that Swiss mountainside, puffing and panting yet content. Neither one of them cared about school just then, the freedom had gone to their heads and they were enjoying it. They had momentarily escaped the wrath of Frau Baasch and that couldn't happen enough. Florence's strawberry blond sheet of hair trailed behind her, waving in their wake. Bright smiles shone from their faces. Their legs carried them along the road, pounding the dirt and sending up puffs of dust. Ben led Florence away, Florence following faithfully. The sun shone warmly through gaps in the trees above, creating golden spotlights on the path. They were alone with the birds.
"Flory, over here." Ben said in between puffs. He led her off the dirt road and into the thick forest. He led Florence in between trees, deeper and deeper into the woods. Ben's red jumper caught on an overhanging branch, causing the wool to snag. Florence's hair became matted, but that was now a familiar thing. The pair picked their way gingerly through the shaded woods, Ben's eyes bright with excitement and Florence's bright with worry. When they had stepped into the trees, her heart had stopped, a thought had taken off. What if Ben had discovered the frescreets? How would she cover that up? The secret would be out and ruined.
'Verdammt!' Florence pushed that worry to the back of her mind, just hoping for the best.
Ben struggled through the woods, fighting to contain his excitement. Would Florence be as excited as he was?
*
Ben was ecstatic.
Thrilled.
Overjoyed.
He had discovered something worthwhile.
His need to give something back to Florence had been driving him mad.
But he had found something perfect.
Something to show his gratitude.
His gratitude for having a friend like Florence,
under the impression that he was unworthy.
He was wrong.
He was always worthy.
But he didn't know that,
and he had a plan.
A boy on a mission.
*
A blind confession
30th May 1938
"Ben, how much further is it exactly?" Florence asked, picking pine needles off her tongue.
"We're almost there." They were heading upwards, the trees slanting with the ground. They were both panting heavily, exhausted. Florence gazed up. It must have been about noon. The sun was directly overhead. All their classmates would be stuck inside, wondering where on earth they were.
Flory and Ben wandered through the woods for a long time. The sun had reached and passed its peak long ago.
Ben stopped abruptly in his tracks.
"Ben, are you alright?" Florence asked.
"Must be this way..." Ben muttered under his breath and he headed off to their left. Florence frowned, but followed. Ben walked a few paces before stopping again.
"Nein, that's not right." He turned again and walked the other way. Florence followed, unsure.
"Nein, nein, this way." Ben turned to the right again. He strode over the forest floor, determination set in his face like a bruise. Florence raised her eyebrows, but still followed. Several hundred metres later, Florence found Ben sitting on a small, moss laden boulder. His head buried in his hands.
"Oh." Florence edged over to him, shocked. His big, brown eyes swum with unshed tears, threatening to spill over.
She sat down gently next to Ben. He barely noticed and just kept looking to the ground.
"Ben?" Florence gingerly touched him on the shoulder but he shrugged her off. "Ben, what's wrong?" she asked, frowning. "It's all right, we can just go home, if you want?" she asked. Ben clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. He shook his head as two small tears squeezed their way out of his scrunched eye lids. "Ben, you can tell me. I want to help."
"NEIN!" Ben shouted, jumping up on two feet. "Why is it, that I can NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" Then his tears really flowed, streaming down his bright cheeks and his neck.
"Ben, please don't say that. It's not tr..."
"Florence, really, shut up. It's true and you know it. No matter how hard I try or what I do, I always seem to mess stuff up!" Ben cried.
"Don't worry about it. Even though we didn't see the thing you wanted to show me, I still had a good time. It didn't fail at all..."
"Nein, you don't understand! It's not just this stupid secret thing. Ever since we became friends, all I've done is get us both into trouble. You have always been the generous and thoughtful friend. You always know what to do and what to say. And I'm sorry that I can never be the friend you deserve to have. The reason I took you here wasn't really just an excuse to get away from Frau Baasch. The reason is that I wanted to do something for you. I had finally found a way to begin making it up to you. I'm sorry." Florence stared at Ben, tears streaming down both of their faces like waterways after rain. Ben cried into his palms, making odd grunting noises. His unkempt dark hair flopped over his forehead, shielding his face. Florence stared at him, tears rolling silently down her reddened cheeks. Her heart plunged down to her feet.
'Why so stupid, Florence?' she thought. 'After all these years, I never noticed that he felt anything like that. Why do you have to be so goddamned stupid?' She sat still, a dumbfounded expression spread thick over her face.
Ben sat, in a sea of tears. Helpless, exposed. His hands fell to his sides, revealing his tear stained cheeks. His shoulders went limp, defeated.
He said he wasn't worth it. He said he didn't deserve Florence. But Florence could see it in his eyes. A longing for her to tell him that he was wrong. For her to prove him wrong. Florence silently rose to her feet. Her eyes shone, determination gleaming. Slowly, Florence walked forwards. Her feet fell upon the forest floor gently, making no sound. Florence approached Ben, slipping her hand into his. Their wet fingers interlocked. Ben looked up. Florence looked into her best friend's eyes. A small, encouraging smile formed upon her lips. She led Ben, hand in hand, out of the clearing. Their footsteps sounded in unison, falling on the damp forest floor.
"You know Ben, I think you're crazy. That was the worst scheiße I've ever heard. And, you know what?"
"What?"
"Not a single word of it was true. Never say that about yourself, Ben. The most evil and wicked, uh, ant, shouldn't say that about themselves. Let alone you. Trust me, dummkopf, if I thought all of that about you, I doubt we would even be here together. You must be doing alright."
They walked on in silence for a while, reaching the road and trudging back to school.
"Florence?"
"Mmm?"
"Why the heck an evil and wicked ant?"
Suspicious glances
6th June 1938
"Good morning Florence Mele." Ben jogged down to his front gate.
"Hello Benjamin Seelenfreund." A warm smile spread over Ben's face, wrinkles forming in the corners of his eyes.
Ever since they had returned from the forest a few days ago, Ben had quickly returned to who he used to be. Only when Ben had made this dramatic change in spirit did Florence realise just how bad it had been before. She couldn't believe that his gradual decline in happiness has gone unnoticed. She was ashamed, to say the very least.
Over the past two months, Florence had frequently visited the frescreet tribe. Each time, they were there to greet her, waiting patiently for her arrival. There were no more mistakes after the ‘disappeared frescreets’ incident. By now Florence had learned the path by heart. She had trampled through the same area of forest so many times, yet she left no path. She would stay true to Rafael's rules.
"Come on Flory! Hurry up or I'll leave you behind!" Ben called over his shoulder as he began walking the descent to their little school.
*
"Do either of you wanna come with me? I'm going looking for mushrooms soon." Benjam
in asked Florence and Greta as they wearily left the school gates.
"Sorry Ben, I have to visit the fresc, I mean, help my brother." Florence cringed. 'Too close!' she screamed silently. Ben shot her a look, his brow furrowed curiously.
"Sure, I'd love to come Ben." Greta broke the silence, leaving Flory's heart fluttering.
"Okay, see you tomorrow." Florence turned on her heals hastily, hoping Ben would forget about it. Once out of sight, she slipped behind a shaded tree trunk. She peered down at her friends who were walking away, Greta appeared to be lost in conversation. Ben glanced over his shoulder, up the hill towards Florence. His expression was riddled with confusion. Florence slipped out from behind her tree and trudged up the hill, filled with guilt. How she longed to not have to lie to Ben all the time. The shame was eating her alive.
Florence pushed open her front gate, the wood was rotting in the corner. Her father was in the kitchen with his pipe. Smoke filled the room, making Florence cough as she entered the front door.
"Hello Flory."
"Hello." she spluttered in between coughing fits. Florence ducked out the back door, gasping for breath. She hated it when her father smoked, but this time, she was grateful. It was a handy excuse to leave.
Florence ducked into the tree line of the forest. The whole way down to the village, Florence couldn't get Ben's face out of her head. His look of suspicion was burned into her brain like a photo. How long would it be before he finds out her secret? How long could she keep it to herself?
Florence arrived at her former 'secret' pool. She walked straight past it, not tempting herself. She picked her way through the maze of branches and leaves, having now mastered the art of getting through unscathed. As usual, she was greeted in the clearing by the wizened leader, Rafael. He was as hunched as ever, his beard thin and wispy. Florence would catch rays of sunlight hitting his face and she could see the knowledge in his glassy eyes.
"Hello Florence. How are you, mein liebling?" asked the ancient frescreet.
"Well. Uh, not great, really. I don't know about you frescreets, but humans aren’t made to lie. It's goddamned hard, really." she said bitterly.
"Well Florence, I'm very sorry to hear that. But, I'm even sorrier to say that I can't do much to help that. As you well know Florence, the existence of our species is riding on your shoulders. If you do happen to let our secret slip, we shall be finished."