“You’re a gem, Denley. Have I told you?”
He smiled a little and inclined his head modestly. Niki left him to his book, circling around the house and going in the front door. She had no more stepped inside then Juliana snagged her.
A hand to her arm, Juliana said, “We’ll just head into this small, sunlit parlor right here and have a little talk.”
“All right,” Niki agreed with a laugh, wondering at her hostess’ singsong voice.
“Sit down,” Juliana commanded after she’d shut them inside.
Niki did so and noticed that her friend took a chair that put them very close together. Juliana leaned toward her in a conspiratorial manner.
“All right, it’s just the two of us now. Tell me about this man.”
Juliana felt an alarm when Niki didn’t laugh, make light of it, or try to change the subject.
“What do you want to know?”
“Tell me his name again.”
“Edward Steele.”
“And where is he from?”
“You mean specifically where in England? I don’t know. I was willing to say so little that I never felt I could ask.”
“But he did stay here in England? He disembarked from the ship and remained here?”
“Yes, he’s English.”
“How old is he?”
“I would guess mid to late twenties.”
“Good-looking?”
“Very.”
“Dark or light?”
“Medium brown hair, and very tan.”
“Why had he been in Africa?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why did he help you?”
“I think because he told Denley he would.”
This gave Juliana pause. It was almost impossible to get a clear picture when Niki knew so little, but this man could not be ignored. Niki’s entire face changed when she spoke of him. She simply must know more.
“What if he’s married?” Juliana questioned, asking the next thing that came to mind.
“Well, he did nothing improper, so he has nothing to be ashamed of.”
“But that doesn’t help you.”
Niki smiled at her in understanding.
“I know little beyond his name, Jules, and I certainly told him next to nothing about myself. I highly doubt I will ever see him again.”
“But you’d like to, wouldn’t you?”
“I wouldn’t mind, but not every man wants a ready-made family, and of course he knows nothing of the boys.”
Juliana sat back, clearly working out a plan. Niki laughed at her.
“This is not funny!” Juliana declared. “You meet a man who makes you laugh and smile for the first time since Louis died, and we have no way to find him or even know if he’s available. It’s just too wretched!”
Niki only shook her head. “Wretched or not, it’s a subject we have to drop for the moment.”
“Why?”
“Christmas is a week from tomorrow. What do we have planned?”
“Were you able to shop?”
“A little. How about you?”
“Yes. Let’s sneak up to my room right now, and I’ll show you what I found.”
The women did not need to sneak about. Gar was still fishing with the boys, who were probably getting cold but also having too much fun to care.
Indeed the women had more than an hour to make plans before the threesome arrived, all looking for hot drinks, the boys not seeming the least bit suspicious that Christmas had been the main topic while they were fishing.
Chapter Nine
Niki slept in her own room this night. She had gone in with the boys at bedtime, joined them in their bed, and talked to them until they fell asleep, but she then moved to the next room for her own rest.
The house grew quiet. It was a cold night, and her blankets were warm, but sleep was eluding her. Niki saw the piece of paper that Edward had given her on the table by her bed. She reached for it and, the lantern still burning low, moved into better light to read. For long minutes she just studied his handwriting. She liked the way he wrote his d’s, and then realized he had two of them in his name, giving him years to perfect that letter.
A verse from Proverbs suddenly caught her eyes. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Niki knew she had not done this. Indeed she had rarely acknowledged God before choosing a path, unable to feel she had a choice.
And what of now? How will I know what do to? How does one know Your will for one’s path?
Niki thought about God and the things Edward had said to her. She felt she knew God, but not as Edward did. And what of her boys? Did she not want better for them? She didn’t think they had ever questioned her about God or the existence of a higher being. Why would they? The Lawtons never went to church, and Niki hadn’t attended since she’d been on the move. The boys had no exposure in that area.
Niki glanced at the paper again, and this time her thoughts went to Edward. She liked that he was taller than she was. She liked that his hands were large and well cared for. His teasing eyes came to mind, and Niki felt her heart squeeze a bit.
I find a man I’m attracted to and what do I look like? A snobbish male aristocrat and then a servant!
Working not to think about it, Niki blew the lantern out. She made herself lie still and willed sleep to claim her. For all she knew, Edward Steele was married. If that was the case, she had no business having such warm thoughts about a married man.
The five of them were on an outing. Gar led the way, the boys behind him, with Juliana and Niki bringing up the rear. They were going to find a Christmas tree.
“I think it should be a Christopher tree,” that little boy stated innocently.
Gar and Juliana laughed, but Niki flinched a little. Did he really know so little of the season?
“Hurry, Mama,” Richard called out to her as they darted off the path into an area that looked promising.
Niki plunged ahead, her mind on Gar Lawton. He was unlike any gentleman she’d ever known. It never occurred to him to have a servant come along to cut the tree they chose. Such an adventure was only enjoyed to the fullest if one did all the work oneself. And of course, the boys went along. They had lived with the Lawtons for the last three years of their lives and thought the sun only rose in the sky when Gar got out of bed in the morning.
Niki knew that he and Juliana loved the boys like their own, but was their influence the best for their impressionable little hearts? And what of her responsibility? She knew very well that Gar and Juliana were not the ones who would have to answer for how the boys were raised. As their mother, the job and duty were squarely in her lap.
“What have we here?” Gar suddenly asked, and Niki thought he’d found the perfect tree. Bringing up the rear, she was the last to see that they’d gathered near a bush.
“See the nest,” he said to the boys, and Niki tried not to feel like an extra. Would she ever spot such special little things, or would she always be looking in the bushes for the men who followed her, anxious to keep her sons safe?
“What bird lived here?” Richard asked.
“I think it looks like an old robin’s nest,” Juliana replied, giving her opinion.
“Where are the birds now?” Christopher wanted to know, looking around a bit.
Gar discussed it with the boys, and Niki, unable to miss the fact that her sons’ full attention was on Gar, listened along with them. When they moved on, Niki joined them, but her thoughts were in a very different place.
In only the last few days she had begun processing thoughts through new channels. Things that had been before her all along now took on a new and clearer meaning. She knew the boys would miss her if she went away again, and even though they always welcomed her back with great love and affection, she also knew that their world was complete without her. A part of her was relieved by this, but another part
was horribly grieved.
And had she really accomplished her purpose? Her husband’s mother had been intent on keeping the boys and raising them herself. Mrs Bettencourt was even willing to have Niki out of the picture completely, offering her any amount of money to travel and live her own life. When Niki had realized the plan, she’d done everything in her power to stop her. But hadn’t the elder Mrs Bettencourt still accomplished her purpose, at least in some way? She wasn’t raising the boys, but Niki wasn’t with them either.
The thought so distressed Niki that when a tree was found, it barely registered in her mind. Gar began to cut it, keeping the boys well back. Finally Juliana’s voice got through.
“I’m freezing, Edgar,” she said in a no-nonsense voice. “As soon as this tree is cut, I’m headed back to the house.”
“All right, love.” He glanced at his wife, Niki now beside her. “Niki looks cold too. Take her with you.”
Niki smiled at him, mentally agreeing. She was cold, but it went far deeper than the sensation on her skin. When Juliana turned for the house, Niki gladly accompanied her, but long after they were wrapped in quilts by the fire, hot cups of tea in hand, Niki was still cold.
“Look, Mama!” Richard called to his mother when he heard her come across the roof. “Uncle Gar found the Little Dipper!”
“May I look?” Niki asked, smiling at him in delight.
“Here you go.” Gar stepped out of her way. “Have a seat.”
Niki gasped with delight when she took the offered chair and put her eye to the scope. It was an amazing view of the Little Dipper in a crystal clear sky on this cloudless night.
“We can’t let a clear night like this pass, can we, boys?”
“No,” they both agreed.
Niki took a little more time and then stood up.
“That was fabulous,” she said sincerely. “I’m so glad I came up.”
The boys took some moments telling her what else they’d seen, their voices filled with the excitement they felt.
“Are you both warm enough?” she asked them when she could get a word in. She was already a little chilled in her light coat.
“We’re warm.”
“I’m warm.”
They answered in their own way.
“We’ll not be much longer,” Gar promised the young mother. “And we’ll find you as soon as we come indoors.”
“Thank you,” Niki said, even as she thought about the way he reassured her. Had she sounded tense? Had she hovered and made him think she was worried?
“How are they doing?” Juliana asked when Niki joined her in the small sitting room. The fire was delightfully warm, and Niki sat near, pulling a large coverlet over her. Denley suddenly appeared to offer her hot tea, which she gratefully accepted.
“They are having a marvelous time. I was even able to see the Little Dipper.”
Juliana perked up over this.
“I haven’t seen the Little Dipper in ages. Maybe I’ll head up.”
“Go, by all means.”
Not at all sorry about being left to herself, Niki stared into the fire and thought about life with the boys. She wasn’t worried about being on her own with them. They never ran out of things to do or talk about. The fear was over being found out and having nowhere to hide and protect them.
Before her thoughts could roam much further, the family came back inside. The boys made a beeline for their mother, their cold little persons climbing onto her and trying to get beneath the coverlet.
“Snuggle close,” she encouraged them. “We’ll get warm together.”
“Mama,” Richard was the first to speak. “We want to sleep on the roof some night.”
“Not yet,” Christopher put in, “but when it’s warmer outside.”
“That sounds very interesting. Who had that great idea?”
“I did,” Richard told her. “And Chris liked it too, and so did Uncle Gar.”
“Am I to join this adventure?”
“You can’t,” Richard said plainly. “You’ll get cold.”
“What’s to keep you from getting cold?”
“We’ll sleep next to Gar.”
Not until that moment did Niki realize that the Lawtons were very quiet. She looked across at them where they shared the roomy davenport and found them smiling at her.
She shook her head at Gar’s mischievous grin and listened again to what the boys were saying. An hour passed before she told them it was bedtime. Waiting until they’d kissed Juliana and Gar, Niki sent them on their way.
“We need to talk,” she told them both, her voice firm. “If you’re going to bed, that’s fine. I’ll just come to your room.” She stopped and looked at them, her eyes saying she was quite serious. “Nevertheless, I’ll check here first.”
Gar and Juliana shared a look as she left, neither one even thinking about moving from that spot.
“Are you leaving?” Richard asked as he watched his mother fold his small shirt and lay it on the dresser.
Niki looked at him.
“No, Rich, why do you ask?”
“We heard you tell Gar and Juliana that you wanted to talk.”
“And I do.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “But not about my going away. I don’t plan to leave you boys again.”
“But sometimes things change,” Richard put in.
“Yes, they do.” Niki knew she had to be honest. “But this time I’m not going to leave without you.”
Both boys looked at her.
“What are you thinking?” Niki asked, but they couldn’t answer her. Richard said nothing, and Christopher only shrugged. Niki read their faces and could find no distress, so she kissed them goodnight and made her way back downstairs. Gar and Juliana were as she’d left them.
“Are they all tucked in?”
“Yes. They asked if I was leaving them again.”
“Are you?” Juliana asked.
“No. They heard me tell you I wanted to talk and made assumptions.” Niki didn’t keep speaking, but her friends waited. “I guess I shouldn’t have said that we need to talk,” she continued, her voice calm and even. “It’s you two who need to talk.”
“Why is that?” This came from Juliana.
“Because I can tell that you’re bothered about something, and I wish to know what it is.”
Juliana looked to her husband, but he was still staring at Niki.
“Jules knows nothing of this,” Gar began. “That is to say, I haven’t discussed my realizations with her, but I’ve had some thoughts just since you arrived back. I did plan to ask you about them.”
“Is there any reason you can’t do that now?” Niki wished to know.
“The only reason that comes to mind is that I haven’t figured out a way to ask gently, and I have no wish to be harsh.”
Niki didn’t expect this, but neither was she going to run from it.
“I don’t bruise that easily, Gar. You may state what’s on your mind.”
“So be it,” he said, still aware of the way his wife watched him. “It’s just occurred to me that old Mrs Bettencourt has gotten her way. I mean, she hasn’t had control over the boys as she wished, but neither have you been able to be with them. And I think that is a crime.”
Niki smiled. “Only just today I had that same thought. I’m glad you had it too, Gar, because I’m standing by my decision not to be separated from them again. I said that to you my first morning back, but I didn’t know if you took me seriously, so I’ll say it again: If I feel a need to leave here, I’ll take the boys with me. I know that no one’s heart will go unaffected, but I feel it’s what I must do.”
Juliana’s hand came to her mouth. Covering his own hurt, Gar reached for her.
“Please don’t cry, Jules,” he begged.
“I can’t stand the thought of not seeing them.”
“We will see them,” Gar stated confidently. “We’ll either go to them or have Niki and the boys back here or wherever we live.” Gar shifted so he c
ould look into her eyes. “Don’t let it make you sad.”
Niki ached for the tenderness of a man in her life. Gar looked at Juliana as though she were priceless to him. He was a bit older than she was and had never believed he would find love. When he’d spotted Juliana, he’d lost his heart completely. The only thing missing had been children. They’d never been able to have any. Niki’s children had filled that empty place. She could only imagine how painful it would be to take the boys away.
“I’m sorry, Niki,” Juliana apologized, trying to control herself.
“It’s all right, Jules. Think of how I must feel every time that coach takes Denley and me away.”
Her friend nodded in real sympathy.
“So what does this look like right now?” Gar asked the only question on his mind. “Are you and the boys leaving soon?”
“I’m not planning on that. Hopefully we won’t need to move for some time, but it has occurred to me that come spring we might need to relocate for a while. That isn’t to say we won’t be back, but it might be for the best.
“One of these days I’ll have to put them in school, and that will certainly limit where we can be, but for now, we might need to keep moving to be safe.”
The Lawtons understood. They always knew it would come to this but had not been able to imagine the actual event.
“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” Niki asked, suddenly filled with doubts.
“Yes.” Juliana surprised her by being the one to answer. “The boys need you. We can’t tell them about their father, and much as we love them, you are their mother. If you were not able to care for them, it would be a different story. I wish with all my heart that they could stay forever, but you’re their mother.”
Gar was nodding to all of this, and Niki’s heart knew no end of relief.
“Will you give us some warning?” he suddenly requested.
“Certainly, and I don’t believe it will be any time soon. I want to relax and enjoy Christmas, and beyond that, this last trip drained me. I feel worn out, my brain sluggish. Unless we’re spotted, I don’t plan to move for several months.”
Details as to where and how had not been worked out, but it didn’t matter. The Lawtons knew of her plans and would support her. For the moment, she couldn’t ask for anything more.