* * *
From nowhere the pain returned. It was immediate and overwhelming, as though every nerve in my body had suddenly been switched on and overloaded. My heart was beating wildly, thumping my chest as though it was about to explode. My limbs – once forgotten – now thrashed outwards, muscles twitching in spasm.
What was happening? Was this what it felt like to die?
Every part of my body had simultaneously decided to come alive and fight…then my eyes opened. At first I saw nothing: my vision was grainy – black and white – and the images I picked out appeared far away, as though I was staring down a long tunnel at them. There was nothing familiar to focus on and much of my sight was filled by darkness. As I looked, only a small circle in the middle became clear.
There was a figure close to me. As I was absorbing this information, I realised that I could feel their weight on my body: they were holding my limbs down as I jerked. Long hair covered the face of the mystery person, but I recognised the dark suit she was wearing: it was a Medic. With my muscles bursting beneath my skin, I was already close to knocking her off me. As consciousness returned, I wondered if maybe I could try and push her off completely…perhaps she would be weaker than the men.
With some effort I concentrated on my arms. It was difficult to focus and none of my limbs responded the way I expected, despite their obvious energy. Just as I was about to try and throw her off, the woman turned and I saw her face.
“Cassie?” Her name crossed my lips before I could stop myself.
Was this another dream, or had I been right before: I was dying…?
She couldn’t really be here, could she? The last scraps of reason in my head told me that seeing Cassie was impossible. Everything else told me that this was more real than any of the previous delusions I’d dragged from my memory. The weight of Cassie’s body pressed gently onto mine, I felt warmth through our clothes as she held me, and when she turned as I spoke, I saw her eyes: alive and bright as ever.
Before Cassie could disappear again, I gripped onto her tightly, pulling her to me as I tried to sit up. Closing my eyes I buried my face in her hair and inhaled the familiar scent. “I don’t believe you’re here…tell me this is real,” I whispered into her neck, my throat burning from speaking. Perhaps this really was death: only the best things left, none of the pain…but it felt so normal as well, Cassie’s body moulded to mine just as it always did. “This feels real, please tell me it’s real this time?”
The illusion in my arms squeezed me back. “I’m here…this is real,” she whispered, sealing her words with a kiss. Placing her hands against my face, she drew me closer. She was here.
Words poured out, confused and muddled without me thinking about them. “They were looking for you – wanted me to tell them – but I didn’t…I think I managed to hide my thoughts, even when they – ” I choked to a stop when my words suddenly dried up. Then silent sobs began rocking me, as I remained locked inside Cassie’s arms.
Forcing my eyes open, blinking away the waterless tears I tried to get control of myself. And that’s when I saw him: one of them standing just a few feet away from us, his eyes fixed on Cassie.
“NO!” I screamed, pushing her away from me, trying to put myself between them. My co-ordination was off and Cassie fell awkwardly to the floor, but I managed to get in the middle all the same. Hatred and rage fuelled me, dispelling the lingering exhaustion. My vision was still distorted, but it was good enough to provide me with a target, and so I lunged.
“NO, BALIK!”
Cassie shouted from the floor and I felt her move to stop me. I thought I was fast enough, but at the last second she grabbed my arm and yanked me back. My first thought was that she was trying to protect me, then I registered the expression on her face: she trusted this creature.
“No, not you…” I shook my head, trying to dispel the thought that Cassie was one of them. A long time ago I had wondered if she was part of space station system, but I’d convinced myself that wasn’t true… Had I been wrong?
“I’m fine Balik – I’m me!” She cried, her hand gripping mine tightly and pulling me to face her. “The man – he’s not what you think – ”
“He’s one of them!”
“Yes,” she agreed, “but he’s helping us.”
Helping us? That was impossible. Whatever stimulant had been in my system was fading fast and I just couldn’t connect my thoughts with any coherence. I looked from Cassie to the man and back, registering only that he looked familiar, before confusion set in.
“I can’t explain now,” Cassie urged, drawing me back to her to and taking hold of my other hand. “But you have to believe me, because others are coming! We have no time.”
I was drifting, even as I fought against the draw of the darkness. Blinking rapidly I tried to shove away the fatigue that was gripping me. Cassie was still talking to the man. I watched them without seeing, letting the words wash over me – fuzzy and indistinct sounds – not absorbing what they were saying.
“How do we get out of here?”
“I can put you in a Disposal Unit.”
There was warmth on my cheek, turning my head. I opened my eyes – not realising that they had closed – and found Cassie’s face close to mine.
“How much pain are you in?” she asked.
“Not much,” I lied. It would have been easier to list what wasn’t hurting.
The man reappeared at Cassie’s shoulder and I pulled away, not wanting to be near him. “You might need these,” he said, holding out a tray towards Cassie. When she let go of me with one hand to take it, he touched her arm, turning her towards a door at the back of the room. “We need to go now.”
Resting heavily on Cassie, she half-dragged, half-carried me from the room. My eyes closed repeatedly, and I found it would be a while before I actually realised they were shut and forced them open again. It was obvious, even to me, that I was fading fast.
“Who…?” I mumbled, trying to speak around the fur that lined my mouth and choked my words into silence. I swallowed and tried again.
“Why’s ‘e ‘elping us?” I slurred, leaning close to Cassie’s ear.
“Later,” she promised, lifting my arm higher on her shoulder and pulling me onwards.
My limbs remained limp and I swayed with each step, like a walking piece of rubber. Every movement brought pain, but amidst that something triggered the muscle memory of putting one foot in front of the other in order to walk. I blinked slowly and each time the world swam around me in hazy ripples, light then dark.
The rooms we passed through made no impression on me. Perhaps my eyes were closed and I only registered the change of location because I knew I was walking…
My knees hit the ground. Hard. I collapsed onto my side with a groan, then Cassie’s arms closed around me and she dragged me to my feet. There was a soft whooshing noise and I felt air move in front of my face. A new room, I guessed fuzzily. Opening my eyes, I saw a white space and the outline of a chair. Cassie eased me forwards and I took the last few steps alone, dropping heavily into the seat and automatically pulling the restraint across my waist, locking it into place. How my fingers found the lock when I could barely feel them was a miracle.
I heard Cassie and the man talking once more, but none of the words registered at all. There was some movement behind me: clunks and shuffling as something was moved around. It was just noise. My head throbbed at the smallest movement and in an effort to keep it attached to my body I leaned forward and rested it on my chest. All I want to do is lie down and…and…