The Rats, the Bats, & the Ugly
Eric Flint and
Dave Freer
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2004 by Eric Flint & Dave Freer
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
A Baen Books Original
Baen Publishing Enterprises
P.O. Box 1403
Riverdale, NY 10471
www.baen.com
ISBN: 0-7434-8846-6
Cover art by Bob Eggleton
First printing, September 2004
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Flint, Eric.
The rats, the bats & the ugly / Eric Flint, Dave Freer.
p. cm.
"A Baen Books original"—T.p. verso.
ISBN 0-7434-8846-6
1. Human-animal relationships—Fiction. 2. Space colonies—Fiction. I. Title: Rats, the bats, and the ugly. II. Freer, Dave. III. Title.
PS3556.L548R38 2004
813'.54—dc22
2004014347
Distributed by Simon & Schuster
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Production by Windhaven Press, Auburn, NH (www.windhaven.com)
Printed in the United States of America
BAEN BOOKS by Eric Flint & Dave Freer
Rats, Bats, and Vats
The Rats, the Vats, & the Ugly
Pyramid Scheme
The Shadow of the Lion (with Mercedes Lackey)
This Rough Magic (with Mercedes Lackey)
The Wizard of Karres (with Mercedes Lackey)
Baen Books by Eric Flint
Ring of Fire series:
1632 by Eric Flint
1633 by Eric Flint & David Weber
Ring of Fire edited by Eric Flint
1634: The Galileo Affair by Eric Flint & Andrew Dennis
Joe's World series:
The Philosophical Strangler
Forward the Mage (with Richard Roach)
Mother of Demons
Crown of Slaves (with David Weber)
The Course of Empire (with K.D. Wentworth)
The Warmasters (with David Weber & David Drake)
The Bellisarius series, with David Drake:
An Oblique Approach
In the Heart of Darkness
Destiny's Shield
Fortune's Stroke
The Tide of Victory
The General series, with David Drake:
The Tyrant
BAEN BOOKS by DAVE FREER
The Forlorn
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Hominidae
Chip: A vat-grown conscript. A thing of rags and tatters.
Ginny: A damsel of high degree-o.
Fitz: The very model of a modern Major.
Van Klomp: A large parachute officer.
Sanjay Devi: Hecate.
John Needford: A schemer, well-dressed.
Len Liepsich: A schemer, hitching up his pants.
Mike Capra: A legal beagle.
Ogata: A legal eagle.
Talbot Cartup: A villain in the first degree.
General Cartup-Kreutzler: His brother-in-law; and accomplice.
Tana Gainor: the original asp in Cleopatra's bosom; with bosom.
Rattae
Fal: Great of stomach and small of martial vigor.
Doll: A rattess of considerably negotiable virtue.
Melene: A rat damsel of acumen and a very attractive tail.
Pistol: One-eyed rat-at-arms.
Nym: A veritable giant among rats; with a mechanical bent.
Doc: Rat philosopher and medic.
Ariel: A rattess of fell repute; and always with Fitz.
Pooh-Bah: A rat of many parts.
Battae
Bronstein: She-bat who must be obeyed.
O'Niel: A somewhat plump bat, fond of drink.
Eamon: A large and dangerous bat.
Et Alia
Fluff: Alias Kong
Yetteth: Jampad; a prisoner on the Korozhet ship.
Darleth: Jampad; head of the Ratafia
Various Korozhet villains.
And a large supporting cast, numbering in millions for the greatest production off Earth!
Prologue
The planet Harmony and Reason, a human colony;
a starship, both vast and alien, in the middle of
George Bernard Shaw City, the colony's capital.
At center stage: five Korozhet conspirators,
all members of the inner-high,
in their adjoining waterbaths.
"The un-implanted human, the one that was reported to the spawnship as being involved in this disaster, must certainly die—and as soon as possible. He will have seen too much when he rescued the juvenile Shaw creature."
So spoke the Ruling Five-high, with the certainty that always characterized her while in female form.
The Purple Seventh-instar clattered its spines in vigorous agreement. "While he is a low-status creature, we cannot overestimate the importance of this human's immediate death. It was from just such neglect that the campaign against the Jampad suffered. Serious steps must be taken with the human military. Fortunately, we have virtually complete control of their command structure. We will of course not be betrayed by the implanted human or the uplifted creatures. Nonetheless, I agree it is wise to have the implanted human taken into custody as their social structure makes her death undesirable. Difficult, for a certainty."
"Do you think that this 'Cartup' will understand the implications of the device he has been provided with for securing her compliance?" asked the High Five-spike. "There are certain inherent dangers involved. We do not want the trigger phrases to be discovered."
"The calculators indicate a very low probability. He is unaware that the device would affect anyone except this 'Virginia Shaw.' He is quite unaware of what it actually does. It contains the standard self-destruct booby traps, after all."
* * *
In the diffuse green light, cringing figures moved hastily between the spiky shadows reclining in their waterbaths. The slaves were careful not to make any noise that might disturb their masters. To do so was to invite certain pain, if not death, and even the most wretched slaves still clung to life. The air was full of hissing sighs. The squat, blue-furred, four-armed slave carrying the bucket of live baby Nerba, the master species' favorite snack, almost gagged at the thickness of the naphthalene reek.
"Still. One of the Overphyle is dead at the hands of a human. We cannot allow subject races to think that this is even possible—let alone something that will go unpunished. Is there any chance that word could spread back among the Magh' nests or the human hives?"
The Nerba-carrier did not allow the faintest change in his posture or manner to betray his pleasure. The implant in his head said that the death of one of the Overphyle was an awful thing—but the Nerba-carrier's hatred of the Overphyle, and all their works, was almost as intrinsic to him as the programming not to attack a Korozhet was in his implanted soft-cyber chip.
He walked closer to one of the inner-high, and placed the Nerba cub on the floor. The soft-furred little creature creeled weakly and hungrily. A dart hissed out of one of the Korozhet killing spines, and impaled it. The little thing screamed as the neurotoxins were pumped into it. The Purple Seventh-instar heaved itself out of the bath, humped over the prey, and began to evert its stomach into the snack. Nerba died slowly, and this one was still pleading weakly as the digestive enzymes liquefied its flesh.
&n
bsp; Controlling his revulsion, the slave walked on to the next inner-high of the Pentarch. This one was speaking, so he waited, respectfully. "They are still putative subjects. I hold, despite their dexterity, that these humans will make poor slaves."
The Purple Seventh-instar that was busy feeding clattered its spines again. "Those we have captured and implanted have proved more than adequate."
"But their ability to resist our Magh' client-species is better than predicted. And if the confused reports coming from their media are to be believed, there is a possibility that our plans and works might be uncovered."
As always, that being its principal function, the High Five-spike was the voice of caution. The Ruling Five-high shifted in her waterbath.
"It is a low probability, considering the level of influence we have on their leadership structure. But nonetheless we must send in a clean-up squad. And perhaps step up supplies of materiel from the spawnship to our client-species. See that the Magh' are contacted on the closed beam, and given such information as the clean-up team can gather. As a final alternative there is always direct action. We have a large slave army, potentially, at our disposal."
The youngest of the inner-high flicked his spines in respectful assent. The slave had learned to read the clatters as clearly and easily as the soft-cyber implant had taught him the Overphyle's speech. The youngest of the inner-high was still diffident in his suggestions. He was only a sixth instar, after all. "Perhaps some chemical agents, Highest? And some more sophisticated delivery mechanisms, for the client-species?"
"Yes. And bring my snack, slave. Before I dine on you."
The slave did. Then moved cautiously away, as hastily as he dared. He was just in earshot when he heard one of them say something that made him nearly drop his bucket. "Do you think that there is any substance in the report that a Jampad was freed in this debacle?"
The slave desperately wanted to stay and listen. But he dared not. There were slaves of some seven different species on this ship. But he was the only one of his kind, and he had not believed there could be others, so many light-years from home. Had one of his people succeeded in breaking free?
Elsewhere in George Bernard Shaw City,
in a space more cavernous but no less dark.
At center stage: other conspirators.
The third of the plotters, as usual, arrived late for the meeting.
"Where the hell have you been?" demanded one of those already there. "How can somebody with a reputation for being a genius not read a clock? You know—those gadgets that have two hands, one long, one short."
"Save that tone for those who intimidate easily. You ought to know by now it's wasted on me. Besides, I've been productively occupied."
The conspirators, from long years working together, knew each other's tastes. One of them smiled evilly at the tardy one. "Killing swine, eh?"
"Not yet. Just sharpening the blades."
* * *
When the meeting was over, the old tastes resurfaced.
"When shall we three meet again?"
The other two laughed. "When the hurlyburly's done, of course," chuckled one of them.
"And the battle's lost and won," added the other, in a grimmer tone of voice. "Assuming you don't show up late again."
Chapter 1
The colony world of Harmony and Reason.
Enter a military vehicle, returning from the front.
Its motley inhabitants, each in their own fashion,
celebrating the first victory of humankind and
its allies against the alien Magh' invaders.
"Hic!"
Private Chip Connolly looked up into the terrifying upside-down gargoyle-face. The long white canine teeth gleamed against the twisted, folded blackness of that face. The batwings briefly unfolded, as the jeep hit some severe corrugations.
"Hic!" said the plump bat again, dangling from the metal struts that held the canvas cover.
"Why are you making that funny noise, O'Niel?" asked Virginia, snuggling into Chip and blinking myopically at the bat.
The bat blinked back at her. "Why Ginny, 'tis traditional when you're drunk as drunk can be. And it is feeling I am as if the drunk is turning into a hangover, indade. So in the interest o' prolonging the drunk, I'm after stickin' to the tradition."
Chip grinned. There was something reassuring about the fact that after all they'd been through, the bats still stuck to their phony Irish accent, right down to the detail of saying "indade" instead of "indeed."
"The normal method," he explained considerately, "is to drink some more." Bats were new to strong drink. It was only in the interests of trans-species friendship that they'd ventured on it at all.
The cyber-uplifted bat's genome had been spliced heavily with the leaf-nosed Rhinolophidae. It wasn't possible for the evil black crinkled face to turn pale. But the bat shuddered. "Indade . . . no. I . . . I couldn't, Chip." Somehow the voice managed to carry the very essence of a green pallor.
A long nose twitched up from underneath the seat. It was the front part of a ratlike creature the size of a small Siamese cat, which, with a stoatlike lithe sinuosity flowed up onto the seat. The ratty thing had an eye-patch, a bottle of grog and a suitably piratical expression to go with these accouterments. He waved the bottle at O'Niel in a friendly fashion. "Here, you fat swasher, take some sack."
The bat shuddered, shook his head so vigorously that his large ears flapped. By the pained grimace that followed, he plainly regretted that action. "No . . ." he said, weakly.
The elephant shrew wrinkled its long nose, and with a red-toothed snigger waved the bottle under the bat's nose. "I'faith, methinks 'tis a fine brew, and here we are back on wheels. 'Twas the best way to travel you said. You had to choose between drinking and flying, and, as you had a vehicle, you gave up the flying."
"To be sure, I am fond o' vehicles, Pistol," said the bat. He looked disdainfully at the truck. "Though, indade, this one is no patch on a foine noble beastie loike the tractor, but I'm after wondering if they can arrest the motion o' this one for a while. 'Tis vilely ill I think I am about to be." O'Niel descended in a sprawl of wings onto the seat.
Pistol winked at Chip and Virginia. "I will not say 'greasy egg,' O'Niel—or what of a fine fatty slab of cold Maggot?"
Chip was always amazed at the range of expression that the soft-cyber-uplifted creatures could coax out of their voice-synthesizers. Rats didn't have a lot of spare sympathy for anyone at the best of times, and, on the subject of hangovers, even less. But O'Niel, who could normally give as good as he got, looked distinctly unwell. Best keep the peace . . .
Before he could intervene, however, the bat lurched erect and launched for the open back of the truck. He didn't quite make it and landed clumsily on the last seat, retching.
A gargantuan ear-shattering bellow of outrage erupted. "Santa Maria, San' Marco . . . San' Cristophoro . . . you conjoneless flying mouse! Watch where you are up-a-bringing!"
The owner of the vast voice stood up and shook a furious fist at the hapless bat. The creature was considerably smaller than his voice—and smaller than the bat. Except for his tail, the little lemurlike galago would have fitted into a soup mug. He wore the remains of a frogged red velvet waistcoat, and made up for his size with volume and attitude.
The huge-eyed miniature primate-caballero twitched his tail angrily. Flicked at a spot on his waistcoat. "My honor she is impinged upon! To say nothing of my precious waistcoat! I challenge you, you . . . fledermaus. I demand a duel!"
"Name your seconds, sir!" he bellowed at the hapless bat. The bat was at least twice the soft-furred galago's size, but was certainly in no condition to respond.
O'Niel groaned and clung to the tailgate of the truck with his wing claws. "If it is killing me you wish, Don Fluff, could you not be after doin' it quietly? It's something of the headache I have."
"Indade. Will you all be shutting up?" demanded another sleeper, in the Irish accent of the bat-voice synthesizers.
Then the vehicle veered wildly. It overcorrected and skidded, tossing them all about. With a squeal of brakes, it bounced, nearly rolled. Righted . . . and then came to a stop at about a forty-five degree angle.
Chip picked himself up off the floor, off Ginny. She was smiling worriedly up at him. "Is your arm all right?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he said, feeling at the laser wound on his shoulder. The infantry doctor had said it should recover more easily than a knife wound would have. "Everybody else okay?"
The bats had taken to the wing when the crash occurred. They were all fine. The fierce caballero had flung himself into Virginia's arms, and clung as tightly as only a small primate can. "I had to protect you, señorita," he said, shakily.
Meanwhile Chip was doing a quick roll-call of rats.
They were all unhurt, barring Pistol, who was nursing a cut paw-hand and lamenting over the loss of his looted bottle of over-proof brandy.
And Nym. The gigantic rat of mechanical inclination was missing. For an awful moment, Chip thought he must have been flung out of the vehicle, and be lying broken at the roadside.
Then the horrible truth dawned. Obviously, to judge by the vile language issuing from Bronstein, Fat Fal and even Doc, the same thing had dawned on all of them.
"Who let that shogging mad bastard whoreson drive?!" demanded Fal.
* * *
It proved to be true enough. Chip crawled backwards, out into the ditch full of glutinous mud, and then around to the cab. The trooper who had been driving was still sitting there, staring in shock at the ditch . . . and the stone wall they'd missed. Barely. And Nym was still clutching the wheel, his eyes manic and his snout still contorted in a wild grin, making brrm-brmmm noises.
Chip shook his head and sat down in the mud and started laughing.