‘You think you’re so smart,’ the thug said.
‘Take it,’ Kyle said.
Kyle took a couple of slaps in the face. The thug slid a diary out of Kyle’s blazer and cracked him on top of the head with it.
‘Touch my stuff again, doughnut, I’ll smash your face in.’
He got off Kyle, kicked him in the thigh and walked out.
James sat up on his bed. Kyle tried to act like it was nothing but couldn’t hide the pain as he raised himself on to his bed.
‘I’m Kyle,’ Kyle said.
‘I’m James. How’d you upset him?’
‘His diary fell out of his pocket this morning. I found it. Most of it’s bogus, but he’d written this poem about a girl.’
James laughed. ‘That big moose writes poetry?’
‘Yep,’ Kyle said. ‘I read a couple of lines out in front of his mates. He took it badly.’ Kyle was holding his face.
‘You OK?’ James asked. ‘You took some serious beats.’
‘I thought he’d grab the diary back, not try and kill me … One bit of the poem was great. You give me a buzz that’s like a bee. Even when I feel melancholy. Isn’t that cute … Man, is that what it looks like?’
‘What?’ James asked.
‘That skateboard under your bed must have cost over a hundred quid.’
‘You reckon?’ James asked. ‘I only used it about twice.’
Kyle started laughing. ‘That board is a legend, James. Kids die to get their hands on them and you’ve used it twice. Can I see it?’
James shrugged. ‘Whatever.’
Kyle seemed to forget his pain as he reached under James’ bed and wheeled out the board. He sat back on his bed twisting it in his hands.
‘Nice. Hard wheels, must be fast. Can I try it?’ Kyle asked.
‘Sure. I never use it. As long as I can use my Playstation 2 on your telly.’
‘Playstation 2! We have Playstation 2 in this room? James, you’re a little beauty. What games have you got?’
‘I don’t know. About sixty different ones,’ James said.
Kyle rocked back on his bed and started kicking his feet in the air.
‘Sixty games! I don’t believe you, James. You must be the most spoiled kid in the world and you don’t even realise.’
‘What?’ James asked. ‘Don’t kids in here have games consoles?’
‘We get three pounds a week for pocket money. You see that Gravis shirt on the floor? Twenty-five quid. I had to save up two pounds for twelve weeks to get that. I had to steal my Stussy shorts from a shop at Camden Lock. Would have ended up with a security guard standing on my head if I didn’t know a few moves.’
‘You want to try the Playstation now?’ James asked.
‘After my homework,’ Kyle said. ‘I always do homework first.’
James laid back on his bed, wondering if Kyle was a swot. Someone knocked.
‘Yeah?’ James said.
It was one of the house parents, a bearded hippie type. He looked at James.
‘I’ve sorted you a place at West Road School. You can start there in the morning. You’ll have to come back at lunchtime. The counsellor wants to see you.’
James was miffed. He thought that his mum dying, and getting expelled, would get him off school for at least a couple of weeks.
‘OK,’ James said. ‘Where’s West Road?’
‘Kyle,’ the care worker said, ‘can you find James a school uniform and show him to school tomorrow?’
‘No worries,’ Kyle said.
*
Kyle and James spent the whole evening together. After his homework Kyle took James down to dinner. The food wasn’t the best but it was better than James got at home. Afterwards they set up the Playstation. While they played they told stories about stuff, like fights at school and how they ended up here. James was surprised that Kyle was thirteen and already in Year Nine. Kyle said he was good at everything except sports. He had a hard time because the rest of his class were bigger than him. James said the only things he was any good at were sport and maths.
Before they went to bed, Kyle took James to the laundry and found a box of school uniforms. James already had school shirts and trousers, but he needed a blazer with the West Road badge and a school tie. There wasn’t much choice and everything was trashed. They found a blazer that fitted James OK and a school tie that was in threads.
*
Kyle fell asleep. James’ head was too busy. Tomorrow was going to be the first day of a new routine: eating meals with all the other kids, going to a new school, coming home and spending time with Kyle. It wasn’t the end of the world, but he wished Lauren was here.
James remembered the little brown envelope in the safe.
He’d forgotten until now. He scrambled out of bed and slipped his tracksuit bottoms on. He rummaged in the pockets. His heart skipped when he didn’t find it straight away. He had to go somewhere light where he could look without anyone seeing. The toilet was the obvious place.
James locked himself in a cubicle and opened the envelope gently so he’d be able to reseal it. There was a key and a business card:
REX DEPOSITARY
Deposit Your Valuables with Total Discretion and Security Individual Boxes in Eight Different Sizes
James flicked the card over. The address was on the back. It looked like his mum had another hidden stash. He put the key on the cord around his neck.
7. SHRINK
James had always been in mixed schools, but West Road was all boys. The lack of girls gave the place an air of menace. It was noisier and everybody in the corridor pushed harder than at his old school. It felt like something could go off any second.
A Year Seven got a hard shove from a Year Ten and knocked into James. The kid went down and yelped as the Year Ten stamped his hand. The kids were all heading somewhere. James had a map that made no sense whichever way he turned it.
‘Nice tie, girlie,’ somebody said.
James thought it was aimed at him. The tie was a wreck. He decided to steal one from some weed the first chance he got. The bodies were all disappearing into classrooms and within a couple of minutes James only had a few late arrivals for company.
A couple of nasty looking Year Ten kids blocked James’ way. One of them had spiked hair and a Metallica T-shirt under his blazer. Both were wearing menacing-looking steeltoe-capped boots with fat laces dragging behind.
‘Where you going, squirt?’
James looked up at them, thinking he was going to die before he even made it to his first class.
‘Registration,’ he said.
The Metallica kid snatched the map out of James’ hand.
‘Well, you’re not going to make it,’ Metallica said.
James braced himself for a boot or fist.
‘Try using the side of the map that says main building, not annexe. It’s over there.’
Metallica turned the map over and handed it back to James. He pointed at a yellow door up a corridor on the left.
‘Thanks,’ James said.
He hurried off. Metallica shouted after him: ‘Take that tie off.’
James looked down at the tie. He could see it was tatty but why all the fuss?
*
James handed his form teacher a note. All the kids in his new class were staring at him as he looked for a seat. He sat at the end of a row, next to a black kid called Lloyd.
‘You one of the little orphans from the council home?’ Lloyd asked.
The kids sitting around James laughed. James knew first impressions counted. If he said nothing he’d look soft. His reply had to be sharp, but not so nasty it started a fight.
‘How’d you know?’ James said. ‘I suppose your mum saw me when she cleaned our toilets.’
The group of kids laughed. Lloyd looked angry for a second, then he laughed too. ‘Like your tie, sister,’ he said.
James had had enough with the tie. He pulled it off and looked. Then he looked at Lloyd’s ti
e. It wasn’t the same colour. Nor was anyone else’s.
‘What is this tie?’ James asked.
‘The good news, orphan,’ Lloyd said, ‘is that you have a West Road tie. The bad news is, it’s from West Road Girls School.’
James laughed with the others. These kids seemed OK. He was angry Kyle had tricked him, though.
*
James left at lunchtime to see the counsellor. Her office was on the second floor of Nebraska. It had spider plants branching off everywhere. The counsellor, Jennifer Mitchum, was a rake, barely taller than James. She had veins poking out of her hands that James didn’t want to look at and she sounded really posh.
‘Would you feel more comfortable in the chair or on the couch?’
James had seen all the psychiatrist scenes on TV and felt he had to lie on the couch to get the full effect.
‘Cool,’ he said, settling himself down. ‘I could sleep all night on this.’
Jennifer walked slowly around the room, lowering the blinds so it was almost dark. She sat down.
‘I want you to be relaxed around me, James. Everything you say stays between us. When you talk, don’t try and say the correct thing; say what you really think, and remember I’m here to help you.’
‘OK,’ James said.
‘You said you could fall asleep on the couch. Have you been sleeping properly at night?’
‘Not really. I have too much to think about.’
‘What do you think about most?’
‘I wonder if my little sister is OK.’
‘It says in the file you’re concerned about Ron’s ability to look after Lauren.’
‘He’s a retard,’ James said. ‘He couldn’t look after a hamster. I don’t even understand why he wanted her.’
‘Perhaps he loves Lauren, but found it difficult to express that while your mother was alive.’
James laughed. ‘That’s total rubbish. You’d have to meet him to understand.’
‘If you see Lauren regularly that should help both of you feel better.’
‘Yeah, but it won’t happen.’
‘I’ll talk to Ron and see if we can set up a schedule of meetings. Perhaps you and Lauren can spend every Saturday together.’
‘You can try, but Ron hates my guts. I don’t think he’ll let me see her.’
‘What about your mother? How do you feel about her?’
James shrugged. ‘She’s gone. What can I do? I wish I’d been better when she was alive.’
‘In what way?’
‘I was always in trouble. Getting in fights and stuff.’
‘What made you get in trouble?’
James had to think hard.
‘I don’t know. I always do stupid stuff without meaning it. I’m a bad person, I guess.’
‘The first question I asked you was what you thought about most. You said you were worried about your sister. Wouldn’t a bad person always think about himself first?’
‘I love Lauren … Can I tell you something I did?’
‘Of course, James.’
‘Last year at school. I got in this row with a teacher, so I stormed out to the toilets. This kid in the year below me was in there. I just laid into him. He didn’t say one word. I just started beating him.’
‘Did you know that what you were doing was bad at the time you were doing it?’
‘Of course I knew beating someone up was bad.’
‘So why did you do it?’
‘Because …’ James couldn’t bring himself to be honest.
‘When you were hitting that boy, how did you feel?’
James blurted it out, ‘It was the best feeling. He was crying his eyes out and I felt fantastic.’
James looked at Jennifer to see if she was shocked, but her face was calm.
‘Why do you think you enjoyed it?’
‘I told you already. I’m sick in the head. Someone rubs me the wrong way and I go psycho.’
‘Try and describe how you felt about the person you were hurting.’
‘I owned him. There was nothing he could do, no matter how much I hurt him.’
‘You went from a situation with your teacher, where you were powerless and had to do what you were told, into the toilet where you saw someone weaker than yourself and exercised your power over him. That must have been satisfying.’
‘You could put it like that,’ James said.
‘It’s a frustrating situation at your age, James. You know what you want but you have to do what you’re told. You go to school when you’re told, go to bed when you’re told, live where you’re told. Everything is controlled by other people. It’s common for boys your age to enjoy sudden outbursts where they have control over someone else.’
‘But I’ll end up in loads of trouble if I keep getting in fights,’ James said.
‘I’ll teach you some techniques to manage your anger over the coming weeks. Until then try and remember that you’re only eleven years old and nobody expects you to be perfect. Don’t think of yourself as being a bad person or that you’re sick in the head. In fact, I want to do something we call Positive Reinforcement. I want you to repeat what I just told you.’
‘Repeat what?’ James asked.
‘Say I’m not a bad person.’
‘I’m not a bad person,’ James said.
‘Say I’m not sick in the head.’
‘I’m not sick in the head.’ James smiled. ‘I feel like an idiot.’
‘I don’t care if you feel like an idiot, James. Take a deep breath, say the words and think about what they mean.’
James had thought that seeing the counsellor would be a waste of time, but he did feel better.
‘I’m a good person and I’m not sick in the head,’ he said.
‘Excellent, James. I think that would be a positive note on which to end the session. I’ll see you again on Monday.’
James slid off the couch.
‘Before we finish, there is one detail on the notes from your school that made me curious. What’s one hundred and eighty-seven multiplied by sixteen?’
James thought for about three seconds.
‘Two thousand, nine hundred and ninety-two.’
‘Very impressive,’ Jennifer said. ‘Where did you learn to do that?’
‘I just can,’ James shrugged. ‘Right from when they first started teaching me numbers. I hate it when people ask me to do it, it makes me feel like a freak.’
‘It’s a gift,’ Jennifer said. ‘You should be proud of it.’
*
James went down to his room. He started doing some Geography homework but his heart wasn’t in it. He switched on the Playstation. Kyle came in from school.
‘How was your first day?’ Kyle asked.
‘Pretty good, no thanks to you.’
‘That was a good gag with the tie,’ Kyle said.
James jumped up off his seat and grabbed Kyle by his shirt. Kyle shoved James away, sending him crashing into a desk. He was stronger than James had expected.
‘Jesus, James. I thought you were cool.’
‘Pretty nice thing to do. First day at a new school and you make me look like a tit.’
Kyle threw his schoolbag down.
‘I’m sorry, James. If I knew you were gonna have a tantrum I wouldn’t have done it.’
James wanted to start a major row, but Kyle was the only kid in Nebraska he could even put a name to. He didn’t want to fall out with him.
‘Just stay out of my face,’ James said.
James sat on his bed sulking while Kyle did his homework. After a bit he got fed up and went for a walk. He saw the kid in the Metallica T-shirt he’d met at school. He was in a corner with a gang who all looked pretty rough. James walked over to them.
‘Thanks for helping earlier,’ James said.
Metallica looked him over. ‘No worries, man. Name’s Rob. This is the gang. Vince, Big Paul and Little Paul.’
‘I’m James.’
There was an awkward
silence.
‘You want something else, squirt?’ Big Paul asked.
‘No,’ James said.
‘Piss off then.’
James felt his face turn red. He started to walk away but Rob called him back.
‘Hey, James, we’re going out tonight. Wanna come?’
‘Cool,’ James said.
*
After dinner James went back to his room to change out of school uniform. Kyle had finished his homework and was lying on his bed reading a skateboarding magazine.
‘You want to play Playstation?’ Kyle asked. ‘I’m sorry about earlier, James. It was mean to trick you on your first day.’
‘You play it,’ James said. ‘I’m going out.’
‘Who with?’
‘Some guy called Rob.’
‘You mean Robert Vaughn? The guy who wears a heavy metal shirt under his blazer?’
‘Yeah, him and some mates.’
‘Seriously,’ Kyle said, ‘don’t hang out with those guys. They’re mental. They go out stealing cars and shoplifting and stuff.’
‘I’m not sitting in here watching you doing your homework every night. Get a life, man.’
James put his trainers on and walked to the door. Kyle looked offended. ‘Hey, I warned you, James. Don’t whinge to me when you land up in deep shit.’
‘Use the Playstation whenever you want,’ James said.
*
James sat on a brick wall at the back of an industrial estate. The gang were all older. Rob and Big Paul were fifteen. Vince was fourteen. He was the meanest looking, with bleached hair and a busted-up nose. Little Paul was twelve, Vince’s younger brother.
They passed cigarettes around. James told them he didn’t smoke. This didn’t look cool but he thought it was better than pretending he smoked and coughing his guts up.
‘I’m bored,’ Little Paul said. ‘Let’s do something.’
They walked to a car park full of Fiesta vans and climbed through a gap in the fence. Vince and Rob walked along the row of vans trying the back doors to see if any were unlocked.