Librium refilled this afternoon she was so upset."
That was nothing new to me; Mamma ate Librium like they were Chocks. I swallowed one one day at my secret place, just to see what it would make me do. All it did was make me sleepy.
"Now Tiger Babe, promise your Aunt Nell you'll stop saying those things out loud, even if you do believe them."
I could hardly ever refuse Aunt Nell, so I caved in and said "Okay Aunt Nell, I'll stop talking about it all, but I've decided I'm not ever going back to church again."
Aunt Nell got a real worried look on her pretty face and said "Baby, that will just kill your Mamma. Why do you want to hurt her so much?"
"I don't want to hurt Mamma, I love her. But I can't stand all those two faced people at church, and I hate all the stupid things they say. Mr. Hays says don't drink liquor, it's evil. Well, why do I always see him going into Mabry's bar across from school every afternoon? It’s so dumb that we have a jukebox in the teen recreation center at church, but we’re not allowed to dance. And I really hated it when the adults voted to keep those colored kids from the deaf and blind school from coming to Sunday school with us? They were fun, and I liked having them."
Aunt Nell said, "Tiger babe, you're about the smartest little boy I've ever seen."
"I'm not a little boy anymore Aunt Nell."
"You're right about that, you're growing up real fast now. Honey, I can't explain what makes people do what they do, but I do know your mother. She's a good mother and a fine woman who loves you and your sister very much. Now the right thing for you to do is respect her beliefs and wishes."
"Yeah, well why won't she respect mine?" I asked.
"Your Mamma is set in her ways because she was raised by Grandmamma and Grandpappa to believe what she believes. You have to accept that Sugar."
Aunt Nell could always see both sides of any story.
"Tiger Babe, I'm going to ask you to swallow your pride and do a real important thing for your Mamma."
"What's that, Aunt Nell?"
"I think you should join the church."
"You mean get baptized?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes sir, that's just what I mean."
"But Aunt Nell, I've never heard Jesus calling me. I don't even believe the Bible is half true."
"I know that babe, but it won't hurt you one bit to do this to please your Mamma. That way she'll be at ease because even if you never set foot in a church again, she'll believe your soul has been saved and you will go to heaven."
"I don't know, Aunt Nell."
"Think about it babe. Look, let me take you to meet with Preacher Herndon to talk about this."
"Oh yuck Aunt Nell, I'd rather die."
"It won't be that bad Tiger Babe. Please do it for your mother and as a personal favor for me."
Two weeks later, on a Saturday afternoon, Aunt Nell and I were walking down the long marble hall that ran behind the sanctuary of the Willow Springs Baptist Church to Preacher Herndon's office. There wasn't a soul around.
"Okay Aunt Nell, now's the time. You made a deal with me," I whispered.
"All right," she whispered, "But hurry up and only once down and once back."
For as long as I could remember I had wanted to run down that long marble hall in my socks and slide on the shiny, polished marble. I agreed to go with Aunt Nell to see Preacher Herndon on the condition that she'd stand guard for me while I lived out my dream--down the hall and back, just once. I had worn my brand new pair of red Converse All Stars and clean tube socks for the occasion. I pulled off my tennis shoes. I took off running and transitioned into a smooth glide for about twenty feet. It was as fun as I imagined it would be. I slid almost to the door of Preacher Herndon's office. I turned around and saw Aunt Nell waving for me to hurry back. I got up a good run and broke into a swift glide towards Aunt Nell.
Right at that moment a doorway leading into the hall opened and Willie Mae, the church's cleaning lady, carrying a mop and a bucket full of sudsy water, stepped into my path. There was nothing I could do to slow down so I ran smack broadside into Willie Mae who let out a big scream as we fell to the ground. The bucket hit the marble floor with a banging, loud noise, spilling warm Spic and Span all over the floor and us.
Aunt Nell had a look of horror on her face as she ran toward us. A moment later, Preacher Herndon's office door opened, and he appeared down the hall.
Willie Mae looked a bit stunned and asked, "Lord a mercy chile, what you running from? A ghost?"
Aunt Nell was helping Willie Mae up off the floor when Preacher Herndon walked over and asked "Miss Nell, what on earth is going on here?"
Aunt Nell swallowed hard and said, "We were on the way to your office, Preacher, when Bobby ran into Willie Mae as she came out this door. I'm so sorry, I'll clean up this mess."
"Dats alright ma'am, I'll mop it up," Willie Mae, breathing hard, said.
"Was the fall hard enough to knock off Bobby's shoes?" the Preacher asked.
"Uh, no sir Preacher Herndon. I let him take them off once we got inside because he's got blisters on his feet from these new tennis shoes."
Aunt Nell was a cool liar, even to the Preacher.
"Willie Mae, are you all right?" asked the Preacher.
"Yes sir I is," said Willie Mae.
"Good. Willie Mae, would you please bring a tub of warm water and some Epsom salts so Master Bobby can soak his blisters while we have our meeting?"
"Yes sir," said Willie Mae.
We went into the Preacher's office and sat down in two big green leather chairs facing his desk. My shorts were soaking wet, but I sat down anyway. On the wall behind the desk, there was a big picture of Jesus turning a loaf of bread and two fish into food for hundreds.
Preacher Herndon sat down behind his desk. He seemed real old, at least sixty or seventy years old. He was medium height and slightly overweight. His hair was solid white and he wore glasses with black horn rim frames and coke-bottle-thick lenses that magnified his grey eyes. I never trusted him and was always a little bit afraid of him. To me, he always seemed closer to the devil than to the good Lord.
"Now Bobby, I'm so pleased you've come with your good aunt today to discuss a life with Christ. Mr. Hays tells me you were saying some strange things Sunday before last. What was your meaning son?"
I looked over at Aunt Nell and she smiled at me.
"Well, well with modern science and all, I just don't understand how the Bible can be true. It just doesn't make sense to me," I managed to get out.
Preacher Herndon stared at me hard and then looked at Aunt Nell and sat back in his chair and said, "The Lord our God works in mysterious ways, my son. It is not for us to question his intentions or methods. We must simply have unending faith in his greatness and know that in his magnificence and benevolence he will provide for us all."
There was a knock on the door, and the Preacher got up and opened the door. Willie Mae came in and sat a tub of warm water on the floor by my feet. She poured in some Epsom salts and stirred the water with a big wooden spoon. Then she left.
"Well, remove your socks and soak your feet, Bobby," Preacher Herndon said.
So I did. Aunt Nell smiled and turned red.
"As I was saying, it is not our purpose in life to question the Lord. This talk about evolution and untruths in the Bible is merely a manifestation of Satan himself. The Bible is the ‘God-breathed, infallible Word of God.’ You see, the devil works on people of every age, even someone as young as you Bobby," Preacher Herndon said looking at Aunt Nell.
The Preacher turned toward me and asked, "Bobby, did you realize that if you are killed in a car wreck next week without having accepted the Lord as your Savior that your soul will go straight to hell and burn for eternity?"
"No sir," I said.
"Well, you will my son. You can only prevent this if you open your heart and let the truth of the Lord inside. Jesus is the
only way to salvation and eternal life. You must make a personal decision to repent your sins and trust Jesus as Lord and Savior. It must be your decision to receive God's grace through faith--your only chance for salvation. Do you understand this, son?" asked the Preacher.
"Yes sir, I do now," I lied.
"Good, then stop all this evil talk and seriously consider coming forth tomorrow to profess your love for God in front of the congregation. Then you can be baptized and your soul will be saved."
"Yes sir," I said, concentrating on the pleasant feeling of warm water on my feet.
"Very well, now that that's settled, let us pray together."
Preacher Herndon and Aunt Nell closed their eyes, and the Preacher began to pray. I peeked and watched my feet move small circles in the water. I thought that if the good Preacher knew what I really felt inside, he'd want to burn me at the stake. What would he think if he knew that sometimes in my secret place I'd close my eyes and picture naked men? Sometimes when I looked at pictures of famous paintings and statues of naked men in the World Book Encyclopedia, I'd get a funny, pleasant feeling in my groin. What would he say if he knew that as soon as I got old enough I was going to leave this stupid town and never come back? Mamma and Aunt Nell would just have to come visit me wherever I was. What would he say if he knew that one day when I was suppose to be in school, but I played hooky so that I could spend the day at my secret place because the daffodils were in full bloom, that I sneaked home to get some cold chicken from the refrigerator, and I heard noises