Page 45
Her eyelids flutter and she lets out this cute little moan that gets me a little too excited. Grinning, I slant closer to her and brush my lips across her forehead.
“Kayden,” she murmurs, not fully awake, and yet somehow she knows it’s me.
I’m enjoying this way, way too fucking much, my cock instantly getting hard. But oh well. Moving my lips down to her temple, I lightly kiss the birthmark I’d just been tracing with my finger, and then I move to the side and place a gentle kiss on her fluttering eyelids. Her body shivers beneath me and she lifts her chest and presses it against mine. My mouth travels down her nose to her mouth, where I part her lips with my tongue, delving it into her mouth and licking a path to the inside. Her eyelids lift up and her massive blue eyes catch in the light flowing into the room and they sparkle. She sucks in a sharp breath through her nose and I straighten my arm, putting a little distance between our bodies so she can regain her breath.
She glances around the room and then directs her attention back at me and the sleepiness in her eyes starts to dissipate as she blinks up at me. “How did you get in here?”
“Violet let me in,” I say and lean down to kiss her. She responds instantly, opening her jaw and letting my tongue deep into her mouth. She taste like chocolate and smells like strawberries as my tongue explores every inch of her mouth.
By the time I pull away, we’re both panting, with fire scorching in our eyes, and I’ve got my hand up her shirt. Keeping my fingers near the bottom of her bra, I roll off her and lie beside her on my hip. She glances down in her hand at the piece of chocolate melting in her palm and then her face contorts with disgust. She puts it on the nightstand and then wipes her palm on the side of her jeans.
“Okay, that’s embarrassing,” she says with a timid smile. She reaches for the box of half-eaten chocolates and starts to set them aside.
I grab her arm and stop her, glancing at each piece that has a bite taken out of it. “Okay, I have to ask. Did you eat an entire piece or just taste them all?”
She sighs and throws the box next to her lamp and then presses her body down on my chest, with her chin above my heart.
“I don’t like any of the flavors except for the strawberry. ”
“I guess that works then. ” I grin at her. “Who gave them to you, though, by the way? It’s making me look bad. ”
Her eyes glimmer with a slight bit of haughtiness that comes out only on extremely rare occasions. “What if I said it was some guy? Would you be jealous?”
“Yes,” I say truthfully. “In fact, I think I’d have to kick some ass. ”
“No kicking ass. ”
“All right, but only because you said so. ”
She smiles and then her tongue slips out of her mouth to wet her lips. “Greyson gave them to me last night. ”
I stare at her luscious lips, shimmering from the afterglow of her tongue and so they’re fucking enticing it’s driving my body crazy. “Seth’s Greyson?”
She nods. “The three of us went out last night. He’s really nice. ”
I frown, remembering why I came here in the first place. “I actually just ran into Seth. ”
“Where?” she asks. “I thought he had a date. ”
Sighing, I reach for the paper on the nightstand. Unrolling it, I hand it to her. There must be a very close resemblance because she knows right away who he is.
“Where did you get this?” she asks, sitting up and reading the paper.
I push up and sit in front of her, crossing my legs. “Seth came running into the library today like a lunatic with it. I guess he was pretty easy to find, which makes me wonder if my mom or dad ever really went looking for him. ”
She bites her lip as she meticulously studies the paper. “It says he lives in Virginia. ”
I nod, tracing the whitish scars on my wrist. They’re fading rapidly, but they are still there as little reminders of everything that happened. “I know. ”
“That’s far. ”
“I know. ”
She lowers the paper onto her lap and studies me for a moment. “Are you going to try to get ahold of him?”
I shake my head and shrug my shoulders, thinking about the past. I’d never had a stellar relationship with Dylan, and besides, he ran away and never tried to get ahold of me. “What if he doesn’t want me to get ahold of him? I mean, there’s a reason I haven’t talked to or seen him in years. And it looks like he has a family and everything. At least that’s what the article says. ”
Callie’s silent for a while and then she reaches her hand over and fixes her finger underneath my chin, titling my chin up so I’m looking at her. “But what if… what if he does want to see you?
What if he was just staying away from your parents and the house?
Or what if he tried to get ahold of you and your parents wouldn’t let him?”
I remember when Dylan left the house. He’d just graduated and gave up a football scholarship, partially to spite my dad and partially because he didn’t want to play football. My dad was fucking pissed and had told him to never come back. Ever.
“Yeah, maybe. ” I’m still not fully convinced, but if I were to talk to my therapist right now, he’d say that I was doubting myself more than Dylan. He says that a lot. He says I have low self-esteem. It makes me feel weak and like a fucking pussy and kind of proves his point.
“I’ll call him for you,” Callie says, scooting closer on her knees toward me. “If you want me to. ”
I spread my fingers on top of her legs and frown at her.
“You’d do that for me? Call a complete stranger?”
“I’d do anything for you. ” She positions her hands on top of mine. “Because I love you. ”
“I know you would,” I reply, both hating and loving that she said she loves me. I still haven’t said it to her yet. I don’t know why.
I’ve tried a thousand fucking times, but I can’t get the words to come out of my mouth. She never says anything about it either, which makes me feel like an even shittier person. She’s so happy having it one-sided. “I should be the one to call him. ”
Her shoulders elevate with her eagerness. “So you’re going to call then?”
I nod, deciding to take a leap of faith and see what happens.
“Yeah, I’ll call him tonight after I’m done with you. ”
She brings her bottom lip in between her teeth, biting it nervously. “When you’re done with me?”
Nodding, I lean in for her mouth, but then veer left and breathe hotly on her neck. “Yeah, I really want to work on number forty-six on your list. ”
“Forty… six…” She’s breathing profusely as my mouth makes a wet trail down the side of her neck. With each sweep of my tongue, I gently nibble on her skin, bringing it into my teeth and then licking it.
“Eat chocolates… have a lot of sex,” I say, reminding her what it says as I arrive at her collarbone and glide my hand up beneath her bra.
She lets out a breathy moan. “That one’s for Valentine’s Day…”
I run my thumb across her nipple and it instantly perks.
Giving it a gentle pinch, I start massaging her breast. “So what?
We’ll celebrate it early…” I trail off as her head falls back and she becomes consumed by my touch. I slip my arm around her waist and guide us down to the bed, laying her beneath me. “And then we’ll celebrate it again on Valentine’s Day. ”
“Okay,” she says with a look of ecstasy on her face, and then her eyes shut. “Whatever you want. ”
And she means it. She would do anything for me—she already has. She gave up her secret, she gave me herself, she gave me her love. And even though I can’t tell her yet, I feel the same way about her. She owns me completely, uncontrollably, irreversibly.
Callie I’m so happy for him, and yet scared for him at the same time. He’s found his brother and I just pray to God it goes well for him—that his brother is a b
etter person than the rest of the family.
Things have been going pretty well for the both of us. We’ve both been seeing a therapist and I haven’t thrown up since before the incident at the hospital over three months ago. I’m happy. And the feeling is wonderful and amazing and scary.
It’s not always easy. Sometimes I have nightmares, especially when the therapist makes me dig really deep into my hidden thoughts. There was also one instant when I flipped out when Kayden decided to try something new on me while we were having sex and it momentarily threw my thoughts back to that horrible day. He was great about it though and he held me while I cried it off.
I’ve also been talking to my mom more, which hasn’t been too bad. My dad and Jackson even call me. Caleb’s still missing and I have a feeling he may be missing forever. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. There’s a lot of confliction. Part of me wants him to suffer in prison, but part of me is glad he’s not in my life anymore.
After Kayden tells me about his brother, we talk a little bit about what he’s going to do, and then he starts to undress me.
After he runs his tongue over almost every spot of my body while I cling onto him, he slips inside me and rocks his hips against mine.
“I love you,” I keep whispering through my moans as I knot my fingers in his soft hair.
He nibbles at my neck and massages my breast with his hand as he thrusts inside of me. “I know. ”
It’s all he ever says. Or sometimes he doesn’t say anything.
It’s a one-sided conversation for now, but I keep saying it because he needs to hear it—needs to know that he is loved. I hear it from my parents, my grandparents, Seth, and sometimes even Jackson.
I’m lucky and I want him to feel lucky too.
Our hips writhe harmoniously together until we’re falling over the edge. We both moan and I let out a whimper, which always gets him excited. After we’re done, he lays inside of me, with his arms resting to the side of my head. Our sweaty bodies are pressed together and our hearts race with lingering adrenaline.
Eventually he lowers his head to my chest and rests his cheek against my breast while I trace the back of his neck with my finger.
“What were you writing about?” he asks, staring at my journal shoved to the side of the bed.
“Nothing,” I say. “Well, nothing fantastic. I was actually writing a paper for the creative writing club. It’s supposed to be nonfiction and I’m not very good at it. ”
He pushes up off me and pulls himself out of me. Flopping to his side, he extends his fingers for the notebook. I quickly sit up and snatch it from his hand, hugging it against my bare chest. “No way. It’s private. ”
He sits up, his skin glistening with sweat. His bare chest is covered with jagged scars, small and big, dark and light.
Sometimes I stare at them while he’s sleeping, wondering where each one came from. It’s kind of like a horrible painting of his memories that will always exist, no matter what happens.
He crosses his arms over his chest, his muscles flexing, and he frowns. “Oh come on, Callie. Just let me read one page. I’m curious to see what you write about all the time. ”