“I thought you said you didn’t have to worry about that anymore?”
“I also told you she’s had three—well, now four—sessions in twenty-four hours. Usually she only gets them twice, maybe three times a week, if that, and sometimes I barely touch her. What you saw just now was mild compared to what she’s already had today.”
Stunned, Seth shook his head. “That was fucking vicious, man. You mean that was on the low end of the scale?”
Kaden nodded and sipped his drink, frowning. “You saw her ask for it. Physical pain like that helps her process emotions and ground herself.” He met Seth’s gaze again. “You can never let her emotionally detach. That’s almost too far gone if she gets to that point. You’ll learn to recognize her nonverbal cues, her body language. Sometimes all she needs is a barehanded swat to the ass to make her feel better. Sometimes she needs a lot more. Sometimes she’ll ask if she recognizes what’s going on. Your job is to spot the times when she’s not cued in to herself and doing it for her.”
“This is a lot to fucking learn, man. Are you really that worried she’ll cut herself again?”
“Why do you think I was chopping the vegetables before dinner? I won’t take the chance.”
Seth heard their bedroom door open. A moment later, Leah walked into the living room, her hair down, face washed and free of makeup, apparently wearing nothing but her collar and a long T-shirt that hung to midthigh.
Kaden held his hand out to her. “Come here, love,” he said.
She walked over and took his hand. She pressed her lips to the back of his hand before he pulled her into his lap. She curled there with her face buried against his chest, looking more like a lost child than a woman nearly forty years old. He kissed the top of her head, resting his chin in her hair, and met Seth’s eyes.
“Thank you. For both of us.”
Seth nodded.
* * * *
They sat silently for a few minutes. Kaden shifted position, and Leah sat up and looked at him.
“Love,” he said, “Seth’s said yes.”
Her eyes teared up, but she nodded and looked at Seth. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He nodded.
Kaden patted her on the thigh. “Let’s go over a few ground rules, okay?”
She nodded.
“Are you comfortable calling him Master right now?”
She hesitated, but Seth answered for her. “Dude, I’m not comfortable with it yet. Can we wait on that? Please?”
Kaden thought for a moment. “How about ‘Sir?’ There needs to be a title.”
Leah nodded. “That’s fine, Master.”
Kaden sadly smiled and stroked her cheek. “Maybe that is better, for now. Less confusion.” He looked at Seth. “Okay with you?”
What was he supposed to say? He shrugged. “I can live with that, I guess.”
“Good. It’s important. Not all the time, just during play and when we’re formal.” He returned his focus to Leah. “We won’t be totally formal for a week or so. Let’s let things settle down. Seth’s going to move in, and we’ll start teaching him everything. You’re going to have to help him learn, especially at first.”
“Yes, Master.”
Seth so could not get used to that.
“Very good, love.” Kaden looked at Seth. “I think you’ve already noticed that. It’s one of our codes. We can use it even if we’re out with vanilla folks. We can still be formal in some ways and no one ever knows.”
Seth dumbly nodded.
Kaden continued. “I know that might take you a little while to get used to, and that’s okay. But it is important. Tomorrow night we’re going to the club, and I want you to go with us. Might as well bring your stuff over, at least plan on spending the night.” Seth started to protest, but Kaden intercepted him. “I’m not going to ask you to do anything tomorrow night except watch and learn. You need to see for yourself what we do, what happens.”
Seth relaxed. “Okay.”
Kaden looked at Leah. “Tell Seth our rule about your behavior.”
She looked at Seth. “How I behave reflects upon Master. My behavior must always honor Master.”
“And your behavior now will reflect upon Seth, too,” Kaden said.
She nodded.
“Very good, love.” Kaden kissed her temple. “He’ll have to learn things for you. You will have to be patient with him, especially at first. If he says or does something that’s contrary to what should be, you can red light and explain it to him. However, you need to understand, many things he won’t do exactly like me. He’s not me, and you will have to grow comfortable with that. Understand?”
She nodded.
Seth spoke up. “Red light?”
“Tell him.”
She looked at Seth again. “Safe words. Red, yellow, green. Red means immediate stop of activities, or if we’re someplace vanilla, it means we immediately switch to full vanilla mode until we can go somewhere private and talk about it. Yellow is caution. It means we need to check in with each other. Green is everything’s okay.”
Seth felt weird asking but knew he had to. “Is that what you were asking her back there?”
Kaden nodded as he stroked her hair. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, nuzzling him.
“You’re going to get an eye-opening experience,” Kaden said. “You’re going to get over any bashfulness with her.” His voice softened as he stared at Leah. “You’re also going to learn things about yourself you never knew. You’re going to have the time of your life, man.”
Kaden stroked her cheek and turned her face to his. “You have to get used to listening to him, too. When you’re alone with him, even if it’s just at the store or something, it’s as if you were with me. You must obey him.”
She nodded.
“He will take care of you. I promise.” Kaden’s eyes flicked to Seth, and Leah looked at him.
Seth nodded, barely able to speak. “I promise.”
Another sad smile. “Thank you,” she said.
Kaden kissed her again. “You’ll come to trust him the way you trust me. It’ll take some time. That’s why I wanted to start now with this, while we have time. I need to be able to spend time with him and show him.”
She nodded.
“From now on, the rule about asking for permission to speak to someone doesn’t apply to Seth. In fact, he can grant you permission to speak. He’ll pretty much be going everywhere with us from now on, so his word is as good as mine.”
She nodded.
“Seth’s going to need some time to get used to the way you normally dress around here,” Kaden said with a smile. He slipped his hand under her shirt. “In addition to not being totally formal, why don’t you keep a shirt handy for a while?”
Seth couldn’t get the memory of Leah’s naked body and shaved mound out of his mind. “I doubt that’s going to help,” he grumped.
“I don’t mind helping you with that,” Leah softly said, blushing.
Seth frowned, certain he’d misheard her. “Huh?”
Kaden closed his eyes and kissed her temple. “It will happen sooner or later.”
Seth felt like his body went numb. “Okay. While I’ll admit there’s part of me that wants to take you up on that right now, there’s another part of me screaming bloody murder that I’m totally creeped out by you both being so okay with this.”
“It’s okay, Seth,” Leah said. Her voice had dropped almost to a whisper. “Kaden and I talked.” She took a deep breath, and her eyes brimmed again. Damn it, he hated seeing her so upset. “He’s right that it will happen eventually. It’s not fair to you to keep you hanging. I don’t want to do that to you.”
Seth started to speak then snapped his mouth shut again, speechless. He finally managed to string coherent words together. “Give me some time to get used to this, guys.”
Kaden opened his eyes. Seth saw he struggled not to cry. “I don’t have a lot of time. We don’t have time for blushing bullshit. I do
n’t have time. I know you’re weirded out. I know it’s uncomfortable.” His hand stroked her hair again. Seth suspected it was more an unconscious gesture to comfort himself at that point. “There’s no use dancing around the fucking issue. While I appreciate that you love me enough to not be a prick about this, you don’t need to spare my feelings. After a couple of weeks with us I think you’ll understand how and why I can do this.”
Seth wasn’t sure of that, but he nodded anyway.
As if to pull himself back from the brink of his emotional pain, Kaden took a deep breath. “Back to the rules.” He looked at Leah. “No one is allowed to touch her—ever—except you and me. Only in an emergency.”
Back to mass confusion for Seth. “She’s hugged me before. And I’ve seen her hug and shake hands with people.”
Kaden shook his head. “Sorry. I mean in non-vanilla circumstances. Or when we’re vanilla-formal. Besides, a lot of the rules we have I’ve never applied to you. You’re around so much, you’re family. It wouldn’t have been practical without outing ourselves.”
Seth pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do I get a glossary of terms and a syllabus for this whacked-out course I’m cramming for?”
Leah actually laughed a little at that. When Seth looked at her again, her sad smile made his heart thump in a strange way. At least he’d made her smile in this whole crazy mess.
She shared a brief glance with Kaden. He nodded. She spoke. “Vanilla means, you know, everyday, plain, normal setting. Like what you used to see us as before all this. Vanilla formal means we’re doing something but no one else knows what’s going on. Like a private game in public. Formal is just that, how I address you and Master in public or private, how I dress, what you do with and to me. Informal is still we’re playing but not with the protocols.”
“Protocols?”
“You’ll learn them,” she quietly said. “It’ll be okay. You’ll do fine. I know you will.”
“Do you ever, you know, relax in private?”
Kaden took over, nodding. “Usually, unless Leah’s very stressed, she doesn’t call me Master unless we’re having a session. But for now…” He stroked her hair again. “It’s comforting to her. It helps her cope.”
She nodded but didn’t speak.
Seth felt his heart break for both of them. How the hell was he supposed to help them through this and do what he was supposed to do and deal with losing Kaden?
Kaden’s dying.
Kaden kissed her one more time. “We can deal with more stuff later. Go get the big guest room ready for him. We want him in there. It’s got its own bathroom.”
She nodded, climbed out of Kaden’s lap, and kissed his hand again. She started to leave the room, then turned to Seth. “I know this isn’t any easier on you than it is on us. I appreciate this. I really do.”
Seth watched her go. He finally turned back to Kaden.
“You’ll need to go to the doctor,” Kaden said, low enough his voice wouldn’t carry down the hall. “I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but you need a full round of testing for HIV and STDs. Your last ex was a royal bitch. Frankly, I heard rumors she slept around on you. I also want you to get a full physical. I’ll pay for it.”
Seth felt his stomach roll in a bad way. He’d heard the same rumors but never wanted to think about them. “Okay,” he hoarsely whispered.
“I’ll have Leah make you an appointment with my doctor. She’ll go with you and take care of the bill. I also want to make sure you’re healthy. If you’ve got any issues we need to catch them early, get you taken care of. I know you’ve got VA, but I want you checked out now. It’s bad enough I’m dying on her. She damn sure doesn’t need to lose you, too.” His voice choked at the end. Seth wondered at his friend’s inner strength. If their positions were reversed, Seth suspected he’d be a blubbering mess by this point.
“What if I fuck this up?” Seth whispered. “What if I can’t do this right for her?”
Kaden drained the last of his drink. “You can, and you will. I know you can. She won’t let you fail. Neither will I.”
“Glad you’re so confident.”
They sat in silence until Leah returned. She took Kaden’s hand and kissed it before cuddling in his lap.
When Leah next spoke, it nearly startled Seth.
“I’m glad Kade asked you. If nothing else…” She choked up, paused, then spoke. “If nothing else, I mean, down the road…I know I can always turn to you, like that at least, even if you decide you want to move on. I know I can count on you. You guys have been best friends for so long. You’re my best friend, too. You’re my oldest friend. I mean that. You really are. I’ve always felt comfortable around you.”
“Even that night in the Keys?”
She laughed, loud and genuine that time. “Yeah. Especially that night.”
Kaden smiled. “She almost let the cat out of the bag that night.”
Seth thought back, then remembered. “Wait! You did call her ‘love’ that night, I remember now. And you—”
She nodded. “I almost called him Master.”
Seth remembered the night fifteen years earlier. They’d been on a lobster trip with some other friends, hitting the two-day mini season when every yahoo with a tickle stick and a lobster gauge was out on the water. Two of their buddies got into a bar fight. Kaden had gone to the bathroom before it started, and by the time he returned the whole place was involved.
Leah had gotten trapped in a corner behind two guys duking it out. When Kaden started her way, another guy jumped him. Seth, realizing what happened, immediately abandoned the friend he’d been trying to help and fought his way over to Leah, grabbed her, and ran outside to the car with her.
And in near hysterics when she’d seen Kaden fighting with another guy, she’d screamed for him, shouting, “Mas—Kaden!”
When Kaden finally fought his way out a minute later and ran to join them, he scooped her into his arms and called her ‘love.’
Seth never would have admitted it, but later that night he lay in his bed in their rented condo and listened to them make love the next room over and thought how good it felt holding her for those few seconds, how good her hair had smelled, how protective he felt of her.
How envious he’d felt of Kaden.
“I made apple pie this afternoon,” she said, bringing him back to the present. “I bought vanilla ice cream for you. Can I get you some?”
He blushed again. Leah taking care of him.
“Admit it,” Kaden gently teased. “She takes good care of you already.”
“How the hell do you read my mind like that?”
“I keep telling you. Maybe the problem all these years was that you hadn’t found the right woman.”
“I’ll be honest with both of you. I’m not sure I can get used to having a ‘slave’ serving me hand and foot.” Seth used finger quotes around the word.
“It’s not like that,” Leah insisted. “I get as much out of this as Kade does. With you, too.” She blushed. “I mean, when I’m doing things for you. Like cooking dinner and stuff.”
Kaden patted her thigh. “Go fix us some pie, please.”
She kissed him and went to do it.
Kaden dropped his voice. “It’s not about sex, either. That’s tied into it, but in our case it boils down to giving her what she needs to function. Some people are in it for the sex. Yeah, the sex is hotter for us because of this. I won’t lie. You’ll find it’s the hottest fucking sex you’ve ever imagined. But it’s not about the sex. It’s about fulfilling a need for someone. She needs to serve. She needs the structure, the safety and security. And the release for her emotional pain. Just keep an open mind. Have I ever lied to you?”
Seth shook his head. No, Kaden had never, as far as he knew, lied to him.
He was probably the one person Seth knew never would lie to him.
Kaden stood and motioned Seth to follow him to the kitchen. They took up two seats at the counter and watched while Lea
h finished the preparations. She even nuked Seth’s a little to warm it before adding the ice cream.
The perfect way he liked it.
She handed Kaden his first. When she slid Seth’s plate in front of him, she touched his hand and waited until he met her eyes.
“It’s okay,” she said. Then she gently squeezed his hand before letting go and fixing her own plate.
He hated himself that her touch made him harder than a rock.
“Any house rules I need to know about?” he asked, to distract himself more than anything.
Kaden shrugged. “Toilet seat down after you go, but you’re good about that anyway.”
“I figured you’d tell me rules about the dungeon,” Seth snarked.
Kaden laughed, then sighed. “Honesty. Never lie. The only way this works is if we all talk to each other. It’s going to feel weird and uncomfortable at first. It will get easier, I promise.”
“Can’t get much fucking worse,” Seth muttered.
Kaden continued. “Whenever red is called, whatever’s going on immediately stops without question, regardless of whether it’s her or you or me calling it. You’ll learn the routines and protocols as we go. It becomes automatic after a while. Oh, I’ll give you keys in the morning. You already know the gate code, and the house alarm code is 1218.”
“Leah’s birthday.” Seth didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud until he looked up and saw her sad smile.
“You remember.”
Kaden also smiled, to Seth’s surprise. His friend clapped him on the arm, squeezing briefly before letting go. “See? You’ll do fine.”
They finished. Finally, Seth excused himself. “I need to go to bed, guys. I’m worn out. Frankly, my brain’s fried. I don’t know how I’m going to get through class tomorrow.”
He walked to what was now his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Looking around, even though he’d stayed here before, he saw it for the first time. The bed was perfect, king-size, a helluva lot better than the rocklike mattress at his brother’s. Not that he’d ever complain to his brother, because it had been free and a roof over his head. He always slept well when he spent the night at Kade’s. The room was nearly twice as large as the one at his brother’s, and the attached bathroom as large as many master bathrooms in smaller homes.