‘Oh shit.’ She halts in the doorway when she spots us on the bed, legs entwined, bodies pressed together, hands all over each other – thankfully no one’s clothes have come off.
‘Sorry,’ I apologize, sitting up while Kayden remains lying down, his fingers sketching up and down my back. ‘We were just …’ How am I supposed to finish that sentence? We were just about to have hot, sweaty sex? Yeah, that sentence is not coming out of my mouth.
Harper dithers in the doorway, hugging her books to her chest. ‘I can come back.’
I shake my head and hop off my bed. ‘No, it’s okay. I needed to run to the store anyway.’ I reach for my jacket as Kayden begrudgingly gets off the bed and picks up his football.
‘Hey, could you by chance pick up a roll of tape for me?’ Harper asks as she drops her books onto the bed. ‘I ran out last night.’
I nod. ‘Sure.’
‘Thanks.’ She forces a smile as she starts to unbutton her jacket. ‘Actually, Callie, before you leave … could I talk to you?’ She flicks the last button undone then sets her coat on the bedpost, her eyes flicking to Kayden before they land on me. ‘Alone maybe?’
‘Um, yeah, sure.’ I turn to Kayden who shoots me a puzzled look. ‘Can I meet you out in the car?’
He nods warily. ‘Sure.’ He softly kisses my forehead then glances at Harper before walking out the door. Once it clicks shut, I face Harper. ‘So what’s up?’
‘It’s nothing really.’ But her expression suggests otherwise as she sinks down on the bed, her shoulders slumped. ‘Honestly, I don’t know how to bring it up without you getting mad.’
‘I won’t get mad.’ I don’t know what else to say, since I don’t know where this is going.
Sighing, she fiddles with a strand of her hair, twisting it around her finger. ‘The other day I overheard you and Seth talk about stuff.’ She’s staring at her hair, completely fixated on it. ‘About something that happened to you.’
‘I’m not sure what you mean.’ I sit down on my bed so we’re facing each other. ‘Seth and I have said a lot of things,’ I tell her and then try to make a joke because she looks so sad. ‘Particularly Seth. He loves to talk.’
A tiny smile rises on her lips, but her eyes still seem filled with sadness as she looks up at me. ‘Well, it was the other day. I think you guys thought I had my headphones on and was listening to music, but I was actually trying to find something to listen to so I heard a little bit of your conversation … about a guy doing stuff to you.’ She winces as she says it, and even though I’m used to talking about this aloud, I still wince myself.
‘Yeah …’ Again, I’m unsure of what to say.
‘Sorry,’ she says quickly. ‘I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m saying this and the truth is … well, the truth is I heard you say something about how you were feeling a lot better and that you have been since you talked to your parents about it. I was kind of wondering’ – her gaze drops to the space on the floor between our feet – ‘how you went about that.’
‘Telling my parents that I was … raped?’ It’s still so hard to say aloud, even though I’ve been openly talking about it for a while.
Again, she winces. ‘Yeah … that.’ She looks up at me and although she doesn’t say anything about it, I think I suddenly understand why she’s bringing this up. I know that pained look she’s trying to keep trapped inside her because I did the same thing for years.
I’m not sure if I should ask her yet if she was raped. Stuff like this can be tricky – getting someone to tell the truth can be tricky. I should know since it took me almost seven years of carrying around this dark heaviness inside me, afraid to let it out because I was afraid of what people would think of me and honestly, I was afraid of Caleb, too.
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ Harper’s words rush out of her. Right now, she seems like a completely different person, but that’s because she’s vulnerable and scared.
‘No, it’s okay.’ I lift my shoulders to build up some confidence. ‘When it came to telling my parents, I just sort of sat them down and told them. There’s really not a right or easy way to do it, other than to do it. I do think that getting to the point where you decide you’re going to tell someone is the hardest part, though.’
‘Did you struggle with it?’ she asks. ‘I mean, with getting up the courage to tell someone.’
I suck in a gradual inhale through my nose to keep the emotions inside me so I won’t freak her out. ‘Yeah, it took me almost seven years.’
Her eyes snap wide. ‘How old were you when it happened?’
‘Twelve.’
‘Jesus, Callie, that’s horrible.’
‘Yeah, it was, but I’m trying to move on.’ I pause, wondering if it’s the right time to ask her something yet, but then I realize that there might not be a right time and I just have to do it. ‘How old were you?’
She sighs, her shoulders slumping. ‘Is it that obvious why I’m asking all this?’
‘It might not be for someone else, but you have this look on your face right now that I’m kind of familiar with.’
‘And what look is that?’
‘Fear … pain.’
We exchange a look of understanding. I’ve always known that what happened to me has happened to other people, but I’ve never really discussed it with anyone who’s had to live through the hellish experience.
‘I feel those things,’ she says quietly, her eyes getting watery. ‘I hate that I do, though. Everyone thinks I’m so happy because that’s what I show them, but I’m not as happy as I seem.’
‘Everyone thought I was crazy,’ I tell her. ‘But I did chop off my hair with a pair of scissors and stop talking to people.’
She offers me a sympathetic look. ‘Callie, that’s so sad.’
‘And so is pretending to be happy all the time,’ I say. ‘Everyone should feel okay enough to be themselves.’
She nods, agreeing. ‘Yeah, but my story’s not as sad as yours. I was fourteen and older.’
‘That doesn’t make it any better.’ I stand up from the bed and cross the room to sit down beside her, my legs feeling the slightest bit wobbly. ‘Rape is a horrible thing no matter what and you should tell someone about it.’
‘I’m not sure if I can tell my mom.’ She frowns and it makes me wonder if perhaps it was somebody living under the same roof as her.
‘How about a brother or sister, then?’ I suggest.
She shakes her head. ‘I don’t have any.’
‘How about your dad?’
Her expression hardens as she grinds her teeth and balls her hands into fists. ‘I’m not telling my stepfather.’
Okay, I’m pretty sure that’s probably who did it to her, but I don’t want to push her, or make assumptions because I can tell she’s on the verge of cracking and I could be wrong. ‘What about another relative or a therapist?’
She considers what I said for quite a few minutes. ‘You’ve talked to a therapist, right? I mean, I thought I heard Seth and you talking about it at the beginning of the school year.’
‘Yeah, I used to up until a couple of months ago. I can give you her number. She’s really nice and understanding and gets things like this.’
‘Okay, yeah, can I have her number?’
Nodding, I retrieve my phone from my pocket and text Harper the contact information of my therapist. ‘You should call her today, too, while you’re in this place where you can talk about it.’
‘But I didn’t really talk about it,’ she says with a discouraged sigh. ‘Not really.’
‘That’s not true.’ I tuck my phone away. ‘What you said today was a big, huge step.’
Her lips turn upward and it looks as though she might be showing me a glimpse of her real smile. I realize right there and then I’ve never seen it before.
‘Well, I’ll call her, but we’ll see how it goes when it comes time to go there,’ she says. ‘I’ve tried this before and never got the cou
rage to do it. I only dared bring it up to you after I heard you talking to Seth about what happened to you because it made me feel like you’d …’ – she fidgets with a bracelet she’s wearing – ‘understand, I guess.’
‘A lot of people will understand.’ I pause, wondering what else I can do to help her because I want to help her – want to help people who are struggling like I was once. Just thinking about other people out there that have gone through stuff like me and Harper makes me want to find all of them and tell them it’ll be okay. I’m not even sure how to do that, but I need to, somehow. ‘If you want me to, I can go with you to your appointment.’
‘Really?’ She perks up, seeming genuinely happy.
I nod. ‘Of course.’
She looks utterly relieved. ‘Thanks, Callie. And not just for the offer, but for not getting all weirded out. You’re really good at this, you know. Talking and understanding and everything.’
Her words warm my heart. ‘Thanks. And you’re welcome,’ I tell her and head for the door. ‘Let me know when you get scheduled and if you ever need to talk, I’m right across the room.’
She nods then I step into the hallway, shut the door behind me, and lean against it. I feel strangely at peace with myself. I’m not even sure if it’s because I was able to talk to someone about what happened to me without going into a panic or if it’s because I tried to help someone who didn’t flat out ask.
‘Is everything okay?’ Kayden’s voice tugs me out of my thoughts.
I turn my head and find him standing to the side of me, the football tucked under his arm. ‘Hey, I thought you went down to the car.’
He glances from the door back to me. ‘Nah, I thought I’d wait for you here. Seemed like you might need me after whatever was happening in there.’
I stand upright. ‘No, I’m fine. She just wanted to talk about stuff.’
‘What kind of stuff?’ he asks as we move toward the elevator, holding hands.
‘Stuff she’s going through,’ I say vaguely. ‘Stuff I’d understand.’
Thankfully, I think he gets what I’m implying without me having to say it aloud, since I’m pretty sure Harper wouldn’t want me talking to anyone about it.
I push the down button with my thumb then face him while we wait for the doors to open. ‘So are you going to tell me now why you look so happy today?’
‘Nope.’ His lips twitch with amusement.
‘You are the meanest person ever.’ I jump into the elevator as the doors swing open, yanking him in with me and he ends up stumbling over his feet. ‘But that’s okay because I love you.’
He laughs as I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him, but he quickly pulls back when his phone starts buzzing inside the back pocket of his jeans. Usually he ignores calls and texts when we’re in a lip lock, so I’m a little surprised when he moves away to take his phone out. He muses over something as he reads the message on the screen.
I recline against the wall and casually ask, ‘Who’s that?’
He stares at the screen a second longer before texting something back. ‘No one.’
I’m not sure how to respond to his brush off, so I crack a joke. ‘Well, clearly it’s someone; otherwise, your phone wouldn’t have gone off.’
He presses one last button on the screen then returns his phone to his pocket before looking back at me. ‘It was just a text from Seth.’
‘And what’d it say?’
He shrugs, bracing a hand on the wall beside my head. ‘Nothing important really.’ He leans in to kiss me, but I place a hand on his solid chest and stop him.
‘Your jaw’s twitching right now,’ I remark, somewhat amused, but a little bit upset.
He gives me a mock offended look, pushing back from the wall to press his hand to his chest. ‘Are you accusing me of lying?’
I narrow my eyes at him, but it’s a playful gesture. ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing?’ I point a finger at him as we reach the bottom floor and the elevator doors glide open. ‘I know you’re keeping something from me and I’m going to find out.’
He’s completely entertained now as he follows me off the elevator and toward the exit doors. ‘And how do you plan on doing that?’ He shoots me a cocky grin.
‘Wow, aren’t we a little bit cocky today.’ I retaliate with an arrogant squaring of my shoulders as I reach into my pocket. ‘But we’ll see who’s the cocky one after I text Seth.’
His amusement suddenly shifts to worry as I pull out my phone. ‘Seth knows he’s not supposed to tell you.’
I raise my phone up in front of us and wiggle it around, teasing him. ‘Seth is terrible at keeping secrets. You and I both know that.’ I really don’t have any intention of texting Seth. I’m simply having fun and hoping he’ll just tell me whatever his little secret is.
‘Callie, don’t,’ he warns, but he’s fighting back a smile.
I let mine slip through, though, full on grinning as I run backwards toward the door. ‘I’m totally doing it.’ I laugh then whirl around and burst through the doors. Snow is tumbling from the sky and the wind is howling, but I continue to sprint down the sidewalk toward the parking lot.
I know he’s going to catch me soon, my short legs don’t stand a chance against his long, very in-shape ones, but I’m still going to try my hardest because it’s fun and I’m enjoying myself. And really that’s kind of the point of everything, isn’t it? To enjoy life and have fun. I spent so much time never smiling, laughing, enjoying anything, and I feel like I missed out on so much, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make up for it now, or for the rest of my life for that matter.
‘You think you can outrun me!’ Kayden calls out, laughing, his heavy footsteps close behind.
‘Of course I can!’ Laughter sputters from my lungs as I veer to the right and try to race across the snowy lawn, but it’s chilly enough that the snow is freezing the moment it touches the ground, making it slippery and complicated to run on. I curse as my feet try to part ways from underneath me and my hands shoot out to my sides in an attempt to keep my balance.
Right as I’m about to fall flat on my ass, a set of strong arms wrap around my waist. A split second later, a warm chest presses against my back as I’m helped to my feet.
‘You’re really asking for it, aren’t you?’ Kayden whispers in my ear, dragging his teeth across the sensitive spot of flesh right below it as he helps me stand back upright.
I shiver and not from the cold. ‘Maybe.’
His fingers dig into my flesh right below the hem of my black T-shirt. ‘I’ll take your phone as payment for saving your cute little ass from falling.’
I grip my phone in my hand, my eyelashes fluttering against the thick snowflakes. ‘No way.’
He chuckles lowly, a deep noise that vibrates from his chest and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from whimpering. ‘Okay, I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.’
‘Isn’t this the hard way already?’ I sound breathless.
He laughs again and then, without warning, his fingers sneak up my shirt and he starts to tickle me.
‘Stop!’ I shout through my laughter, my legs giving out on me. I almost buckle to the ground, but he’s there to hold me up and he keeps tickling me until I almost pee my pants.
‘Fine! I surrender! I surrender!’ I gasp through my laughter when I’m about one second away from having an accident.
His fingers instantly stop moving and he kisses the back of my head as he takes the phone from my hand then frees me from his arms.
I spin around and cross my arms over my chest. ‘That was cheating.’
He grins proudly as he hides my phone in the pocket of his coat. ‘No way. That was completely fair. It’s not my fault you’re tiny and adorable.’ He pokes me in the ribs.
I glare at him, pretending I’m upset. ‘If it wasn’t for the snow, I would have been able to run faster.’
‘Yeah, but I wasn’t really running. Just walking swiftly.’ He’s so smug right now. I’ve n
ever seen him act like this – so confident. It’s sexy and I can’t help but jump onto him and kiss him right there in the middle of a blizzard.
He doesn’t hesitate, kissing me back with equal hunger, his hands sliding underneath me and cupping my butt. He groans when I bite at his bottom lip, and I gasp as his mouth trails down my jawline, leaving a path of heat simmering against my snow-kissed skin. The mix of heat and ice sends a combustion of sensations swirling through my body. It’s blissfully amazing. Mind-blowing. I want more.
‘We should go back to your dorm,’ I say, my head tipping back as his mouth finds the hollow of my neck. I tangle my fingers through his wet hair and guide him closer. ‘Or someplace where we can be alone …’ I trail off as his phone starts going off in his pocket and this time I’m not as surprised when he breaks the kiss, but am still equally as disappointed.
I sigh, hopping off him as he retrieves his phone. He reads the screen and then grins. ‘You know what? That sounds like a great idea,’ he says, lacing our fingers together as he tugs me toward the parking lot. ‘And I know the perfect place.’
Chapter 14
#156 Welcome Home.
Kayden
It’s taken me a couple of weeks to set this up and even longer to get the balls to do it. But after that night I spent with Callie, talking and reliving our past, I knew I had to. I have to give Seth most of the credit, though, for helping me out and for managing to keep it a secret. In the end, it was my speech about how Callie deserved this that won his sworn secrecy over.
I’m nervous the entire drive there, not just because I’m not sure how she’ll react, but because I’m uncertain how I’ll react. It feels like things are moving so quickly suddenly, not just with Callie and mine’s relationship but with life. I feel like sometimes I’m running my hardest to keep up with it, except when I’m with Callie. With her, I feel like we’re walking through it, enjoying every moment together. And that’s how I decided.