*******************
"Hey, this is perfect. We weren't as far away from it all as we thought. Shall we go in?"
"Whoa, this is pretty strange here. I guess we can get something to eat though, right?"
"Of course we can. It says so on the sign doesn't it?"
"Then let's go in. I'm so hungry I'm about to fall over."
The two men stood at the entrance. The entrance, of solid white brick, looked quite magnificent.
In front of them stood a glass door with the following written in gold:
ALL WELCOME, PLEASE COME INSIDE AND MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME
The two men were beside themselves.
"What do you think about that, eh? Everything works out after all. Here we've had such a rotten day, but look how our luck has changed. It's a restaurant, but we get to eat for free!"
"Sure seems that way. That's what 'make yourself at home' means."
They pushed open the door and walked inside. On the other side was a corridor. On the reverse side of the glass door, in gold lettering it said,
OVERWEIGHT AND YOUNG PEOPLE ARE ESPECIALLY WELCOME
The two men were thrilled.
"Hey, we are especially welcome."
"Yeah, we're both!"
They walked briskly down the corridor, where this time they came to a light blue painted door.
"This is a very strange house. Why do you think it has so many doors?"
"This is Russian style. Houses in cold climates and in the mountains are all like this."
As they went to open the door, they noticed at the top, in yellow lettering, it said,
THIS IS A RESTAURANT OF MANY ORDERS. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE
"Gee, they're pretty popular. This far into the woods!?"
"Sure. Think about it. Not many of the big restaurants in Tokyo are on the main roads."
They opened the door as they were speaking. On the reverse side of the door, it said
WE DO HAVE MANY MANY ORDERS SO PLEASE BEAR WITH US FOR EACH ONE
"What are they saying here exactly?" asked one of the gentleman, frowning.
"Well, what they mean by this is, they have so many orders, it's going to take them a while to get our food ready, so they are sorry about that."
"Yes, that'd be it. I really want to get inside some kind of room quickly."
"Yes, and get seated at a table."
But to their annoyance there was yet another door. Beside it, a mirror was hanging on the wall, under which was placed a long-handled brush.
On the door in red lettering, it said:
DEAR CUSTOMERS, PLEASE NEATLY BRUSH YOUR HAIR AND CLEAN THE MUD FROM YOUR SHOES.
"I guess that's only reasonable. To be honest, back at the entrance, I didn't think it could be much of a restaurant, seeing as it's in the middle of the woods."
"They're pretty strict on etiquette here. I'm sure they must get a lot of very important people."
They neatly brushed their hair and cleaned the mud from their boots.
Then what do you think happened? Just as they were placing the brush back on the shelf, it suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke, and a large gust of wind blew into the room.
Startled, the two men huddled together, shoving open the door and rushing into the next room. Both men were thinking that if they didn't get something warm to eat soon, and get their strength back, this could end up becoming a disaster.
Something strange was written on the other side of this door as well.
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR RIFLES AND BULLETS HERE.
There was a black stand beside the door.
"I suppose that's reasonable, you can't hold your rifle while you are eating."
"Yeah, they must get really important people coming here all the time."
The two men took off their rifles, removed their leather belts and placed them together on the table.
After passing through that door, there was another black door.
PLEASE REMOVE YOUR HATS, COATS AND SHOES.
"What do you think? Take 'em off?"
"Yes, no choice really. There's very important people here, do doubt about it. They must be inside already."
The two men placed their hats and overcoats on the pegs, took off their shoes and walked pitter-patter through the door.
On the other side of the door, it said:
PLEASE REMOVE YOUR TIE PINS, CUFF LINKS, GLASSES, WALLETS, AND ANY OTHER METAL, ESPECIALLY SHARP OBJECTS
Right next to the door was a shiny black safe with the door open. There was even a key.
"Oh I see, they must apply some kind of electric charge to the food. That's why metallic objects would be dangerous. Especially sharp objects."
"Yes, that'd be it. I guess that means we pay here on our way out?"
"It would seem that way."
"Yes. That's surely it."
The two of them removed their glasses and cuff links and put everything into the safe, and then locked it with the key.
A little further ahead was another door, and in front of it was a glass jar. On the door it said:
PLEASE TAKE SOME CREAM FROM THE JAR AND APPLY IT GENEROUSLY TO YOUR FACE, HANDS AND FEET
The substance in the jar looked like dairy cream.
"Why would they ask us to put on cream?"
"Well, it's probably because it's so cold outside. If it is really warm in the dining room, we'd get cracks in our skin, so this cream will prevent that. There must be some very, very important people inside. This might be our big change to get close to the aristocracy."
The two men spread the cream on their face, all over their hands and then took off their socks and smeared it over their feet. But there was still some left over, so both men, while pretending to spread more over their face, secretly ate it.
After they rushed through that door, there was another message on the reverse side,
DID YOU APPLY LOTS OF CREAM? HOW ABOUT YOUR EARS?"
There was a small jar of cream next to the door.
"Oh yeah, I missed the ears. That was lucky, I would have got cracks in my ears. The owner of this restaurant has really done their preparation."
"Yes, they really pay attention to the smallest details. But I have to say, I'm really keen to get something to eat soon; this corridor seems to go on forever."
Right in front of them was yet another door.
DINNER IS ALMOST DONE.
WE WON'T KEEP YOU WAITING MORE THAN FIFTEEN MINUTES.
YOU WILL BE SERVED SHORTLY.
PLEASE QUICKLY SPLASH SOME PERFUME OVER YOUR HEAD
In front of the door was a gilded perfume bottle.
The two men splashed some perfume over their head.
But for some strange reason, the perfume had a strong vinegary odor.
"This perfume smells like vinegar. What's going on here then?"
"They've made a mistake. The waitress must have a cold or something and she's mixed them up."
The two men opened the door and walked through.
In large letters on the other side of the door, it said:
THERE CERTAINLY WERE A LOT OF ORDERS, WEREN'T THERE? WE APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE TROUBLE.
BUT THIS IS THE LAST ONE. PLEASE TAKE A LARGE HANDFUL OF SALT FROM THE JAR AND MASSAGE IT IN WELL, ALL OVER YOUR BODY
Beside the door was a beautiful ceramic bowl filled with salt, but this time they stared wide-eyed into each other's cream soaked faces, as if this was finally too much.
"This isn't ri
ght."
"No, there's something wrong here."
"That's saying that the many orders, are from them, to us!"
"That's why, this European restaurant, the way I see it, doesn't serve European cuisine to people who come here; it's a restaurant that serves up people who come here as European cuisine and then eats them. Which... which m...m...m...means, w...w...w...we...we...we are...," chatter, chatter, chatter... the first gentleman was shaking so badly he couldn't finish the sentence.
"It's us th... th... that's going to g.. g... get.... aahh!" chatter, chatter, chatter... the second gentleman was shaking so badly he couldn't finish his sentence either.
"Ru.. ru... ru...n" As they stood shaking, one of the gentlemen pushed against the door behind them, but would you believe it, now it wouldn't move an inch.
Further down the corridor was another door with two large key holes in the shape of a silver knife and fork.
On the door was written:
THANK YOU INDEED FOR GOING TO SO MUCH TROUBLE. YOU HAVE PREPARED YOURSELVES EXCELLENTLY. PLEASE COME INSIDE TO EAT.
To top it off there were two blue eyes staring at them through the keyhole.
"Hyaa!!" chatter, chatter, chatter.
"Hyaa!!" chatter, chatter, chatter.
The two began blubbering out loud.
On the other side of the door, two voices began to speak in hushed voices.
"It's no good. They've worked it out. I don't think they are going to rub in the salt."
"Of course they aren't. It's the way the boss wrote it. Why did he have to write There certainly were a lot of orders, weren't there, and We apologize for all the trouble; that was just silly.
"It doesn't make any difference. He doesn't give us any bones anyway."
"That may be so, but if they don't come in then we'll be the ones that get in trouble."
"Shall we call out to them? Let's call out to them. Gentlemen, gentlemen, quickly, quickly, Come on in. Come on in. The plates are washed and we've rubbed the vegetables with salt. All that's left is to mix you both with some greens and put you on a sparkling white plate. Quickly, quickly, come on in!"
"Yes, quickly, quickly, come on in! Maybe you don't like salad? Shall we light the stove, and fry you up instead? In any case, quickly, quickly, come on in!"
The two men were in such terrible distress their faces crumpled up like paper, and they stood staring at each other, trembling all over and crying in silence.
Hew, hew, came the laughter from the other side of the door, followed by more cries of,
"Come on in, come on in. Why, if you keep crying you'll waste all that nice cream. …Yes boss, will be right there… The food is on the way! Quickly, quickly, come on in."
"Quickly, quickly, come on in. The boss already has on his napkin, his knife is at the ready and he's licking his lips while he waits for you."
The two men balled and balled and balled their eyes out.
Suddenly from behind came a great noise,
"Woof, woof, Grrrr!" and then those two great dogs that were like polar bears, burst through the door and into the room. The pair of eyes in the keyhole quickly disappeared. The two dogs growled as they ran round and around the room. They then barked,
"Ruff!" at the top of their voice, and jumped with full force into the next door. The door opened with a bang and the dogs flew into the room as if they'd been sucked inside.
Out of the pitch blackness on the other side of the door, came cries of
"Meo-o-w…kyee-ya-h…hiss," followed by a loud crash.
The entire room vanished like smoke, and the two men found themselves standing in the middle of the wild grass shivering from the cold.
Their coats, shoes, wallets, tie pins and other items were strewn all about the woods, some hanging from the trees, some lying amongst tree roots. The wind howled, the grass swooshed, the leaves rustled, the trees groaned.
The dogs came back panting heavily.
From behind, someone called,
"Gentlemen, Gentle-m-e-n!"
They quickly came to their senses, shouting out,
"We're here, we're here, come quick."
Their guide came wading slowly through the long grass wearing a straw hat.
Only then did their panic finally subside.
They ate some dumplings that the hunter brought with him, and then bought a pheasant for only 10 yen before heading home to Tokyo.
But unfortunately, even after they returned to Tokyo, even after they took a hot bath, their faces, having once crumpled up like paper, never did return to normal.
THE END
About the Little J Authors
Nankichi Niimi was born Shohachi Watanabe in what is now Handa City, Aichi Prefecture, on July 30, 1913, with the year 2013 marking 100 years since his birth. Gon the Fox is studied by every Japanese child in elementary school and it was recently estimated that over 60 million people have read this story, which he wrote at just 18 years of age. Although Niimi went on to write a large number of poems and short stories, such as Buying Mittens, Grandpa's Lamp and When the Thieves Came to Hananoki Village before his death from tuberculosis at age 29, Gon the Fox is undoubtedly the most famous and well-loved of all his works, and perhaps the most famous Japanese children's story of all time.
Kenji Miyazawa is one of Japan’s best known and well-loved writers and poets. He was born in what is now Hanamaki City, Iwate Prefecture, Japan, in 1896. Although the eldest son of a wealthy pawnbroker and landowner, Kenji was a deeply spiritual person who led a frugal life, and when he wasn’t writing, volunteered a great deal of his time teaching farmers how to improve their crop yields, or organizing concerts for classical music in his local village. He was a prolific writer who completed hundreds of works, but only a small collection of those were published while he was still alive, his reputation as one of Japan’s greatest storytellers only coming after his death in 1933, aged 37.
About Little J Books
Hi, my name is Paul and I started Little J Books because I personally wanted to be able to read more of these kinds of Japanese stories in English, especially in ebook form. By putting these stories into an ebook format they will be available for anyone to access anywhere in the world, forever. That last word is key, because quite often translators do an incredible job of translating a book into English, but after it gets published and sells out, it's gone. But now with ebooks and publishing on demand (POD) that is changing. So thank you so much for choosing to read this book, and if you would like to get involved somehow please send me an email at mailto:
[email protected].
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 1
Ame-ni-mo Makezu + Kenju's Forest Playground
by Kenji Miyazawa
Ame-ni-mo Makezu
Perhaps the most famous Japanese poem of the modern age, it was written by Kenji while lying on his death bed and was never seen by anyone else until after his death. This significance of this poem has increased greatly for the Japanese people following the Great East Japan Earthquake, with many people using it to reflect on what truly is important in their lives.
Kenju's Forest Playground
Kenju is different from other kids his age, and he gets teased a lot. But Kenju can see things all around that others can't. One day, completely out-of-the-blue, he decides to plant seven hundred cedar trees, and those trees become something that no one ever imagined.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 2
Gauche the Cellist & Other Stories
by Kenji Miyazawa & Nankichi Niimi
Gauche the Cellist
Gauche is a hopeless musician and he's always being yelled at by the conductor. It's not because he doesn't try, it's just that there is something lacking in his music. With a big concert approaching, Gauche receives some special music lessons from his closest neighbors.
The
Nighthawk Star
The nighthawk has a hard time of it. He's got a face like a mud pie, he gets teased by all the other birds and he has to put up with bullies. Hans Christian Andersen was a great inspiration to Kenji and you will recognize something of the Ugly Duckling in this story, but the setting and the finale is classical Kenji, making this story a standout favorite amongst many Japanese readers.
Wild Pear (Yamanashi)
A surreal tale about a family of crabs on the bottom of the river. The amazing descriptions of life under the water will leave you with a truly new perspective on the world. An extremely well-crafted fable, with a profound underlying message.
The Restaurant of Many Orders
This is perhaps the most famous of Kenji's short stories and one of his personal favorites, as it was the title story of his one and only self-published collection of short stories. Two hunters go on a hunting trip in the country and end up completely lost. Luckily they come across what appears to be an extremely popular restaurant…but everything is not as it seems
Buying Mittens by Nankichi Niimi
Mama fox only wants the best for her little one, so when the cold winter arrives and her precious boy needs some mittens, then she knows what she must do. The only problem is that she is afraid and her legs won't take her any further. So her son must go on his own. The highlight of this delightful children's story is the beautiful description of the foxes' journey through the snow covered woods during the middle of the night.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 3
Buying Mittens
by Nankichi Niimi
Mama fox only wants the best for her little one, so when the cold winter arrives and her precious boy needs some mittens, then she knows what she must do. The only problem is that she is afraid and her legs won't take her any further. So her son must go on his own. The highlight of this delightful children's story is the beautiful description of the foxes' journey through the snow covered woods during the middle of the night.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 4
Gon the Fox & other stories
By Nankichi Niimi & Kenji Miyazawa
Gon the Fox
Gon is a cheeky fox that loves to play pranks on people, but one day he plays a prank that has unexpected consequences, so he decides to make amends.
Niimi wrote this story when he was only seventeen years of age, and now more than seventy years after his death it remains one of the best known and loved Japanese stories of all time.
The Story of the Giant
All of the town's people are terrified of the giant because he is enormous and he is the son of that horrible old witch. But is it possible that they may have misjudged him?
Grandpa's Lamp
Minosuke was born a poor orphan, but with a little luck and a lot of hard work he manages to carve out a business of his own and starts to rise up in the world. One day a competitor arrives that threatens to take it all away from him. A fascinating insight into the period of transition in Japan, from a country in darkness to one bathed in light.
When the Thieves Came to Hananoki Village
What could be a better hunting ground for a thief than a village where people don't even bother with proper locks? The only trouble is that these thieves have no idea what they are doing, and it is up to the boss to train them. But just when the boss appears to have made a wonderful score, the story takes an unexpected turn.
Ame-ni-mo Makezu
Perhaps the most famous Japanese poem of the modern age, it was written by Kenji while lying on his death bed and was never seen by anyone else until after his death. This significance of this poem has increased greatly for the Japanese people following the Great East Japan Earthquake, with many people using it to reflect on what truly is important in their lives.
Kenju's Forest Playground
Kenju is different from other kids his age, and he gets teased a lot. But Kenju can see things all around that others can't. One day, completely out-of-the-blue, he decides to plant seven hundred cedar trees, and those trees become something that no one ever imagined.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 5
10 of the Best Stories from Kenji Miyazawa & Nankichi Niimi
Book 5 contains all titles from Books 1 – 4.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 6
Night on the Milky Way Railroad
By Kenji Miyazawa
(DUE OUT FOR CHRISTMAS 2013)
Giovanni is having trouble concentrating at school because he has no spare time to play anymore; he has to deliver newspapers in the mornings and help out in the newspaper office in the afternoons. His local village is getting ready to hold the festival of the stars, but seeing all those people enjoying themselves only makes Giovanni so much lonelier. One evening Giovanni finds himself taken on the most amazing adventure he could ever dream of.
This is Kenji's masterpiece and the culmination of a lifetime of study. Kenji takes readers on an unforgettable once-in-a-lifetime journey through our magnificent Milky Way.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 7
The Restaurant of Many Orders
By Kenji Miyazawa
(DUE OUT JANUARY 2014)
In his lifetime Kenji only ever published two books; one, a collection of poems, and the other, a collection of short stories titled The Restaurant of Many Orders. At that time the Japanese market for fantasy fiction was virtually non-existent and the book was a commercial failure. Fast forward ninety years, and it would be hard to find a Japanese person who doesn’t know of Kenji or the thrilling title story of that book. Book 7 contains every one of the nine stories included in that original edition, along with the introduction and advertising for the book, written by Kenji himself.
Other titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 8
The Fart & other stories by Nankichi Niimi
(DUE OUT MARCH 2014)
Yes it's true, Nankichi Niimi really did write a story called The Fart! The story is as hilarious as it is profound. Niimi provides such a wonderful insight into the way people think and behave, that you are sure to fall in love with this story. Book 8 contains five great stories from Niimi, including those last few works that he penned when he realized that he only had a few more months to live.
Other Titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 9
Magic by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
(DUE OUT MAY 2014)
How much would you pay in order to have the power to create magic? Not sleight of hand magic, but real magic. One man seeks to uncover the secrets, but there is a Zen-like riddle that stands in his way.
Ryunosuke Akutagawa is one of Japan's best known fantasy authors from the modern era, and a champion of the short story.
Other Titles by Little J Books
Tales from a Japanese Dreamland: Book 10
The Handcar & other stories by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
(DUE OUT MAY 2014)
Ryunosuke Akutagawa is one of Japan's best known fantasy authors from the modern era, and a champion of the short story. This collection of five stories shows a lesser known sensitive side to Akutagawa. In Hina, the protagonist is a young girl trying to come to terms with her parents selling her much-loved possessions while dealing with a mean older brother, while in The Handcar, the protagonist is a young boy excited about the chance of going on a thrilling ride on the newly built railway line. In Snowy, the protagonist is a dog, while in Tobacco and the Devil we meet the devil himself. The sheer diversity and flexibility in Akutagawa's stories is one of the reasons he was so highly regarded.
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