He was not there, not the guy I knew. But the gun was. It pointed through the railings at my crotch.
"You have two seconds," he said. "One—" I let go, partly. My hands slid down the wooden railings and I was left hanging on to the floor of the balcony. My legs dangled below me; it felt as if a river of blood dripped out of my torn thigh.
The pain was already intolerable, and my plan was really no plan at all. My only hope was that now that I was below his line of vision, he wouldn't be able to shoot me, not without wheeling out onto the balcony, which I prayed was too narrow for his chair.
Unfortunately, my status as a Wanderer did not make it inevitable that God would take my prayers under consideration. Peeking up over the side of the balcony, I saw Lenny approach steadily, past the coffee table and through the sliding glass door. His big round black wheels coasted to the tips of my fingertips. It was there he aimed the gun, not at my head. He must have had some deep-seated perverse wish to see me fall. I swore if I did, I would let out a scream so loud everybody would come running. Before my brother could come running. A scream was the one thing I had failed to let out the last time I had died, and as a result most people thought I committed suicide. Of course, that would not be a problem this time with the bullet hole in my leg.
"One," Lenny repeated.
"Jesus, Lenny."
"Two."
He fired at my right hand. My fingers were sprayed; the bullet splintered the wood between them. Technically, he didn't hit me, but the shock of the striking bullet was enough to make me lose my grip with that hand. Careening wildly to the left side, I fought to bring my right hand back up onto the balcony. It was a loser's strategy. So what if I got it back up. He would just shoot my fingers off, and there would be that much less of me to bury.
Still, I fought. Still, I could not comprehend that this was really happening to me. Not again.
Lenny's wild face loomed above me.
"Master!" I cried.
Lenny's face suddenly softened. "Shari," he said, as if surprised.
Time could have halted. I stared at him.
"What?" I said.
He reached down to save me. I reached up. But he was too late. I lost my grip. I fell. I saw the edge of the apartment roof, the stars. There were only a few of the latter, and they weren't very bright. Not compared to the lamppost that stood near the entrance of the apartment complex, which suddenly began to rush toward me at an incredible speed.
I had been this route before. I knew how the stars would change when my head hit the ground and I rolled over and looked up. There would be millions of them in the sky then. Orange ones and green ones and blue ones. There would especially be red ones, which would multiply rapidly and blot out everything else in the heavens as a colossal wave of smothering hot wax—all the blood in my brain—ran out and covered my face. I would black out. I would die.
CHAPTER XVI
WE SAT IN A TRIANGLE. Peter looked uneasy. I didn't feel so hot myself, not for being in heaven. The Rishi, however, had lost none of his equanimity. The clear stream trickled nearby. The air was still fresh with the fragrance of flowers. The sun shone; in this realm it seemed never to set. I wondered if Peter saw the Master as I did, but I supposed it didn't matter. I only hoped that Peter listened to him.
"What's going on?" Peter asked.
"I'm going back now," I said.
"To where?" Peter asked.
"Earth. A physical body. But I'm not going to be born as a baby. I'm going to enter the body of an eighteen-year-old girl named Jean Rodrigues. I'm going to be what is called a Wanderer."
Peter's face sagged. "You're going to leave? You can't leave. We just got here."
He appealed to the Rishi. "What's the big rush?"
"There are reasons," the Rishi said calmly.
Peter was distraught. "But I don't want her to leave. Shari, don't you have any say in this?"
"I do. It's all up to me. But I have to go. Not just for myself but for other people as well. I have something important to do on Earth."
"But won't you miss me?" he asked pitifully.
My eyes moistened. "Yes."
Peter turned to the Rishi. "Can I go with her? I have to go back if she's going."
The Rishi considered. "It is possible. But I wouldn't advise it. You have much to learn on this side, Peter, before you return. The last time you were in a physical body, you made some mistakes. If you return too quickly, you might repeat the same mistakes."
Peter was taken back. "Are you referring to my suicide?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," the Rishi said.
"But I won't do it again. Especially if I'm with Shari. I'll know how foolish an act it was."
"When we return this way," I said gently. "We don't necessarily remember the spiritual realm. The Rishi, the Master, has explained how easy it is to get caught up in matter again."
"The chance to become a Wanderer is a great gift," the Rishi agreed. "But it is also a huge responsibility. You would be more ready to accept that responsibility if you spent more time between lives."
Peter would not listen. "But I don't want to be here if she's not here. I—I love her. You told me when I arrived that the main thing in creation was love. Don't my feelings count for something in this decision?"
The Rishi smiled faintly. "They do. Divine love transcends all reason. It is the path to God. But is your love divine, Peter? Or do you wish to return simply because you will miss her?"
Peter was stubborn. "My love for Shari is as real as my love for God. I know that. You're so wise—you must know that."
The Rishi gestured innocently. "I know that I don't know. That is how I can feel the will of God." He briefly closed his eyes. "I feel many things right now. If you go back, it will be hard for you."
"I don't care," Peter said. "As long as I'm with Shari. Can you promise me that much at least?"
The Rishi regarded Peter gravely. "Yes. I can promise you that. But you threw away your last life. When you steered your motorcycle in front of the truck, you almost lived. Had you survived, you would have been crippled for life. If you return now, you will return as a cripple."
"No!" I cried. "That's too horrible. There must be another way."
"Those are the choices," the Rishi said. "It is up to Peter to chose."
"Don't do it," I said to Peter. "You know me, I live recklessly. I won't be gone so long. Stay here and learn what you have to learn. You don't want to be in a crippled body. You might not be able to have sex."
Peter smiled sadly. "But I would rather have love than sex. I would rather have you than have legs that work." He reached over and took my hand. "Even back in our bodies, you won't forget me and I won't forget you. It can work, I know it." He added, "If that's what you want, Shari?"
"I don't want you to spend years suffering."
"I won't suffer if you're with me."
I smiled through my tears. "What are you talking about? I'll drive you crazy."
"I enjoy being crazy about you," Peter said. He appealed once more to the Rishi.
"Can I go? I accept that I will have to be crippled. I see the justice in it."
The Rishi nodded. "You may go."
I was still worried. "But is this the best course?"
The Rishi laughed easily. "I must confess this entire conversation has been something of a test for both of you. Everything I said about the reasons you should stay were true, Peter. But I love love more than anything in this creation. Don't worry, Shari. If someone makes a sacrifice in love, then only good can come from it in the long run. Good will come from Peter's decision, for both of you."
"Is there anything we can do on Earth to help us remember this time with you?" Peter asked.
"Shari has asked me this question several times," the Rishi said. "My answer to you is not the same. For you to remember, Peter, you will need a huge shock.
You will have to return to that moment of despair that previously made you take your life. You will have to face
it squarely. And this time you will have to decide to live." He paused. "What did you think of just before you died?"
Peter considered. "I thought of Shari."
The Rishi nodded and stood. "Then events will arrange themselves so that the lesson is repeated. I hope you pass the test. But if you don't, you will just have to take it again later." He offered both his hands, one for each of us. "Come children, it's time. Lenny and Jean are in the hospital, unconscious."
EPILOGUE
LENNY AND I had entered the apartment complex, we had, as I said, used the elevator because of his wheelchair. The lift was at the front of the complex. The pool was in the rear. Lenny, therefore probably not until he wheeled himself out onto the balcony to try to shoot off my fingers—did not even know there was a fair-size body of water almost directly beneath the balcony. There was another important element in the scenario. Just before I lost my grip, as I fought to reach for Lenny's hand, I swung up with my right arm. The move was in one sense counterproductive and in another sense beneficial. It had the effect of making me lose my grip, but it also threw me away from the balcony and farther out over the central courtyard, just before I started on my long fall to my death. Yet I didn't die.
To make a long story short, I landed in the deep end of the swimming pool.
Boy, that was one bellyflop that stung. I bobbled to the surface ready to scream. The water was already stained with my blood.
Just then Jimmy and Jo came by. Jimmy took one look at me and appeared ready to faint. But Jo burst out laughing.
"Hey, Jimmy," she said. "You are right. That must be Shari. She's still jumping off balconies." Jo walked to the edge of the pool and offered me a helping hand.
"If you are Shari, then I finally have a nickname for you."
I let Jo pull me out of the pool. My leg hurt something awful, but as long as it didn't have to be amputated, I didn't mind. I remembered that Jo often gave people nicknames. I noticed that she had bleached her hair blond. She always did want to have more fun.
"What's that?" I asked my old friend.
She giggled. "The Fall Girl."
"Shari!" someone called from three stories up. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah! Is that you, Peter?"
"This is turning out to be a weird day," Jimmy muttered.
"Yeah!" Peter shouted. "I remember! I remember you!"
I smiled. "That's what I wanted most!"
TO BE CONTINUED ...
Table of Contents
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
EPILOGUE
Table of Contents
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
CHAPTER XVI
EPILOGUE
Christopher Pike, The Return
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