*****
We cuddle in Sebastian’s bed most of the morning. I snuggle into him and let myself doze on and off in his arms. He does the same. It is the most comfortable rest I have had in a while.
He needs to take a few of the calls that come through on his cell. He apologizes every time he has to answer and he keeps the calls as short as possible. I don’t mind. I like hearing him being so authoritative on the phone.
He sounds sexy.
A woman I don’t recognize brings us up brunch around noon. It's a nice spread of bagels, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, French toast, and fruit. I don’t know how many people she thinks are in here because there is no way we are going to be able to eat all of this.
When I ask Sebastian about all the food he explains that he wasn’t sure what I like to eat so he had them bring up a selection of different foods.
That is sweet.
I decide on some pancakes and sausage while Sebastian eats the scrambled eggs and fruit. I'm cradled between his legs while we eat. It's easy for me to eat, but I’m not so sure it's that easy for him to eat, but he doesn’t complain.
When we finish eating Sebastian has Celeste, a member of the kitchen staff, come up and collect our dirty dishes.
We lie back down facing each other, him on his right side and me on my left. Our faces are only a few inches apart.
“I want to tell you about Darcy,” Sebastian whispers to me as he plays with a strand of my hair between his fingers.
I am hesitant as I reply, “Okay.” I’m not sure if I am going to like the story he's about to tell me. I’m also not sure if I am going to look like the dirty whore who sleeps with a married man.
I guess I am about to find out.
“Before I tell you I need you to know something,” he says nervously. “I… the way I feel about you, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve been in many relationships, some serious and some not, but I’ve never had any kind of intense feelings for any of the women. It was always just something to satisfy me, sexually. Also, I was lonely and any kind of companionship was better than nothing.
“When I met you, everything changed. I knew it the second I laid my eyes on you. You came into my office, looking so innocent and scared, and I instantly felt the need to protect you. It was instinct.”
He pauses briefly, looking at me anxiously. He looks like he is afraid to continue. I lift my hand and place it on his chest, directly over his heart. I want to give him some kind of encouragement to continue.
“When you left my office I couldn’t get you out of my head. I knew that no matter what the background check said, I was going to hire you. I couldn’t imagine not seeing you again. Then… then I got the report on you from my private investigator. Out of all the horrible scenarios I could imagine being on that report, I never would have imagined reading what I read about you. My heart broke for you, even though I just met you.
“I immediately got on the phone with Nancy and told her to call you and let you know you were hired. When Nancy mentioned you moving in on the weekend my protective instinct took over. I couldn’t imagine you living on your own for a few more days. I needed you safe, on my estate. I told Nancy you had to move in that night.
“She thought I was insane, but I didn’t care. I needed to know you were safe. I filled my day in with Vanessa and her body. It was like I had to prove to myself that you weren’t going to change anything. That I was still going to be able to fuck my staff… and you, some girl I just met, was not going to change me. Then you moved in and our brief interactions sparked something inside me.”
He takes a deep breath and continues to play with my hair as he speaks, “Then that first night at dinner, when we connected, I felt it throughout my body. It was like I was alive for the first time. My body felt like it was on fire. Your touch did that to me, but then…. then you turned me down and left me.
“I was so angry. Angry with you and angry that I let you get to me. I used Rachel to fill the need I had for you and the next thing I know, you’re in my office watching me fuck her.
“The look on your face, you were devastated. I could see it and I felt sick. Sick that I did that to you, and sick that after you turned me down I was weak and turned to Rachel. When you ran out of my office I made Rachel leave. I haven’t touched another woman since.”
I bring my lips up to his and kiss him gently on the lips. I want to comfort him. I want to soothe him from any pain I have caused him.
He moves away from my lips and continues, “I thought I blew any chance I had with you. Then we decided to be friends and that night, in your bedroom, was the hottest thing I have ever experienced. You trusted me. I knew then that I might actually have a chance with you… and I wanted a chance with you… so badly.
“So I told you we could be friends and over the next several weeks I got to get to know you and I loved everything about you. You are a breath of fresh air for me. Everything I’ve been missing. When we made love for the first time, I knew what a big deal that was for you. I was so happy you trusted me to let us experience that together. It was in that moment I knew I loved you.”
Oh. My. God.
He loves me. Sebastian just said he loves me. He can't love me. Maybe he doesn’t realize what he said. Maybe he is already regretting saying it. Maybe-
Sebastian lifts my chin so that I’m looking directly into his eyes. His are crystal clear while mine are blurry with unshed tears, waiting to pour down.
“I love you, Mia. I've never loved another woman. You are it for me.” He looks so sincere and with his words I melt.
My brain and mouth lose any filter they’ve had before. I am no longer trying to protect my heart.
“I love you, Sebastian. God, I love you so much. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I think I loved you the moment I met you. You brought me back to life. Over the past several months I’ve been dead inside and you saved me. I love you.”
I kiss him passionately this time. Saying with my mouth and body what I just said with words. We are getting pretty hot and heavy when Sebastian pulls away.
He's breathing heavily and his eyes are filled with lust, but he's determined. “We need to talk first, Mia. I still haven’t told you about Darcy.”
Well, that's like a bucket of ice water being thrown on my libido. The last thing I want to talk about after our confessions of love is his marriage.
He gently strokes my cheek as my eyes move towards him.
“Darcy and I have known each other our whole lives. Our families are close and our fathers have been business partners for over thirty years. Darcy and I never got along growing up, but our parents were convinced we would fall in love and get married. When I was a junior in high school I was so sick of hearing about the two of us that I started sleeping with any woman that would have me. It was surprisingly easy.
“My parents just thought it was a phase. They thought I was getting my promiscuity out of the way before I settled down. By the time college came around, it was evident that I had no desire to settle down with Darcy. Darcy was okay with that, too. She had a boyfriend at the time and she had no desire to settle down with me either.
“My senior year of college my father got very ill and I wasn't in any position to take over his company. Darcy’s father offered to step in and run it for me until I was capable of running it myself. That sounded like such an excellent solution for all of us. He just had one condition. I had to marry Darcy first.”
Sebastian’s hands move through my hair and down my body as his eyes follow. It is like he wants to make sure I am still there.
I’m not leaving him.
He continues to tell me about Darcy.
“Darcy had broken up with her boyfriend at that point. I had no feelings for her and I knew that wasn’t going to change, but I also needed to help keep my father’s company running. I had spoken about this with Darcy and she felt the same way I did… but she was a Daddy’s girl. She wou
ld agree with whatever he asked of her, no matter what.
“A week before my father passed away I made the deal with Darcy’s father. We got married that weekend in a small ceremony on her family's estate. It was a business deal and her father kept his end of the bargain. He ran my dad’s company for the next two years and then I took over.
“Darcy and I tried to have a real marriage in the beginning, but it only lasted a couple months. Neither of us was in love and Darcy was sleeping with her tennis instructor. We decided to stay married for the sake of our families. Also, a divorce would mean vicious headlines in the press. Neither of us wanted that.
“So we stayed married to make everyone happy, but we have little to no contact. Unless it has to do with business we don’t speak. We rarely even attend functions together. It has worked for us, up until now.
“I want a divorce from her. I want to show you off as my woman. I want everyone to know we are together.”
I am stunned. A lot of declarations are being made in this bed today. I need time to take it all in. Just when I think there couldn’t be anymore he says one last thing.
“I want you to stop working for me. I want you to live with me as my girlfriend, not as my housekeeper.”
Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.
I also wasn’t expecting the overwhelming feeling of love that rushes over me when he calls me his girlfriend. Okay, maybe he doesn’t call me his girlfriend, but he implies that he wants me to be his girlfriend.
I move closer to him and lift my right leg over his hips. I want him as close to me as possible. My chest is pressed into his and my arm moves around him to hold onto his back.
“As much as I love the idea of being your girlfriend and living with you, I can’t. You hired me as your housekeeper. How would that look to everyone? Your housekeeper is now your girlfriend? I’ve made a few friends here and they will hate me when they find out.”
He looks at me in disbelief. He knows I have no friends in the house.
“Okay, maybe not friends but acquaintances. If you change the dynamic of the house, things could backfire on you.” I point to his door as I continue, “Those girls out there really like you. Some might even love you. If you declare me as your girlfriend and I stop working for you, everything will blow up in your face. Most of those girls will no longer be nice and then we will have even more issues to deal with.”
I kiss his lips again, trying to soften the blow. I hope he realizes that I’m not saying no because I don’t want to be with him. I’m saying no because it's what is best for everyone involved.
He has a really great life set out for him. He has all the help he needs and I will just get in the way of that. Plus, I don’t know how Darcy will deal with this. I know they have an agreement, but she has never had to deal with Sebastian being serious with someone. This could change everything.
Sebastian continues to gently kiss my lips as he speaks.
“If you don’t want to, I understand, but don’t… don’t use those girls as an excuse. I want to make a life with you and if you want to make a life with me, too, then the rest will work itself out. I just need to know what you want.”
What do I want? Everything he said, I want that, too. But can I have it? Can I just forget about everything in my past and make a life with him? He’ll never understand about the children thing. He’ll never understand my love for Miles. He’ll never know Miles and he'll never truly love me.
Can I live my life with someone who doesn’t even know about the most important thing in my life? Can I tell him about Miles?
No, I know I’m not ready to talk to him about Miles yet, but I do want what he is proposing. I want to be his girlfriend. I want to make a life with him and I want to live with him. Not as his housekeeper, but as his girlfriend.
Screw what the other girls think. If Sebastian wants me then I’m not going to turn him down. He's made me happier than I've been in a long time. I would be stupid to give that up. People fight their whole lives to feel just a fraction of what I feel for Sebastian. I have to be with him, however I can.
I move my hand from his back, up into his hair and kiss him a little harder than the gentle kisses he is giving me. When I break the kiss, Sebastian is panting and ready for more, his erection digging into my stomach makes that evident.
I want him, too, so I am going to let us both out of our misery, “I want to start a life with you, too. I’ll move in, I’ll be your girlfriend. I want to be with you however and whenever I can.”
I move my lips back to his and the kiss grows more and more intense as he is frantically ripping my bra and panties off my body. I pull his boxers off with just as much eagerness.
His hands roam all over my body. My hands can’t decide where they want to touch first.
Then Sebastian’s cock is entering me and I forget about anything and everything else. I just focus on Sebastian and the way he makes love to me.