That was where I was, pretending to read but in fact thinking of
when I should next see Magnus Perrensen. I mean alone. He was dining with us tonight and that made me very happy. One always hoped there would be an opportunity to talk about the things which really mattered.
"Oh, Miss Ann Alice ... " It was one of the maids. "A gentleman has called."
I sprang up.
Magnus was in my thoughts and foolishly I thought it was he, so I did not ask his name and it was a shock when I went into the hall and saw Desmond Featherstone.
I felt that sudden shiver of apprehension which he had so often inspired in me in the past.
"Miss Ann Alice. What a pleasure."
"Oh ... Mr. Featherstone ... It is a long time since we have seen you here."
"I have missed all this ... sorely."
"So you are back again."
"For a brief visit, alas."
"You must er—come into the parlour... Perhaps you would like some refreshment."
"I have come to see you ... nothing else is important."
"Come in." I took him to the small room which led from the hall and was used as a reception room for callers. "Pray sit down."
He had put his hat on the table.
"I will go and tell them to bring something. Would you like a dish of tea?"
"It sounds ideally refreshing."
"I will go and tell them."
"Oh..." He was protesting. He no doubt wondered why I did not pull the bell rope and summon a servant. I had a good reason for not doing so and I hurried out as quickly as I could.
I sped to my father's room. By good fortune he was up and sitting in his chair half-dozing.
I said: "Papa, we have a visitor. That friend of my stepmother. I do think you should come down."
"Certainly. Certainly." A friend of my stepmother must of course be treated with respect. "Who is it?"
"It's Mr. Featherstone."
"Why yes. Of course I remember."
"He's in the parlour. Will you go down to him. I'll see about getting some tea."
He followed me down and went to the parlour. When I returned Desmond Featherstone was chatting easily with my father.
I fancied the look he gave me was reproachful.
Tea was brought. They talked of the weather and Desmond Featherstone enquired solicitously about my father's health. My father said he never felt better. I don't think that was quite true but since his marriage he had always maintained that he was very well indeed.
"It is some time since I saw you. Miss Ann Alice has grown taller I swear."
"It's her eighteenth birthday soon, you know."
"Indeed! What a matter for celebration!"
I felt irritated. I hated their talking of me as though I were not there, as though I were some infant whose growth was to be commented on.
"Yes," said my father. "We are celebrating, of course. My wife is as excited as though it were her birthday."
"And when is the great day?"
"In a few days' time. The twenty-first to be precise. I don't know how many are coming. The list is continually being added to."
"I am going to be rather bold. As an old friend of Mrs. Mallory's family ... I am going to ask for an invitation."
"Any friend of Mrs. Mallory is welcome, don't you agree, Ann Alice?"
I was glad he did not wait for an answer, although Desmond Featherstone was looking at me expectantly.
My father went on: "We are hoping that the gods will be kind and give us a warm evening. I am afraid we shall be rather crowded if we are forced to be indoors."
"I am sure the gods will be kind on such an auspicious occasion," said Desmond Featherstone.
I was sitting there exasperated. So he would be at the birthday party. I had an uneasy feeling that he was going to spoil it.
It had been so long since I had thought of him and now he is back again.
When my stepmother returned I could see she was as taken aback by the sight of him as I had been and I thought her greeting was distinctly cool.
"I am in the neighbourhood again," he said, "and I knew you would never forgive me if I did not call."
"For how long?" asked my stepmother, rather tactlessly for her, I thought.
"That depends on business."
My father said: "Mr. Featherstone has promised to come to the party."
"Oh," replied my stepmother quietly.
I was glad when he went.
But somehow I do not feel quite the same.
May 21st My birthday and the most exciting day I have lived through! How wonderful that it should have happened on my birthday!
The day began rather cloudy and we were in a state of great anxiety lest it should rain. The servants kept running out to gaze at the sky.
I have looked at my dress hanging in the wardrobe at least twenty times during the day. It is the most beautiful dress I have ever had. I had pleaded with my stepmother to let Freddy stay up just for an hour or so and she has agreed, I think with assumed reluctance. She is really fond of Freddy and our affection has made a bond between us— in spite of my resistance.
During the afternoon the skies cleared and everyone was saying that it was going to be fine after all. The wind has dropped and as long as the rain keeps off, they kept saying, it will be perfect for our alfresco party.
My stepmother was in her element, organizing everything. My father looked on with amusement. How he has changed since his marriage! At least my stepmother has made him happy. I am sure he was never quite like this... even when my mother was alive.
The guests arrived. I, my father, my stepmother and Freddy, standing there like a small son of the house, received them.
And what a delight when Magnus arrived in the company of the Masters! He looked so elegant, I thought. How becoming was the more simple mode of dress. I heartily disliked all the affectations which had been introduced by the dandified fops.
The weather was perfect. There was even a moon to make the scene more enchanting and the company soon spilled out onto the lawns and gardens. The food would be served in the hall and dining room and people could take their food out to sit in the garden if they wished.
There was one thing which spoilt it: the presence of Desmond Featherstone. And it seemed to me that he was determined to seek me out.
How happy I was that Magnus was equally determined to stay at my side, and, for my fervent co-operation, we succeeded in foiling Desmond Featherstone's efforts and keeping together.
Freddy went off to bed when he was told to do so. He was a very meek little boy and I guessed was accustomed to doing what he was told without question. I found his gratitude rather pathetic and often wondered what sort of life he had had with my stepmother's sister-in-law.
I never asked because I sensed a certain unhappiness in the boy when I did, and I guessed it was something he wanted to leave behind him.
Of course, as it was my birthday, I had certain duties to the other guests. I had to dance with one or two of my father's friends. Some of them were cartographers of good reputation who had come from some distance to be at the party.
I was able to talk to them about maps in a more knowledgeable way than I ever would have been before—and that was all due to Magnus.
Perhaps I was a little absent-minded, thinking all the time of how I could escape and get back to Magnus; and when I did, there he was waiting for me, as eager to be with me as I was with him.
Then came those magic moments in the rose garden. The scent of the roses was exquisite. I shall always think of that walled garden on the night of the twenty-first of May in the year 1792, for there was enchantment on that night. All through my life I shall remember.
We sat side by side on two of the wicker seats which were against the wall facing the wrought-iron gates into the garden, so that we could immediately be aware of intruders.
In the distance we could hear the sound of violins coming from the house and every now and then we would
hear a burst of laughter. The air was soft and balmy.
He took my hands and kissed them.
He said: "As soon as I saw you, I knew."
"So did I."
"It was as though something passed between us ... an understanding. Yes? You for me ... and me for you?"
"That is exactly how it was."
"Life is good. It is rare I believe that there is such harmony."
"It's very precious."
"We will keep it so."
"Magnus," I said, "what is going to happen? It is not your home here."
"No," he answered. "I am here for a year... perhaps longer. Then I go home."
"A year," I said happily. "A year for us to be together."
"And then," he went on, "you will come home with me. We shall marry."
"And live happily ever after... It's like a fairy story."
"We shall have many children. They will work with us. They will explore the world. It is a good life."
"I am so happy," I said. "I don't think anyone could ever have had a happier eighteenth birthday."
He was silent for a while. Then he said: "We will go together to find my island."
"Oh yes. The island. I have often felt you wanted to tell me about that."
"Let me tell you now. This beautiful garden seems the place for it. I have wanted to talk to you about it for so long. It is like a dream sometimes. I could believe I had imagined it."
"Tell me. I long to know."
He hesitated for a moment and then began: "I had been with the expedition, charting the seas. We were sure there were many more islands than those known to us and we wanted to find them. I believe I found one. I am sure of it. But let me tell you. We were cruising in the Pacific ... coming from the Sandwich Islands where Captain Cook had been clubbed to death by the natives just ten years or so before. How can I describe to you what it is like to be at sea, perhaps sailing where men have never sailed before? Captain Cook had discovered so much that I used to be afraid that there was nothing more for me to find."
"Tell me about the island you discovered."
"Yes, I want you to know. I want us both to go in search of it. I shall never be completely content until T have found it again ... and I want you to be with me when I do."
I put my hand out to touch his cheek and he caught it and kissed it again and again.
"You will feel as I do," he went on. "You will feel the call of the sea. It is here for mankind to explore ... to tame, to use for himself. How fortunate we are to be born on this Earth. But I want to tell you about my island."
"Please do. Sometimes I think you are holding back ... that you are reluctant to tell me. You say you will and then... you hesitate. What is it about this island?"
He was silent for a few seconds, then he said, "The sea was calm ... so calm ... you scarcely would think you were sailing. And then suddenly the storm blows up... storms such as you have never dreamed of, Ann Alice. You cannot imagine the fury of a hurricane. The wind is like a thousand demons, screeching, whipping up the waves so that the sea becomes a seething cauldron. The rain, caught in the wind, beats down horizontally. It seems as though the storm is intent on destroying everything in its path. What chance has a ship on such a sea, in such a storm. I knew it was going to happen. We prayed for a miracle but none thought one would come. We knew she could not stand up to all that fury—nor could she. I thought my last moment had come. Oddly enough, I felt calm and my great regret was that I was never going to discover all those tracts of land which yet were
unknown. My name would die with me. My life was insignificant. Yet I had had grandiose dreams. Magellan, Henry the Navigator, Drake, Cook, Ptolemy, Mercator, Hondius ... I had dreamed of being one of them. A man needs time to prove himself. I have often since then thought of all the men who were taken in their youth and never had a chance of doing what they dreamed of doing. I thought then, I shall be one of those.
"The sea took us up as though we were a cardboard box. It tossed us this way and that. The wind shrieked as though with demonical laughter at our plight and the rain, thunder and lightning did what they could to discomfort us. Right out there in that violent sea we broke up. The deck seemed to roll from under us... parts of our ship were flung out into the sea like debris. All hope was gone. We were a wreck.
"I found myself clinging to a spar of wood. Part of the deck, I imagine. 1 felt half-dead and believed the end was not far off. No one could survive in such a sea.
"I knew roughly where we were before the storm hit us, but could not calculate how far we had come and where the sea had thrown us. I could think of nothing but clinging to my piece of wood. The sea tossed it hither and thither. I was submerged... and then I was afloat again. I closed my eyes and waited for death.
"They say that when you are drowning your whole life comes back to you. You remember the details... childhood ... schooldays. I don't know whether I was too numb to do so. I don't know how I clung to my raft. But I must have done and I remembered nothing of the past. There was only the need to cling to that piece of wood which was all I had to help me against that raging sea. I was exhausted by the battering I was receiving and I felt consciousness slipping away.
"When I opened my eyes everything had changed. I could hear the gentle swishing of waves against the sand. There was a scented breeze, very faint. I opened my eyes to a brilliant blue sky and a sea that was as gentle as a lake. How soft it was... translucent blue. Later I was to discover it could be a pellucid green. It was a sea which seemed different from any other sea I had known. But I had reached the island and everything was different there."
"So that is how you came to the island?"
"Yes, that is how I came to it. When I opened my eyes the first thing I noticed was... people. They were squatting some little distance from me—tall men and women and naked children watching me with great wondering dark eyes. Their skin was light brown colour, their hair dark and abundant. I noticed that they all wore
ornaments which looked as though they had been made from gold and the women wore flowers round their necks and ankles.
"The biggest of the men—whom I took to be the chief—came to me and said something which I could not understand. I tried to explain ... but little explanation was needed. My condition, the spar of wood which had carried me to those shores was enough.
"All the time I was there we communicated mainly by signs, gesticulation and mime. They brought pieces of wood held together by fibres and they laid me on this for I was too exhausted to walk. Two of the men carried me ... it was a sort of stretcher... into one of their houses. I realized later that it was the house of the chief. It was round, with a roof of straw; the floor was earth and there were rough benches there. I was laid down gently and several of them came round to examine me. They brought me food... fruit such as I had never tasted before ... mangoes and papaya, sweet bananas and nuts. They gave me something to drink which was fiery hot and made my head swim; and when I turned from it they brought me the milk of a coconut in its shell.
"I wondered what they would do with me. I had heard stories of the fierceness of the natives of some far-off lands. Captain Cook had been clubbed to death when he went to the Sandwich Islands to recover a stolen boat. I might have thought of a hideous fate which they were preparing for me—but I did not. Strangely enough I sensed the goodness of these people. They were tall and strong; they could have been warlike, but there was a gentleness about them and in spite of my position and the strangeness of it all, I felt no fear.
"I was completely exhausted and slept for a long time. When I awoke there was always at least one pair of dark eyes watching me. They gave me food—fruit milk and something which I had never tasted before but which I believe is known as breadfruit.
"I think I must have been at least four days and nights in their care before I was fully conscious.
"When I stood up they clapped their hands. They began to shout and one of the men ran out of the house and began beating with his han
ds on a drum which I learned later was the way in which they summoned the company. I shall never forget the hour or so which followed. They came in to look at me. They walked round me. They touched me, marvelling, I guessed, at my white skin. They looked with wonder into my light eyes; but it was my fair hair which intrigued them most.
"I had no fear of them. That was what was so wonderful. They stood around me, those tall men and women with their shining golden ornaments and their flowers. They could have tortured me, killed me
in the most horrible manner... and that did not occur to me. It was only after I left the island that I thought of it.
"They were happy people. They laughed continually. They squatted round me, touching my hair again and again, offering me fruit and coconut shells full of liquor.
"I sat beside the chief. I guessed he was the chief because he wore more gold ornaments than the others. Moreover he had an air of authority.
"Well... that was my island."
"And how long were you there?"
"I don't know. I lost count of time." He turned to me. "I have to find it. It was all so strange. I could at times believe that there is no such place ... that I imagined it."
"How could you have done so?"
"No. It is impossible. I went there."
"Tell me more. Tell me everything. I want to share all your adventures."
"We talked to each other by signs. I learned one or two of their words. Go; Come. Words like that. It was a thriving community because they had all they wanted on the island. They had fish and fruit in abundance. They grew certain crops, the like of which I have never seen elsewhere. They cooked in earth ovens with pots made of gold buried in the ground with the sun's rays beating down on them... and sometimes in an apparatus like a haybox. They lived mainly on fish which abounded in the seas and could be caught with little effort. Any clothes they wore were woven from leaves and fibres of plants. They lived simply and I have never known harmony such as I found on that island. They had a simple faith in goodness... they worked together... one for all and all for each ... It was paradise, Ann Alice.