The Rocker That Holds Her
Terri Anne Browning
Other Books By Terri Anne Browning
Reese: A Safe Haven Novella
Reckless With Their Hearts (Duet with Anna Howard)
Books In This Series
The Rocker That Holds Me
The Rocker That Savors Me
The Rocker That Needs Me
The Rocker That Loves Me
Copyrights
The Rocker That Holds Her
Written By Terri Anne Browning
Edited By Maxann Dobson. The Polished Pen
All Rights Reserved © Anna Henson 2013
This is a work of fiction. Any characters, names, places or incidents are used solely in a fictitious nature based on the author's imagination. Any resemblance to or mention of persons, place, organizations, or other incidents are completely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any other means without permission from the Publisher. Piracy is not a victimless crime. No individual/group has resale rights, sharing rights, or any other kind of rights to sell or give away this book. This is the author’s livelihood. Please respect her rights.
Acknowledgements
The last year has been a journey in and of itself. The Rocker That Holds Me came out at the end of January and since then my life has become the one that I could only ever dream about. I have so many people that I need to thank and show appreciation to. My husband, always the center of my universe and the reason I can do this amazing job without worrying about the outside world intruding. Thanks for putting up with me and my crazy mood swings as I put my heart and soul into all of the Demons. My BETAs who have guided me through the maze of creating all of the Demons. Neda, Amanda, Donna, Maureen, Holly, and Nikki—I would be so lost without you! And of course my lovely editor Max, for polishing my work until it shines. Thank you all for sticking by me while I chase my rainbows.
Dedication
To the fans! Because you f*ing ROCK!
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
Chapter 1
Meeting Emmie
I’m not sure what made me look out the window.
Mom was in the kitchen washing dishes, making sure that the place was her standard of clean before sitting down. It was a nice change to the way my old man had kept the place before he died a few years back. Back then it had smelled like stale smoke, beer, and at times the old bastard’s own waste. Now it smelled like sweet pine and some kind of floral spray that Mom couldn’t seem to leave the grocery store without.
I was lying on my bed just glaring up at the ceiling. My best friends weren’t home this weekend. Jesse’s dad had dragged him to some poker game across the bridge in Huntington, West Virginia, and they wouldn’t be back until the next day. Drake and Shane were on a camping trip with their mom and stepdad since their mother had the weekend off. Meanwhile, I was stuck here.
I hated it here. Hated this rundown trailer, in this rundown trailer park, in Nowhere, Ohio. Maybe it was the memories of my dad and birth mother. Of being beaten in the middle of the night for no reason. My Mom, who was really just my aunt, had been my saving grace when the old fucker died. She had given up her life and moved into this crappy trailer to take care of me.
For that I would always be grateful. Which was why I wanted out of Ohio. When I got out of Ohio, I would make it big. I knew I would. Drake and I were crazy good at music. We could get a record deal, and I would be able to take care of my mom the way she deserved to be taken care of.
Big dreams for a small town boy with nothing more than a passion for singing and playing around in the band room at school, but it was all I had. I was determined that it was all I would need.
I sat up, not sure if I wanted to go into the living room and watch some television, or maybe go across the trailer park and see if I could talk Missy Snuffer into taking a walk down by the train tracks with me. It wouldn’t be the first time I had asked, and it wouldn’t be the first time I would attempt—and more than likely succeed—in getting to second base with the sixteen-year-old.
Before I could make up my mind, my gaze caught something outside of my bedroom window, and for some reason I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. There, on the grass that separated my trailer from the one next door, sat a little bundle of rags. At least at first glance it looked like rags. Moving closer to the window, I saw that it was a little girl, maybe four but no more than five. Her hair was a mess, tangled and dirty, but that didn’t disguise the pretty auburn color. Her clothes were old and tattered. There was a hole in the knee of her leggings and a bleach stain on her pink shirt.
The little girl’s face was dirty and streaked with tears. She looked lost and sad as she held on tight to a teddy bear that I couldn’t tell if it looked better or worse than the girl. It was raggedy, missing its right eye, and its left ear was just hanging on by a thread. I was transfixed as the little girl rocked the teddy bear and whispered to it like it was her only friend in the world. My chest ached just watching her.
I was walking through the trailer before I even realized my feet were moving. Mom raised an eyebrow at me when I opened the freezer and pulled out two Popsicles. Instead of answering her unspoken question, I just kissed her cheek and headed outside. The little girl hadn’t moved. Relief filled me seeing her still sitting on the grass by my window.
The sound of my shoes crunching on a few rocks caused the girl’s head to lift, and big green eyes snapped up at me. She looked frightened, nervous. I took a few steps toward her and could see that she was pale under her dirty face and had to hide my frown the closer I got.
“Hey,” I greeted her. I hadn’t dealt with many young kids, so I wasn’t sure how to approach her.
She looked hesitantly at me, those big eyes of hers pulling at something in my chest in a way that was almost painful. “Hi,” she whispered softly, her grip on the nasty old bear tightening.
I opened up one of the Popsicles—cherry, my favorite. “It’s hot out here. Want something cold to eat?”
Her gaze went to the already melting Popsicle and she licked her lips, but she hesitated. I thought that was incredibly smart for a kid her age. “I …”
I took a few steps closer and sat down on the dry grass beside her. “Here, it’s good. Cherry is the best flavor in the box.”
Little fingers latched onto the stick, and I noticed that they trembled a little as she took the cold treat from me. As she lifted the Popsicle to her lips, I saw the first bruise. It was big, or maybe it was just because her arms were so little it looked big. The bruise was all kinds of colors starting with dark blue on the outside and ending with a yellow-green in the middle. It looked like it still hurt, even though it had to be at least a week old.
I could tell how old the bruise was easily enough. I had spent years with those same bruises all over my body. My dad wasn’t happy unless he was beating on me. My birth mother had sat back and let him have his fun. For a while, even after she had killed herself, I had thought she enjoyed watching her only kid being smacked around for sport. It wasn’t until her sister—the woman I felt was m
y true mother—had come into my life that I had realized that my birth mother had probably just been happy that the old bastard wasn’t using her as the punching bag.
“My name is Nik,” I told the girl, feeling sick as thoughts of her being hit like I once had been filled my mind. “What’s yours?”
“E-ember.”
“That’s a cool name.” I smiled, trying to let her see that I was harmless. I would never hurt anyone the way I had been hurt, especially this little baby. “How old are you?”
She held up her left hand. “Five,” she said before biting into the Popsicle.
“I’m fifteen.” I opened the second Popsicle and bit it in half. Orange wasn’t my favorite, but it would do. “When did you move in?” I hadn’t seen her before, and the trailer beside mine hadn’t been rented out in a while. I could hear movement inside the beat up home on wheels, so assumed her parents were in there.
“This mornin’.” She took another big bite of the sweet treat. “We used to live in West Virginia, but Momma said we had to move.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her country accent. One more bite and the snack was gone. When her gaze went to my half-finished Popsicle, I quickly offered it over. “Here, take it.” I wiped my sticky fingers on my jeans. “I don’t want it anyway,” I lied.
Midnight Caller
I wasn’t asleep.
How could I knowing that she was in that trailer? With that bitch? That monster? I hated Emmie’s mother at first sight: the way she had smelled of smoke and booze and something more sour; the glassiness in her eyes; the stagger in her step; and her tone she took with Emmie when she had seen the little girl talking with me.
“Get in the trailer, girl. Clean your room, before I …” She hadn’t finished the threat, but Emmie had been trembling ever so slightly before going into the trailer, and her mother slammed the old storm door behind her.
I wanted to bundle Emmie up then and there and bring her home with me—protect her, feed her, take care of the little baby doll that she was—but I knew that I couldn’t. My mom wouldn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure if I should tell her or anyone else what I suspected—knew!—was going on with our new neighbors. I had been taken away from my parents once, when the bruises were too many to count and hard to explain away. I knew what the homes were like. Foster parents could be just as bad as real parents.
And a pretty little girl like Emmie?
I shuddered and pulled the covers up over my stomach. My eyes closed and I started to drift off…
A tap, tap, tap at my window made my eyes snap open. Earlier I had told Emmie if she needed me, day or night, to knock on my bedroom window. I had even shown her how to do it. I’d told her it was our secret when she looked lost and more than a little frightened after her mother had gone back inside.
Heart pounding, I jumped up from my bed and peeked through my window. Emmie was standing on the bucket I had set up for her. I couldn’t make out more than the outline of her thin little body in the darkness, but I knew it was her. Quietly, I lowered the window and reached out to help her inside.
By the light of my old television set, I saw that she was bleeding. There was a little cut on her cheek and a few more on her arms that I could see. Tears poured down that baby doll face, and I felt my eyes burn with some of my own. “What happened?” I whispered.
“I wanted a glass of water…but one of her friends was over…” she broke off with a shrug that made her seem much older than just five years old.
I didn’t ask any more questions for the moment. Instead, I went into my bathroom and grabbed a box of Band-Aids and the ointment that Mom always put on my scratches. As I cleaned her cuts, I realized that they were from a switch and had started welting up. My hatred for the woman grew, and I was daydreaming of how I would torture that bitch as I cleaned Emmie up.
“Ouch!” Emmie whimpered as I put a little dab of the ointment on the cut on her face.
“Sorry, baby doll,” I whispered, “but these could get infected.” It was what my mom always told me when I was being a big baby and didn’t want the stingy ointment. “Do you want to have to go to the doctor and get a shot if they get infected?”
Emmie bit her lip but shook her head. She was quiet for the next few minutes while I finished taking care of her cuts. Every time she whimpered from the sting, I felt tears burn my eyes a little more and had to keep blinking before I embarrassed myself by crying in front of this little girl. She was so strong, so brave.
After using nearly half the box of Band-Aids, I put her in my twin bed and tucked the covers around her. “You can sleep here tonight, but you have to go home before my mom wakes up,” I explained to her. “If she finds you here she will call the cops, Emmie.”
She just nodded and laid her head on my extra pillow. I took my favorite pillow and an old quilt and camped out on the floor while she slept, but sleep was not my friend that night. I watched over my new little treasure, this little baby doll that had come to me when I had needed someone the most. She was sent to me so I could protect her, and I would.
I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up it was morning and Emmie was gone. I went to the window to see if she was outside. She wasn’t, but there in the window of her trailer I could see her looking out, as if watching for me. That ragged old bear once more clenched in her arms.
Chapter 2
Record Deal
Sweat was pouring down my back. My face and hair felt like I had dunked it in a bucket of water it was so drenched with it. I always gave each performance a hundred and ten percent no matter where we were playing. Lately we had been doing more and more bars. The owners loved it when Demon’s Wings did a live set for them. We always brought in a crowd for them, and more often than not they would end up having to turn people away, or put a bouncer at the door to make sure that the place didn’t get a fine from the fire marshal for being over capacity.
I used the towel Drake tossed at me and wiped my face. I was exhausted. Not only was this my night gig, but I was working day shift to help out my mom now that she had been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s. The last doctor’s visit hadn’t been a good one, and he was even talking about assisted living in the near future. I knew he was right on some level but hated to think that the woman who had dedicated her life to making mine better was losing her mind.
A strong hand landed on my shoulder. Jesse slapped me on the back, and I grunted under the force. “Good set, bro.”
I could only nod my thanks as I downed a bottle of water. My throat was a little sore, and I didn’t want to waste what little voice I still had by talking just yet.
“You boys have a gift!”
The voice was one I didn’t recognize, and I raised my head to find a guy in a suit standing on the steps that led backstage. He looked like a dick, but he also looked like my salvation. I knew who he was, had heard through the vine that a rock manager was looking for some new talent to pimp. Rich Branson had signed the hottest rock band on the radio just a year or so ago with OtherWorld.
Three beers and a bunch of handshakes later we had a deal—a shitload of money and the life I had always dreamed of was offered to me and my three best friends. I wouldn’t have to bust my ass to pay for the bills and the treatment my mom needed.
It also meant that we were leaving in a week and we couldn’t take Emmie with us. We all knew that with the money we were being offered we could easily take care of Emmie. Send her money, get her the things she needed that her mother didn’t ever supply, but we couldn’t exactly take care of her from California. And that was exactly where we were headed.
We all got wasted that night as guilt for what we were about to do churned in our guts.
Saying Goodbye
I couldn’t even look at her as all of us stood in the yard that separated my trailer from Emmie’s.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I never, ever imagined it would be like this! We had been busy making arrangements all week: making sure that Emmie had en
ough money and that it was hidden from her mother; getting her a phone so she could talk to us every day; finding the right person that was trustworthy and paying them out the ass to make sure that Emmie was okay while we were so far away.
Drake and Shane had already said their good-byes. Each had hugged her hard and long, telling her that they loved her and would talk to her soon. Now Jesse had her in his arms, rocking her as she sobbed into his chest. Each shake of her body was like a twist of a dagger in my chest. I hadn’t seen my little baby doll cry in years, so those tears and broken sobs made direct hits to my heart.
Jesse was having a hard time controlling his own tears. He was more protective of Emmie than even I was. One look at her baby doll face and he had been helpless as she wrapped herself around his heart. “I’ll call you every night,” Jesse promised again, for what had to be the hundredth time that morning. “If you need me I’ll be on the first plane back.”
Emmie just nodded her auburn head, unable to speak through her sobs.
He held on a few minutes more. Finally, he unwrapped her from the tangled hold she had on him. With a tortured look, he kissed her forehead and turned away, not allowing Emmie to see the tears streaming down his face.
My little baby doll just stood there, shoulders trembling as she watched Jesse walk away through her tears. Emmie had grown up a lot in the six years since I had first met her. She might only be eleven now, but she had an old soul. After living the life she had, seeing things that no human being should ever have to see—let alone a child—she was beyond mature for her age.
I wasn’t as strong as my friends. I knew that as soon as I hugged her I wasn’t going to be able to get on the plane. Instead, I kissed her cheek and whispered, “Bye, baby doll,” before following Jesse.
My heart broke in my chest when her sobs stopped. I knew then that not hugging her good-bye had been a mistake. I knew that she thought I was abandoning her, but there was nothing I could do about it. In that moment I was worried more about my sanity than her hurt feelings.