CHAPTER TWO.
MY MOTHER'S PORTRAIT.
Actuated by what was to me so powerful an incentive, my progress towardproficiency as a reader was rapid; and, in a comparatively short time, Ifelt equal to a renewed effort to sound the depths of the well ofknowledge.
On this momentous occasion--momentous to me, at least, for I amconvinced that it exercised a very material influence on my eventualchoice of a career--I chanced upon an illustrated volume of _Travels byLand and Sea_. I opened it at the title-page, down which I patientlyand conscientiously waded; then on to the preface--which, luckily, was ashort one--and so into the body of the book. I of course encountered agreat deal that I could only imperfectly understand; and I detectedwithin myself a rapidly-growing disposition to skip all the hard words;but, notwithstanding these drawbacks, I contrived to catch a glimmering,if not something more, of the author's meaning. It was hard work, but Istruggled on, down page after page, fascinated, my imagination vividlydepicting the various scenes of which I read. I saw the deep bluetropic sea heaving and sparkling in the joyous sunshine, and the stoutship, with her gleaming wide-spread canvas, sweeping bravely over itsbosom. I stood upon the deck of that ship, among the seamen, peeringeagerly ahead, and saw a faint grey cloud gradually shape itself in themidst of the haze on the far western horizon. I heard the joyous shoutof "Land ho!" break from the lips of the lookout at the mast-head; andwatched the cloud gradually hardening its outlines and changing itstints until it assumed the unmistakable aspect of land; saw the distantmountains steal into view, and the trees emerge into distinct andprominent detail along the shore; saw, at length, the strip of sandybeach, dazzlingly white in the blazing sunlight; heard the deep hoarseroar of the breakers, and saw the flashing of the snow-white foam as therollers swept grandly on and dashed themselves into surf and diamondspray upon the strand. Then I saw the natives launching their lightcanoes and paddling off through the surf to the ship; or leapt eagerlyinto the boat alongside; reached the strip of dazzling beach--strewn nowwith beautiful shells; plunged into the grateful shade of enticinggroves rich with the prodigal luxuriance and fantastic beauty oftropical growth, ablaze with flowers of gorgeous hues, alive with birdswhose plumage flashed like living gems, and breathed an atmosphereoppressive with perfume.
From that hour forward the entertainments of the servants' hall paledtheir ineffectual fires before the superior effulgence of thosedelightful visions which I now possessed the power of summoning at will;books or stories of travel and adventure alone had now any charm for me;and these I devoured with an appetite which grew by what it fed on. Thenatural consequence of all this will readily be foreseen: a desiresprang up, which steadily ripened into a resolve, that, when I shouldbecome a man, I too would be a traveller, and--like those of whom I wasnever tired of reading--would make my home upon the pathless sea.
Thus matters went on until the arrival of the eighth anniversary of mybirthday, on the morning of which, soon after I had finished mybreakfast, I was summoned to my father's studio. I was receivedsomewhat coldly; and, after indicating to me the chair which he hadplaced for my occupation, my father resumed his work and continued itfor some time without taking the slightest further notice of me.
A silence of perhaps half an hour ensued; when, laying down his brush,he said:
"I am glad to learn from Mrs Wilson that you are making verysatisfactory progress with your studies; that, in fact, you areexhibiting a marked disposition to acquire knowledge. This is well;this is as it should be; and, to mark my appreciation of your conduct, Ihave resolved to further your desires and give you increased facilitiesfor study, by sending you to school, where you will have the advantageof such guidance and assistance as only trained masters can give; andwhere you will also enjoy the companionship and association of lads ofyour own age. I hope the prospect is a pleasant one to you."
As this last remark seemed to partake somewhat of the form of aquestion, I replied that the prospect _was_ pleasant, and that I feltvery much obliged to him for his kind and thoughtful intentions. Iwanted to say a great deal more by way of thanks; I wished him tounderstand how delightful to me would be the change which thisarrangement involved; how I had longed for some one to take me by thehand, to guide my erratic footsteps and lead me by the shortest way tothat fountain of knowledge for the waters of which I was just beginningto thirst; and I wished him to understand, too, how welcome would be thecompanionship of the other boys, after so lonely a life as mine hadbeen. But to make all this clear to him through my imperfect method ofexpressing myself would have involved quite a long speech on my part;and, as my eager glance fell on his unsympathetic face, the words failedme, and I held my peace.
"The school I have selected is a large one," my father continued. "I aminformed that the pupils at present number over two hundred; and it isquite in the country. The principal encourages every kind of innocentpastime, such as cricket, football, swimming, skating in the winter, andso on; so you will not lack amusements--the necessaries for joining inwhich I will take care that you shall be provided with. And I havearranged that, for the present, you shall receive from the headmastersixpence a week as pocket-money--a sum which I consider quite sufficientfor a boy of your age. With regard to your studies, I would urge you tomake the most of your opportunities; as, on the completion of youreducation, you will have to make your own way in the world. Myprofession, as you will perhaps better understand later on, is somewhata precarious one. As long as I retain my health and strength and theunimpaired use of all my faculties, matters will no doubt go well withme; but accident, disease, or the loss of sight may at any momentinterrupt my labours or stop them altogether: in which case my income,which I derive solely from the use of my brush, would cease altogether.You will easily comprehend, therefore, that it would be unwise in theextreme for you to depend upon me in any way to provide for your future.Now, do you think you clearly comprehend what I have been saying?"
I replied, `Yes, I believed I did.' I wanted to add that there was onething, however, that I did _not_ understand, which was, how a fathercould communicate to his only child so lengthy an explanation on asubject of so much importance without giving one word or sign ofaffection to that child, and that I was most earnestly anxious to knowthe reason, if any, for so marked an omission; but, whilst I washesitating how to frame my remark in such a manner as to avoid thegiving of offence, my father rose from before his easel, and, unlockinga cabinet which stood in the room, said:
"One word more. You will probably be asked by your companions allmanner of questions about your home and your parents. Now, with regardto your mother, you know nothing about her beyond, possibly, the factthat she died when you were born; and that is quite as much as Iconsider it needful for you to know. But you may perhaps be glad to bemade acquainted with her personal appearance; you may, possibly, at somefuture day--if you have not already experienced such a desire--beanxious to possess the means of bringing her before you as somethingmore than a mere _name_. I will therefore give you this miniature,which is a correct and striking likeness of what your mother was when Ipainted it."
And, as he finished speaking, my father placed in my hand a small velvetcase, to which was attached a thin gold chain by which it might besuspended from the neck.
I was about to open the case; but my father somewhat hastily preventedthe action by throwing the chain round my neck, thrusting the miniatureinto the bosom of my dress, and dismissing me with the words:
"There! run away now and make your preparations. We shall set out foryour school to-morrow, immediately after breakfast."
I hastened away to my play-room, and, once fairly within the bounds ofmy own domain, drew forth the miniature case and opened it. As the lidflew back at the pressure of my finger upon the spring a thrill of halfjoy, half terror, shot through me; for I instantly recognised in thefeatures of the portrait a vivid presentment of that sweet dream-facewhose visits to me during the silent and lonely night-watches hadflooded my infant soul w
ith such an ecstasy of rapture and delight. Theportrait, which is before me as I write, was that of a young andbeautiful girl. The complexion was clearest, faintest, most transparentolive; the face a perfect oval, crowned with luxuriant masses of wavy,deep chestnut hair, the colour almost merging into black; indeed itwould have been difficult to decide that it was _not_ black but for thelights in it, which were of a deep dusky golden tone. The eyebrows werebeautifully arched, and the lashes of the eyes were represented asunusually long. The eyes themselves were very deep hazel, or black--itwas impossible to say which; the nose perfectly straight; the lips, of aclear, rich, cherry hue, were full and slightly pouting; the mouthperhaps the merest shade larger than it ought to have been for perfectbeauty; the chin round, with a well-defined dimple in its centre.Altogether, it was the loveliest face I had ever seen; and I stood forsome time gazing in a trance of admiration on it, the feeling beingmingled with one of deep regret that fate had, in snatching away theliving original, deprived me of such rich possibilities of mutual love.I felt keenly that, had she continued to live, my life would, in allprobability, have been widely different and very much happier than itever had been. Musing thus, I turned the case over in my hand, andfound that there was a contrivance for opening it at the back. I soondiscovered the spring, upon pressing which the back flew open,disclosing a circlet of glossy chestnut hair reposing upon an oval ofpale yellow silk, in the centre of which were painted the words "MariaLascelles; aet. 18. C.L."
Closing the case again and placing it carefully in my bosom, I turned mythoughts to my new prospects; and whilst collecting together a few of mymore treasured valuables to take with me, and packing the remainder awayin a place of safety, I suffered myself to indulge in much pleasantspeculation upon my immediate future.
On the following morning, about ten o'clock, my father and I left townin a post-chaise, and, stopping only for an hour about mid-day to dineat a pleasant little road-side country inn, arrived, at about seveno'clock in the evening, at our destination. This was a large brick-built edifice evidently constructed especially to serve the purposes ofa scholastic establishment, standing in its own somewhat extensivegrounds, and situated in a lonely spot about half a mile from the sea,and--though actually in Hampshire--some four miles only from the port ofPoole in Dorsetshire. I was speedily presented to the principal, who atonce made a favourable impression upon me, afterwards abundantlyconfirmed; and, after perhaps half an hour's conversation with him, myfather formally delivered me over to his care and left me--his leave-taking, though somewhat hurried, being decidedly warmer than hisabstracted manner during the journey had led me to expect.
At this school, let it suffice to say, I remained for the followingseven years; enjoying, during that period of my life, such happiness as,up to then, my imagination had never been able to conceive; and devotingmyself to my studies with a zest and enthusiasm which won the warmestencomiums from the several masters who had charge of my education.French, geography, mathematics, and navigation were my favouritesubjects; and I also developed a very fair amount of talent with mypencil. Athletics I especially excelled in; and by the time I had beenthree years at the school I had become almost amphibious. It affords meparticular pleasure to reflect that, notwithstanding my previous totalwant of training, I was, from the very outset of my school career, anespecial favourite with my fellow-pupils, never having had more than onequarrel serious enough to result in a fight, on which occasion Isucceeded in giving my antagonist--a great bully who had been cruellytyrannising over a smaller boy--so severe a trouncing that a resort tothis rough-and-ready mode of settling a dispute never again becamenecessary, so far as I was concerned. During this period there was onlyone thing that troubled me, which was, that I never saw my father.Owing to what at the time seemed to me an uninterrupted series ofunfortunate coincidences, it invariably happened that when holiday-timecame round my father had urgent business calling him away from home; andarrangements had accordingly to be made for my spending my holidays atthe school. This, in itself, constituted no very great hardship; therewere several other lads--Anglo-Indians and others whose friends residedat too great a distance to admit of the holidays being spent with them--who always remained behind to bear me company; and, as we were allowedto do pretty much what we liked so long as we did not misconductourselves or get into mischief, the time was passed pleasantly enough;but, notwithstanding his singular treatment of me, I loved my father,and regarded it as a positive hardship that so long a time should bepermitted to elapse without my seeing him. I was continually in hopesthat, as we were unable to meet at holiday-time, he would run down intothe country and pay me a visit, but he never did, and this was anotherdisappointment.
At length, however, an end came to my disappointment and to my school-days together; for, on the morning of my fifteenth birthday, I was sentfor by the principal of the school, who, after complimenting me upon mydiligence and the progress I had made whilst under his care, informed methat the day had arrived when my school-boy life was to cease, and whenI must go out into the world and commence that great battle of life,which all of us have to fight in one shape or another. He added to hiscommunication some most excellent advice, the value of which I havesince had abundant opportunity of proving; and concluded with theannouncement that my father would make his appearance that same eveningand take me away with him.
Within a quarter of an hour of the time specified, the grinding sound ofwheels upon the gravel drive in front of the building suggested theprobability that the moment of my departure was at hand; and, a fewminutes later, I was summoned to the library to meet my father. With myheart throbbing high with mingled feelings of joy and trepidation, Ihastened to the spot, and, before I well knew where I was, found myselfin the presence of the parent who had allowed seven full years to elapsewithout an attempt to see his only child. For an instant--whichsufficed me to note that those seven years had left abundant traces oftheir passage on the once almost unwrinkled brow--we stood gazing withequal intentness in each others' faces; then my father grasped theoutstretched hand which I offered, and said, somewhat constrainedly:
"So this is the once quiet dreamy little Leo, is it? I am glad to seeyou once more, my boy; glad to see you looking so strong and well--sowonderfully improved in appearance in every way, in fact; and glad, too,to hear that Dr Tomlinson is able to confirm so thoroughly the goodreports of your conduct which he has sent me from time to time." Hepaused, and I was about to make a suitable answer to his greeting, whenhe continued--half unconsciously, it seemed to me, but with a quiteperceptible ring of harshness in his voice:
"You are wonderfully like your mother, boy; no one who knew her wouldever mistake you for anyone else than her son."
The words were simple, but were accompanied by such a regretful look,deepening into a baleful frown as he regarded me fixedly, that I wascompletely startled, and in fact so overwhelmed with astonishment that,for the moment, I was quite unable to make any reply; and before I couldrecover myself my father appeared to have become conscious of hissingularity of manner, which he evidently overcame by a very powerfuleffort. Laying his hand somewhat heavily upon my shoulder, he said:
"Do not be frightened, Leo; I have been far from well lately, and myillness seems to have slightly affected my brain; sometimes I detectmyself saying things which I had not the remotest intention of saying amoment before. If you should observe any little peculiarity of thatkind in me, take no notice of it, let it pass. And now, if your boxesare all ready--as I suppose they are--let them be brought down and puton the chaise; we shall sleep in Poole to-night, and we can converse atthe hotel, over a good dinner, as well as here."
An hour later we were discussing that same good dinner, and maintaininga tolerably animated conversation over it, too. My father put a fewadroit questions to me relative to my school experiences, which had theeffect of "drawing me out," and he listened to all I had to say withjust that appearance of friendly interest which is so flattering andencouraging to a youthful
talker. His treatment of me was everythingthat could be desired--except that he seemed to be rather taking theground of an elder friend than of a parent. I should have preferred ashade less of the polite suavity of his manner and a more distinctmanifestation of fatherly affection. He seemed anxious to efface thememory of the singularity which marked our first meeting; and yet Ithought that, later on in the evening, when our conversation assumed amore general character, I could detect a disposition on his part toagain approach the subject, these approaches being accompanied by a veryperceptible nervousness and constraint of manner. But, though my fathercertainly led the conversation once or twice in that direction, he asoften changed the subject again, and nothing more was said about ituntil our bed-room candles were brought to us and we were about toretire for the night. Then, as we vacated the chairs we had beenoccupying during the evening, and rose to our feet, he grasped me by thearm and planted me square in front of the chimney-piece, which wassurmounted by a pier-glass, and, placing himself beside me, remarked,looking at our reflected images:
"You have grown tremendously, Leo, during the seven years you have beenat school. I really believe you will develop into as tall a man as Iam. But," (taking a candlestick in his hand and holding it so as tothrow the light full upon our faces) "you are so like your mother, sopainfully like your mother;" and again the frown darkened his face andfor a moment he seemed almost to shrink from me.
"Well, sir," said I, "it seems to me that I have your forehead, yourmouth, and your chin; we both possess considerable width between theeyes; and my hair, though dark, is curly, like your own."
"Ah, yes!" he answered, somewhat impatiently; "the latter, however, is amere accident; and, as to the other points you have mentioned, I really_cannot_ see any positive resemblance; I wish I could--I earnestly wishthat my son resembled me rather than--Ah! there I go again, saying wordswhich positively have _no_ meaning. I really _must_ take rest andmedical advice; I have executed several very important commissionsduring the past year, and the strain upon my imagination and upon mynerves has been almost too much for me. Now, I'll be bound, Leo, thatyou have noticed more than once this evening that there are moments whenI am not--well, not exactly my natural self."
"Well, sir," I hesitatingly replied, "I must confess that--that--"
"That you have," my father interrupted. "Very well; take no notice ofit; forget it; it means nothing. Good night, boy; good night."
"Good night, sir," I replied. "I hope you will sleep soundly, and risein the morning refreshed. And, oh father! I wish I could do anythingto help you--"
"So you can, my son; so you can. Thank you, Leo, for your kind wish.You _can_ help me very greatly, by taking no notice whatever of anylittle eccentricities you may observe in my behaviour, and byremembering that they are entirely due to overwork. Now, good night,once more; and remember that we must be stirring early in the morning,as we have a long journey before us."
And, with this very peculiar mode of dismissal, my father gently forcedme out of the room, and closed the door upon me.