“. . . couldn’t possibly be what I’m thinking . . .”
“Mom, please. Please. I can’t talk to you right now.”
“Just tell me who is this man? What is he to you?”
And through her mother’s fraught words, she heard her father’s furious rant in the background. “I don’t want to be hearing this. That is not my daughter right there. These people are scammers. I tell you, they put ten pictures together to come up with this stuff!”
Dad.Who still thought her to be faultless.With unsteady arms, she pulled herself up to the couch seat, barely registering that the person speaking in that peculiar, toneless voice was her. “Mom, I’ll call you later.”
She hung up and dialed slowly, an alarming calm settling over her. She was livid, she wanted to scream, and here she was . . . sitting. Hanging on to the phone as though for dear life! Oh, god!
“Grey Richards’s office. May I help you?”
Her heart jumped at his name. “Louisa, I need Grey.”
“Toni.” Louisa’s abrupt, startled pause lasted only a second.“He’s on the line with some PR person.”
“Did you read it?”
“Yes. I—” Louis paused, and Toni became aware of a perturbing silence behind her friend. As though the office were dead. As though everyone had stopped in their tasks in order to overhear this particular phone call. “I’m so sorry,Toni,” Louisa finally whispered.
“They turned me into a . . .” Whore.
She couldn’t say it. While she had been experiencing her first Mexican party, having a wonderful time, with her two men watching her like the most adorable bodyguards on the planet, these people had taken it and turned it into something horrible. They’d turned her life into something horrible. Her men. Her loves!
“Oh! Hang on. I’ve got Grey. He’s asking for you.”
She wasn’t left waiting. His voice immediately poured over her; a salve for her wounds, a blanket for her quaking, breaking heart.
“Toni.”
She had an insane urge to apologize, say, I’m sorry, Grey! I’m so sorry! But really, why? To whom was she apologizing, and for what? Apologize to the world for something three consenting adults did?
“You’ve seen,” he said with such quietude, she ached.
“Yes.”
Their pause was dense with repressed words.
His sigh clenched around her stomach, crowding her with even more cutthroat pain.“Are you all right? Is anyone out there hounding you?”
That was all he could think of. If she was all right. She had ruined his life. Something was wrong with her.And all he wanted was to know she was all right.
“I’m all right.”
“I’ll be right over.”
“I’m fine, Grey.” She spared a preoccupied glance at the front door, eyeing it as though she could see directly through the slab of wood. “Nobody’s here. Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.” And if I see someone, I’ll break their cameras in two! “I’m worried about you, Grey.”
“I want to hold you in my arms.”
The longing his words evoked was so great, her limbs trembled. “I want to be held.”
“I’m sorry,Toni. I should have protected you, I should have—”
“Don’t be! If anyone should be sorry it’s me. Your public image—”
“Don’t.”
“This would never have happened if I hadn’t—”
“Baby, don’t. Don’t do this.”
She twirled the phone cord with one twittering finger, inhaling one breath at a time. One short, unfulfilling breath at a time.“Grey, I don’t want them to make us regret it.We had amazing moments, and if we let them take that from us, we’re so screwed.”
His chair creaked, and she pictured him leaning back in that massive thing, rubbing his hair, frowning as he thought.“Your mom and dad?”
“Want us over for dinner.Which, of course, I will refuse until . . . I don’t know.Your dad?”
“For the first time in my life, I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself.”
The melancholy in her laughter made her regret having let it out. “Maybe you should. Not care what he thinks anymore.”
“It makes no difference.” His voice changed, became authoritative and businesslike. “I want you to put on something very pretty for me.We’re going to Tiago’s tonight, and I’ve got Louisa making sure every reporter will be there to see we’re fine, and kill this right off.”
Kill the rumors. Smile for the camera. They’d never taken an interest in Toni before. Grey’s plain little girlfriend. But as soon as the water looked murky, the press was all over them.And she would pose for them?
“To deny it,” she said, choking in distaste.
“To stop it before it gets worse,” came the stern correction.
She shook her head many times, continued shaking it as she spoke.“Grey, I hate not having explanations for my parents, but you know what? In a week, some starlet will come out with her skirt up to her waist and nobody will even remember us.” She almost prayed that one of them was already doing mischief now, and then felt miserable for wishing such bad tidings on someone just to get rid of her own pain.
“They will remember. It’s in print.They’ll have a field day with this.”
“I don’t want to play their game! In fact, I wish Heath were here and the three of us could pose, with each of you grabbing one of my breasts while we tell the entire universe.YES. Big deal.We had a freaking threesome!” Okay, she was really losing it, and most surprising of all, she was really loving it! She wanted to do something reckless, and she wanted to scratch everyone’s eyes out for attacking Grey.
“But Heath is not here, is he? This is about you. And me. And me needing to fix this.”
“Heath would say they should go fuck themselves.”
“Not. Another.Word. About Heath!”
“He’s your instinct, and sometimes you need to trust it, Grey. How can we be happy trying to please the entire world? I’m not going anywhere,” she said in an emphatic rush of rebelliousness. “I’ll be home and I’ll be waiting for you just as I always am, but don’t expect me to pose. I’m not living the life of everyone; this is mine. If I listened to what everyone thinks I should be doing, I’d be looking for a sperm donor, since it’s clear there won’t be a husband coming to me!”
“What in the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Nothing! The point is . . .” She sighed. What did a baby have to do with anything, damn it? Was she growing desperate? Was she so without dignity that she’d propose to Grey herself now? “The point is, all I care about is what you think. And Heath. The rest is not important.”
“Then would you care to know that I have our IPO coming up next week? RS is going public.We can’t afford something like this. Not now and not ever.”
“And what did your fabulous PR person suggest?”
Silence.
“What did he suggest would be great for your IPO?”
More silence. Not a peaceful, serene silence, but the kind that made you aware of just how many things you did not know, did not hear, were not aware of.
“What?” she fragilely demanded.“Did he suggest you pose with some other bimbo so the world thinks you broke up with me before Cabo and we were both there by accident, me with my new fling?”
“Yes.”
She gasped, the thought that everybody, everybody in the world, including her parents, did not think her fit for Grey devastated her. Because maybe they were right. Because no matter how much she adored him, she might not be worthy of him after all. She had hurt him, and maybe she truly didn’t have a clue about what a man like Grey needed.
With a serenity that belied the pain in her very bones, she mumbled, “Do what you have to do, Grey Richards.”
In her mind, she hung up—no, she slammed the receiver into the cradle—and yet a second later she remained in her same spot, anxiously clutching it to her ear.
“I fired him.”
/>
She blinked in surprise, stuttered, “You did?”
“On the spot.”
Her laugh was feeble. Of sadness mingled with relief. “Oh, Grey.” He was chuckling, too.
And she conceded, “One picture.That’s it. Grey, this is none of their business!”
“I know,” he appeased. “But I need the ball on my field. If they write about me, it’ll be what I tell them to. If I hide or keep silent, they’ll find out who Heath is and dig in our pasts until that one time we smoked marijuana only god remembers where . . . I can’t have that.”
“I know,” she ruefully agreed.
But she knew Grey couldn’t have anyone knowing who Heath was and what he meant to them.
It was over before she even knew it.
They sat undisturbed in a shadowed nook of the restaurant, and all Grey said, a second before they strolled out of the place, was, “Smile.” And she smiled. Blinding flashes exploded before her eyelids.Then Grey was tucking her into his Porsche, and they were driving off, the camera lights fading in the distance.
Neither spoke a word until they got home.
Toni went to her vanity, plucked off one diamond stud earring, then quietly set it down and said, “Why did we just do that?”
Without a backward glance, Grey whipped off his shirt and threw it in the hamper.
“Because of the IPO? Grey, people will buy a piece of your company because it rocks.You make it rock, Heath makes it rock. They’ll buy it because you make them money—they won’t care if you’re the craziest person on the planet or not.” When his hands went to his belt, the concentrated frown on his face spurred her on. “And it’s not about money, either. I hear you talking about off-shores all the time; it’s like you have so much, you don’t even know where to put it.”
He made neither acknowledgment nor denial, but he was listening, so she shimmied out of her cocktail dress and plunged on.
“So why is it?” she insisted.
He yanked off his belt while Toni grabbed his old T-shirt and popped her head inside. “Is it that you can’t stand that people may think less of you?”
He thrust his legs into his cotton drawstring pants, then turned his back to her as he hung his slacks.
“Or is it him, Grey?”
He crossed the room toward the bed, leaving a lamp on by the nightstand. His long, strong arm was already waiting for her by the time she lifted the sheets and slipped into his embrace.“I don’t feel like discussing my father tonight,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose as though to gentle the directness of his words.
She gazed into his golden eyes, noted the low set of his eyebrows, the worried crease on his forehead.
“Grey, look at you,” she marveled as she sat up, her heart exploding with love for him. “Look at this incredible man you are! I swear I quiver every time I see you. Not because of these eyes, this hair, this body, baby, but because of the mesmerizing man that you are! If you haven’t proven yourself to your father by now, there’s nothing you’ll ever be able to do to please that man.”
“I am aware of that,Toni.”
“Then why do you still try to please him? All these people?”
The rigidness in his body increased tenfold, and as the silence lengthened, Toni figured he was not planning to answer her. He clicked off the light, his hand stroking up and down the back of her head when she lay back down, and then he let go a breath.
“I don’t want to please him. I want to be a better man than he is.”
Chapter Fifteen
Duffel bag slung over his shoulder, Heath shuffled among the line of people boarding the aircraft. He sank down in the window seat on aisle eleven, stuck his bag under the front seat, and rubbed his sweaty palms over his jeans. No drugs. He could do it, of course. Pop them at any time. But he wouldn’t.
For the first time in his life, he wanted to kiss an airplane. This was the carrier that would take him to her.And he would not leave again. He would not fucking leave her ever.Whatever Grey said, he was staying. If he had to eat shit, he’d eat shit. If he had to fight Grey, goddammit, he didn’t want to, but he would.
He patted his right pocket, his two pills neatly tucked inside. Next he went to his left pocket and produced the red sash.
The fabric slid like a familiar skin against him, its scent memorized in his lungs. What did it mean, this present she’d given him? Why had she given it to him? She wanted him. She wanted him with her. Did she feel what he felt? Did she care about him?
Whatever she wanted, he would not say no. Oh no, he would not say no to his Cat.
“My, how pretty.”
He frowned, and it took him a moment to realize someone was speaking to him. Normally he would snore or ignore his flying companion.Why people loved to tell their life stories inside an aircraft was beyond him. But this time, he found himself turning his attention to the elderly woman who’d just settled in her seat beside him.
“It is,” he said cautiously as the plane doors slammed shut.
“Your wife’s?” she inquired.
He hesitated. “Her name is Antonia.” God, it was such a relief to tell somebody. Have someone to talk to about her.This little lady with the silvering hair and the crooked teeth was so sweet to ask.
“How long have you been married?” she asked, her wrinkled hands motionless on her lap.
“We’re not married.” He blinded her with a smile, a smile meant to make a woman even of her age blush. “Do you think she’d have me?” he baited.
He was so distracted watching the heat creep up her dainty neck that he didn’t notice they’d taxied until they took off. He cursed under his breath, tensing when the plane soared, the ground falling away beneath him.
His heart raced—not with dread this time, he realized, but with anticipation. The captain spoke, and when the speakers fell silent, Heath told the old lady, “So, was that a yes?”
She lowered her glasses to the tip of her nose and eyed him speculatively above the rims. “Yes.” She patted his cheek, her smile thin but honest. “You look vigorous.”
He propped his head back on the seat and gazed absently up at the head compartment. “I haven’t seen her in . . . well, hell, it’s almost three weeks.” He frowned. Only three weeks? It felt like forever.
“Three weeks is a long time. I’m going to see my grandsons, and I haven’t seen them in two years.”
Heath whistled through his teeth. “Two years? Really? Wow, that’s tough.”
She righted her glasses on her nose, her eyes lingering on the sash. “What are you going to do with it?” she asked.
Ahhh, that was easy. “Tie her to the bed with it and make her mine?”
Her eyes widened under her lenses, and he realized he shouldn’t have said that to a sweet old lady. So he smiled and did something unthinkable. He grabbed her hand, soft and wrinkled and looking like it would disintegrate in his, and said, “I’m going to tell her I love her.”
“Four-carat, E,VVS-one round brilliant.”
Inside a sumptuous jewelry store on Michigan Avenue, Grey grasped the tweezers being offered by the middle-aged jeweler and brought the loupe up to one eye. He gazed into the rock—a massive, blinding sparkler—and then looked up.“Am I supposed to see anything?”
“No, sir—it’s a VVS-one; it would be impossible to see the inclusions with a regular jeweler’s loupe.”
“Ahh.” Grey lowered the loupe and turned the tweezers around to glance at the diamond’s glinting tip. “It’s a bit too large for what I had in mind.”
“Nothing screams money like a big rock.”
“I don’t want it to scream money; I just want her to like it.”
“With a four-carat rock like that, the world will know your woman is loved by a rich, powerful man.”
Grey set it down on the black velvet-covered tray.“Is there something more subtle?”
The man tucked the stone back into a small, crinkling blue paper. “We could go to fancy. Colored diamonds are ap
preciated only by the finest connoisseurs.The ladies love the pink.”
Grey waited for the man to produce one.The bubble gum pink rock he revealed, although decently smaller than the last, struck him as perhaps a bit too girly for a woman. “She’s not that much of a pink lover,” he said pleasantly.
“Ahh, I have just the thing.” The jeweler fished into a discreet leather briefcase and presented another rock, one that was darker, brilliant. He secured it with the tweezers and handed it over. “We call it the Chameleon. Natural diamond. Will change color depending on the lighting.You’ll get colors ranging from the brightest green to a dark gray.”
“Gray?”
“Yes, sir.”
“A gray diamond. I’ve never heard of that before.”
“Usually, sir, one never hears of these things until one is wanting to marry.” The old man smiled placidly from where he stood behind the low display case. “I take it she’s your first?”
“My only.” Grey studied the rock.
“That’s a two-carat, internally flawless oval cut. That baby is as pure as they come.”
Grey assessed it from every angle, admiring the way it refracted the overhead lights, taking in the color, the size, its flawlessness. He set it down.“I need a moment.” He pulled out his phone, dialed on automatic, and lifted it to his ear, casually eyeing the other patrons in the store as they peered into the jewelry cases while he waited for Louisa to answer. “Louisa. Can you come down to Fried’s for a moment? Michigan Avenue; a large, very fine store. I need your opinion on something.”
When he hung up, he smoothed his tie in place and paced the length of the store, his eyes roving the glass cases, occasionally pausing on a particularly brilliant jewel that caught his interest. Patience, Grey, it is a virtue....
His lips curled when the words popped into his head. He could be the most patient man when it came to business deals; he could take weeks, months, years, to tailor matters to his specifications, shape them just as he wanted them. But in personal matters—more exactly, in this matter—he wasn’t feeling particularly at ease. Much less patient.