Kennedy and I slogged down the wet clay road in awkward silence for a good 10 minutes before he broke the silence.
“You're smarter than Drake and Shayla are giving you credit for,” Kennedy informed me with a hint of bitter admiration in his voice.
I frowned, unsure how to take his compliment and downright confused about why he was giving it to me. “Is that so?” I asked, hoping to sound merely curious. I was afraid the hurt, anger and confusion in my heart would leak into my words.
Kennedy choked back a short, hard laugh. “It took you two days to figure out that being a Scavenger isn't the good deal everyone in the Cube makes it out to be. It's taken me damn near three years and a best friend.”
“I'm sorry,” I told him. His boyish face was a mask of frustration and anger.
“Conner wasn't my blood but he was my big brother,” Kennedy said, staring down at his boots as he continued to put one foot in front of the other on the roadway. “We shared an apartment. Dated the same girls. Went to the same parties. Played the same freaking games. I was trying to go to sleep last night and I wound up laying on my back counting the rivets in the ceiling and wondering who I was going to play chess with now that Conner was gone?”
I didn't know what to say to that, so I didn't say anything at all. It didn't seem to matter if I replied or not. Kennedy was lost in his own world of memories and I was simply a sounding board for his emotions.
“Conner always talked about getting out of the Scavengers. He said all the secrets made him feel dirty. He wanted to jump ship and switch allegiances to the Church of Chaos pretty much from the first time we found out there was a world outside the Cube. He kept saying how the Powers That Be had a really short-sighted view of what survivors needed to do long-term compared to the way the Church operated.” Kennedy's voice cracked slightly.
The Church of Chaos wants too much.
Drake's words from yesterday rang in my ears.
“When Jeremiah died and Seth took over as the head priest of the Church, I had to beg Conner to stay. He respected the hell out of Seth. Thought he was brilliant. He thought we'd have a real future if we left the Scavengers for the Church.”
“Seth is the leader of the Church of Chaos?” I couldn't stop myself from asking. I needed to clarify his position in my own head.
Kennedy nodded. “Conner and I had made a pact to stick together when we were kids. Now Conner is dead and it’s all my fault. He only agreed to stay with the Scavengers because I didn't want to just abandon my sisters, you know?” Kennedy ran one long fingered hand through his shaggy, strawberry blonde hair. I noticed his fingernails were dirty and chewed to the quick. “We were supposed to be figuring out a way to get my sisters out. We talked about it a lot and Conner even though he knew how to do it, but we never followed through. We always thought we'd have more time. God, I never thought Conner would go out that way. Eaten by a fucking loner zombie”
“Zombie attacks happen.” I shrugged my shoulders in a helpless gesture. My parents were gone and while I didn't think their disappearance was my fault, I understood his grief. I also knew there was absolutely nothing I could tell him that would alleviate the obvious misery he felt over the loss of his friend.
Kennedy frowned at me and shook his head. “If we'd have joined the Church when Conner wanted to, we would have been safe. I still remember the first night we ran into one of their patrols. It was so damned cold I could see my breath. My fingers were like chunks of ice and Hampton Block kept insisting that we tough it out until we'd collected 100 cans a piece,” Kennedy let out a disgusted huff. “Shit I wish I had known half the things I know now back then. I woulda walked. I woulda told Conner that being a Scavenger was bullshit, regardless of what we'd thought when we was kids talking about what we was going to do as grownups. Stupid fucking cans.” He shook his head. “A kid died that night. Her name was Lisa. We used to be friends. Her feet were too numb to run when the zombies came out and when she went to grab her sword her fingers were frozen and she dropped the blade right there at the zombie's feet. It ripped her face off. One minute she was Lisa. The next minute she was a bloody hump of meat surrounded by a giant red stain on the snow.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat but made no attempt to interrupt. In the back of my mind I heard my Dad talking about how being a good listener was worth three times as much as being a smooth talker.
“I was sure I was dead. I had on my jacket and Conner's, because he'd lied and told me he wasn't cold and that I should take it. I couldn't even get to the knife on my belt because there were too damn many layers of clothing blocking the holster. The stupid bag of cans was heavier than hell and when I tried to run away it put me off balance.” Kennedy shivered from the memory. I doubted he even realized I was still standing beside him.
“All of a sudden the zombie falls over in front of me and I'm looking up at a girl. A really pretty girl with curly blonde hair and she's got a fucking chain saw in her hands and she's grinning down at me. I thought I was hallucinating until she offered me her hand to help me up. That was when I saw her skin. It was all shredded looking like raw meat, but she was still using it like nothing was the matter. I started screaming and she smacked me in the face. Told me I'd better get my knife out if I was going to be howling like that and attracting more zombies.”
“She was like Seth,” I guessed. “Part zombie.”
“They all are. They do it to themselves on purpose.”
I gaped at him in surprise. “On purpose?” I asked disbelievingly. “I thought...Drake said they were turning into zombies because they eat food that’s been contaminated with the zombie virus.”
“Yeah, but your skin doesn't just start rotting or decaying without an injury,” Kennedy shrugged at me as if what he was telling me was common knowledge. “You have to have eaten enough of the virus that your immune system is infected, too.”
“Oh.” I supposed the explanation was scientifically possible from a medical standpoint. I wondered what Dr. Zeb would make of it.
“Yeah.” He shook his head again. “It’s creepy as fuck. Especially Seth's face. That eye of his gets to me.”
“It’s creepy,” I agreed, vaguely relieved I wasn't the only person who found the zombification repulsive. Of course, I was pretty sure Drake found it even more repulsive than I did. I wondered why he hadn't explained to me how it worked. Not that the process behind the effects really mattered much in the long run.
Or did it?
The pieces of the puzzle that had seemed to fit together rather neatly when I finished talking to Drake last night were beginning to get jumbled again. “You said they disfigure themselves on purpose?”
Kennedy nodded. “Conner wanted to do it. He thought it was worth it. I guess he was right. He'd be alive right now if I hadn't been such a freaking pansy about messing up my own sorry skin.” He choked on his own tongue as he visibly fought back a sob.
I opened my mouth and then closed it again, my mind racing as I searched for the logical application of the information he was giving me. Kennedy clearly thought I knew more about life outside of the Cube than I did and I didn't want to lose his confidence by asking too many questions.
Instead I tried to focus on a logical reason why someone would want to be infected with the zombie virus. It surely wasn't to improve their looks. Zombies were everywhere and there were so few humans as is.
Holy Shit. The answer suddenly popped into my head like sunshine breaking through the clouds. “Zombies won't eat zombies,” I said in awe. It made perfect sense. “Zombies are only interested in fresh meat, not meat that has already been contaminated with the zombie virus.”
“Right.” Kennedy nodded, almost bored by the information. “The girl who saved me, Sierra, explained it all to Conner. I didn't really understand the medical part of it, I've never been smart except when it comes to machines, but turning yourself just a little bit zombie makes the real zombies lose all interest in eating you.?
??
“It’s really clever.” I was still in awe but a million questions were starting to surface in my mind. If there was a way to avoid being attacked by zombies then why were we all still living inside a fortress like the Cube? Turning a little bit zombie was unappealing but it would open up a world of other possibilities. A world where people could live in their own homes and not be constantly tripping all over one another because we were crammed into the Cube with no room to spare. A world where I wouldn't have been kicked out of my apartment within days of my parent's disappearance due to a waiting list for rooms.
It took all of my energy to focus my attention back onto Kennedy and away from the possibilities of a world without the fear of zombie attack. Kennedy was still talking and I was suddenly realizing that maybe I had a lot to gain from listening to him.
“I still thought the Scavengers were noble back then,” he was saying. “I didn't know about Ra Shet and no one had ever said a word to me about the Church of Chaos. When Conner wanted to leave the Scavengers to join Seth's crew I told him he was taking too big of a risk. Hampton Block kept telling us how important it was for us to gather up all the cans we could to feed our families. I guess Drake still tells people that – though you knew better already, didn't you?”
I thought about the canned goods. Drake had made it seem like he and Seth were at war because of the limited amount of cans available and I'd believed him.
Had he been lying?
I felt more confused and betrayed than ever as I fingered the straps of my new pink backpack. I hadn't taken the time to open the bag yet but I was fairly certain I would find it full of practical, useful items similar to my new boots and jacket.
I changed the subject because I didn't have a good answer to give Kennedy. I hadn't known about the Church of Chaos before yesterday and, in all likelihood, it was plain old ignorant luck that had gotten me this far.
“You're really going to leave the Scavengers now?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think so,” Kennedy nodded, he didn't seem to have noticed that I'd shifted the conversation back to him. “It’s stupid how much I counted on having Conner around to watch my back when I never even realized it. Without him around, I'm just another piece of meat.”
“Isn't Drake going to be upset?” I asked. “I got the impression he doesn't exactly get along with Seth.”
Kennedy looked up at me in surprise. “I'm not stupid enough to tell Drake I'm leaving. Drake hates Seth with a passion,” he said. “He'd kill Seth in an instant if he ever got the upper hand on him. Hell, who am I kidding? Drake would kill Seth from behind in cold blood if he ever had the opportunity. He'd probably piss on the corpse.”
“Why?” I didn't understand the animosity between Drake and Seth, especially if Kennedy's scorn about the important of collecting canned goods was an indicator of their true worth. I didn't know who to trust, either.
“Hell if I know. The Church of Chaos and the Scavengers haven't ever been friends, exactly, but Jeremiah didn't fight with Hampton Block. The fighting started after Hampton died and Drake took over.” Kennedy leaned back against a tree on the side of the trail, his expression troubled.
“You're smarter than me, Pilar. You probably have better instincts about people than I do,” Kennedy was choosing his words carefully. “I can't tell you what to do with your life, but things outside the Cube aren't the way you think they are. Trust your own feelings and don't second guess yourself.” He met my eyes. “If I had been honest with myself, my best friend would still be alive right now.”